by Nella Tyler
I knew all I had to do was mention my suspicions to my superiors about potential card counting. More than likely, he would be banned from the casino as a safeguard and I wouldn't have to worry about him showing up there again. Still, he knew where I lived now. He had already proven that he could get into it without much trouble.
Nevertheless, and while I knew it was my job to report any suspicions, no matter how vague, about cheaters, and the fact that I could lose my job if I overlooked anyone cheating, there was also something about Ben that made me think he was just skilled and lucky at Blackjack. Not to mention the fact that there was something about him that made me reluctant to betray him. At the same time, I had to set things straight between us. I had to set boundaries, and if he couldn't accept those boundaries, then I would do what I had to do to reestablish a sense of equilibrium in my life.
Chapter 2
I tried to slip unobtrusively out of the casino. I actually thought I had made it…that sounded terrible even to my mind, but I had to think of it that way. I didn't want to talk to Ben right now. I didn't want to deal with what he had done. I wished my conscience wasn't quite so alive, well, and kicking, but it was. It was one thing to receive a box of chocolates and a bottle of dessert wine, it was quite another to receive an apartment full of new furniture.
I didn't want to feel obligated to anyone. In my mind, he was trying way too hard to get my attention and to get me to go out with him. Then again, I didn't even really know what he wanted or what he expected from this questionable relationship. I reaffirmed that he couldn't buy my affections, and he certainly wasn't going to get sex out of me just because he had bought those gifts. After all, if he wanted a prostitute, there were certainly plenty of them in Atlantic City.
"Maggie, wait!"
I shook my head slightly; wanting just to get to my car and go home, go to bed… Wait, it wasn't even my bed, and as comfortable as it was, I didn't want to keep it. I wanted my own bed back, my old sofa. They were things that I had worked hard for, earned, and purchased myself. No, they weren't the highest quality, nor were they the latest models, but they had brought me a sense of accomplishment.
"Maggie!"
I turned around and waited for Ben to catch up with me. We stood between one of the many rows of cars about twenty yards from the casino, well away from the front doors. I wasn't standing directly under a parking lot lamp, so chances were good we probably couldn't be seen from the cameras. Still, I felt uncomfortable.
"Maggie, I want to talk to you about-"
"Ben, let me be blunt," I began. "I appreciate the gesture that you made with the new furniture, the appliances, and the gifts. I'm not ungrateful. But I have to tell you that I want all of those things that you bought me to be out of my apartment by the time I get done with my shift tomorrow night-"
"Don't you like them, Maggie?"
"Of course, I like them!" I replied, frustrated. "But don't you understand? Don't you get it?"
He shook his head. "Honestly, no. If you like them, then what's the problem?"
"Ben, like I said, I appreciate the thought and the gesture behind your generosity, but I can accept them."
"But why not?"
"Plain and simply because I can't be bought!"
"That wasn't my intention-"
"Here's the thing, Ben," I said, lifting a hand and gesturing for him to let me talk. "It's not just the fact that you bought all those things; it's that you bought them, had my things replaced, and to top it all off, you bribed the maintenance manager to let you into my apartment! Does the owner know that you replaced the appliances? I was told he didn’t. Do you know how much trouble I could get in?"
"Maggie, I just bought those things for you because I like you," he insisted. "I want you to have nice things-"
"Why is that so important to you?" I asked bluntly. "My things might not be the nicest things in the world, but they're mine! Yeah, my bed creaked, my sofa cushions needed re-stuffing, and the refrigerator was dinged up a bit, but they were mine! Well, not the refrigerator…that came with the apartment, as did the stove. But the rest of the stuff? I earned and paid for that ratty furniture. I don't suppose you'd understand, having things come to you so easily, but I gained a sense of pride and self-esteem knowing I was able to purchase things for my apartment. By myself. For myself."
"But Maggie, I just wanted you to have-"
"You still don't get it,” I sighed, frustrated. "Most of my stuff might have come from thrift stores and consignment shops, but it doesn't matter. I don't care how new or expensive something is; I didn’t buy them. Those other things? They were mine. And while the things you bought were certainly lovely, I can't keep them. I don't want to be obligated-"
"I'm not asking you to be obligated, Maggie," he interrupted. "I see how hard you work. I just wanted to give you some nice things so that when you got home from a hard day's work, you could be a little bit more comfortable."
“How did you know I didn’t have nice, comfortable things in my apartment?” I suddenly asked. My heart trip-hammered. I frowned. “How many times have you been in my apartment?” I tried to keep the alarm from my voice, but failed.
He shook his head, like a little boy being punished for something he felt he didn’t do. “I wasn’t,” he insisted. “I know you don’t get paid a lot as a dealer-”
“Stop.” I stared at him a moment, tilting my head and looking at him, as if in doing so, I could see inside his thoughts. It was impossible. He wore an innocent look, but I knew nobody could be that dense. He had known what he was doing. Was he so arrogant, so conceited, that he thought I would be dripping with enthusiasm that he had replaced my belongings?
"Maggie, listen, let me explain."
I nodded. "Okay, then, you can explain why you think my stuff wasn't good enough for me. Because that's how you're generosity made me feel. Are you ashamed of me, then? Embarrassed to be seen out with me-"
"No!"
"Are my clothes not nice enough? Would it embarrass you to be seen riding in my car-"
"Oh my God, Maggie, no, that's not the impression I was trying to give you." He extended his arms out to his sides and then let them drop heavily. He leaned his head back, staring up at the night sky, slightly shaking his head. "Maggie you're a beautiful, desirable, captivating woman, and I would never want to do anything to make you feel anything otherwise. I just wanted to give you some nice things, to show you how much I admired you and liked you."
I wasn't sure whether I believed him or not, but decided to give him the benefit of the doubt. "Look, Ben, like I said, I appreciate the gesture and the generosity. I have to admit that it’s difficult not always having the things that I would like, but what I do have, I want to earn myself. A box of chocolates is one thing, but an apartment full of new furniture, appliances, and a table full of gifts?" I shook my head. "I can't accept all that, and like I said, I can't be bought."
"I'm not trying to buy you, Maggie," he said quietly.
"Then, what are you trying to do?" I felt confused. Certainly someone as charismatic as Ben knew how to woo a woman, and it certainly wasn't, at least in my case, by plying her with gifts.
"I guess I'm just trying to show you how much I like you," he said. "I thought you would be pleased. It certainly wasn't my intention to insult or anger you."
I said nothing for a minute, my emotions roiling. "I don't know what kind of women you've gone out with before, Ben, but let me make one thing plain. I'm not like a lot of them, especially around here. I'm not on the hunt for some billionaire who can give me material things. I know some of the girls who work in the casino are, and they'd be more than thrilled to have you paying them the kind of attention you've given me." I paused, trying to put my thoughts in order and express myself so that he understood.
"Maggie, I-"
"Ben, if you like me, all you have to do is say so. You don't have to ply me with expensive gifts. That's not the kind of person I am, nor the kind of person I ever want to turn i
nto."
He grinned. "Okay, Maggie, I like you. A lot."
I didn't know what to say. I knew he liked me, but hearing the words and seeing the look in his eyes brought me to a crossroads. My past and my present clashed. The fears and the barriers that I had erected around myself following my divorce instantly went up.
"Maggie, I just want you to know-"
"I already told you, Ben, I'm not looking for anything permanent. I'm not ready for anything like that. I'm being honest with you. I am trying very hard not to lead you on, not to give you false impressions. To be perfectly blunt and honest with you, I don't know what I want. I don't know if I want to enter into any kind of a relationship with a guy. I don't know if I'm ready."
He stared at me for a minute, and then I saw the grin reemerge. I wasn't quite sure what brought that on, but I was glad I hadn't offended him or hurt his feelings. That hadn't been my intention. My only intention had been to create some boundaries, to let him know where I stood.
"You're something else, you know that, Maggie?” He smiled. “Everything is fine, and I'm telling you now that I'm not going to push you. If I ask you to go out, there are no strings, no pressure, and no obligation. It's just because I want to spend time with you." He paused a moment, shifting from one foot to the other. He slid his hands into his pants pockets. "I have to be honest and say that I've never met anyone quite like you. Beautiful, smart, and I'll tell you, you encompass the most deep-seated sense of dignity that I've ever come across."
I wasn't quite sure whether that was a good thing or a bad thing in his mind, but before I could say anything, he continued.
"I want you to know that I respect you, Maggie, and I respect your standards, and I appreciate your honesty. I don't come across that too much. The minute people find out I'm a billionaire, I feel like a target.” He paused. “I get the distinct impression that my money doesn't impress you one iota."
I had to smile at that. "I've never cared so much about money as I've cared about people," I said. "You may be able to buy anything in the world that you want at the snap of your fingers, Ben, but you're still a man. You put your pants on one leg at a time. You know what I mean?"
He nodded. "Okay, Maggie, let's do this. Let's start over,” he suggested. “I won't do anything else that will make you uncomfortable, and if I come up with any more harebrained ideas to impress you or to try to sway your opinion of me, I'll let you know about it ahead of time. Deal?"
"You don't have to impress me, Ben, and you don't have to sway my opinion of you. I like you. It's just that I'm not sure I want to get involved-" He raised a hand, stopping me.
"I get it, Maggie. You've been hurt and you're on guard. I understand, really, I do. I've been there. Like I said, I like hanging out with you. You’re fun. You don't put up a fake front. You're honest, caring, and your sense of pride in what you've accomplished says volumes about the kind of person you are."
I was glad to hear him say those things about me. Who wouldn't want to be recognized for their efforts? I didn't get the impression that he was patronizing me or putting one over on me, but that his comments were honest and genuinely heartfelt.
"So here's the thing. Like I said, I'll try not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable. I will have the things that I bought removed from your apartment and replaced with your belongings. I'm sorry if I overstepped." He offered a self-deprecating laugh. "I understand where you're coming from though – finally. You see, not many people say no to me anymore, and I guess I'd just gotten used to… Well, I'm going to work on that."
"Thank you, Ben," I said. I was quiet for a moment, and then glanced up at him, trying to keep from smiling. "You won't be able to bribe the maintenance manager to let you into my apartment this time. I had a talk with him, but I'll let him know to expect you and that you have my permission to get into my apartment."
He nodded. "Okay, Maggie, as you wish. And like I said, I'll try not to do anything that makes you uncomfortable or invades your space like that."
"Thank you, Ben," I repeated.
"So, how about we go out to dinner on your next day off? When is that, by the way?"
"Day after tomorrow," I said. I had to think about it for a moment. There was no doubt that I did enjoy spending time with Ben. He was handsome, self-assured, arrogant sometimes yes, but not obnoxious. I supposed that I did deserve to have a little bit of fun, but I didn't want to give him the wrong impression. "Okay, I’ll go out and have dinner with you on Thursday evening. But remember, no strings. No expectations, okay?"
"Okay, that's fine. I agree to your terms."
I shook my head, again fighting a smile. "I'm not preparing for battle or surrender, Ben. I just want you to know that I think of us as just friends. I know that we've shared some…" I let that go, because I didn't even want to mention the memory of the Jacuzzi, or of waking up in his bed the next morning aching in places I hadn't ached in years. "Let's just say that for now, I just want to be friends. I can't think beyond that, at least, not now." He took a step toward me, as if he wanted to hug me, but then he changed his mind.
"Like I said, Maggie – no strings, no expectations, no demands, and certainly no sense of obligation." He turned to walk back toward the casino. He then turned to glance back over his shoulder. "As soon as you leave your apartment for your shift tomorrow, text me and I'll make arrangements for everything to be put back, okay? By the time you get off shift tomorrow night, everything will be the way it used to be."
I nodded. "Thank you for understanding and not getting angry."
He smiled and then continued on his way back into the casino. As I walked the rest of the way to my car, I wondered if I had made a mistake. I hoped I hadn't hurt his feelings or offended him, but I needed to put my foot down and reestablish those boundaries. I didn't want a relationship. I didn't! Still, it was hard to resist someone as handsome, charismatic, and oh-so-sexy as Ben.
I got into my car, wanting nothing more than to go home, take a nice, warm shower and go to bed. I supposed I could enjoy one more night of luxury in the bed he had purchased and the softness of those extravagant sheets. But come tomorrow night, things would be back to normal. I wouldn't go home and feel so much like a fish out of water. I wouldn't go home and be reminded of everything I didn't have in life.
*
By the time I got home, I was having quite a conflict with my conscience. I knew had done the right thing in insisting on the boundaries in this odd relationship I was developing with Ben, but at the same time, a very small part of me wished desperately that I could've kept some of the nice things he had given me. There is no doubt but that bed was one of the most comfortable beds I've ever slept in. The stainless steel refrigerator did look good in the kitchen. It was nice to have so many small appliances, no doubt about it.
The new sofa and coffee table? I loved them, really I did. The style wasn't overstated, and each piece was designed for utilitarian use. I wasn't afraid to sit on it, but as I did, I tried not to think about how comfortable it was, how plump and fluffy the cushions were, how so comfortably I sank into the sofa. Yes, as I put my feet up on the coffee table, I did sigh with pleasure. Still, I knew I had done the right thing. I would not be bought. I would not be bribed. I would not be wooed with material things.
If…and it was a big if, I ever got involved in a relationship with a guy again, it would be based solely on an emotional connection. I liked comfortable things, nice things, new things, just like anybody else, but I wasn't going to allow material things to become the foundation of any relationship, and I didn't care how handsome Ben was.
I was still thrilled by the idea that he was attracted to me, that he wanted to get to know me or even have a relationship with me. But my common sense told me he was not the kind of guy that was into long-term relationships. He was a player. He had women fawning at him whenever he so much as turned around. Every time he walked into the casino, women turned to stare. While his attention seemed to be focused on me for the mo
ment, there was no telling how long that would last. Tomorrow, next week, another pretty face might capture his attention and his affections. Then what?
I sat on the comfortable sofa for a little while, and then decided that I couldn't take it anymore. I had to talk to someone about what was going on with Ben. Who better than my BFF, Savannah? With a smile, I retrieved my cell phone from my purse and dialed her number. I couldn't remember if she was off now or if her shift overlapped mine. After two rings, she answered.
"Hey, Maggie, how's it going?"
"I wasn't sure I would catch you are not. I couldn't remember what your hours were tonight," I said.
"My shift ended at around eight o'clock this evening. I saw your table was pretty busy, and that handsome Ben was sitting there, as usual."
"Yes, and that's what I wanted to talk to you about, if you've got a minute?"
“Oh, I've got more than a minute, girlfriend," she said. "What's going on?"
"Well, let me put it this way. When I got home to my apartment last night, I felt like I had accidentally entered the wrong one."
"What you mean?"
I proceeded to tell Savannah that I had walked into my apartment and found new furniture, appliances, and a pile of gifts on the table. Before I could even continue, she demanded that I tell her about every single one, right down to the thread count of the sheets that were now on my bed. I smiled and indulged her curiosity.
"So what's the problem?" she asked.
That startled me. "Well, for one, it kind of invaded my privacy, my space, don't you think? Bribing the manager to let him into my apartment while he switched out my furniture?"
