They were very willing to take as small of steps as I wanted. They both called me at least once a week, and my mom had taken to talking to Bex several times a week. She was so excited about our baby and was already spoiling him or her rotten. They were genuinely listening to me now and not trying to control everything.
Bex knew to come in when she heard the chords to ‘My Forever.’ As soon as Natalie hit ‘play,’ the soft sounds of the song I’d sung for her started filtering through the speakers. Bex burst through the door in her typical fashion, making us all laugh. As she liked to say, she wasn’t girly or frilly. She was rough, tough, and also the most sensitive, caring person I’d ever known.
Beau recited words from his book in a monotone voice. We joked and made fun of him through the whole ceremony, taking nothing seriously. Once he got to the part about rings, we both made a show of taking off our Band-Aids. Today we’d gotten tattoos on our ring fingers instead of rings. Well, Bex’s was just henna since she was pregnant, but we’d get the real one as soon as our baby was born. Mine was barbed wire, a replica of the kind that kept me locked in my own prison for too many years. In between the wires was her name in jagged letters. Hers was an infinity symbol, with a small heart in the center on the front. My name wound around the symbol.
We recited normal wedding vows, leaving the personal stuff for behind closed doors. We weren’t the kind that liked to get all mushy in front of people.
“I now pronounce you husband and wife,” Beau said finally. I dipped Bex back and kissed her from her neck to her lips, making our guests laugh and catcall.
Her eyes gleamed as I lifted her back up and pressed a soft kiss to her lips. “You’re mine.”
“You got that fucking right,” I said. “Now let’s go give some people a concert they won’t forget.”
The crowd screamed as Bex and I went onto the stage. They hadn’t known until they got here that we’d gotten married just a little while ago. After the ceremony, we’d had a quiet dinner together at The Outrigger, enjoying having all of our favorite people together at once.
“Surprise! Doesn’t my bride look fucking beautiful?” I shouted at the crowd. Bex curtsied, loving being on the stage. “You can only look, though, because she’s mine.” They laughed. “Did you see my baby, too? Cooking good in there.” The audience awed. “We’re going to do something brand new for you tonight. You’re the first to hear it. Are you ready?”
The group cheered. Of course, it being an outside concert, we’d attracted attention from up and down the beach. People were standing outside the guarded blockades, listening.
“Heyyyy everybody,” Bex’s raspy voice jumped in. People loved her. “My sexy hubby and I have been working hard on this song for you. Are you ready to hear it? It’s our wedding present to you.” The crowd screamed, jumping up and down in anticipation. She looked over at me. “This song is called ‘No Longer Broken.’ It was co-written by the two of us. It’s kind of our story.”
Our eyes met and we began playing, the crowd fading away. It was just us. “Here we are . . . we used to be lost and lonely, always in pain. All we ever wanted was to be loved, but didn’t think it would happen. Life crushed our spirit, made us hardened and angry . . . We were broken. . . . so broken . . . until the day we put each other back together again. Now we’re no longer broken . . . no longer broken . . . because we have each other. Through the pain, through the trials . . . though we thought we weren’t able to be fixed . . . we were wrong . . . so wrong . . .”
As we went back into the chorus, both of our voices in sync with each other, I looked over at Bex. Her eyes were closed as they often were when she sang. The lights from the stage illuminated a fine sheen of sweat on her face, her guitar hanging from her while I played alone to the melody of her voice.
Our voices began trailing off as we reached the end of the powerful song and she opened her eyes, smiling at me. I stepped towards her and kissed her, not caring that we were being watched by hundreds of people. The crowd screamed and cheered.
I smiled as I pulled away from her. We were both breathless, partly from singing and partly because we were a fucking combustible force together. I put the microphone between us so we could sing the last line together.
“We were once locked up, sentenced to a life of pain and misery. But we’re not broken anymore . . .”
“Come here, Lennox,” Bex called. Lennox squealed, loving her independence now that she knew how to walk well. She was chasing a butterfly across the expansive grass.
“I’ll get her,” I laughed. Lennox saw me coming and pumped her legs faster, squealing louder as she tried to outrun me. “I’m gonna get you, Lennox Taylor.”
Just before I reached her she plopped on the ground dissolved in giggles. “Da! Da!”
“Come here you silly girl,” I scooped her up. “Mommy wants us to come over there. Then you can run.” Just like always, Lennox popped her thumb into her mouth and rested her head on my shoulder the second I picked her up.
While her mom had changed my life almost two years ago by playing at The Outrigger, Lennox had put the icing on the cake for us. When she’d been born just over a year ago, I felt like I’d finally figured out what I was put on this Earth for: to be Bex’s husband, band mate, and now father to Lennox.
Now here we were, together as a family, on the anniversary of Gibson’s birth and death, visiting his grave. This was the first time since Bex had put him to rest here that she’d been back, and it had been important for her to introduce Lennox to her brother even though she wouldn’t understand.
I reached Bex’s side, settling Lennox next to her on the grass. It was a simple headstone with Gibson Bryant etched into the stone. Bex had brought a stuffed bear to leave at the grave.
Lennox picked up the bear and hugged it to her chest. “This is for your brother,” Bex explained. Lennox’s little brow furrowed as she tried to understand. “Your brother is in Heaven, but he’ll always look out for you.” She patted the ground where he was buried. “Gibson.”
Lennox was as smart as a whip. She loved echoing everything we said and did, including already strumming on our guitars when we played. It was part of our nightly routine, after bath time. Lennox would go point to our guitars (but never touch, she knew that already) and say ‘g’tar, pway.’ It was the best part of my day.
Tears shone in Bex’s eyes. “Gibson is your brother. Put the bear here for him.”
Lennox studied her mom’s face, her expression serious. She hated to see anyone cry. She babbled, trying to repeat her mom’s words.
“Yes, baby. Give the bear to Gibson, Lennox. Put it right there by Mommy.”
Lennox did what she was told and then plopped on Bex’s lap, looking up at me expectedly. “I love you, baby girl.”
“Wuv da,” she said, turning her face so she could see Bex. “Wuv ma.”
“I love you,” I said to Bex. I knew this was a very hard day for her. As happy as we were together, she would always wonder what her life would’ve been like had she gotten the chance to be a mother to Gibson.
“I love you, too,” she said, wrapping Lennox in a hug and kissing her soft head. “I can’t even believe this is our life now.”
“Believe it,” I said, leaning over to kiss both of my girls and rub Bex’s belly where my son was growing.
Our record with the big label had come out two months ago. It had spent every day since it’s release in the top ten on the rock charts. Six months from now, after our family settled from having our second child, a son we would name Jaden Jonathan at Bex’s insistence, we would start our own tour around the country as the headliners. We would be making it a family affair and bringing the kids with us.
Julia and Carter had welcomed baby Julian a few weeks before Lennox was born, and they said their family was complete. Our kids would grow up to be the best of friends, just like we were. Even though Bex and I couldn’t be any more different than my sister and her husband, it just worked.
M
y parents had come out for both Julian and Lennox’s birth, and things finally seemed like they were on track in every part of my life. I’d finally stopped looking over my shoulder, always worried that someone was going to pop out of the shadows and resurrect my old life. It seemed that despite my now rather public persona that my skeletons were staying in their closet. I hoped I never had to revisit that part of my life again. I knew that I couldn’t live life in fear of what might happen because there were never any guarantees in life. So I lived each day loving my career, my wife, and my child, and went to bed at night thankful for the time I’ve been given.
When I thought back to the life I had before I’d met Bex, it often felt like I wasn’t even the same person. But then again, I guessed I wasn’t. Back then I’d been determined to keep myself in my own self-imposed prison, locking myself away from any possibility of feeling anything or doing anything that I loved ever again.
But once Bex found the key to my cell and opened up the bars, I’d been free ever since. My sentence had been served. It was time to live. She’d freed me, and I’d freed her. Together, we put the past behind us and moved on to bigger and better things.
THE END
THE LIVING AGAIN SERIES
(all standalones, but best read as the series)
Living Again (Living Again #1)
Reaching Rachel (Living Again #2)
Guarding Hearts (Living Again #3)
Finding Forever (Living Again #4)
Breaking Free: A Living Again Novella (Living Again #4.5)
LIVING AGAIN BOXED SET
Living Again Boxed Set
THE TWISTED SERIES (NOT standalones)
Twisted Souls (Twisted #1)
Twisted Paths (Twisted #2)
STANDALONES
Back to the Drawing Board
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L.L. Collins loves spending her days in the Florida sun with her husband and two boys, reading, and writing. LL has been writing since she was old enough to write. Always a story in her head, she finally decided to let the characters out made her lifelong dream of becoming an author come true in the self-publishing world. She's the author of the Living Again Series and the Twisted Series, plus a new standalone, Back to the Drawing Board. Visit LL on her website, www.llcollinsauthor.com and on all social media. Look for more of her emotionally charged novels soon!
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Thank you first and foremost to my amazing readers. Without you, I'd just be writing for myself. Thank you for eagerly anticipating what is coming next and keeping my dream alive.
To my amazing betas, for which this book wouldn't be half what it is now without them: Kellie, Mindy, Tracey, Mary Ellen, Jo, Jess, Jill, and Becca. Thank you for taking the time out of your busy schedules to help me make this story the best it could be.
To my family, who continues to support me despite the time it takes away from them. Thank you for always understanding and appreciating my dream.
To the many amazing authors that I call friends. Thank you for being a support in what can be a very challenging industry.
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Playlist on Spotify
Bed of Roses ~ Bon Jovi
So Cold ~ Breaking Benjamin
The Reason ~ Hoobastank
I Saw Red ~ Warrant
Never Stop ~ SafetySuit
Self Esteem ~ The Offspring
Every Rose Has It’s Thorn ~ Poison
Without You ~ Motley Crue
More Than Words ~ Extreme
Alone ~ Heart
Famous Last Words ~ My Chemical Romance
Breakeven ~ The Script
Here Without You ~ 3 Doors Down
My Immortal ~ Evanescence
Nothing Else Matters ~ Metallica
Numb ~ Linkin Park
I’ll Follow You ~ Shinedown
Dear Agony ~ Breaking Benjamin
Don’t Know What You Got (Till It’s Gone) ~ Cinderella
I Remember You ~ Skid Row
Blurry ~ Puddle of Mudd
Remedy ~ Seether
Love-Hate-Sex-Pain ~ Godsmack
What I Got ~ Sublime
I Hate Everything About You ~ Three Days Grace
Locked Away ~ R. City, Adam Levine
I Don’t Wanna Be In Love ~ Dark Waves
Fix You ~ Coldplay
Foxy, Foxy ~ Rob Zombie
What Do I Have To Do? ~ Stabbing Westward
Here’s to Us ~ Halestorm
Walk ~ Pantera
Lithium ~ Evanescence
Closer ~ Nine Inch Nails
Can’t Take My Eyes Off You ~ Cary Brothers
Love Bites [So Do I] ~ Halestorm
Apocalyptic ~ Halestorm
Expectations ~ Three Days Grace
Nothing’s Fair In Love and War ~ Three Days Grace
Master of Disaster ~ Seether
Careless Whisper ~ Seether
Plastic Man ~ Seether
Here’s to Us ~ Halestorm
Bad Girl’s World ~ Halestorm
Diamond Eyes ~ Shinedown
No More Love ~ Shinedown
Shatter Me ~ Lindsey Stirling
I Am The Fire ~ Halestorm
Fallen Angel ~ Three Days Grace
Never Too Late ~ Three Days Grace
Familiar Taste of Poison ~ Halestorm
Break In ~ Halestorm
What Were You Expecting ~ Halestorm
Beautiful With You ~ Halestorm
Anywhere But Here ~ SafetySuit
Scars ~ Papa Roach
Breath ~ Breaking Benjamin
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