by Simmons, Pat
“Thank you, Sister Bishop.” Pastor Reed looked to Michael. “Brother Bishop, while the affair was going on, how was your relationship with your wife?”
“I loved her, but the guilt was starting to build. I knew I was cheating her out of one hundred percent of me—”
“Please tell me you weren’t doing double duty, sexing her and them coming to contaminate me.” She gritted her teeth. Jesus, help me not to snap again. “Sorry, but I have to ask, how could you? How could you have sex with me knowing whose bed or back seat you’d crawled from?”
Michael leaped from his chair, startling her. Pastor Reed didn’t seem fazed by his sudden movement. “Desi, you have no idea how many times the guilt was eating away at me and how it was causing me to distance myself from the woman I loved…”
“Humph.” She twisted her lips and folded her arms to keep her hands to herself this time.
“We never had any secrets, even when we were dating. I wanted to come to you so badly and tell you what I’d done, ask for your forgiveness and to hold me up in prayer as I repented. I did not like cheating on my wife!” he roared.
His outburst caused Desi to shiver, not from fear, but from this unknown side of a man she had never seen so flustered.
“I love you, Desi. That will never change. I never should have taken the bait. I never should have hurt you and put you in harm’s way.”
She could feel his heartfelt confession and she pitied him. “But the trust is gone. I need peace but I won’t have it; every time you go out the door, I’ll be wondering… I don’t want to live like that. I think a divorce is the only solution.”
The scowl on his face showed he didn’t agree.
“Sister Bishop, yes, divorce is an option. Forgiveness is not.”
Desi had temporarily forgotten that Pastor Reed was witnessing their raw emotions.
“As saints of God, it is expected of us. You may not have committed adultery, but it’s also the little things we do that offend God that cause us to need His forgiveness. We’re God’s greatest creation. Marriage is the purest form of love because Christ is married to the church…”
She had thought so, too.
“In His body, there are many members, body parts, and hundreds of bones. The vows you two exchanged fused you into one body. There’s no question that Brother Bishop allowed an infection to enter his body and then let it fester until it spread like gangrene. Sin is just as deadly and preventable as gangrene. However, if you stub your toe, your whole body could ache for days and then the pain goes away. So there are two options: save your foot by treating it with spiritual medication, or sever it because it can no longer bear good fruit. Remember, walking on two feet is better than limping on one.”
The analogy was hitting home with Desi. “You’re not making my decision easy, Pastor Reed.”
“Marriage and divorce never are.” Leaning forward, he linked his fingers together. “Whatever you decide, Sister Bishop, make sure you’ll have no regrets because you’ll have to live with that decision,” he said.
After a moment’s pause, Pastor Reed turned to Michael.
“Brother Bishop, I’m glad that Jesus yanked you out of the fire before you reached a point of no return. Although God forgives us unconditionally, the consequences of our actions are still there to face. Sin is never the silent killer. It can destroy families, hope and health. I pray that God gives you the grace to go through them.”
Michael didn’t say a word, so Pastor Reed ended with a prayer for forgiveness and grace. “Amen,” Desi mumbled and hurried out of the office and down the hall.
“Desi, wait.”
Reluctantly, she stopped in her tracks and groaned. Turning about, Desi folded her arms. “What, Michael?”
He stepped closer—too close as far as she was concerned. “Ah…do you mind not coming up to the store anymore?”
Suspicion reared its ugly head. “Why?” She immediately wondered if he was starting another… The look on her face must have given away her thoughts.
Michael huffed and rubbed the back of his head. “I don’t like the way Byron looks at you, nor do I like him hitting on you since you’re not wearing…where’s your wedding ring?”
A giggle escaped before Desi burst out laughing. Evidently, he didn’t see anything funny as he scowled at her. “I’m sorry…I’m sorry. As I told you before, Byron is not the type of man I would be attracted to. He has some serious character flaws. The first being disrespecting another man’s wife because legally, I’m still linked to you. Our divorce isn’t final.”
“Desi, there’s not going to be a divorce. I want you. Doesn’t my coming to my senses and calling off the affair count for something? It’s not like you caught me.”
She squinted. “A cheater is a cheater.” She unfolded her arms and put a fist on her hip. “If I had never found out, would you have ever told me?”
“Yes,” he answered without hesitation. “After I repented, prayed and fasted, I would have come to you and asked for forgiveness. Even when you learned about the affair, I never got the chance to ask for your forgiveness that night.”
“Okay. Fair enough.”
“I guess you’re not going to tell me where you’re living, are you?”
“No.” Desi needed to keep her space to work this out in her heart and head. “Oh and your wedding ring, I pawned it.” She shrugged. “It didn’t hold any sentimental value.”
Michael seemingly recovered from the flash of hurt that crossed his face. “I see. I don’t like not knowing where you are, but I understand. You can call or text me any time, Desi. Any time. I’ll be here for you always.” Michael turned and headed in the other direction.
It is better to trust in Me than to put confidence in man, God reminded her of Psalm 118:8.
“But God, I did trust You that I had Your blessings with Michael and look what happened?” Desi mumbled as she walked out the church’s side entrance to her car.
CHAPTER ~12~
Three months, two continuances and a couple more counseling sessions later, Michael wasn’t any closer to reconciliation with his wife. Daring him not to show up at her place of employment and not knowing where she resided, he chanced sending texts and leaving voice messages without any idea whether she read or heard them.
Michael had made a major mistake after a recent meeting with Pastor Reed. “Come on, Desi,” he said, “you can’t keep leaving me hanging like this. I miss you. I need to know if you even intend to come back home. Be honest with me. Do you want us to work it out or not?”
The fire in her eyes caused him to back up and consider running for cover. Desi was hot! “Listen, Mr. Bishop, I’ve just made it to the point of wholeheartedly forgiving you. If I’m taking too long, then you have an option; stop fighting the divorce and sign on the dotted line.”
Maybe this was what they needed, a knockdown, drag out fight, because his patience with her was running thin. Michael stared at her through hooded lashes. “I’ve been an open book since we started counseling. But I can’t help but wonder if you’re going through the motions as a payback to me, or if you really want to move on.”
He closed the distance and softened his tone. “Granted, I’m a jerk and I don’t deserve you. I get that. I know I must earn my way back into your heart, but I need to know if there is a chance that we can get past my faults. I don’t want to throw away what we had.”
“But you did, Michael. The day you fulfilled your lust with that slut, you tossed away what we had!”
That had been weeks ago, but those last words of their exchange had been etched in his mind. Desiree Bishop had been his keepsake and Michael had basically thrown what they had in the trash. The holidays were around the corner. They were a big to-do with Desi. For Michael, depression was starting to seep in. Luther Vandross had it right. Michael’s house was not a home without Desi and her baking, decorations, and the sparkle in her eyes that amused him.
“So, are you coming or not?” Zachary’s demanding
voice reminded Michael that he had just zoned out in front of his brother. Lately, his mind drifted at every opportunity it got.
“Do you think I should show my face?”
His brother tried to convince him that Thanksgiving wouldn’t be the same without both Bishop brothers celebrating with Desi’s family. Her sisters had agreed to be civil. “It sounds more like an ambush.”
“Mickey, your separation has gone on long enough. The holidays have always been special for Desi. You know that. Spend it with your wife, bro.”
Zachary refused to leave until he agreed. What his brother didn’t know was his stall tactic was purely to entertain company in his house that was no longer a home.
***
“I’m not going,” was Desi’s response to Solae once she learned that her grandmother had invited her soon-to-be ex. “As you know, even though you’ve relocated to Chicago, there are reasons why I haven’t agreed to any more counseling sessions. There are reasons I’ve been avoiding Michael. He said some things the last time we argued that made me do some soul searching. I honestly think I have forgiven him, but trust is a wide gulf between us. The good news is I’ve signed up for foreign language classes at the community college. I’m exploring new interests and hobbies. I want to have a clear head when we appear in court next month.”
Solae was silent and Desi wondered what her friend was thinking. She didn’t have to wait long. “I agree with what Pastor Reed told you. Make sure you can live with your decision without any regrets.”
Desi swallowed. “I know, and that’s what I’m trying to figure out.”
Not long after they said their goodbyes, Desi began to prepare herself mentally to come face-to-face with Michael on Thanksgiving for the first time in months.
The holidays always made her sentimental. She scanned her kitchenette. She missed her pots and pans. But Desi dared not step foot in the home she once shared with Michael. Although the pending divorce kept him from selling it, she wondered who some of his visitors had been in her absence.
“Make the best of it,” she mumbled as she began baking her desserts to take to her mother’s house. As her sweet potato and pecan pies baked, she sat on the sofa and stared out the window. Her holiday tradition had been to play music and bake while Michael kept her company in the kitchen and cleaned up the mess she made.
That was one thing she would always miss, their conversations at dinner. She suddenly experienced an ache in her stomach and she knew the pain had nothing to do with hunger. After so many months of separation, the reality of her starting over alone was coming into full view. Hobbies or not, nothing could take the place of snuggling under the covers on a snowy cold night with a husband.
Desi wanted to be happy and she wasn’t sure if that included Michael or not. “Jesus, help me to make the right decision.”
I know the plans I have for you, the Lord hushed a verse from Jeremiah 29, making His presence known.
Getting her Bible, Desi located verse eleven and began reading. She didn’t stop until it was time to take her pies out of the oven. At least the anxiety about seeing Michael the next day was gone, knowing that God was monitoring her situation and reminding her that He knew the outcome.
***
Michael said a prayer before he got into his car and headed to his in-laws’ house across town. He would spend as much time with them as possible before leaving to get rest for his store’s Black Friday sale. What would he say in his defense when he saw Desi’s sisters and mother?
Granny Rose had already given him a piece of her sanctified mind when she called him. “Get your act together, Mickey and fix what you broke with my grand-daughter,” she threatened. “And don’t think about missing Thanksgiving dinner. We may not like you right about now, but you’re family and we love you.”
So here he was, exactly eighteen minutes later, standing before this big two-story house. Judging from the number of cars, it was already a full house. Apparently, Desi hadn’t arrived yet. With a bag of rolls he had purchased from the bakery earlier, Michael strolled up the steps and knocked on the door.
He could hear laughter, loud voices and music coming from inside. When Desi’s older sister, Tracey, opened the door, every conversation stopped as he became the center of attention—and not in a good way.
Nothing was worse than a verbal beat down from this crew. He had witnessed them in action. Crossing the threshold uninvited by Tracey, Michael prepared himself for their slaughter with every step.
Granny Rose eased up from a rocker and stretched out her arms. Michael smiled and hugged the woman who had become his surrogate grandmother even before he and Desi married.
“I’m glad you could make it.” She winked and grinned. “Now, everything’s going to be all right.” She patted his back.
“I doubt that,” Tracey said with a sneer as she shut the door.
Desi’s mother, Sarah, leaned up against the kitchen doorway and stared. “Michael, you don’t know how disappointed I am—”
“Hush, daughter. At one time or other, we’ve all been prodigals. God welcomed him back, so we should fall in line.” Granny Rose turned to one of her grandsons. “Take these rolls into the dining room and be careful not to crush them.
“Yes, ma’am,” Tracey’s oldest son said and went to do her bidding.
The doorbell rang again and Zachary swaggered in. Apparently a hero in the women’s eyes, he received a hearty welcome.
Tracey hugged Michael’s brother and laughed at what he brought, then turned back to Michael with a blank expression. “We’ll talk later,” she whispered as she passed him on her way into another room.
“I expected as much,” Michael mumbled, sliding his hands into his pockets. After shaking hands with his brother, the children vied for their attention. He could always count on the little ones for unconditional love.
Michael wondered what was taking Desi so long to arrive. Moments later, she opened the door, struggling with a bag containing her desserts. Michael was at her side in an instant. “Let me take those.”
She barely acknowledged him as she relinquished her load.
“Whew, I love your highlights. Work it girl,” Halcyon, who hadn’t looked his way since he had been there, stood hardly showing. Zachary had told him about her baby pouch.
Both of Desi’s sisters were cute, but Desi was the full package from her smile, face, hair, body and gorgeous legs. Tracey and Halcyon had made bad choices when it came to men. He hoped that Desi didn’t feel that she had, too. Michael was nothing like their ex’s.
“Turn from side to side for me to see.” Halcyon fluffed Desi’s hair and his wife did her best to ignore him.
“It’s not short and sassy, but I figure I could wear it longer and sexy.” Desi giggled and high-fived with Halcyon.
Feeling invisible, Michael retook his seat to the children’s delight, but he kept his eyes on his wife. How could she have gotten more beautiful since the last time they saw each other? Yes, her hair was long and she had lost weight, but her curves were unmistakable. Why did she have to get rid of her ring? Michael knew why, but didn’t like it. With or without it, Desi was available.
While Desi hid out in the kitchen, each woman pulled him to the side and chewed him out. Unlike her granny, Desi’s sisters did it in unsanctified manners with profanity pieced together in their sentences.
“You’re no different than my ex and you call yourself a Christian. Thanks for the example…” Tracey tacked on the guilt.
Desi’s mother lectured him on the responsibilities of a good husband. “My baby has always been a jewel. She’s a treasure you abandoned, but another man, knowing her worth will find and cherish her.”
“I am that other man who knows her worth. I’ve repented and apologized. God accepted. Now I’m praying for my wife to do the same.”
“I’m from Missouri, and our state motto is Show me, so show her and me.” Her mother only left her post when one of her grandchildren screamed for her attention.
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He was grateful that Granny Rose seemed to believe that he was truly sorry. If Michael hadn’t wanted Desi so bad, he wouldn’t have subjected himself to this much humiliation. But he realized it was part of the reconciliation process. Not only did he hurt Desi, but all of them as well.
When it was time to feast, everyone gathered around the dining room table. The spread was artistically placed as if someone had followed a diagram. As part of Desi’s family tradition, everyone linked hands. Michael knew it was no accident that Tracey gripped his hand and Halcyon took the other. As if on cue, they squeezed his hands with all their might. They must have practiced the art of torture because he could feel their pinching squeeze.
With bowed heads, each person thanked God for one thing before a prayer was given and the food blessed. The children thanked God for their mommies. When they added their daddies, Michael’s hands felt the brunt of their mother’s frustration with their children’s fathers.
Then it was Desi’s turn. Michael’s heart pounded with uncertainty as to what his wife could find thankfulness in. “I thank God that I survived this year, the breakup of my marriage and the worst heartache I’ve ever experienced. I can honestly say I hold no malice against Michael,” she said in a way that held no condemnation.
Zachary went next and Michael followed. “I’m thankful today because God has been merciful to me and didn’t let me perish.” Both Desi’s sister released soft grunts. “I’m also thankful for repentance so I can truly say he whom the Son has set free is free indeed.”
Granny Rose forced amens out of each family member before she said grace. All seemed forgotten as they ate, joked and asked for seconds. A few times, Michael met Desi’s eyes when she laughed. It was the first time he had seen a genuine smile on her face in a long time and he missed that.
