“Liv…I love you, you know that. But I…I just don’t want to…” I watch as her face falls and her cheeks pale. I fucking hate hurting her, but I can’t help what I feel. Marriage is just too serious, and kids are even fucking worse. We are way too young to be talking, even thinking, about this shit anyway. We just need to live our lives without thinking of things so pressuring.
“Okay,” she breathes softly.
Okay?
“Okay?” I voice my confused thought. I thought she’d burst into tears or kill me or something. But all I get is an “okay,” and that’s it?
“Yeah. I can’t change your mind,” she says in a leveled tone that scares the crap out of me. “I have you and that’s it. But I do mean what I said. You don’t get a second chance with life, just one. So I will be calling both the program and school to let them know I’ll resume my work.” She holds up her hand to cut off what I am about to say. “I know you care for my health and wish for me to be safe, but you can’t guarantee either. If I go…I go, and if I don’t, I want to strive despite all the odds.”
“But the doctor hasn’t approved it,” I exclaim. There is no chance in hell I’m letting her go back to work and school after having surgery. Not so damn early.
“I’ll be fine, Grey. Do you not have trust in me?” she questions, and I search for words. How is she so calm and collected right now? I just shot down her dreams of a big, fancy wedding and babies. This is creeping me the fuck out.
“Of course I do—”
She puts a finger on my mouth. “Then don’t fight me.”
To add to the creepiness, she leans forward and plants a tender kiss to my cheek.
“Thank you for understanding.” She stands up and slips out of the room before I can utter a word.
What the fuck just happened?
***
Liv
Bullshit. I just spat under and complete bullshit to Grey. I do not agree with his disdain toward marriage. I want us to commit to each other in the grandest, purest way possible, but he doesn’t want it. He just wants us the way we are. Casual and cooped up in this apartment. He wants me to cook for him every night, sex as dessert, with no consequence. No marital issues to worry about. Just food and sex. Well, I want more. But not now. I’m too young for any of that now, but I want to know it is somewhere in the future. But he doesn’t want it, so I can’t have it.
“Asshole,” I mutter under my breath, gripping the banister until my knuckles turn white. I am in the stairwell because I don’t want to be in his presence. I just need some time to cope with the loss of a concept I’ve dreamed about. Tears well up in my eyes and pour over like a waterfall.
I’ve already called the school and Garrett. I will resume both school and interning next week. If I can’t have what I’ve always wanted, then I’ll take what I can get. The two are the most important things I have worked hard for and planned years ago. It hurts like hell to have to cross these two things off my master plan, no marriage or bearing children.
But at least I have Grey, right? I love him more than anyone could ever love anything in this world. So much so that I am willing to repress my life goals to be with him. He is worth it all; I know it. I just wish it didn’t have to feel like a part of me is being ripped out of my chest.
Taking a few deep, controlled breaths, I swipe away the tears beneath my eyes and begin to walk back up the stairs. By the time I am at the door, two flights up, I am out of breath and my lungs…lung is on fire. But I push through it and walk back into the apartment.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
I am back at work the following Monday. It felt like an eternity since I’d last stepped into the building. When, in reality, it’s been two months. Grey was hesitant and threatening to call everything off and haul me off to another state so I wouldn’t be here, hurting myself even further. But Doctor Fitzgerald and I told him that I am able to do this. I just can’t stress or strain myself too much. I just couldn’t stay home and be the housewife, when I could be so much more. When I could mean more than that.
“Liv?” Matthew gawks at me as I exit the elevator.
“Matthew.” I beam at him. He rushes over to me and engulfs me in a tight hug. I didn’t even know how much I missed him until this very moment. He smells distinctly like fresh bar soap and mint. “How have you been?” I ask when he finally pulls away after a few moments of silence as we soak in each other once again.
“Who cares about me? How have you been?” he asks breathlessly, his cheeks pink and bulging because of his wide grin. I chuckle at how his square glasses are risen higher because of it.
“I’ve been…good,” I breathe, maintaining my smile. I obviously can’t say post-surgery was hell, and I’ve been sort of depressed ever since my boyfriend revealed he never wants anything serious with me. I have to appear okay. I mean, I’m back here. It only makes sense to keep up the façade.
“That’s wonderful,” he says, sighing in relief. “I thought you would have stayed out longer, though. Didn’t you have surgery just two months ago? I wouldn’t want you to re-injure yourself or anything…” I can’t help but laugh at his worried expression.
“I’ll be fine, Matthew,” I reassure him with a shoulder rub. “I wouldn’t be here if I couldn’t be.”
He regards me with a thoughtful expression, then breaks into his signature smile again. “I guess you’re right. But I will walk you to your office, just in case you topple over or something.”
“You’re very sweet, but that’s unnecessary, Matthew,” I tell him, but he loops his arm through mine anyway. I roll my eyes at his insistency but smile because of it. He has to be the kindest person. Always laughing, making jokes, and helping when it isn’t even needed. I’m happy to call him a friend.
He takes me to my office, and on the way, we catch up with each other. He said since I’ve been gone, he’s been able to get more work done because I wasn’t there to force him to help me with the complicated coffee machine. I pinched him and blushed, but he still laughed at my lack of coffee machine skills.
Apparently, he and Delilah have been lightly flirting, and he’s thinking of asking her out. I’m so happy and urged him to. I think they would be very cute together. I relayed him how post-surgery wasn’t easy, but with Grey’s help, I pulled through. He told me Grey was sweet and is amazing for supporting me for coming back to the internship. I had to plaster on a hard smile when he said that.
I gasp when we enter my office. Lily is sitting on my leather chair, stocking-clad feet thrown up on my desk. She’s singing along to some pop song playing from my computer while twirling a gum in her mouth. Her eyes are closed, and she’s dancing like no one’s watching. Little does she know, two people are.
I clear my throat, and her eyes snap open. “Sorry, am I interrupting your jam session?” I tease.
“This is not what it looks like,” she argues, rapidly moving the computer mouse around and standing up. I laugh as she jams her feet in her heels and nearly stumbles into the window behind her.
“Sure.” I shake my head at her as she scrambles to gather papers and such from my desk. I turn to Matthew, who is staring at Lily. I nudge him and get his attention. “Thanks for walking me here. But I’ll be fine here on out.”
“You sure? There’s an intruder in your office.” He glances over at Lily, who curses as papers fall to the ground.
“She’s just a friend,” I assure him, but I don’t seem to have his attention. Lily does. “Go help her. I have to tell Garrett I’m here.” I eye him, confused as to why Lily has his eyes all of a sudden. I’m sure he’s seen her around before. Hmmm…
“Sure.” Matthew steps forward to help.
I leave the two with a knowing smile. I say hello and stop to chat with a few of the people I’ve become acquainted with in the cubicles. They all wish me a speedy recovery and label me as strong for coming back so soon. Like I would have been weak if I stayed out longer. Ugh. I need to work on my pessimistic thoughts. The ones tha
t tell me I need to appear super-healthy, despite my surgery two months ago. The fact that I am here proves that I am strong-willed.
I knock on Garrett’s door. “May I come in?”
“Come on in!” Garrett’s deep voice bellows.
I enter his lavish office, closing the glass door behind me. He still looks the same: gelled brown hair, bright white teeth, blue-slate eyes, impeccably expensive suit. He looks like Christian Grey’s father. Is that offensive? I just mean he looks admittedly attractive for his age, which I am guessing is early forties. Judging by the slight wrinkles cornering his almond-shaped eyes.
“It’s so nice to see you, Garrett.” I offer him a grin while holding out my hand for him to shake.
“Likewise, Olivia.” He shakes my hand in a firm grip, then takes a seat and gestures for me to do the same. I do. He watches me intently, blue-gray eyes boring through me. I shift a little, uncomfortable. “How?”
“How…what?” I don’t understand what he means.
“How are you so strong that you are here after going through what you’ve gone through?” he questions, voice light and a smile tugging on his face.
“Oh.” I flush, then shrug. “Sturdy cells?” I joke.
He bursts out laughing, and I chuckle a little, unsure if I should or not. “You’re funny.” He wags a finger at me. He is suddenly on his feet and leaning on the desk in front of me. “Think you’re strong enough to take me up on my offer, to take on the Big Apple, your hometown?”
I let out a heavy breath and shake my head. “I’m sorry, Garrett…but I’m still thinking about it.”
“What’s there to think about?” He frowns and looks a little ticked off. “Several of your fellow interns have practically pounced on the opportunity. Why not you? What’s holding you back?”
I feel heat crawl up my neck. “I just have a lot to consider. It’d be a big uprooting.”
“Phooey.” He waves a hand and crosses his ankles, intense eyes towering over me. “What’s there to consider? You’ll be awarded a large sum of money, get experience, have your resume looking shiny with the recommendation you’re guaranteed…”
“I’m sorry, Garrett. But I just can’t jump on the opportunity like the others,” I tell him, and he exhales heavily. I stand and nervously rub my sweaty palms together. “Do I still have until the end of the year to decide?” Maybe I can convince Grey to come with me. It’d be a dream come true. He has to understand that. Right?
“Yes.” He nods, a grin appearing on his narrow face. “Just don’t take too long to decide.”
“I won’t,” I assure him, smiling myself.
“Good.” He rubs my shoulder, and I hold in a nervous breath. “I wouldn’t want you to have this pass you by. You seem like a smart kid.”
“Thank you, sir.” I nod at him.
“Don’t call me sir,” he groans with a hint of laughter, removing his hand. A weight lifts off my twisted stomach. “Makes me sound old. I’m only forty-two.”
“Of course.” I give him one last smile before finally leaving his office. Another weight is lifted off me as I begin to walk back to my office. That man gives me the heebie jeebies, and that awkward shoulder rub did not help anything. I wouldn’t call HR to report it for sexual harassment or anything, but I was really uncomfortable. Maybe he’s just naturally a handsy person…? If so, I am very sorry for Delilah.
Speaking of which, I nearly bump into her as I turn a corner.
“Olivia, hey! I didn’t know you’d be back so early,” she says, eyes churning blue and bright. Her short blonde hair is pulled back in a tight bun, and an elegant black dress adorns her slim, tall body.
“You’re not alone. The entire office didn’t expect me, either,” I tell her with a smile.
“It’s a shame what happened. But I’m sure the problem’s fixed…?”
“Yes, definitely.” I nod.
She breathes in relief and grins. “That’s great! Well, then, I guess I’ll be seeing you around.” She rubs my shoulder and begins to walk away. I call her name before she can get too far away. “Yeah?”
“Um…is Garrett a good…boss?” I ask, unsure of what I’m doing. Am I low-key asking if he harasses her? I am ridiculous, but I’ve already asked, and there’s no way to take the words back.
She furrows her dark blonde brows. “Yes, why?”
“No reason. I’ll see you around.” I walk away before I can embarrass myself any further.
I sigh in relief when I am finally in my office, free of Lily’s things. I laugh at the fact that she’s practically been squatting in here since I’ve been gone. Looking around, I realize I’ve missed being in here. My own little kingdom. I sit in the rolling chair and turn on the computer. I run my hand over the white keyboard and take in a deep breath and get to work. New York pops up in my mind, completely ruining the nostalgic moment.
I would be an absolute fool to let the huge opportunity pass me. I’d be an even greater idiot if I didn’t at least think about it. I have a plan by the time the clock hits twelve. I’ll apply to NYU, maybe some online courses for the semester as I am being considered, and take the job. I can get an apartment using my trust fund and save the rest for a rainy day. I could see myself in Manhattan, overlooking the city from a high-rise apartment. Coming home from work and relaxing on the couch, watching a re-run of Full House. It’d be perfect…
Except Grey wouldn’t be in the picture. The thought of him not being there—to complain about TV shows as I watch one, to laugh at when he tries to cook, to kiss whenever I feel the need to feel his lips on mine—makes me physically sick. As much as he can be difficult and an ass, I can’t imagine my life without him. But he will make it a reality if he doesn’t agree to move with me, which I highly doubt he will, being the stubborn man he is. Still, I have to give him a chance.
Reluctantly, I pull out my phone and decide to lightly bring up New York. See how he feels about living there one day, maybe…?
Olivia: Hey. How do you feel about New York?
He replies a minute later.
Grey: Okay I guess?
He sounds confused. Shoot.
Olivia: I was thinking of visiting there one weekend.
Grey: Why?
“Ugh,” I mutter. Does he have to be so difficult all the time?
Olivia: I miss being there. Plus, I’d love to show you around.
He takes a while to reply.
Grey: Sure, I guess. When were you thinking?
“Oh…shoot!” I rub my bottom lip anxiously. I didn’t think he’d suggest we go, like, now! Or at all! Okay, calm down, Liv. Maybe you can persuade him to move there. He just doesn’t know the place as well as you. Show him around, make sure he understands how big of an opportunity it is, and maybe, just maybe, he’ll move with you.
Grey: Hello????
Oops. Guess I’ve been thinking for too long.
Olivia: How about this weekend?
He takes a few minutes to reply.
Grey: Sure.
I smile and continue talking to him, but about other things. He said sure. Soon, we’ll be in the Big Apple, hopefully my home for the next year…
Chapter Twenty-Nine
The first day back goes by smoothly. The work is moderate, and lunch in the cafe was filled with questions, concerns, and “you’re so brave” and “how does it feel to have one lung?” and “can you still breathe okay?” I didn’t really mind the million and one comments and questions from my peers because I understand it. I would be worried too if one of them were determined to work after being shot and going through intense surgery. Or would I be considered dumb and not brave? Let’s go with brave. Besides the hectic nature during lunch, everything went well, and soon enough, things will go back to normal.
I sigh in relief as Matthew pulls up in front of the apartment building. I can’t wait to take off my heels and flop onto the bed. A small part of me nags at the fact that I could have waited a little longer before thrusting myself back into the
program, but that part of me is lazy, so I shut her communications off and slam the door in her face. Rude, but I don’t have the time nor energy to fight with myself on this. I have already gone back and shown my face. There is no going back, so I have to go through with it and act as strong as I keep telling myself I am.
“Thank you for dropping me off, Matthew.” I look over at him and his kind smile. “I’m going to get a car so I won’t ever have to bother you, I promise.”
“What are friends for?” He shrugs.
“Not chauffeuring each other around,” I tell him, and he chuckles lightly.
“Honestly, it’s fine with me. And if you’re serious about the car thing, I highly suggest a Prius. Sturdy beast, she is.” He taps the wheel of his Prius Hybrid with a proud, smug smile.
“I was thinking more of a monster truck,” I joke in a “shucks!” tone.
“Know what? I think I’ve heard somewhere that monster trucks are more reliable.” He taps his chin like he’s contemplating. I burst into laughter at how playful he is and how well we get along. I’m really thankful I’ve befriended him. Though a small, protective part of me is hesitant, considering the friend who I thought was someone I could trust but turned out to be a lying snake. But then again, a larger part of me just knows that Matthew is genuine. I mean, the man drives a Prius and wears bowties every day. Plus, I’ve rarely seen him frown; he always has on a perky smile that just lights up the room. Or car. I feel like I should get out now.
“I’ll see you tomorrow,” I say and exit the car.
“Goodbye, Liv!” He waves at me and looks at me expectantly. I chuckle and walk over to the apartment door. Only then does he drive off, honking the horn at me.
Grey: New Beginnings (Spectrum Series Book 5) Page 18
