“He’s probably hanging at the club pool with Alex today,” Desi said, eyeing me. “We could go.”
I gaped at her. “No way.”
“But I thought he was teaching you to swim. You’re getting more comfortable in the water, right?”
“Look, I’m not going to see him. At the pool or anywhere else.”
She sat quietly for a moment then propelled herself off the bed in one graceful move. “You know what? That whole perfectionist thing you’ve got going on? You need to drop it. Or there’s not going to be anyone good enough for you. Ever.”
Before I could respond, she’d left my room, slamming the door behind her.
I felt like she’d punched me. I curled into a ball on my bed, pulling the covers over my head, letting the tears overwhelm me.
Chapter Forty-One
Slade
Tuesday, July 16
Only someone at his wit’s end would ask his mom for advice. I’d obviously reached the depths of desperation.
Alex’s advice, to show up at Trina’s door with flowers, was totally lame. Not that I wasn’t willing to fall on my sword. I was. But I needed to do something more dramatic, like Lloyd in Say Anything, standing outside with a boom box over his head.
After Dad left, I cornered Mom in the kitchen.
“Oh, sweetie,” she sighed, shaking her head. “I hate seeing you like this.”
Mom had found out about the breakup thanks to Alex and his big mouth. He and my mom always gossiped together like those chicks in the nail salon in Legally Blonde.
I hated that he could kick my ass so easily, because I desperately wanted to kick his for telling Trina about the bet, and making it sound like the bet was about me using her. I had to explain to her that wasn’t the real bet, but how could I if she wouldn’t speak to me?
I sat across from Mom. “I’ve given up on calling. And texting.” I chose my next words carefully. I didn’t want her going all psycho-shrink all me, but I was desperate. I couldn’t lose Trina over something this stupid.
“Mom, I…I need your…” I took a deep breath. She watched me expectantly. “I need your advice.”
She looked shocked. Not surprising, since the last time I’d asked for her advice was when I couldn’t decide between a new bike or a new skateboard. When I was, like, ten years old.
She sat up straight in her chair, and the professional analyst side of her came to life. I put up a hand.
“No,” I said. “Not your professional advice.” I took a breath before plunging ahead. “Your advice as…as…a…” I squeezed my eyes shut. “As a girl. Woman. Person of the female persuasion.”
I waited for her laugh, but it never came. Cautiously, I opened one eye. She looked like she was ready to cry.
Crap.
She sniffed, pulling a tissue from nowhere like a magician, and wiped her eyes. “Oh, Slade. You’re breaking my heart.”
I raised an eyebrow. “Yours, too? I thought I’d just broken Trina’s.” I tried to force a smile, which just made her cry harder.
“It’s been so…so…” She struggled for composure. “…so amazing to see you with Trina.” She paused to blow her nose then blinked at me. “I just knew you weren’t a man whore.”
“Mom!”
She shrugged. “Well, that’s what the kids say now, isn’t it? That’s what Alex said, anyway.”
I was definitely going to kick his ass, no matter how many damn wrestling medals he’d won.
Mom brushed her hair behind her ears. “So. My advice as a woman.” She chewed her lip. “She won’t take your calls at all?”
I shook my head.
She reached across the table to rest her hand on mine. “Then you need to do something unexpected. Something she can’t ignore.”
“Yeah. But I don’t know what.”
She tapped her chin. “She’s a smart girl. I bet she’s not into big displays like flowers or singing telegrams.”
That almost made me laugh. What would the person sing?
She ran her fingers across the tablecloth. “Maybe you need to do something old-fashioned, but powerful.”
I shifted in my chair uneasily. “Like what?”
She leaned across the table, looking way too excited. “Like a letter.” She paused. “A love letter.”
“Uh…I don’t think so.”
“Why not? You love her, don’t you?”
My face burned and I looked away. I should’ve asked Desi for advice, not Mom.
“Fine, don’t admit it. I’m only your mother. Only changed your diapers—”
“Stop, Mom. Right now. You know that BS doesn’t work on me.”
She sighed then laughed softly. “All right. But honestly, Slade, I think this could work. Write down all your feelings. Remind her of all the special times you’ve spent together.”
I reached up to pull the shoelace out of my hair. I twisted it around my fingers, considering the idea. Write a love letter? For real?
“You need to use stationery. No more texts.” She paused, and then grinned. “Maybe put some of your cologne on the paper.”
“Mom.” My face burned again, but I laughed at her. “You sure you’re a professional? Didn’t you have to pass some sort of test before they let you loose on strangers with this kind of pathetic advice?”
She laughed, but then her face turned all serious. “It kills me to see you like this. You two are so…so adorable together. When I set up this job for you, I never would’ve guessed—” She stopped talking suddenly, her face stricken.
I scratched the back of my head. “Maybe you set up the interview, but I got the job by myself.” I grinned at her. “Max’s mom was totally wowed by my awesomeness.”
Mom’s responding smile looked forced. “That’s what I meant.” She tore at the tissue still in her hand. “Of course you got the job by yourself.” She stood up suddenly. “I’ll get the stationery. Be right back.”
While I waited for her to return, I checked my phone. Of course she hadn’t texted me. But Desi had: Still pouting. But keep trying.
I wasn’t giving up. I was about to write an actual love letter. If that wasn’t trying, I didn’t know what was.
Mom returned with a box and dropped it on the table. I eyed it warily. “It has flowers, Mom. And baby ducks. I can’t use that.”
She narrowed her eyes at me. “Do we need to watch You’ve Got Mail together?”
I jerked upright. “No, we do not.” I pulled out a piece of paper and scrawled quickly, then passed the letter to Mom.
Sorry I was a dick. You’re a cool chick.
Mom threw the paper on the table, but I could tell she was biting back laughter. I stood up, grabbing the box of girlie paper.
“You didn’t really think I’d write it in front of you, did you? This isn’t fourth grade homework at the kitchen table, Mom.”
She shook her head, smiling in exasperation, and I backed out of the room, giving her a lazy salute.
Chapter Forty-Two
Trina
July 17, Wednesday
Mom knocked softly on my door, stepped inside, and held out a lavender envelope.
“For you.”
I yanked my earbuds out of my ears and stared at the envelope. My heart flipped over when I recognized Slade’s messy scrawl.
Mom waited, smiling down at me. I cocked an eyebrow at her. “Privacy, please.”
She sighed, but left the room. “At least let me know if you forgive him,” she called through the door.
Why couldn’t she be at work today? “Not listening!” I yelled. “Putting in earbuds.”
I tore open the envelope then hesitated. What if this was an official “we’re done” letter? But nobody did that anymore. We dumped by text, not old lady stationery. I caught a whiff of something. I pressed the envelope to my nose and almost giggled out loud. Had he actually put his cologne on this?
I took a deep breath and eased the letter out of the envelope. My eyes scanned the page, reading gree
dily, and then I started over again, reading slowly. By the third pass, tears flowed down my cheeks and my heart banged against my rib cage. I reached for my phone, ready to call him to see when we could meet.
Then I hesitated. He’d made such a grand, romantic gesture; I should do the same. I ran to my desk and pulled out an old box of stationery I’d received as a gift. It was almost as lame as Slade’s stationery. There were so many things I wanted to say. I sighed dreamily then started writing.
My letter was much longer than Slade’s. I proofread it one last time and tucked it in an envelope. Stamps. I dug around in my desk drawer, my hands landing on the uncashed paychecks Dr. Edmunds had sent before I’d ended our deal. Guilt flooded me.
Maybe I should remind her how completely done that deal was. I yanked out the checks and tore them in pieces, then shoved them in another envelope. I dug around for stamps again, dredging up a faded booklet.
Writing quickly, I addressed one envelope to Slade and one to his mom. I stuck stamps on each envelope then jumped up, grabbing my purse. If I got to the post office before five, the letters would probably arrive tomorrow. I didn’t think I could wait longer than that before seeing Slade.
As I drove, I imagined him opening my letter. Imagined him calling me as soon he read it. Imagined how amazing it would feel to be in his arms again.
The stamps said “Forever.” I didn’t know about forever, but I hoped we could at least move on to “for now.”
Chapter Forty-Three
Slade
Thursday, July 18
When I got home from the pool, I grabbed a bag of chips from the pantry. I sat on a barstool at the kitchen counter, my body jangling with nervous energy.
Trina should’ve called or texted by now. It had been two days. I knew people called it snail mail, but come on. I shoved some chips in my mouth then chased them with soda, debating about calling Desi. She’d know if Trina got the letter, right? That was the kind of things girls would flip over and talk about for hours.
I pushed away from the counter and wandered into the hallway.
“Slade, you’re home. I didn’t hear you come in.” Dad walked out of his study and held out a pink envelope. He smirked. “Special delivery.”
I yanked it out of his hand and headed for the stairs, my stomach clenching when I recognized Trina’s perfect penmanship.
“You’re welcome,” Dad called up the stairs. “Thanks for being such an awesome Dad and not opening my letter.”
I ignored him, slamming my door behind me. She’d written me back. Of course she had. I grinned as I tore open the envelope, but instead of pulling out a letter, I pulled out a scrap of paper. I stared at it, frowning. It was part of a check with my mom’s signature on the bottom. What the hell?
I dumped the rest of the envelope’s contents onto my desk. The torn bits of paper scattered like puzzle pieces. I reassembled them quickly. When I saw who the payee was on the checks, I stopped breathing. My mom had paid Trina? For what? Gnawing panic filled my chest. I raced back downstairs.
“Where’s Mom?” I asked Dad, bursting into his study.
He looked at me from over the top of his glasses. “What’s the emergency? Trina use too many big words in her letter? I have a dictionary if you need it.”
I glared at him then put the check pieces on his desk. I assembled them so he could read them.
“What the hell is this?” I demanded.
He stared at the checks, looking as shocked as I felt. He raised his eyes to mine. “I don’t know, Slade.” His total cluelessness freaked me out.
We stared at each other, not speaking, then he pulled out his cell and glanced at it. “Mom said she’d be home around six. I guess we’ll have to wait for an answer to this mystery. She’s with clients; I can’t disturb her.”
I stalked through the kitchen out to the deck. I tore off my shirt and dove into the pool, swimming fast and furious. Why the hell had Mom paid Trina? But Trina hadn’t cashed the checks. So what did that mean? And what kind of message was Trina sending me? That she was done with me, after all I’d said in that letter? I swam harder, pushing my body until my lungs ached.
Mom’s tears flowed down her pale face. Dad sat next to her at the kitchen table, his face hardened into a grimace. I looked from one to the other, still reeling from what Mom had told me. I didn’t know who was more shocked by Mom’s secret deal with Trina: Dad or me.
“Slade, honey, please try to understand.”
“There’s nothing to understand.” I bit out the words. “You thought I was such a loser you had to hire someone to teach me how to…to…I don’t know. Turn into the perfect son you’ve always wanted, I guess.”
I didn’t know how much longer I could contain my fury. But as pissed as I was at my mom, my anger toward Trina threatened to explode like an out-of-control fireworks show.
All that time, everything had been a charade. She’d pretended we were partners, but the whole time she’d been freaking reporting back to my mom? Had she reported back on our dates, too?
And she was pissed with me over a stupid, meaningless bet I’d made with Alex? What she’d done to me was a million times worse.
I’d never forgive her. Ever.
And I’d never let anyone that close to me again.
Chapter Forty-Four
Trina
Friday, July 19
I should’ve heard from Slade by now. It was Friday, and I’d mailed the letter on Wednesday. I chewed my lip. Should I call him? Text?
Maybe the post office screwed up. Maybe the mailman got in a car accident and my letter never got delivered. I sighed, picking at my blue toenails. I could torture myself or just do what I needed to do.
I grabbed my phone and texted him, hitting send before I could chicken out. Did you get mail from me?
Entire species spawned and died before he replied.
Yep. Message received.
What the heck? I reached for his letter, holding it like a talisman, and typed a new text.
Meet me tonight? 8:00?
This time his reply flew back. You’re kidding, right? How about never.
My heart hit the floor. He’d read my letter, and this was his response? But what about his letter? Had it been a joke?
Hands shaking, I pressed call instead of send. I needed to hear his voice, to figure out what the hell was going on.
“What?” he snapped, answering on the first ring. “You calling to file a report with my mom? Run through all her money already, BB?”
My breath caught in my throat. No. No no no.
“What are you—”
His bitter laugh was sharp in my ear. “Don’t even try, BB. I know all about the deal you made with my mom. She told me everything.” He paused then spoke in a low angry voice. “Well, that’s not quite accurate. You told me a lot, by sending me those checks.”
What? But I’d sent the checks to his mom. I thought back to my scrambled rush to get the letters to the post office, and the reality of what must have happened hit me. I’d mixed up the envelopes somehow. I felt weightless, but not in a good way. More like I was about to pass out from shock and horror.
“No,” I whispered. “You weren’t supposed to see those. There was another env—”
He cut me off. “I don’t know why I’m even talking to you. You were pissed about a stupid fifty-dollar bet—which never meant anything to me—but you took hundreds of dollars from my mom? You had to be paid to spend time with me? You reported on me like I was a fucking child, Trina.” I could practically feel his anger reach through the phone to slap me.
“Slade, I never…I stopped taking the money. I told your mom our deal was over. Once you and I…once we…”
“Once we what, BB?” The anger in his voice was palpable. “Screw it. I’m done talking to you. And I’m done working with you, too. I gave my notice today. So now you can run things your way, just like you always wanted.”
“Slade, wait!” I cried out, but it was too late.
He’d disconnected.
Desi and I sat in her car in the mall parking lot. I’d waited for her shift to be over, then poured my heart out, between sobbing jags, telling her the whole story. By the time I finished, she was looking at me like she didn’t even know me.
“I can’t believe you never told me about the deal with his mom.” She frowned. “So much for best friends telling each other everything.”
I groaned in frustration. “I was protecting him, believe it or not. Even back then, when I didn’t really know him. I felt bad for him. I didn’t want that rumor to get around.”
She chewed on her silver thumbnail. “I guess I can see that. But still, once you guys got together…” Her expression transformed from judgment to pity. “Oh, sweetie. This sucks.”
I nodded, tears streaming down my face. “What do I do now, Dez? He hates me.”
She sighed and shook her head. “I hate to say this, but I think you’re right.” She darted a glance at me. “I don’t think even you can fix this mess, T. It’s pretty ugly.”
My heart sank as she said out loud what I knew was true.
“So we’re over, is that it?” I whispered.
She squeezed my hand. “Maybe so.”
Hopelessness overwhelmed me, and she let me cry until I finally ran out of steam.
Chapter Forty-Five
Slade
July 20, Saturday
Mom knocked on my door, but I ignored it. I heard her sigh in the hallway then something rustled underneath my door. I rolled over on my bed and saw a pink envelope with Trina’s handwriting.
“What the hell is that, Mom? I don’t want anything from her.”
“Please, Slade. You need to read it.” I heard her pacing in the hallway. She did that when she was stressed. “I would never read your mail, but this was addressed to me by accident. I only read the first few lines then I put it back in the envelope. She mixed up the envelopes, Slade. She meant to send the checks to me and this letter to you.” I heard her sigh. “It was mixed in with some junk mail. I just now found it.”
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