by Nella Tyler
I hadn't been very careful or stuck to my instincts when I had allowed Ben to talk me into speaking to the boss about him returning to the casino. The more I thought about it, the more frustrated I became. Why that casino? Why my casino? He said he wanted to be around me, but it wasn't like we could spend twenty-four hours a day together. He of all people should know that.
I could just imagine him down in the parking lot, turning his luxury car into an open space, and perhaps even crossing his fingers that no one would put a dent in it. Ben was surrounded by luxury. Money. Security. I had none of those things. I frowned, thinking that I was in big trouble. With a sigh, I waited for the knock on my door. I didn't know what he thought he was going to say that would make me feel better, but I just hoped that he wouldn't say something like "everything's going to be okay."
After all, I had been fired, which certainly wouldn't look good on any resume. I had very little money in the bank and barely enough money to pay my next month's rent after I received my severance check. What I would do about my other bills I wasn't sure, but I knew I had a roof over my head for another six weeks. That might sound like a lot of time, but it really wasn't. Not to find a job, get trained, and collect my first paycheck. If I couldn't find a job that paid as much or close to what I got paid at the casino, I would have to find another part-time job on top of that. The idea was intimidating. No, it was daunting, exhausting, and depressing.
I heard the knock I was waiting for. I moved from where I had been standing by the window and walked to the door, opened it, and stepped back. Ben’s eyes never left my face. As soon as I closed the door behind him, he turned to me and wrapped me in his arms. The gesture surprised me. No platitudes, no words of outrage, nothing but a quiet gesture of support. That's all it took. I began to cry again. Feeling sorry for myself, I cried into his dark blue polo shirt while at the same time smelling a hint of laundry detergent. So common. Yet Ben was anything but common.
"Come on, Maggie, come sit down on the couch," he said.
He took my elbow and guided me to my own couch, where I sat down, staring at the bottom of my T-shirt, rolling and unrolling the hem. He pressed a handkerchief into my hand. I glanced up in in surprise. A handkerchief? Seriously? I almost laughed. It seemed such an incongruous image – Ben carrying around a handkerchief in his back pocket. It seemed so traditional, so old-fashioned, and Ben was anything but.
I wiped it my eyes and swiped at my nose, and then he sat down next to me, thigh against thigh. He wrapped his right arm around my shoulder, pulling me close to him while his left hand rested on my thigh.
"Maggie, I can't tell you how sorry I am that this happened. I can't believe he fired you. If I had known-"
I shook my head. "You couldn't have, and it was the last thing I expected," I said shakily.
"Thanking you for trying to help me doesn't do your bit of good now, so… I think it was terrible that the manager fired you. Why? Did he suspect that you were helping me cheat?"
I sighed, amazed that I still had tears to shed. Once again, I wiped it my eyes and then shook my head. "I…I don't think so. It seemed to me that he was angry most by the bother that Savannah and I had placed on him," I said. "He told me that they had already suspected you of cheating and that he had better things to deal with than Savannah and I bickering with one another and coming upstairs to bother him with it…that her claims against you and my attempt to clarify the situation was nothing but a bother to him. He said he had other things to worry about. He said…he said that we were a dime a dozen, and easily replaced." I choked back a burst of tears. "He was right, wasn't he? Two years…never calling in sick, picking up extra shifts, being on time – all of that doesn't matter, does it?"
Ben shook his head. "I have no idea why he would behave that way toward you or Savannah."
My voice trembled as I replied. "He asked me why I thought Savannah might have made the claim in the first place, and I could only guess that she was jealous."
"Jealous?"
I shrugged. "Sure. The flowers, the candy, the apartment full of appliances and gifts…” I glanced at him. "She wanted me to keep the stuff coming, you know. When she found out that I was going to demand that you take it back, she even asked if she could keep a couple of things. I told her no."
"Still, that shouldn't cause her to turn on you like that," he frowned.
My eyes burned with new, warm tears. “I thought she was my friend. I can't believe that she turned on me like this."
Ben hugged me close, rubbing his hand up and down my thigh. I was glad that he wasn't spouting a bunch of platitudes. I also sort of hoped that he felt bad. After all, in doing his bidding, I had not only gone against my own ethics and morals, but I had also managed to get myself fired. I still tried to wrap my mind around the response of the casino owner. How dare he say that we were a dime a dozen! Cocktail waitresses, dealers, everyone in his casino worked hard to give him the reputation he enjoyed.
"What are you thinking? Why are you frowning?"
"To be honest, I'm pissed that the owner had the audacity to tell me that we were a dime a dozen. His comment suggests that were nothing, but if it weren’t for people like me, like Savannah, like any employee in his casino, he would be nothing. Without us there, he would be nothing, and yet he acted like I was nothing but a disgusting spider under his foot."
Ben said nothing, and while I knew that my comment didn't really demand a response, I could only wonder at his silence. Still, the more I thought about it, the angrier I got. "You know what I'm going to do?"
"What?" he asked softly, his hand still caressing my thigh.
"I'm going to get a new job – a job away from the casino world. I know there's no job in the world where no one is going to tell me what to do, but I'm going to damn well try to find one." I looked at him, my spirits rising and my anger overtaking my pity party. "You know what? I might even go back to school…online or night school or something. I'm going to work to get myself a real job, a job that means something – a job that has some value – a career!"
Ben smiled. "That's my girl," he said.
Before I knew it, my head was leaning against his shoulder again. While his hand stroked my thigh, I reached my hand over to his. I was glad he was here. Maybe everything would turn out okay. I strongly believe that everything happens for a reason. Maybe this was a reason – a reason to get me out of the casino, from just going through the motions in life. Maybe this was the kick in the butt that I needed to take the next step, step out of my comfort zone, and find something better.
I glanced around my apartment. It was comfortable, secure, and…I realized that I had convinced myself that I was content with my life as it was, when really, all I was doing was putting off the inevitable. I hadn't been moving forward. I had just been existing. Taking up space. I needed to do something meaningful with my life. Being a Blackjack dealer wasn't what I wanted, not anymore.
"I don't want to spend the rest of my life dealing cards, having someone watching my every move through cameras."
"What do you want to do, Maggie? What are your dreams?"
I glanced at Ben and realized that he was perfectly serious. His head was bent slightly, not looking at me directly, but staring down at his hand on my thigh. "Seriously? I've always wanted to be a positive influence on others. Maybe a teacher. Maybe a nurse. The problem is, I know that schooling takes a lot of money and I've been putting off applying for student loans because I know how fast they add up and I don't really want to be that far into debt." I shook my head. "I have enough trouble just keeping a roof over my head."
Ben said nothing for several moments, and then he reached up his hand and tucked it under my chin, gently lifting my head so that we looked into each other's eyes. What was that I saw in his gaze? Guilt? Pity? I certainly didn't need his pity. I did appreciate his comfort and I knew he felt bad about what had happened.
Then, his lips were pressed against mine. Soft. Gentle. Not demanding, but almost te
ntative. I kissed him back, and pretty soon I felt the burgeoning of desire create an ember of fire deep in my belly. I took the lead and gently probed his lips with my tongue until he opened his mouth. I swept my tongue inside, circling his. He was giving me the control, and I took advantage.
Pretty soon, every cell in my body was on fire. My hand reached between his legs and felt his hard erection along the inside of his pant leg. I caressed it, then cupped my hands around his balls through his jeans and gently kneaded. His breath accelerated, and just knowing that I was getting him so hot and excited made me hot and excited, as well. So far, he had kept his hands to himself, and I knew he was doing it on purpose.
Feeling daring and provocative, I quickly shifted my position and straddled him. His hands rested on the sofa on either side of his legs as I gyrated my hips against his groin and my hands started making their way up underneath his shirt. My lips once again made contact with his, plunging and pillaging his mouth. He accepted, and then, when I heard another groan, I threaded my fingers through his hair, pressing his lips closer and harder against mine.
I felt such an instant passion for him, as always. He was so hard, so strong, and I was grateful most of all that he had not tried to offer me empty words, but had merely come to offer his support and understanding. At this moment, I didn't care whether he was here because he felt guilty or he felt he owed me something. He was here: warm, hot, desirable flesh.
When I felt his cock hardening and lengthening even more beneath my stroking hand, I couldn't stand it anymore. I sat up, reached for the bottom of my T-shirt, and pulled it over my head. Then, with his hands still resting on the couch, I unhooked my bra and slithered it off my shoulders. My nipples hardened instantly, just by the look he gave me. He stared at one breast, then the other. His hands still not touching me, he looked at me, then down at my breasts, and then lowered his head and took one of my nipples in his mouth.
This time, the groan I heard was my own. I reached for the back of his head, pressing him gently closer, wanting him to take all of me. His tongue swirled around my nipple, warm, soft, and wet. Sensations rippled through me, from the tip of my breast down to the core of my being. He spent several moments on one breast, and then, suckling very slowly, he pulled his mouth from one nipple and moved onto the other.
In a matter of moments, we were both breathing hard. He finally succumbed to his urges and his warm hands cupped my breasts, kneading and gently squeezing. His palms rubbed against my nipples, encouraging them to harden even more. I lifted his shirt over his head and just the brief moment that his hands left my breasts left me feeling bereft.
I felt his hands around my back as he urged me closer to him. My nipples pressed against his rock hard chest and my own arms wrapped around his shoulders. My hips began to gyrate in long, sensual rotations.
Suddenly, he groaned and leaned sideways on the couch. I lay on top of him for several moments as we both took advantage and our hands stroked each other's hot, burning skin. I needed him inside me. Now. I reached for his pants, but he stopped me.
"Let's go into the bedroom," he whispered.
I nodded, and then quickly scrambled off him, making my way into the bedroom ahead of him. I missed the feel of his hot skin against mine. My body throbbed with desire. I flopped onto my bed, quickly unbuttoning my slacks and pushing them impatiently down around my ankles before kicking them off the bed. He pulled his wallet from his back pocket, placed it on the bedside table, and then slowly unbuttoned and unzipped his own jeans. In a matter of seconds, he had divested himself of his shoes and then slowly, with a grin, he lowered his pants.
His erect penis literally bounced free, pointing at me, and I stared at it for moment, amazed that I could elicit such a reaction in him. The shaft of his cock looked velvety soft, but the thick veins threading their way along its surface proved to me just how much he desired me. I couldn't wait to wrap my hand around it. Just before he climbed onto the bed to join me, he reached into his wallet and pulled out a packet. A condom. He handed it to me and stood by the bed.
I took the packet, tore it open, and then placed the rolled condom on the tip of his erection. I had never done this before, not even with my ex-husband, and I found it incredibly titillating and sexy. Slowly, carefully, I unrolled the condom down along the length of his shaft. The musculature beneath that smooth layer of skin was incredibly hard and I marveled at his anatomy. Holding onto the base of the shaft, I cupped my other hand under his balls and began to rotate them like marbles. That seemed to be his undoing. In the next instant, he growled, low in his throat, and joined me on the bed.
I spread my legs, inviting him, nearly begging him to plunge deep inside me. His fingers caressed my slit, felt damp and ready, and then he situated himself in between my uplifted knees. My hands grasped his shoulders. Our eyes locked. In one single, powerful move, he thrust himself deep inside me and then held still. I wrapped my legs around his hips, trying to pull him in deeper.
It was incredible, really, though perhaps it was just my momentary, yet immediate vulnerability. I had never felt such deep passion for anyone, not even when my first husband and I had fallen in love. After what seemed like forever, Ben began to move. Slow, languorous strokes in, then out, almost to the point where he pulled out of me. Every time he got close, I pulled him closer with my legs. He would smile, and then he would plunge again.
He balanced his weight on his hands, and we both looked down at ourselves, joined, pleasuring each other. When the fire in me continued to build, I wrapped my arms around his waist and pulled him down closer toward me as our hips began to move in unison.
At first, we were calm, patient, and enjoying the feeling we evoked in one another. Then, my passion began to build and as his penis dove deep inside me, I lifted up my hips, encouraging him deeper. I felt my internal muscles clasping around his cock, trying to hold him in longer. He groaned. I answered with my own. As if our minds and bodies were one, our hips began to move faster.
We were soon gasping for breath. I clung to him so fiercely that I felt every muscle in my body striving to pull him closer, tighter against me. His hips pumped faster and faster, and I met him stroke for stroke. In a matter of seconds, we were both covered in a fine sheen of sweat. I heard the slap of his balls against my groin as he plunged in, out, in again.
I felt the crescendo building. I pulled him closer toward me and threw my head back, inviting everything that he offered. I tried to spread my legs a little wider while still hanging onto him, my heels digging firmly into the back of his thighs, preventing him from retreating.
Then, I felt it. The blinding waves of pleasure, the contractions, the throbbing, all of it together. I held my breath as the waves of my orgasm washed over me. In the next moment, I heard Ben also moaning with pleasure. His vigorous pumping motions stopped and his buttocks tightened with his own rhythmic contractions.
It seemed as if my orgasm went on forever. It was the longest, most powerful, most exquisite orgasm I had ever experienced in my life. It was wonderful. After several moments, he collapsed on top of me, both of us completely exhausted. Nothing mattered right now. Not the casino, not my job, not worries about money or what I was going to do. The only thing I thought about at this moment was Ben, the feel of him still inside me, his weight on top of me.
At this moment, the only thing I cared about was Ben.
Chapter 3
I don't know how long it took before my heart stopped pounding and returned to a normal rhythm. Ben had rolled off of me and we cuddled. We lay on top of the bedspread, but I didn't feel self-conscious lying here naked next to him. In fact, it felt like the most natural thing in the world. I wish I could've stayed just like this forever.
This was the Ben I had…yes, this was the Ben I had fallen in love with. I admitted that to myself now. Perhaps everything that had happened over the past couple of weeks or so had been leading up to this.
Maybe, just maybe, Savannah had been right about one thing. I
had been pushing any thought of romance or companionship out of my mind long enough. It was time for me to start living again, to stop feeling sorry for myself, and to stop thinking that the world was plotting against me. It wasn't as though I walked through every day being grumpy or angry, far from it. But I had settled. I realized that now. I had settled for a status quo.
I had settled for a sense of comfort, but nothing more. Contentment. I was content, but was I really happy? No. I was just going through the motions, focused more on earning a paycheck than living my life. Of course, I had to. I didn't have anyone besides myself to rely on. But I determined at that moment I was going to start trying to enjoy life a little more. To take chances. To push myself, slowly, step-by-step, out of my comfort zone, out of the security blanket I had wrapped around me.
I also realized that even though I acknowledged my feelings for Ben didn't mean that he felt the same way toward me. I also realized that it didn’t really matter. Over the past couple of weeks, and sometimes in spite of myself, I had grown. I had experienced. I had learned. I had opened the door, just a little bit, and allowed someone else inside. Even if our relationship didn't work out – and I had no idea how it could – for the most part, I had enjoyed, and still was enjoying knowing Ben.
"A penny for your thoughts," he mumbled.
His lips were close to my ear as we spooned. I offered a small laugh. "Is that all?"
He laughed, as well, and then, his left arm wrapped around my belly, he pulled me closer. My butt was snuggled against his groin. His cock had grown flaccid now, but I noticed that at some point, he had removed the condom. My back pressed against his chest, I reveled in his warmth, his strong, hard frame pressed against mine.
"I was thinking that despite everything that's happened, maybe it's all for the best. Maybe it's time I pushed myself a little harder to make something of myself." I thought a moment. "I convinced myself that I was doing okay. That this apartment, my job, was enough for now. I realize now that it isn't. I've just been fooling myself. I've been going through the motions like a robot, not allowing any emotion into my life."
