“And can you?”
“Can I what?”
“Can you forget what has happened to you? Are you able to move on?”
I thought back to my nightmare, one of the many I had on a regular basis. “Sure,” I lied. “I have a great life, now that I’m out.”
“So tell me about your life currently.” Maybe I would get out of this thing intact, after all.
“I just came here not too long ago from Denver to spend some time with Julia and my new niece. I’m working at a bar called The Outrigger and also helping book talent.”
An eyebrow came up. “Oh really? You have a background in that?”
“In bartending? Yeah.”
“In booking talent.”
She said it like she knew that there was more to it than just what I was saying. “Yeah. I used to play.” I wasn’t going there. No way.
“Used to? Why not now?”
I shook my head. Time to change the subject again. “The manager at the bar’s name is Cal. He’s a good guy and the closest thing to a friend I’ve had in a long time. I’m spending time with my family, and I’m happy.”
“Have a girlfriend back at home?”
“No.”
“Anyone here you’re interested in?”
If you count that I want to bend you over that desk and fuck you senseless, yes. “Not interested in having a relationship.”
Dr. Mia looked at me for so long, I started daydreaming about her standing up and stripping, then dropping to her knees and unbuckling my pants, leaning over with those ruby red lips and leaving a mark on my. . .
“Johnny?” Damn it, she’d asked me something.
“I’m sorry. What?”
She smiled. “Why aren’t you interested in having a relationship?”
I shrugged. “Just not.”
“So, what do you do when a woman wants to date you?” Was she asking for herself? I wanted her to ask me that question. But not about dating. What do you do when a woman wants to suck you off, Johnny? Yeah, that kind of question I wanted to hear, because I had the answer.
“I don’t date.”
“Are you promiscuous?”
I damn near choked. This woman didn’t play. What the hell kind of question was that?
“Look at me, doc.”
She lifted a perfectly sculptured eyebrow. “What is that supposed to mean?”
I sighed in infuriation. “I don’t have a problem attracting the ladies.”
A quick look of annoyance passed over her face before she masked it. “Is this how you deflect the pain you’re hiding?”
“What?” This lady was seriously losing her mind. She needed to stop talking and let me give it to her.
“This.” She indicated me. “The tough guy act. The hard-ass attitude. The not answering a question and acting overly cocky. I don’t believe any of it, Johnny. So why don’t you let me see how close I can get?”
“Close you can get to what?” Anger was coming up, rising through my chest like bile.
“The truth. Since you don’t want to tell me, you tell me how I do with guessing.” She paused, tapping the tip of her pen to her full lips. My fingers itched to throw the paper and pen across the room, strip her naked, and pound her until the only thing that came off of her lips was ‘Johnny give me more.’
She didn’t know me, and she should stop pretending she did. “Go ahead.”
Dr. Mia cleared her throat and then leaned over, so she was looking directly into my eyes. Of course, I had to look at the slight cleavage displayed in front of me. When she began speaking, my eyes snapped back to hers.
“You use sex to forget. You have no desire to have a relationship with anyone because you’ve been burned in the past. I’d say probably starting with your parents. Whatever got you in prison was a hard life, and you probably saw many things you didn’t want to see, not to mention what happened while you were in there. So you escape. Instead of turning to drugs and alcohol—which you might’ve done but don’t do now—you have meaningless sex and refuse to open yourself up to anyone. You’re thirty-six years old and have no idea what you want to do with your life because you feel like it’s over anyway.”
If I had let myself, my mouth would’ve dropped open. But there wasn’t any way I was letting her see just how close she was to the truth.
So I laughed instead. “Wrong. I have sex because I fucking like it. And I don’t want a relationship because why would I? I can have whoever I want and don’t have to deal with the rest of the shit that goes along with it.”
“What is different about your sister?”
“She’s never let me down.”
Dr. Mia nodded. “Okay. So she’s the only one you allow yourself to feel anything for. Do you think she’s happy in her marriage?”
“What kind of question is that? Have you seen those two? They’re the fucking poster children for marriage.”
“But you can’t see yourself being happy like that.”
Fuck her. I was tired of this shit already. Thank God I only promised Julia this one session. “No. Julia is a great person and deserves all the happiness she’s gotten.”
“But you don’t.”
“I don’t fucking deserve anything,” I growled, jerking my head over to the clock. I had to get out of here.
“What is making you angry?”
“I’m not angry,” I lied. She lifted that perfect eyebrow again. “If you want me to be honest, I want to shut you up by doing you right there on that desk.”
Yeah, I said it. I wasn’t going to see her again, so I might as well be honest about it.
“That’s not happening,” she said, uncrossing her legs and putting her paper behind her on the desk. “You’re doing it again.”
“Doing what?”
“Deflecting. You want to turn on the sex appeal and have me submit to you right here, so you don’t have to admit that you feel something.”
“No,” I argued, full well knowing I was in dick mode right now. “I took one look at you and all I can think about is what you would taste like spread out under me. So unless you want to use the last fifteen minutes to satisfy us both, I’m done here.”
She stood, and I hoped with every fiber of my being that she would lift her skirt and show me what was under there. Instead, she walked to the door and opened it. “It was nice to meet you, Johnny. I hope you can get to the root of your pain and live a full life.”
I stood, biting my lip against what I wanted to say. She was turning me down. As I got to the door where she was standing, I looked out into the hallway. Empty. “I don’t need help, doctor. But I could give you a shot of something that would make you feel real good.” I brushed up against her, my chest just barely touching hers.
She wasn’t dead. I knew she was attracted to me. Dr. Mia was probably in her early forties with no ring on her finger. “If you change your mind, call me. My number is on my forms. I’ll be sure to give you a kind of therapy you can only dream about.”
She said nothing as I made my way down the hallway. By the time I got to my rental car, I was seething with pent up anger. Gym. Now.
Tonight was the first show for Jaded Regret. Cal and I had been working for the last two days on redesigning the stage and seating for the patrons. He’d had carpenters here, and it was finally done. It was a much better set up for a band the caliber of Jaded Regret, and would hopefully pull in some bigger names in the future, too.
“Looks good,” Cal stepped back, wiping his brow. We were exhausted. “I couldn’t have done this without you, Johnny.”
I shrugged. “No biggie. I like doing it.”
“Have you been in contact with Jaded’s manager today? What time are they arriving?”
I nodded. “Yeah. They should be pulling in any time now.”
Cal grinned. “I can’t wait for tonight. I bet this weekend is record numbers here at The Outrigger. I have everyone scheduled for the next three nights that I can. I hired extra security as well.”
<
br /> “Yeah, their manager Natalie requested one of the security be placed near the stage.”
Cal lifted his brow. “Really?”
“I guess with their new fame, the last few shows have been a little unruly.”
“Well, okay then. I’ll take care of that.”
“I’m looking for Johnny?” Cal and I both turned at the voice. It was a woman in her twenties with long blonde hair and a killer body. I didn’t know who she was, but I wanted to get to know her. In my bed.
I held up my hand. “I’m Johnny.”
She eyed me just as much as I’d eyed her and then smiled. “Natalie, Jaded Regret’s manager.”
Oh yeah. “Nice to meet you! This is the bar manager, Cal.”
They shook hands and she turned back to me. “I just got them all checked into their rooms upstairs. They’ll be down in an hour or so to set up. Is there anything you need help with?” She looked over to the stage area, leaving us to check it out.
We both followed her, watching as she looked at everything we’d done over the last few days. “This looks great, guys. I have the feeling you’ll have standing room only in here, plus spilling out onto the beach all three nights.”
Excitement coursed through my veins. I loved it when small bands got big like that. I nodded. “We’re ready.”
She looked at me for a beat too long, so I gave her the look that got me what I wanted. “I’ll be down with the band in a little while. Thanks for working hard to get this ready.” Natalie winked at me as she walked away, and I was momentarily disappointed she didn’t give me her room number.
Cal whistled. “Lucky bastard,” he muttered.
I looked over at him. “What was that?”
“That girl is smoking! But I know you realized that. She was practically drooling over you.”
I shrugged. “Yeah, I guess.”
Cal gaped. “What? I know you aren’t blind, Johnny. I think there’s smoke still trailing from where she walked away.”
I rolled my eyes. “Dude, you need to get laid.”
“That I do,” he agreed, looking around. “I never did hook up with that girl the other night. But the next day, I met this older lady, bro. She’s one of those, you know. . . .” He looked at me like I was supposed to read his mind. “You know what they call them? A MILF?”
I roared with laughter before I could stop it. “A MILF? Dude, what are you, eighteen?”
Cal laughed, too. “I know, I know. But for real. She’s in her forties, but has a body that doesn’t quit. She looks like she’s in her twenties, easily.” His description immediately made me think of Mia, and the many times my hand had been busy with the images of her since I’d met her.
“You met her here?”
He nodded. “Yeah. She came in for a drink last weekend. She seriously looked like she could be a bikini model. I’m seeing her this weekend.”
“How are you going to have time for that?”
“She’s coming here in the early afternoon. She made it pretty clear she was into having a good time, if you know what I mean.”
“I do,” I said. “But where are you going to ‘have a good time’ in the middle of your afternoon shift?”
He wiggled his eyebrows. “We have a hotel right upstairs.”
I thought of the day I used his office, but I decided not to tell him that. The hotel room gave many more options. “You sure do. Well, have fun.”
“I bet Natalie gives you her room number later after the show,” Cal offered. “She totally eye-fucked you.”
I narrowed my eyes at him. “Don’t ever say that again.”
“What?”
“You’re not a fucking chick. Don’t say that shit.”
He shook his head at me and walked back to the bar where we kept busy without any further discussion.
The roadies had just finished setting up Jaded Regret’s instruments and I was full of nervous energy waiting for them to come down. This was always the way I felt before hearing a new band, and this one had quite a bit of buzz attached to them. I stared at the bass drum, captivated by the logo to the band centered on the drumhead. It was both feminine and edgy, everything I expected Bex to be. I wouldn’t admit that I’d played their album on repeat since I downloaded it, and I knew every word.
Bex’s guitar was leaning up against a speaker, and I wanted to go touch it. It was black, smooth and shiny with the logo in the corner. Before I could even step towards the stage, I heard commotion coming from the hallway. Just as I was about to investigate, the doors opened and in walked Jaded Regret. I knew there were four of them, but my eyes were glued to Bex.
Fuck. Me. She was even hotter in person than she was online. Maybe the girl didn’t own shirts that covered her stomach, or maybe she just knew how fucking hot she was. Either way, I loved it. She wore a cropped tank top, showcasing washboard abs that I instantly wanted to lick. She wore a red ball cap over her long hair and lowslung jeans that showed a peek of that tattoo I wanted to see up close.
Her arms were toned and tan. She turned back to one of the guys as they walked, pointing at something on the stage. I was transfixed. I felt Cal move up next to me, but I couldn’t look at him. Musicians were my weakness, as were hot as hell women. She checked both the boxes. I vowed to myself right then and there that she’d be mine sometime this weekend. I’d show her just how hospitable The Outrigger could be.
Natalie breezed in after them. I only knew because I saw her long blonde hair out of my peripheral vision. I’d thought she was the one I’d be after until I saw Bex in person. Hell, I wondered if they liked to do some sharing. That would be epic. I was still staring at Bex, watching as she stepped up onto the stage and grabbed her guitar. She strummed the strings, and I swore she gave me a hard on just from that alone. I seriously needed to get a grip if I was going to watch her play for three nights.
The guys took their places behind her, each of them making adjustments and doing sound checks. The familiar pull in my gut made me ache. I remembered doing this, each of us having our own routine to warm up and get ready to play. Forcing my eyes from her, I looked at the other band members. I’d read their bio enough times to memorize who was who. Beau, the drummer, had short dark hair, a short beard, gauges in his ears, and tattoos covering every bit of skin I could see. Tanner, the bass player, had short blond hair and looked the most clean-cut of all of them. Ryver, the second guitar player, had dark hair and olive skin, most likely some sort of Hispanic descent. I wondered if any of them were her type, and what her type was.
My gaze drifted back to Bex. She was facing the guys, still warming up. God, I couldn’t wait to hear her voice. Getting a view of her backside for the first time was quite a treat. She had another tattoo on her back, just sticking out from the bottom of her short top, and her ass filled out the jeans just like I expected them to. I wondered what she did to keep in shape and assumed it was something awesome like boxing or something. I could picture her in the ring with another woman, kicking her ass clear to next week. That made me hard, too.
“Hot, isn’t she?” Cal finally spoke. I nodded, crossing my arms in front of my chest as she turned back around. I slid my sunglasses over my eyes, even though it wasn’t bright in here.
“I’m going to have her before they leave,” I said presumptuously.
I felt Cal looking at me. “Oh, boy.”
“What?”
“You haven’t read much about her, have you?”
That caught my attention. “What does that mean? Is she a lesbian or something?” That would abso-fucking-lutely kill me.
He cackled. “No, bro. She’s a ball buster, man. No one gives that woman shit. She has quite a reputation. She’s respected as hell, but no one crosses her.”
I scoffed. “We’ll see about that.” After all, she was a hot woman. She had to be used to being hit on. And she’d want to be hit on by me. Plus, I didn’t want anything from her other than her body. The nice part was, she was traveling after this. Maybe she’
d end up in the Denver area or back here in Florida, and we could hook up again.
Cal whistled. “I want to be around when she cuts off your balls and shoves them in your mouth.”
I rolled my eyes. “She can’t be that bad. Look at her. She’s probably a hundred and twenty pounds soaking wet.”
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” Cal said. “I’m going to grab some more beer from the back.”
“Need help?” I didn’t say it convincingly, and he knew it.
“Nope. You stay here and daydream. That’s about all you’re going to get.”
“You watch and see,” I said. “She’ll come to me.”
As soon as Cal walked away shaking his head, Natalie stepped up. “They’ll warm up and practice for a little while and then we’ll be out of your hair.”
“No problem,” I said, forcing my eyes to hers. “They can take as long as they want.”
Natalie was watching me, so I made sure to make my expression blank. I knew the look on her face well. She was trying to figure out how to ask me out or flirt with me, but she was intimidated. Good. That’s the way I liked it. Plus, as hot as she was, she didn’t hold a candle to Bex, and my sights were set on her.
I forced myself to go back to the bar and clean up, preparing for the impending rush. The show wasn’t supposed to start until nine o’clock, but I knew people would come several hours early to get a good seat. The sounds of Jaded Regret filtered through my head as I made myself keep my eyes off of them. Bex hadn’t started singing yet, and I wondered if she was going to at all.
“Can I get a Coke?” I lifted my eyes and met hazel ones. Oh, shit. Bex was standing at my bar. Her voice was light and gravely, sending shocks directly to my groin. I’d somehow missed her getting off the stage and heading this way. My eyes traveled her body. It looked even better up close. I could see that the tattoo on her lower stomach was some sort of flower or something. Her belly button piercing was a dangling guitar. Her skin glistened with sweat.
I reached blindly for a cold glass and filled it up, my eyes never leaving hers. She didn’t look like she was going to rip off my balls and stuff them in my mouth. Take that, Cal. “Here you go, sweetheart.”
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