Love Don't Live Here

by Charmanie Saquea

  “Yeah I did, and? What am I supposed to do? That’s just one less crazy bitch in the world,” he shrugged.

  Marisa picked up a cup and threw it at him, hitting him in the head.

  “What the hell,” he said as he turned around to look at her like she was crazy.

  “Jamil, I know you two had your issues or whatever, but that is still you daughter’s mother! Show some type of sympathy you damn asshole,” she yelled.

  “For what? Her ass was dead to me the moment she opened her mouth and lied saying I raped her. Do you know what the fuck could have happened to me if her dumb ass never would have taken a damn rape kit? She was trying to be so smart, but yet she was so dumb. My life could have been ruined all because I didn’t want to be with her. Fuck out of here.”

  Marisa just rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen. She didn’t even have the energy to fight or argue with Jax. Her body was running off of fumes, and she felt herself about to crash. It wasn’t that she was worried about Jessica, her concern was with Jamila. No little girl should ever have to grow up without her mother.

  Jessica had just gotten out of prison a few months ago which caused her to be out of her daughter’s life, and now she was gone permanently.

  ___

  Nadia sat in her dorm room feeling as if somebody had played a cruel joke on her. She kept looking down at the little stick thinking she was seeing things but nope, it was there, clear as day on three different tests. Not again, she sighed.

  She laid back on her bed and thought about what she was going to do. She knew for a fact another abortion was out of the question. She couldn’t bare to go through that again, so she knew she had to suck it up and accept the fact that she was going to be a mother in the near future.

  Even though it wasn’t funny, she laughed at how the situation played out. She got an abortion the first time because she was about to start college and didn’t want to have to put her dreams on hold just to turn around and end up pregnant again while she was in college. The only thing this time around was, she didn’t know who the father could be.

  Two weeks after Mario came down, Jaron came down and they slept together, unprotected. She was feeling very stupid and dirty at the moment. That wasn’t even her thing. She never wanted to be labeled as one of those girls who didn’t know who her child’s father was. She didn’t know how she was going to break this to either of them.

  -37-

  Nadia walked up on the porch and was about to use her key, but the door came swinging open.

  “What you want?” Neeman asked.

  “I missed you too asshole,” Nadia laughed.

  Neeman smiled and grabbed her bags before stepping to the side so she could walk in the house. Everything was left the way it was before she left.

  “Nadia, what you doing here? You don’t go on break for another week.”

  “You don’t miss me?” She asked her brother.

  “Yes, I miss you, but you can’t be missing school like that. My future doctor better get it together,” Neeman fussed.

  Nadia just smiled. When she first left for school, she had no idea what she wanted to do but after doing some long thinking she finally decided that she wanted to be a pediatrician.

  “I came early because I miss you, and I needed to talk you. I didn’t want to do it over the phone,” she told him.

  “What’s wrong?” He asked with a raised eyebrow.

  Nadia bit her bottom lip as she reached into her purse and took out her sonogram. She handed it to Neeman, and he looked up at her with shock written on his face. She had went to the doctor before she left Atlanta and found out that she was exactly nine weeks pregnant which put her at three months. it had been almost four months since Mario stormed out of her dorm room, so that meant Jaron was the father of her unborn.

  “What, how? When?” Neeman asked.

  “Umm, three months ago. Jaron came down, and things happened,” she sighed. “Neeman I’m so confused.”

  Neeman knew she was serious because she rarely called him by his first name, she always called him Nemo. He honestly didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t too thrilled about his sister being pregnant again, but he wasn’t going to allow her to get another abortion. That wasn’t going to happen.

  “Nadia, you’re not getting an abortion so-”

  “No, no,” she cut him off. “I wasn’t considering it. I wouldn’t be able to go through that again. I’m going to woman up and put my big girl panties on about this one. I just don’t know what to do about school and stuff like that,” she told him.

  “Well, you have six months before you’re due so you’ll be able to finish at least a whole year of college. Then by time you have it, it will be summer and you don’t necessarily have to take summer classes so you can spend that time on maternity leave or whatever that thing is called you pregnant women take,” Neeman explained.

  Nadia stood there feeling stupid because she didn’t even look at it like that. This is exactly why she needed to talk to her brother so he could help clear things up for her.

  “You’re so smart. I’m about to go though, I have to talk to Jaron, and I want to be here when Nyzir gets home from school,” Nadia kissed her brother before walking out of the house.

  She called Marisa and told her to get ready. They had some business they needed to take care of.

  ___

  “I can’t believe I’m going to be an auntie,” Marisa gushed as they pulled up to Jaron’s house.

  “You should be making me an auntie, not the other way around,” Nadia told her.

  “Oh no honey, ain’t no babies coming out of here anytime soon,” Marisa said with her face scrunched up.

  “Girl, come on,” Nadia laughed.

  The two ladies got out of the car and walked up to Jaron’s door. Nada knocked and waited for him to answer. When the door came open, Nadia and Marisa looked at each other then at the unknown female that was standing in the doorway.

  “Is Jaron here?” Marisa asked with an attitude.

  “Who wants to know?” The girl asked, matching Marisa’s attitude.

  “Bit-”

  “Chill Reese,” Nadia said as she walked up to the girl and bumped her way into the house. “Jaron!” She yelled.

  Nadia couldn’t even be mad. She knew it would happen eventually, so she wasn’t even surprised nor did she feel any kind of way about it. The only thing she came to do was tell Jaron about the baby then leave. She wasn’t here to cause any problems.

  Jaron walked into the room looking as if he had just seen a ghost. He wasn’t expecting to see Nadia for a whole week, but there she was standing right in front of him with a blank expression on her face.

  “Wh-what’s up Nadi?” He stammered.

  “Hey, yourself. I just came to give you this,” she said as she reached for his copy of the ultrasound. “You don’t have to worry, my child will be taken care of and we don’t have to be together to raise a child together. I’ll call you periodically with updates,” she said before turning on her heels.

  She ignored the girl who was standing there with a funny look on her face. Marisa followed behind her while snickering. That’s why she loved Nadia. She balanced her out. In her eyes, Nadia handled that way better than she would have because she would have been ready to pop off.

  Nadia figured the news had finally registered in Jaron’s brain because, by the time she threw the car into drive, he was running out of the house. Not even giving him time to reach her car. Nadia pulled off.

  -38-

  Nadia sat in her dorm studying and going over her notes with Chanel. She had exams coming up and with everything that she had going on with finding out about the pregnancy, Jaron constantly blowing up her phone, and Mario ignoring and not returning her calls, she felt as if she had been focusing on the wrong things.

  “Come on Nadia, you know this stuff already. We’ve been over your notes and flashcards seven times, and you’ve gotten everything right,” Chanel told her.
/>
  “You’re right,” Nadia sighed. “I just want to make sure I have it stored in my brain.”

  “Trust me, honey, you know it and I have no doubts that you’re going to pass.”

  Nadia nodded her head in agreement. She knew the info, but you can never be too sure.

  “I’m hungry,” Nadia said as she opened a bag of chips.

  “I can’t wait for your belly to get big and round,” Chanel gushed.

  “Oh no,” Nadia groaned.

  Chanel laughed and threw her pillow at her. “Come on Nadi, you can’t sit there and tell me that you’re not the least bit excited to watch your body transform knowing you have a life growing inside of you.”

  Nadia just stared at her small belly as she thought about what Chanel said. She couldn’t front, she was excited but nervous at the same time. She couldn’t wait to experience everything she missed out on the first time. Just knowing that she actually had something living and growing inside of her had her feeling bubbly.

  “I can’t lie, I’m excited. I just hope that I can be the best mom I can be. I know I’ll make some mistakes you know, considering the fact that I’m young, but I hope my baby will grow up to be proud to have me as a mom,” she explained.

  “Girl, I can tell now that you’re going to be a great mom. I mean it’s natural to be nervous, but don’t trip over it. My mom had me when she was only fifteen, and she did a helluva job with me. She also had a very strong support system which I’m sure you also have,” Chanel told her.

  “Fifteen, huh?”

  “Yeah, it’s like some kind of generational curse or something in my family. My great grandma had her first child at fourteen, and everyone since then except me had a child before the age of seventeen. My mom said she wanted me to be the one to break the curse, and I guess I did.”

  “Wow, that’s deep. Here I am stressing about being pregnant at nineteen.” Nadia said, feeling guilty.

  “Nadia you have nothing to be ashamed of. I know women who had their babies when they were well established and in their late twenties that turned out to be deadbeats and girls who had their babies young who did they best they could do and beat all types of stereotypes. Never let anyone make you feel ashamed because you have a child while you’re young, a baby is a blessing no matter how old or young you are.”

  “You are absolutely right. I would never be ashamed of my child though. My mom had my brother Neeman when she was a teenager, and she did a damn good job of raising all three of us. We never went without, wanted or needed for anything,” Nadia said as she thought about her life growing up.

  Her mom worked while her dad was in the army. Her father had only been deployed twice that she could remember, and even then her mother raised them without any problems. Even when they found out about her dad being killed in a roadside bombing in Iraq, and her other wanted to give up, she refused because she knew she had three kids she needed to take care of.

  Her mom wasn’t perfect, but she was close to it in Nada’s eyes. She knew all she had to do was follow in her mother’s footsteps and use all the teachings her mother used on them with her child, and she would be fine.

  The next morning Nadia woke up to her phone ringing off the hook. She thought she had put it on ‘do not disturb’ but she was obviously wrong.

  “What?” She answered groggily.

  “Really Nadia? I’ve been trying to reach your ass for three damn weeks!” Jaron yelled into the phone. “How the hell are you going to tell me you’re pregnant then up and bounce on me?”

  Nadia looked at her phone then rolled her eyes before hanging up. She didn’t have time for Jaron and his foolishness. She checked the time and realized it was only seven in the morning. She knew Jaron had to have officially lost his mind for calling her phone this early with that bullshit. Before she could even roll over and go back to sleep, her phone was ringing again.

  “I really wish you would stop calling me and let me sleep. It’s too early for the games Jaron,” she answered with an attitude.

  “I really don’t care, Nadia. I’m going to be blowing your phone the hell up as long as you’re carrying my seed. You claim we don’t have to be together to raise a child together, but I’m not going to just let you stay down there knowing you’re carrying my child! Don’t do that Nadia, don’t be the baby mama from hell,” Jaron said.

  Nadia didn’t even dignify what he said with a response. She just hung up her phone and turned it off before rolling over and going back to sleep. She would wait until later to call Jaron and tell him about himself.

  She wasn’t lying when she told him they didn’t have to be together. He had obviously proven her right and found comfort with someone else while she was gone, and she honestly didn’t want to be in a relationship at the moment. She and Jaron weren’t going to be anything but parents to their child, that’s it. Nothing more and nothing less.

  -39-

  Mario had used all the money he had put up from being a stick-up kid and opened a legit business. He opened up his own barbershop in Brooklyn called Crazy Cuts. He and Jax were the owners, and they split everything fifty/fifty. If felt good to finally be out of the street life. He was getting older, and some things just get tired after a while. He had finally given up the thought of being with Nadia and accepted the fact that they would probably never be together.

  Tasha’s sheisty ass had come around after almost a year with all of Mario’s money which totaled up to $50,000. She thought just because she was giving him his money that she stole back to him, they were going to end up together and live happily ever after. It took everything in him not to beat the shit out of her.

  Since going legit Jax, had been pouring his focus into his family which consisted of Marisa and Jamila. After Jessica’s sudden demise, Caroline agreed to give Jax full custody as long as he made sure she remained in Jamila’s life. He had informed her he would never keep Jamila from her since they were the only family she had and knew besides Mario.

  Marisa had successfully finished her first year of college and was one step closer to getting her degree in Psychology. She had been living in bliss with Jax and Jamila. All that fussing about cleaning up his dirty money had finally paid off, and she was happy that she didn’t have to worry about him whenever he walked out the door anymore.

  Jaron had been going back and forth from New York to Atlanta whenever Nadia had a doctor’s appointment. He was proud that she would be having his son in less than a month. Even though she kept telling him time and time again that they were not together, he was just happy to have her be the one carrying his child.

  The closer it got to Nadia’s due date, the more excited she got. At first, she was nervous, but all that went away when she heard her baby’s heartbeat for the first time. She finished her first year of college with a 3.75 GPA and came home for the summer to have her baby. When it was time to go back to school, she decided that she was going to enroll her baby into daycare whenever she had classes.

  Jaron wasn’t too happy about the fact that she was going back to Atlanta after she had her son, but he would just have to get over it. She had already told him that she would never keep him from her son, but she had things she wanted to achieve and accomplish in life, and she needed to be in Atlanta to get them done.

  -40-

  “Come on Nadia, you have your own plate. Why you wanna eat off mines?” Neeman asked as he moved his plate out of her reach.

  “Because your food tastes better.” She laughed as she tried to stick her fork in his plate.

  “What the hell? We have the same thing.” Neeman shook his head.

  “You are so mean. Zir let me-”

  Nyzir moved his plate away from her and laughed until he looked up to notice the look on her face.

  “What’s wrong Nadi?” Nyzir asked uncertainly.

  Neeman looked up and was wondering the same thing.

  “My water just broke,” she said as she looked down and noticed a pool of water in her seat, leaking to t
he ground.

  “Huh?” He asked confused.

  “Your nephew is about to make his appearance into the world,” she told him.

  It took a minute for what she had just said to register. By then she was already walking out of the kitchen and headed to change her clothes.

  “Oh shit! Come on Zir, we gotta get her to the hospital,” Neeman yelled as he jumped up to help his sister.

  Although he was the oldest and was around when his mom had Nadia and Nyzir, Neeman wasn’t cut out for all this. He didn’t know the first thing about what he was supposed to do. He was running around like a chicken with his head cut off with Nyzir as Nadia gave them instructions on what to do.

  Nadia definitely was not expecting to have her baby today. She still had a month left before her due date. She was trying not to panic as she was trying to figure out why her baby was coming early. After Neeman had her bag packed, the three siblings were on their way to the hospital.

  “Oh God!” Nadia yelled out as Nyzir helped her into the car.

  “What?” Nyzir asked, scared that he did something wrong.

  “No, no, it’s not you baby boy. I just had my first contraction it wasn’t no joke,” Nadia said as she tried to breathe like they had taught her in her Lamaze class.

  Nadia honestly didn’t mean to scare her brother, but she was suddenly hit with a pain that was almost crippling. She had a very low tolerance for pain, and this wasn’t going good for her. She wanted, no, she needed to hurry up and get to the hospital so she could get some pain meds. She commended any female who went through a natural birth because she knew she wasn’t about that life. She felt like she was about to die just from that one little contraction.

  ___

  “I’m hungry, I’m in pain, I want this baby out of me,” Nadia whined.

  She had been at the hospital now for three hours and yet there was still no baby.