Jesse stopped and listened to her without announcing his presence. He suppressed laughter with considerable difficulty. She had a beautiful voice, but she made up most of the words and belted out gibberish when she couldn’t remember the lyrics.
When she got to the verse about the miner aging, he chimed in before she had the chance to slaughter it. She stopped singing, whirled around, and stared at him, wide-eyed, as he sang in her stead.
Then the miner, forty-niner,
Soon began to peak and pine,
Thought he oughter join his daughter,
Now he’s with his Clementine.
By the time he reached the chorus, she’d recovered from her surprise and joined him in singing. He harmonized while she took over the melody.
Oh my darling, oh my darling,
Oh my darling Clementine.
You are lost and gone forever,
Dreadful sorry, Clementine.
After the final note, she clapped her hands together once and let out a squeal. “Jesse, that was such good fun. I haven’t sung with anyone in ages. Besides at church, of course.” She exited the coop, set her basket of eggs on the ground, and walked to him. She wore a tatty brown dress with odd sparkling buttons. A dirty apron covered the front of her skirt, yet she looked as beautiful to Jesse as ever.
“You have a lovely voice, Miss Lily. I’m not sure the chickens are worthy of it.”
A bigger smile lit her face. “I told you I could sing, didn’t I? And dance,” she added, playfully demonstrating by twirling once.
He laughed. “So you did, so you did.”
He continued to smile at her, and she giggled and curtseyed in front of him. Straightening, she said, “I’m sure you didn’t come here just to hear me sing.”
“No,” he said, sobering. “That was a delightful bonus. I came to apologize for offending you yesterday.”
She frowned at him with a perplexed expression. “I don’t recall you offending me.”
He felt perplexed also. “Then why did you hightail it out of town when I complimented your dress?”
“Oh,” she said, waving her hand dismissively. “I’m sorry about that. It was foolish of me.”
Now he was the one frowning. “But why did you? Tell me.”
She looked down and shifted her stance a bit, then looked back up at him. “I don’t really have a good answer for that. I suppose it just surprised me. And, well…” Her voice trailed off and she looked into the distance.
“Well, what?” he prompted. He needed to understand what troubled her. Something seemed terribly wrong.
She let out a giant sigh. “The timing was strange. Not ten minutes earlier, Elijah told me how unsuitable my dress was for a future preacher’s wife. He didn’t think it was modest enough.”
Jesse let out a blustering scoff before he could censor himself. He tried to sound less rankled than he felt when he responded, but he wasn’t very successful. “Hogwash! You were draped from head to toe. How on earth was it unsuitable?” He managed to bite back what else he thought, which was how unkind it was of the preacher to suggest she looked anything but sweet and modest.
She gave him a wry smile. “He didn’t like the lace around my wrists. He said I looked like a saloon girl.”
Jesse laughed then. Lily watched him with the same wry smile until he finally stopped and shook his head. “I’m sorry for laughing, honey. I find that so ridiculous and at the same time ironic, considering that you were actually interested at one time in becoming a saloon gal.”
Sadness clouded her pretty face. “Yeah. But you convinced me otherwise, and I’ve done your bidding and found the attentions of one man.”
Her sadness distressed him, as did the fact that his advice contributed to her being with another man, a man who didn’t seem to make her very happy. Jesse didn’t like it, not one bit. “Hey,” he said, stepping forward. He pushed a stray lock of her soft brunette hair behind her ear, a tender gesture he probably shouldn’t have done, but he couldn’t resist. Nor could he resist cupping her chin gently with his hand and tilting it up so he could study her eyes. “Just because you’ve found the attentions of one man, doesn’t mean he’s the right one. If you feel unhappy with Elijah, you must tell him that and end it.”
Her eyes flashed with something resembling fear. “It’s too late. He already believes he will marry me. Everyone believes it will happen, and that it’s supposed to.”
Her fear worried him even more than her sadness. The pangs of regret over sending her away all those months ago stabbed at his chest. He slowly removed his hand from her face. “You’re not married yet, Lily. It concerns me that you look sad when you speak of him, and also a bit like a rabbit caught in a trap.”
“He’s a good man,” she said weakly, without conviction.
Jesse placed his Stetson on his head. “Sometimes, honey, the men you expect to be good aren’t good at all.” He ran the pad of his thumb along her flushed cheek, then cursed himself inwardly. What was he doing? He needed to stop touching her, stop complimenting her, and stop trying to see her. It wasn’t right. He turned and walked a few strides away before he heard her say something that made him stop.
“I suppose it works the other way too, doesn’t it, Jesse? You might expect a saloon owner to be bad, but he isn’t bad at all.”
He half-turned to look at her and smiled sadly. “I would agree that he isn’t bad. He is, however, a terrible fool.” With that, he departed, even more pissed off with himself and worried about Lily than before his visit.
His worry only grew. The next day he saw her again. He closed up the saloon after the last of the patrons left and decided to go on a quick walk to clear his head before retiring for the evening. The town was quiet, since it was the middle of the night. It brought him peace walking in the moonlight, with only the sound of the chirping crickets to keep him company. On that evening, however, he heard another person’s footsteps. When he rounded the corner at the edge of the block, he came to a stop.
He could hardly believe what he was seeing. There skipping along the sidewalk and humming to herself was little Miss Lily.
“Lily?” he said, incredulous.
She stopped and turned when she heard him. As she approached, Jesse saw a big smile on her face. She looked delighted to see him, and he was less than pleased to see her.
“Howdy, Jesse. What are you doing out here?”
Jesse folded his arms and frowned down at her. “That’s my question for you, young lady.”
Her eyes widened at his tone. “Oh. Well,” she stammered, “it’s a lovely evening. I’m just enjoying the fresh air.”
“Is that right? Do you often enjoy the fresh air in the middle of the night alone?”
She shrugged. “No, not often. Just whenever I feel like it.”
Her cavalier response rendered him speechless for a moment. When he found his voice, he said, “Surely your parents don’t permit this.”
She shrugged again. “My parents don’t really care what I do, so long as I get my chores done.”
“I see,” he said grimly, disturbed by her parents’ permissiveness. “Well, I happen to care, and I’m taking you home. Come along.” He held out his hand to her. She grinned and took it.
He held her hand like he would a child’s, with his palm cupping hers, and he thought about how appropriate that was in the moment, even though she was a woman’s age. Like a foolish little girl, she was roaming about town without a care in the world for her safety. She stepped lightly by his side, as though this were a normal, pleasant excursion, and he felt compelled to set her straight about how serious he considered her actions.
“Now you listen up, Lily. You’re not to take walks alone at night in the future. It’s not safe.”
Her steps became a little heavier. “But I like walking at night,” she said in a whiny voice.
“I don’t care if you like it. Don’t do it again. I’m surprised that your parents allow it. If you were my responsibility, I’
d make damn sure you were home before dark.”
Her response was petulant in tone. “It’s not a big deal, Jesse. I can take care of myself. I’m a grown woman.”
“Are you?” he asked, stopping. He took her chin in his hand gently and studied her face. “I don’t know about that. Most grown women don’t act so foolishly. They know their limitations. They know it’s unsafe to roam about town in the middle of the night. You’re acting more like a child who doesn’t know what’s good for her.”
Her eyes became sad and her lower lip quivered. He decided not to scold her further, since she already seemed contrite and the truth was, it wasn’t even her fault entirely. If no one had ever bothered to lay down rules for her safety, how was she to know? Her innocence and sheltered life probably prevented her from understanding what danger she’d just put herself in. He resumed the walk, tugging her along with him. She sniffled by his side, and he groaned inwardly. He hadn’t wanted to make her cry.
When they arrived at her cabin, he walked up the porch stairs with her, sat down on the bench by the front door, and pulled her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her, and she buried her face on his shoulder and continued to sniffle. It was an intimate position, one her beau surely would object to, but it felt perfectly chaste in that moment. He wasn’t thinking of her as a woman he desired. He was thinking of her as a girl he wanted to protect.
“Why are you crying, Lily? I care about you, honey. I don’t want you to get hurt. That’s the only reason I scolded you.”
“I know. Thank you for caring, Jesse. It means a lot.”
“You’re welcome, but the bad part about me caring is that I’m going to insist you don’t go out walking alone again at night. All right, Lily?”
“Yes, Jesse. I won’t. Thank you.”
“Good girl,” he said, standing and setting her on her feet. He turned her toward the door and landed a smack on her hind end. “Now you get your adventuresome bottom to bed before I decide to give it more than one swat.”
She giggled and scurried to the door. Jesse smiled. After saying goodbye, he headed back to town. He shook his head as he thought about what had just happened. That girl’s parents were way too lax, and he could see that Lily craved guidance. He would give her that, if nothing else. She wasn’t his to protect and guide, but that didn’t change how he felt. He couldn’t bear the thought of anything happening to her, and he would do what it took to make sure she didn’t endanger herself again.
Chapter Three: Righteous Anger
The waitress at the diner placed the piping hot food in front of Elijah and Lily. Elijah blessed the meal in what seemed like an especially long prayer. When he finally said “amen,” Lily was holding the fork, poised for immediate use. She dug into the potatoes on her plate.
“Hungry?” he asked, without humor.
“I’m starving. I haven’t eaten since breakfast.”
He frowned and said in a disapproving tone, “That’s a bit of an exaggeration, wouldn’t you say? It’s disrespectful to those in need who are actually starving.”
Normally when he made such comments, like the day he scolded her for being vain for wishing she could perform like the Red Rose, Lily felt deflated, but that day she felt mostly annoyed. She couldn’t help but think that Jesse would have understood that she meant no disrespect. Why couldn’t her beau understand that about her? Why couldn’t he think the best of her?
She felt bold, so she decided to question him. “Elijah, why can’t you take what I say less seriously? Obviously I don’t mean that I’m really starving.”
Elijah stared at her, and she thought she saw anger flash in his eyes for a split second, but he responded in a level voice. “I feel that we should say what we mean, my dear, and say it with care.”
Lily sighed. “Sometimes, Elijah, it seems as though you don’t like me very much. I can hardly say or do anything without garnering your displeasure.”
“Again with the exaggerations,” he exclaimed. The very displeasure she feared clouded his features. “You must think before speaking.”
“All right, Elijah,” she relented, feeling misunderstood and drained by the conversation.
They finished their meal in awkward silence. Lily thought about apologizing like she usually did when she said or did something to displease him, which seemed to be just about daily, but she couldn’t bring herself to say she was sorry this time.
As he made a habit of doing since he first started courting her, Elijah used their conversation as a theme in his sermon on Sunday morning. It was a pleasant, warm day, and Lily sat on a pew near the back of the chapel with her parents. She always had a hard time keeping focused on the sermon, but that morning, it was even more difficult. Distracting her was someone in the congregation she’d never seen there before. Jesse sat two rows in front of her with someone Lily recognized as Florence, the woman who ran the saloon with him.
“You must be grateful for what you have,” Elijah’s voice boomed loudly. Lily’s attention snapped back to her beau, who was looking straight at her. She shivered and wrapped her shawl around her shoulders tighter.
Elijah continued, his voice growing even louder, “You have food to eat, unlike many. Are you grateful for your many blessings, or do you covet what is not yours?”
Lily’s gaze returned to the back of the saloon owner’s head. His shoulders looked very broad, especially in comparison to the slight woman sitting next to him. Lily wondered if Jesse had some kind of romantic relationship with her. She wore a beautiful red silk gown, the likes of which Lily had never felt against her skin. Her stomach turned with the mere thought of Jesse courting another woman.
She knew she had no right to be jealous, especially since she was practically spoken for, but she felt a closeness with Jesse. As she sat there in church, she allowed herself to imagine him taking her over his knee and spanking her. She fantasized often of Jesse’s hands on her body. Sometimes imaginary Jesse stroked her, sometimes he held her in his arms and kissed her lips, and sometimes he spanked. She felt her drawers grow damp and she squirmed, ashamed of her impure thoughts. She needed to get the saloon owner off her mind.
Jesse didn’t make it easy. He seemed to go out of his way to speak to her ever since the day he spanked her soundly. Unlike everyone else, he seemed interested in how she was doing. He asked questions and complimented her. She used to allow herself to believe that he cared for her in a special way, but then she would see him conversing and laughing with another woman, and that hope would vanish. It was after seeing him engaged in such a conversation that she finally said yes to allowing Elijah to court her. She couldn’t live in a fantasy world forever and needed to consider the practicalities of her future, as her parents always admonished her to do.
The sound of the organ and people shuffling to their feet interrupted her reverie. She stood along with the rest of the congregation and sang the final hymn, ‘It Is Well.’ She loved that song and knew every word of every verse by heart. She tried to hear Jesse’s voice and smiled when his smooth baritone reached her strained ears.
When peace like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to know,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Following the song, Elijah led them in the final prayer and dismissed them. She moved with the other church members to the back of the chapel and then outside, glancing back once to find Jesse speaking with Max and Charlotte, the town’s blacksmith and his schoolmarm wife.
Lily’s parents knew she was planning to have a picnic with Elijah after the service, so they bid her farewell and left for the farm in their buggy. Lily loitered near the door. After some time, she sat on a bench outside, waiting for Elijah to join her. She hoped to catch another glimpse of Jesse and perhaps even speak to him before Elijah fetched her. She scolded herself inwardly for being so needy of the man’s attention.
Her hopes were dashed anyway when Elijah
exited the church before Jesse. He spotted Lily and walked toward her with a stern expression. Lily had a horrible feeling that Elijah could read her thoughts. She felt guilty around him often, as he always made a point to correct any behavior that could be considered wayward.
“Were you listening to the sermon?” he asked. He held his bent arm out to her, and Lily laced her hand around the crook of his elbow.
“Yes, of course, Elijah. Why do you ask?”
Elijah steered her to the side of the chapel where they could speak in private. “You weren’t looking at me most of the time. It didn’t seem like you were listening.”
Lily averted her gaze from his face and noticed the geraniums in bloom and marveled over the chirping of birds around them. It really was a lovely day.
“Lily!” Elijah exclaimed. “Can you not pay attention for two minutes?”
“I’m sorry, Elijah,” she said in a soft tone that could be used on a wounded beast who might pounce or charge at the slightest provocation. She returned her gaze slowly to his face. “But I assure you I was listening to your sermon.”
“What was it about?” he demanded, placing his hands on his hips. He took a step toward her.
Lily’s back was against the side of the chapel, and Elijah loomed over her. Lily felt trapped and afraid to answer him incorrectly.
“It, it was about coveting,” she stammered.
“And what else?”
Lily stared at his chest and tried to remember more of his words, but she couldn’t. Elijah was right, she hadn’t been paying attention. Her heart pounded. Suddenly she felt Elijah gripping her arms very tightly. He gave her a rough shake that knocked her head against the wall.
“You need to pay attention. We are supposed to be headed toward marriage. I can’t have a wife who doesn’t listen to her own husband’s sermons,” he said through his teeth.
Lily’s eyes opened wider as his grip on her arms tightened. “You’re hurting me,” she squeaked, alarmed by his sudden fury and strength. She tried to wrench her arms free, but he held fast and squeezed her tighter, then gave her another violent shake.
His Little Red Lily Page 3
