by Nella Tyler
I didn't even have to think about it. I felt a surge of guilt sweep through me at the accusation I had just made. "No, Luke, you didn't, but why did you hire me? I don't even have any skills as a maid!"
He said nothing for several moments. I watched him as he carefully strode from one side of my living room to the other as if deciding if he should tell me. I waited him out.
"You want the truth?"
I made a noise in my throat. "That would be a nice change of pace," I replied.
"Okay, here it is then," he said. He stopped pacing. "I hired you because I was attracted to you. You're gorgeous Molly, and I wanted to be around you. Is that so bad? Is that so evil?"
I wasn’t sure how to respond. I didn't know what to believe. I certainly didn't want to believe anything he had said about my father. It had been hard enough for me to accept the fact that Luke was involved. But my father? And now Luke was telling me that he had hired me just because of my looks? What the hell? So that first day I had worked for him, he really had been ogling me? Staring at my boobs, my ass, thinking of ways to get me to fall into bed with him? Was that what this was all about? Once again, it seemed as if for Luke could read my mind. He took a step toward me.
"Don't even think it, Molly. I didn't hire you just to get you in the sack. I know that's what you're thinking, but it isn't true. I'm not a total scuzzball, you know."
I didn't say anything, but continued to watch him. My emotions were in a dither, as my grandmother used to say. I didn't know which way was up. "I honestly don't know what I'm thinking or feeling right now, Luke," I admitted. "I feel as if everything has just turned upside down. I feel as if my entire life is a sham-"
"Molly, don't-"
"So you didn't know who I was when you hired me?"
He threw his hands up in the air with exasperation. "Molly, I swear that my hiring you had nothing to do with your father whatsoever. In fact, I didn't even know you were his daughter until he gave me that ultimatum to stop seeing you. After all, Sanders isn't exactly an uncommon name in the South."
I wasn't sure whether to believe him or not, but his next words left me flabbergasted.
"In fact, your relation to your father has cost me nothing but headaches!"
The tears that had been on the verge of spilling over disappeared as anger, humiliation, and a growing sense of rage swept through me. I had never felt such a wide range of emotions in such a short period of time and it left me stunned. I guess what they say is true. The more you care about something, the more you feel it. His words cut me to the core. His eyes opened wide, apparently as surprised that the words came out of his mouth.
"Wait, Molly, that didn't come out right-"
"They never do, do they, Luke?" I replied, my voice low. I felt defeated. Deflated. Wrung out and left hanging to dry. I didn't know what to do, torn between my affection for Luke, my love for my father, and the knowledge that both of them were potentially involved in something that was not only wrong, but illegal on a number of levels.
"What the hell is going on around here?" I cried, not speaking to Luke in particular, but to the universe. "I have no idea what to think or how to feel." I felt in numb, lethargic, and wanted nothing more than to crawl into my bed, pull the covers over my head, and pretend today had never happened. That none of it had ever happened. I didn't want to know these things about Luke, let alone know them about my father. Such knowledge rocked my core. Luke approached me, knelt down, and despite my warning gaze, placed one hand on my knee.
"Molly, that didn't come out right. I just meant that our relationship has made things more complicated, but it doesn't mean that my feelings for you have changed, and I hope that your feelings for me haven't, either. The bottom line is no matter what happens I care for you. I hope you still feel the same for me."
I said nothing, staring down at his hand resting gently on my knee. Why the hell did love – love? Was that why it hurt so badly? Is that what I felt? As if a rug had been pulled out from under me and I’d fallen hard? Had I fallen in love with Luke?
"Molly, say something."
My gaze lifted from his hand up to his face. God, he was so handsome. I felt a deep sense of regret that a part of him, maybe even a small part, was dishonest, but despite his faults, despite his lies, I realized that I still cared for him, deeply. But saying so wouldn't make everything okay. Telling him that wouldn't fix the situation.
"What are we going to do?" I got out.
"Well, I can tell you one thing. I took a big risk, financially, anyway, by continuing to see you against your father's wishes. If that doesn't tell you something about the depth of my feelings for you, I don't think anything will."
I wasn't sure how to take that. What was he saying? Was he intimating that my father would cut off any dealings with him, or from helping him in any way whatsoever if he continued to see me? We had ridden this roller coaster ride before and I still didn’t have the answer. At the moment, I didn't see that as such a bad thing. I said so. "Luke, if the dealings that you have with my father are not aboveboard, I really don't see that as a bad thing."
He shook his head in frustration. "You don't understand, Molly," he said.
"Then explain it to me."
He slowly shook his head. "I don't think I can. This whole thing has gotten way out of hand." He stood, a frown on his face. "Sometimes, I wish I had never inherited this money. It's caused nothing but problems as far as I'm concerned."
I hardened my heart, for my own self-defense and preservation. "Like I said before, Luke, there are honest ways to make money in this world."
"I know that, Molly, but I'm not sure I know how-"
"My father knows, and I know for a fact – and don't you dare tell me that I'm wrong – that he didn’t make all his millions of dollars in underhanded dealings, because I know it isn't true!"
"Of course it's not, Molly," he assured. "Your father has spent decades amassing his fortune. His dealings with…well, with anyone less than aboveboard are miniscule compared to all the reputable and honest dealings he's engaged in over the years."
I didn't understand it. It wasn't an excuse. "Then why did he even get involved in it?"
Luke shrugged. "I don't know-"
I erupted. "Don't you realize how much insider trading hurts people? I'm not just talking about corporations and stockholders, but the little guy, the people who have to scrape money together to invest in the hopes of padding their nest eggs with those stocks. It's wrong. It's so wrong on a level I can’t even describe!"
He dropped his head, almost as if he felt defeated. "I'm guilty," he said, and then gestured in defeat, holding his hands up in the air, elbows bent. "I don't know what else to tell you, Molly. I got caught up in it, and I can't get out."
"Yes, you can," I said, sure of it.
"No, Molly, I can't."
The look he gave me sent chills me to the center of my being. My mouth grew dry, and my chest felt hollow. If my heart dropped any further into my stomach, I would be amazed. "What are you saying, Luke?" He said nothing for several moments.
"If I back out of the current arrangement I have with your father and the people we’re dealing with, I might lose everything."
I couldn’t have felt more stunned. "How is that even possible?"
"I invested heavily in-"
"Are you telling money that you put all your money into stocks that are in some way involved in your or my father's insider trading schemes? Seriously?"
He nodded. How could that be? How could anyone be so foolish as to put so much money into a few transactions? Or was it just a few? How heavily involved was Luke’s money, or even my father’s, in this horrible business?
"Luke, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want you to tell me the truth. Undiluted, no excuses. Only the truth." He looked at me and then nodded, wary. His gaze looked hollow, as if he was about ready to lose everything, anyway.
"Are you telling me that my father advised you about certain…transactions
that you should make in the near future, and that if you don't do it, your fortune can literally disappear?" I didn't believe it. Such a thing was impossible, wasn’t it?
He nodded. "Yes, Molly…well, you see, your father is the cornerstone of this operation."
Chapter 2
“What are you saying?" I asked, although I understood every word. My father was a leader, rarely willing to follow anyone anywhere. He had spent years, decades, making his own decisions, amassing his fortune, obviously using a variety of methods, not all of them above board, apparently. I was still reeling with this information and didn't want to believe it was true.
I felt so disillusioned, so disappointed, not only in Luke, but also with my father. In turn, how could I avoid my own feelings? I felt like a phony, a poser. I hadn't earned anything – not this condo, not my car, not all the nice things that I had enjoyed throughout my life. At the same time, I realized how naïve and somewhat foolish it had been of me to accept a job as a maid. Luke might have paid more than minimum wage, but getting involved with him, going through this emotional turmoil, was almost more than I could bear.
At the moment, I wanted nothing more than to be a teacher, to work with little children, with young minds being molded into decent, law-abiding human beings. I wanted to be a part of that, a part of showing them a good example, but was I? Once again, I felt the surge of hot tears burning my eyes, but desperately blinked them back.
"Molly-"
I shook my head. "There's nothing to say, Luke. While I certainly don't have a problem believing that my father is capable of controlling people, as I very well know he can, I still don't want to belief that any of this is true. My father has always micromanaged my life, my mother's life, but it's the way I was raised. I was used to it. I only began to notice in greater depth after I moved into my condo here.”
“Molly-”
I shook my head and kept on going. I had to get it out. “Then, when he gave you that ultimatum, it made me angry that he thought he could have such control over me." I looked at Luke. "Is that the reason he doesn't want me to see you? Because he thinks that you will tell me what he's been involved in all this time? He's managed to keep it a secret for God knows how long, and now I know. I wonder if that's what he’s been afraid of all along…that I’d find out?"
"I can't speak for your father, Molly," Luke said. "I know how much I've disappointed you. I'm sorry for that. I also know that the feeling must be ten times worse when it has to do with your father and your knowledge-"
My head jerked up, and I gazed at him in surprise, leaning forward on the couch. "He’s my father, Luke. I will always love him, no matter what he's done. Do you understand that? Regardless of my knowing any of this…of his possible connections to insider trading and perhaps even more business dealings that have been underhanded and sneaky, I feel the same way about him." I shook my head as my heart pounded. "But that doesn't mean I want anything to do with him. As a matter of fact, if my father is involved in such activities, and I have verifiable proof that it's true, I'm prepared to cut him off…cut him out of my life."
Luke's eyes widened in surprise. "Molly, how can you? He’s your father! Besides, how are you going to support yourself?"
"I went to school to be a teacher, remember?" I interrupted again. "This maid business was just temporary, a way to fill my time and make me feel useful and productive until I find a job as a teacher somewhere." I shook my head, growing angry again. "Maybe I should move away. In fact, maybe I should move so far away-"
"Molly, don't-"
I pointed my finger at him. "Don't you dare tell me what to do, Luke Benning," I demanded. "My life used to be carefree, and now it's nothing but a mess. In the past month, I've managed to get myself involved with a guy involved in insider trading, and lo and behold, then discover that not only is my father involved, but has been pretty much directing the entire operation!"
“Molly, perhaps I overstated-”
"How do you expect me to feel? How do you expect me to react?"
“Molly, I was surprised when I found out about my own father's dealings, and believe it or not, I soon found myself involved, as well." He paused as if searching for words. “It’s like I not only inherited a fortune from my grandfather, but I inherited this mess caused by my father. I’ve tried to get out. I have! You have to believe me.”
“I have to? I have to? Why, Luke? You haven’t been honest with me since the start!”
"Don't cut me off, Molly. Don't cut your father off. There's got to be a way to deal with this-"
"Do you have any suggestions?" I asked, unable to keep the sarcasm from my voice. "To be honest with you, Luke, I don't know if I can trust anything you tell me. You have lied to me repeatedly about this whole business-"
"I was ashamed, Molly, embarrassed. Regardless of what I'm involved in, I want you to know that my feelings about you are honest and true."
I wasn't even sure whether I should believe that. I decided to test him. "So again, let me put this to you, Luke, in terms that you understand."
"Anything."
"Don't answer too quickly because you're not going to like it." He said nothing. “You really want me in your life?"
"Of course I do," he said. "That's what I just told you. I…I think I’m falling in love with you, Molly."
I sat back on the couch, mulling his words. Was he telling the truth or was he just offering platitudes? I was only now developing my own conception of my feelings for Luke, and realized that yes; love could very well define what I felt for him. In fact, I had to believe that if I weren’t in love with him, he wouldn't be standing in front of me in my condo at this moment; I would never have given him a second chance, let alone a third.
That thought also brought some contemplation, as if I didn't already have enough on my mind. How far did one go supporting a loved one when that loved one did something wrong? I also had to think of myself, selfish as that sounded. Since I knew about Luke's dealings, and apparently, my father's, although I didn't know the details, could I be considered complicit in their crimes? I wasn't sure. I would have to somehow find out about that.
The bottom line, however, was that I knew what they were doing was wrong. I didn't know how deeply Luke was involved, but if he had invested a bulk of his money into it, than he was in pretty deep. What about my father? I had no idea and no way of finding out. One thing I knew for sure. I didn't want to go to jail. I didn't want to be accused of anything that would endanger my future, or my ability to earn a living for myself. The reason I had gotten a job as a maid in the first place, even though I was waiting for a placement as a teacher, was to support myself, be independent. I didn't want to rely on my parents’ money for the rest of my life.
Luke shouldn't, either. As far as I was concerned, people either earned their money the hard way, the right way, or they were the type of people that took advantage of others and didn't care about the repercussions or the ramifications, or what they did to those other people.
"You say you love me," I said. I felt a sense of calm come over me. I knew that one way or another, I would know exactly how devoted to me Luke really was. "While I believe you do, and I also have strong feelings for you, it doesn't make this problem go away." He said nothing, as if contemplating my words.
"What are you suggesting?"
“What I suggested the first time. You give it up. You either make your money honestly, or not at all." I shrugged. "Life isn't about earning as much money as you can. I'd rather do without and scrimp and save for every penny, than hurt other people in my business dealings."
He frowned and shook his head. "You don't know what you're saying, Molly. You-"
"I do," I insisted. “I can live without being rich. Can you?"
"I know what it's like to grow up without having everything handed to me on a silver platter," he began. "And I was luckier than most of my friends. You might say many of them grew up on the wrong side of the tracks. I've known friends whose parents ha
d to sacrifice a lot just to buy used clothes from the second hand stores for their kids every school year. I know several friends that weren't able to go to college because they couldn't afford the tuition, even working two or three jobs."
He shook his head. “I didn't grow up rich, Molly, but I grew up okay. You are, and were, in an even better position. Are you saying that you would so easily turn your back on it all?"
I nodded. "In a heartbeat." Even so, my heart thumped painfully in my chest. It was a frightening thought, but I knew I could do it. I knew it.
He shook his head in confusion. “But why? How can you say that? You've seen how difficult it is to get a job as a teacher, and yet you're willing to give up all this?" He gestured around the interior of the condo.
"Luke, there's right and there is wrong. This is wrong. I don't want to live comfortably, surrounded by luxury, the ability to buy anything I want, all the while knowing that it came from other people’s suffering. How can you?"
He paced the room for several moments, and I rephrased the question to him again. "Luke, I am asking you to give it up, these dealings with my father." He turned to me and I looked deeply into his eyes, more serious than I'd ever been in my life. "Can you do that for me?"
I could tell that he was considering what I asked. In fact, I imagined I knew what he was thinking. He would lose a lot of money, as well as business opportunities, if he gave up his dealings with my father and anyone involved in the insider trading ring. "If you give it up, wash your hands of it now, it can only help you in the long run, Luke. So realistically, I'm not really asking you to give anything up to you can't get back through hard work."
He began to pace again, slowly, his thumb pressed against his lips. My heart sank. What did he have to consider? What could he possibly be contemplating? He looked back at me.
"Will you give me time to think about the best course of action?"
I barely stopped the tears from overflowing. I supposed I shouldn't have been surprised. Was Luke a lost cause? I was beginning to think so. How could he choose money over what was right and wrong? How could he choose money over me? I'd had enough. I stood, pointing toward the door.
