Love Don't Live Here

by Charmanie Saquea

  “I get one?” Nyzir asked.

  “Hell no!” Nadia and Neeman said at the same time.

  “Just kidding,” Nyzir laughed.

  Nadia and Neeman decided to get matching tattoos. Nadia got a tattoo on her chest under her collarbone of a heartbeat that went into a heart and Neeman got the same thing on his chest. It was her first tattoo, and she was happy that she got to share the experience with her brother. After leaving the shop, Neeman treated them out to eat.

  Nadia’s mind was at ease when she spent time with her brothers laughing and joking. She knew if their parents could see them now they would no doubt be proud of them. She was about to start her freshman year of college, Neeman had been staying out of trouble and even got a job working as a mechanic at a car shop, Nyzir was growing and defeating the odds due to his birth defect and was going to be a sophomore in high school.

  All three were doing pretty good to have lost both of their parents tragically. She always said as long as she had her brothers she would be alright, but she also knew she wouldn’t have made it this far without God. There were plenty of times when she wanted to throw in the towel and give up, but she didn’t. God gave her the strength to keep going.

  ___

  “Daddy! Uncle Mario, look!” Jamila yelled as she flapped her little legs in the kiddie pool.

  “Good job baby,” Jax smiled.

  “I’m surprised her crazy ass mama let you get her,” Mario said.

  “Let? Jessica didn’t let me do shit. Her mama showed up at my front door this morning and dropped her off for the weekend. She said as much as she tried to stay out of me and Jessica’s business all that went out the window whenever it comes to her granddaughter,” Jax explained.

  Watching the love that Jax had for Jamila made Mario smile, but at the same time a wave of sadness washed over him. He was reminded of the child he could have had, but never got a chance to because Nadia decided to get an abortion.

  “I saw her,” Jax said as he looked over at his cousin.

  “Who is her?” Mario asked, feigning dumb.

  “Nigga don’t try that shit with me. You know exactly who I’m talking about. Stop acting like you’re not missing her ass. Marisa told me that she’s moving to Atlanta,” Jax said.

  “That’s nice,” Mario said dryly.

  Even though he tried to act as if he didn’t care, Jax knew deep down inside that he did. Mario was just letting his pride get the best of him. He was mad and hurt that Nadia got the abortion, so he figured if he didn’t say anything to her or wasn’t around her, he could forget about her and push her to the back of his mind.

  “Any way you faking ass nigga, what’s up with you and ol girl?”

  “Nothing, she thought she was wifey, so I had to ax her ass immediately. She couldn’t comprehend the fact that I’m not trying to be in a relationship,” Mario explained.

  “Unless it’s with Nadia, huh?” Jax smirked.

  “Nigga what?” Mario asked. “That doesn’t have shit to do with Nadia.”

  “Yeah, let you tell it,” Jax mumbled. “Y’all two need to at least sit down and talk about things. Don’t let her leave knowing you still have feelings for her, and you better hurry up because I think her ex-nigga trying to get back in.”

  Mario didn’t respond as he rubbed his goatee. Of course, he still had feelings for Nadia, but she had hurt him in the worst way possible. He could have accepted her saying she didn’t want anything to do with him, but what he couldn’t and refused to accept was the fact that she got rid of his seed without even discussing it with him.

  -29-

  Marisa had been trying to balance her time between Jason and Jax. If she thought, she was confused before she was definitely confused now. It seemed as if both men were fighting to win a spot in her heart. She had completely started over with Jax, and they were on a friend level. She was spending time with him and Jamila whenever she wasn’t with Jason or at Nadia’s house.

  At the same time, she had Jason, who had no understanding as to why she was even entertaining Jax. Whenever she tried to tell him that they weren’t in a relationship and she was free to do whatever she wanted with whoever she wanted, he would get mad and start throwing a damn temper tantrum. Her heart was confused, and she didn’t know what she wanted to do or who she wanted to be with, so she was going to continue to see both of them until she figured it out.

  Whenever Nadia wasn’t spending time with her brothers or her best friend, she was spending time with Jaron. He had somehow convinced her to give their relationship another shot. She was hesitant at first because she was still trying to figure out what to do with her feelings towards Mario. Once she finally came to the conclusion that Mario wanted nothing to do with her, she gave in. She and Jaron were already friends and hung out almost every day, so it was like they were already in a relationship.

  Mario had been fighting the urge to call Nadia or stop by to see her. As much as he claimed her hated her, he still loved her. He didn’t like how things went down between them and it pained him that they were over before they even got a chance to really be together. He had even grown to love Nyzir like his own brother. He knew that eventually he would forgive her, and he really wanted to see her before she left for college, but he didn’t know how to go about doing so. Whenever Marisa was around he would ask about Nadia and she tried to get him to call her, but he would just shrug it off.

  Even though Jax had gotten Marisa to give him a second chance, he wanted to be more than just her friend. He was doing everything in his power to right his wrong and every time he thought he was making progress he was reminded that Jason was still in the picture. He wasn’t too much worried about Jason nor did he feel threatened, but he didn’t like the fact that he was around spitting bullshit in Marisa’s ear.

  Jessica had been sitting back waiting and plotting her revenge on Jax. She had been with him for six years and gave him his first child, but yet it seemed as if he just didn’t give a fuck about her. She had been in plenty of fights, cried plenty of tears, and even had been locked up behind him, but he still refused to love her the way she wanted to be loved.

  To add insult to injury, Jax was parading around with the same bitch that was in his house the day she came home. Instead of trying to fix his relationship with her he was trying to fix one with someone who didn’t even matter. She was tired of playing the fool for him, so she was going to make him feel her pain.

  -30-

  “Turn it up Nadi! This is my song!” Marisa said as she was driving.

  Nadia shook her head and turned the music up on her phone. Marisa was dancing around in her seat as she sang along with Nicki Minaj and Beyoncé’s, Feeling Myself that blasted through the speakers.

  “Girl you better stop before we crash.” Nadia laughed at her crazy best friend.

  The two were on their way to have a girl’s day out to get pampered. Nadia had six weeks before she had to leave for Atlanta and even though Marisa hated to see her leave she was proud of her. Unlike Nadia, Marisa had been on her own since she turned eighteen, and her mom got a promotion at work that required her to move to a different state. Just like Nadia, Raelynn didn’t want to leave her family behind, but Nicole had promised to take care of Marisa, which she had done until she passed away.

  “Girl calm down, we are not going to-”

  BAM!

  Before Marisa could even finish her sentence, her car was hit. The impact was so hard that it caused the car to flip. The only thing Marisa remembered was screaming for her life before everything went black.

  Beep! Beep! Beep!

  Marisa looked around trying to figure out where she was at. When she opened her eyes, she saw Jax sitting at her bedside looking as if he had just lost his best friend.

  “Hey,” she whispered.

  Jax snapped his head up and jumped up when he realized she was awake.

  “What happened?” She asked.

  “You’re still alive is what happened. If you hadn’t
had your seatbelt on, it could have been worse. You’ve been unconscious since the accident,” Jax explained.

  “How bad am I hurt?”

  “Slight concussion, dislocated shoulder, broken leg, and a few cuts and bruises.” He told her.

  “Wait, where’s Nadi? Jax, please tell me that she’s okay. She told me to stop dancing and keep my eyes on the road. I-”

  “Whoa, whoa. Calm down, she’s down the hall in another room. Her brothers are there with her.”

  “Is she okay Jax? Don’t lie to me.”

  “Honestly, I don’t know, but I’ll find out for you,” he told her.

  Marisa had been around Jax long enough, so she knew when he was hiding something from her or not telling her something.

  “Jamil, you wanted to start over right? You promised you would never hide anything else from me, so just keep it real with me,” she begged.

  “All I know is it wasn’t looking too good for her when they brought her in. They had to cut your car open to get to her because the door had jammed and wouldn’t open,” Jax explained.

  Next thing he knew, Marisa’s monitors started beeping and going off. Before he even had a chance to process what was going on nurses and doctors were rushing into the room while rushing him out. Jax paced outside her room as he waited for someone to come out and tell him what was wrong.

  After what seemed like forever, everyone was filing out of her room.

  “Her heart rate went down and we couldn’t get her to calm down. She’s sedated right now, but you can go back in to see her. Just try to keep her calm.” Her doctor explained.

  Before Jax could walk into the room, Neeman called out to him. Jax peeked into her room before meeting Neeman half way.

  “How she doing?” Neeman asked.

  “She’s awake, but she flipped when I told her about Nadia. She out of surgery yet?” Jax asked, referring to Nadia.

  “Yeah, due to the glass getting stuck in her stomach she lost a lot of blood, so she needed a transfusion, but they said everything looked good. They said if they didn’t have their seatbelts on it could’ve been worse.”

  Jax nodded his head. He was happy that he and Neeman could put their differences aside at a time like this for the girls. Besides, he never had any real beef with Neeman anyway, but his cousin did. He was riding with Mario whether he was right or wrong meant that he and Neeman couldn’t be friends again until the beef was officially squashed.

  Neeman wasn’t going to admit it to anybody, but he was scared. Nadia needing a blood transfusion was just like Déjà vu. His mom had come to the hospital to get some blood work done and ended up getting AIDS from some dumb ass nurse who used a dirty needle.

  To make sure that the incident didn’t happen again, Neeman gave his own blood since they were a match. Seeing his only sister lying in a hospital bed was one of the hardest things for him to do. He was already locked up when his mom became HIV positive, so he didn’t have to see her suffer, but this was a bit too much for him.

  “She’s going to be good though, both of them are. They’re both strong so I have no doubt that they’ll recover fast,” Jax told him.

  Out the corner of his eyes, Neeman could see Jason and Jaron walking up. He had already called Jason ahead of time and told him about what happened and told him about Jax already being up there. He told him to leave the bullshit at home. There’s a time and place for everything and now was definitely not the time or the place. Not wanting to entertain Jason, Jax walked away and went back to Marisa’s room.

  “Nadia good?” Jaron asked.

  “They just brought her out of surgery like ten minutes ago. When the car flipped she got a big ass piece of glass stuck in her stomach, so they had to do surgery to get out. She lost a lot of blood, so she had to get a transfusion. On top of that she broke her arm. The doctor said it could have been worse.” Neeman explained as he led them to her room.

  When they reached her room, Nadia was sleep with monitors beeping all around her with Nyzir in a chair next to her bed, refusing to leave her side. Jaron got choked up at the site before him. The girl he loved was lying there wrapped up in bandages looking as if she was in pain and there was nothing he could do for her.

  “I can feel y’all staring at me,” she said in a raspy voice. “I’m in so much pain.”

  “Squeeze that little pump in your hand, it’s your pain medicine,” Neeman told her.

  Neeman hated to see his sister like that and in pain, but he was just happy that she was still alive. When he first got to the hospital, and they told him it wasn’t looking too good, he did something he hadn’t done in years, he prayed. He asked God to spare his sister’s life. He had already lost his mom and dad. He wasn’t going to be able to handle losing his sister. God must have heard his prayer because Nadia was still here.

  -31-

  “You got me up here feeding you like you a little kid or something.” Jax smiled as he put a spoonful of Jello up to Marisa’s lips.

  “Stop playing, you’re enjoying it as much as I am,” she smiled.

  “Who said I was enjoying this?” He asked with a smile.

  Marisa just smiled as she ran her fingers through her hair that was probably looking wild since it hadn’t been combed since she had been in the hospital.

  “Thank you, Jamil,” she said above a whisper.

  Jax knew they were about to have a serious moment. That was the only time she called him by his first name.

  “For what?” He asked.

  “For being here for me when you don’t have to be. I know I’ve been hard on you these past couple of weeks and you-”

  “Cut all that out,” he cut her off. “Just because we’re not together on that level anymore doesn’t mean that my feelings for you have changed. I’m here because I care for you, and I want to be here. Besides, I told you I was going to show and prove.”

  Marisa just smiled as she pulled him to her by the collar of his shirt pressing her lips to his and kissing him. Jax sucked on her busted and swollen bottom lip before using his tongue to enter her mouth. Before the kiss could get any deeper, they heard a voice that caused them to break the kiss.

  “So it’s just fuck me, huh?” Jason said as he stood there looking disgusted.

  While Jax sat there with a smirk on his face while wiping his bottom lip, Marisa sat there looking and feeling as if she had just got caught cheating. She technically wasn’t in a relationship with either of them, but that didn’t mean she wanted to make the other feel as if she didn’t have feelings for them.

  Yes, Jax had done her wrong, but she had already fallen for him, and her feelings were deep. She honestly didn’t want him not to be in her life. Jason was in the picture long before she even knew Jax existed, but they had fallen off and, of course, she was grateful for him being there for her when she was heartbroken about Jax. The problem was she had deep feelings for both, but couldn’t pick one over the other right now.

  “Jay, I-”

  “Save that shit. I was just coming to check on you, but it’s obvious you’re fine,” he said before walking back out the door.

  “Jay…Jason!” She called after him, but he just kept walking.

  She could feel Jax burning a whole in the side of her face. She ignored him, turned her head and looked out of the window. Unlike Jason, Jax had never pressured her into making a decision. Jason straight up told her it was either going to be him or Jax. She couldn’t understand why he felt the need to give her an ultimatum. It wasn’t like they didn’t know about each other and technically, she was single. She was free to do whatever she wanted just like they were.

  “What Jamil?” She sighed without looking at him.

  “I’m just trying to figure out how long you’re going to play this game.”

  Before she could say anything, Nyzir was wheeling Nadia into her room with Neeman right behind them.

  “Hey Jax,” Nadia spoke.

  “What’s up girl, how you feeling?” Jax asked.

&n
bsp; “Like I got in a car accident,” Nadia chuckled, ignoring the pain in her stomach. “Reese you look like shit.”

  “As do you wench, are you even supposed to be out of the bed?” Marisa asked.

  “Nope, but her ass so damn hardheaded,” Neeman spoke up.

  “Anyways,” Nadia rolled her eyes. “Where’s a marker? I want to sign your cast.”

  “Y’all childish,” Neeman laughed.

  “Marisa I should kick your ass. If this cast doesn’t come off my arm by the time I leave for school I just might,” Nadia joked.

  Marisa groaned as she covered her face with her hands. “Nadi, I’m sooo sorry! I should have listened when you told me to stop dancing then-”

  “Marisa Nicole! Calm down! You are not supposed to be getting hyped up. It is not your fault, alright? The driver was speeding and blew through a red light. I was just playing. I didn’t mean for you to get emotional,” Nadia told her, regretting that she even brought it up.

  “You’re right, but I just feel bad because I should have been paying attention. I’m too cute for this,” Marisa joked.

  Everyone laughed and shook their heads at her. Neeman was happy that his sisters would be alright. He loved how they could sit here and joke and smile through the pain.

  -32-

  The weeks after the accident, the girls focused on recovering and getting ready to start college. Nadia had four weeks before she had to leave for Atlanta to get situated in her dorm. One day when she was out with Jaron, she saw Mario out with another female. She couldn’t be mad or in her feelings because they technically were never a couple. Plus that would make her a hypocrite because she was with her boyfriend. She hid to make sure he didn’t see her. She wasn’t ready to see him yet, no matter how much she tried to convince herself that she was.

  “Neeman, you ready for the ribs?” Nadia yelled out the window.

  “Yeah, bring ‘em out and don’t drop them,” he yelled back.

  “Whatever,” Nadia mumbled as she used her good arm to pick the pan of ribs up and used her arm with the cast to hold the bottom.