by Grey, S. R.
I slanted my head to the right and gave her a come-on-now look. “And you don’t want the same?”
“Irrelevant.” She waved her hand. “I want more now.”
Bristling, I maintained, “We’re not anywhere near where we would need to be to declare this thing between us as any kind of relationship.”
Hands on her hips, she glared down at me. “Is that so? Even though we text and talk on the phone all the time. And don’t even get me started on how many lonely nights on the road you call just to talk. Like, for hours, you bastard. Late into the night, even! And now you’re telling me it all means nothing?”
She paused when I failed to reply. All those things did mean something, but I couldn’t bring myself to admit it to her. I was too fucking spooked.
After a long beat of silence, she whispered, “Wait. I see what’s going on. I’m nothing more than your Minneapolis hookup. That’s all I am to you, a good time in the sack. I’m right, aren’t I, Nolan?”
She wasn’t, not at all, but I couldn’t open my mouth to refute her claims. I just fucking could not.
When I didn’t respond in any way, she started worrying her lip, biting down so hard I expected her to draw blood. There was none, and I was so fucked in the head that all I could think was, damn, those wonderful, full, plump lips were wrapped around my cock fifteen minutes ago. I sure am going to miss them.
“Nolan,” she ground out. “Answer me, damn it!”
I gestured to the front of the bus, to where the driver would soon be back, as well as my teammates. “Look, the guys will be here any minute. You should probably get going.”
“Are you blowing me off?”
I busied myself with straightening my dress shirt and tie, and finally zipping up my pants. I was being a real prick, I knew it, but I couldn’t help myself. My fear of commitment had reached fever pitch. I knew this one could hook me. And I couldn’t have that.
I’ve been down that road before, and boy did I ever get burned.
Never. Again.
“Nolan?”
I glanced up at her. She was still in the aisle, looking more forlorn than I’d ever seen her. She knew this was goodbye. Why prolong it?
“Take care of yourself, Lainey. We’ve had a good time, sure, but this can’t go on forever. I truly wish you only the best.”
She hissed in a breath as she fought back tears. “You know what, Nolan Solvenson?”
“What, Lainey?”
“You’re a first-class, grade-A prick.”
“So I am,” I replied.
Swiping away tears that were now running down her cheek, she stomped off.
And now here I sit, all these months later, and finally having realized—crazily enough, in Marty Quick’s studio—that letting her go was the biggest mistake of my life.
Just as I’m about to right that wrong, a text dings in from Brent.
Hey, man. What day you coming in for training camp? I’m thinking about having some of the guys over this Friday night for an end-of-summer gathering, just something small and mellow. Aubrey shouldn’t mind. Since we got back to town her sister’s been staying with us and those two have been so busy running around that Aubrey’s barely been home.
Ah, so Lainey’s in Nevada, not Pennsylvania. Good to know.
I edit the criteria on my laptop, changing flight schedules from Toronto to Pittsburgh to Toronto to Las Vegas. It’s only Wednesday, so I can make it to Brent’s party so long as I return within the next two days. Lainey’s living at his house, meaning I can start wooing her right away. She’ll have no choice but to talk to me, because really, where’s she going to go?
When I find a flight for Thursday that fits my schedule, I text Brent back, Hey, I’ll be back in town tomorrow evening.
Cool. See you Friday, he replies.
With everything set, I’m thinking things may actually work out. With a new spring in my step—shit, I love a challenge—I head to my bedroom to start packing. But as I’m throwing clothes into an open suitcase I tossed onto the bed, I glance over at the floor-to-ceiling windows and have to pause.
The view of the Toronto skyline, with the lake in the background, is usually stunning. Today, however, I can’t see much of anything. The earlier heat and humidity ushered in a shit ton of rain, leaving the current state of affairs gray and dreary. It’s oddly reflective of how I’ve been feeling lately.
I can’t deny any longer that there’s a void in my life since I ended things with Lainey. She’s definitely someone special. I look at Brent and Aubrey and can’t help but see how happy they are, especially since they overcame all the obstacles that once stood in their way.
“You can have that kind of happiness too,” I murmur.
But can I, really?
There’s a nagging voice in the back of my head that knows the real truth on why committing to Lainey—truly committing—isn’t going to be such a snap.
Before we can ever move forward, she needs to know the reason why I am the way I am.
Shit, only a few select people know that. I keep my past a closely guarded fortress. One secret in particular virtually nobody knows about. That was the one I feared Marty Quick had uncovered.
Thank God he had no clue that I was once married.
What is this Freaking Secret?
On Friday morning, Aubrey and I embark on a spa date. We’ve had a bunch, and I am kind of tiring of them, but this one is much needed. For her because she needs a break from wedding planning, and for me because I’ve been stressing over not having a job. My obsessing over Nolan hasn’t helped matters, but Aubrey doesn’t need to know about that.
What’s weighing on me is not simply what I heard during that damn Marty Quick interview. That would be crappy enough, but soon I’m going to have to deal with Nolan directly. Training camp is around the corner and he’ll be moseying back into town any day now, if he hasn’t arrived already.
Crap.
As my sister and I lie facedown on side-by-side massage tables, and while our muscles are deliciously kneaded and plied, I decide it’s as good a time as any to uncover some info on Mr. No Commitment himself.
First, I’d like to know if he’s back in town. And if he is, does Mr. I-Banged-Ten-Strippers-in-One-Night plan to attend Brent’s little soiree this evening?
If so, I better get my kicking foot primed and ready.
“Mmm, so, Aubrey,” I begin, fact-finding mission underway, “you seem very Zen about Brent’s party tonight. You’re really this okay with him being around that much alcohol?”
Last year, Aubrey was assigned by the Wolves to be Brent’s “life coach.” He was partying to the point of excess, as in he was fucking up his career. My dear sister swooped in and straightened him out. And in the process, they fell in love.
Cue the sappy music for my sister’s fairy-tale romance.
And cue the sad womp-womp-womp for my lack of one.
Aubrey opens her turquoise eyes, so similar to mine that it sometimes freaks me out. You’d think we were twins or something. But we’re not.
As she peers over at me, relaxed as could be, she says, “Brent’s problems are long behind him, Lainey. I’m not worried at all. He knows when to stop.”
“Well, that’s good.” I take a deep breath. Then faking an upbeat but hopefully nonchalant tone, I say, “So who all is coming to this party? Are all the guys back in town?”
Aubrey lets out a contented sigh as the masseuse works on what I suppose is a particularly achy muscle in her shoulder, probably from her and Brent trying out some new, crazy sex position. Brent has done a phenomenal job of bringing out the wild side of my sister. I heartily approve. She’s much more laid-back than she used to be, kind of like how I’d be if I were getting some lately.
“I’m not sure who’ll be there,” Aubrey replies. “I know Benny’s back in town. I talked to him yesterday, and he’s definitely coming.”
I’m not surprised she knows where Benny is and what he’s up to. Those two are pret
ty tight buds. There was a time he was someone else to us, though, based solely on his resemblance to Chris Hemsworth.
I adopt a teasing tone and, remembering those days, state, “Oh, so he’s just Benny to you now? No more Thor?”
Aubrey snickers. “He can still be Thor to you, Lainey.”
“Good.” I laugh. “And so he will remain. Just don’t tell him his secret identity, all right?”
“My lips are sealed, sister dear.”
We share a smile, and I know she’ll never rat me out. Not that he’d care. Benny is as easy-going as they come. There was once a time even when Aubrey and Brent were considering setting me up with him. But though he’s a fun-loving bear of a man, one who happens to look an awful lot like the hot Australian actor who plays Thor in the movies, my heart will forever belong to one man only—Nolan.
Speaking of which, since Benny plays left wing on Brent’s line, meaning he’s Nolan’s linemate too, it gives me a perfect segue to casually inquire, “What about Nolan? Has he flown in from Toronto yet?”
“Yes, apparently he’s made it back to our fine town. Brent mentioned it yesterday.” Aubrey lifts her head and makes a drama of rolling her eyes and scowling at me. “I was trying to block it out, Lainey.”
“God, what is up with you two? Why do you hate him so freaking much?”
Aubrey doesn’t like Nolan all that much, though I have no idea why.
She sighs, and tries to assure me, “I don’t hate him. Really, I don’t.”
“So what’s the problem?”
“I just happen to think he’s an overconfident, full-of-himself ass.”
“Whoa, don’t hold anything back there, Aubs. Tell me what you really think.” I chuckle since she’s not entirely wrong. “Still, even you have to admit he has many good qualities.”
She snorts. “Like what?”
“First off, the man is sin personified. He has a lot to be confident about. Have you checked out that body of his lately?”
“Can’t say that I have,” she replies dryly. “And why would I? I only have eyes for Brent.”
I resist the urge to gag, and instead set her straight. “For your information, Nolan is just as hard and sculpted as your precious Brent. And he has those awesome ice-blue eyes to boot.” I let out a little shudder, the good kind. “That gaze of his just penetrates the hell out of me.”
Aubrey stares over at me suspiciously. “That better be the only thing he’s penetrating you with, Lainey.”
“It is,” I squeak out.
Hey, I’m not technically lying since I haven’t been “penetrated” since April, not by Nolan or anyone else.
“But,” I go on, tossing out a feeler to gauge the depth of Aubrey’s dislike for my former fuck buddy, “if he and I ever were to hook up, would it be so awful?”
“Yes. It would. You may find him charming and gorgeous, and maybe you’re right about that, but he’s the last man I’d ever want to see you end up with.”
Oh boy. This is going to be an uphill battle all the way…if we ever do work things out.
Better start climbing now. “For the sake of argument,” I toss out, “why would it be so bad?”
“Nolan treats women poorly, so that’s one big reason.” I can’t argue with that. “Plus, I get the impression he has a lot of secrets. I think that’s why he’s so shady about, well”—she huffs—“almost every damn thing. Did you know I once asked Brent why Nolan never gets serious with anyone he dates, and if something from his past is the reason for his bad behavior?”
I perk up. This could be the answer as to why Nolan is the way he is.
“What’d Brent say?” I cautiously inquire.
“He knew something, but he wouldn’t tell me.”
Deflated, I murmur, “That sucks.”
“Yeah, apparently Brent made a promise to Nolan last summer to keep quiet about whatever the hell it was he shared with him. When I pressed Brent on it, he told me to go ask Nolan myself, if I was that curious.”
Hope springs eternal, so I ask, “Did you? Ask Nolan, that is.”
“Are you kidding me? No. I don’t really care what his stupid secret is.”
But I do, I want to yell out.
Instead of doing something that’ll confirm my interest in Nolan, I change the subject.
“It’s not important, anyway,” I say, brushing it off. “I’ve just been really bored lately. That’s why I’m even asking. I clearly have too much time on my hands, Aubs.”
She nods, but looks confused.
I hurriedly go on, with what probably needs to be said, and done, anyway, “I think I need to start putting more effort into finding a job. Nothing has come through with the placement department back at my school in Minnesota.” I sigh. “You do know I officially expanded my search to nationwide, right? But I’d like to stay here. Which reminds me, do you know if the Wolves are hiring for any entry-level marketing positions? You really enjoy working for them, so maybe they’d be a good fit for me too.”
After Aubrey’s life-coaching gig ended, and after a few bumps in the road with her and Brent, she ended up being offered a consulting job with the Wolves.
She took it and loves it.
To my surprise, Aubrey confirms that she’s already on it, as in she’s been secretly helping me.
“Funny you should mention it, Lainey. I asked Brent just the other day if he could put in a good word for you. He didn’t know of any pending openings in the marketing department, but he did mention the lady who runs it is named Mrs. Fielding. After he told me that, I looked her up in the employee directory.”
“And…?”
“Turns out, I don’t know her personally. But if you e-mail me one of your most recent résumés, I’ll make sure she gets it. Even if it means printing the damn thing and marching it up to her office.”
I love my sister. “I love you, Aubs,” I say. “And thank you.”
“I love you too, sweetie. And I think it’d be awesome if you worked for the team too. We’d have even more to talk about than we do now.”
“Like there’s not enough.” I laugh, as my sister and I are never at a loss for words.
I sure hope Aubrey and Brent can help me land a job, but the fact remains I need something now, anything really.
With a resigned sigh, I say, “I’m going to look for something in the meantime. Like a part-time job to fill the void till something really good comes through.”
“That makes sense,” Aubrey replies.
Suddenly, an idea based on where I’m living strikes. “Hey, maybe one of those big resorts on the Strip could use another cocktail waitress. I hear tips are really good in casinos.”
“Yeah, I’ve heard that too,” Aubrey confirms. “And as to whether those places are hiring, I think they pretty much always need people.”
“Let’s hope so,” I murmur.
Besides keeping me busy, and thus making sure my mind is occupied with thoughts other than Nolan, I also really need the cash. My savings account is near-depleted and my student loan payments are piling up. I’m thankful that Brent’s been letting me use one of his many cars—plus I’m staying at his and Aubrey’s place rent-free—but it’s high time I start contributing to, at least, the food and gas parts of things.
After we leave the spa, I bid Aubrey adieu, then head on over to the Strip. My first stop is one of the largest Vegas properties. But, can you believe it, they’re not hiring.
“Great,” I murmur sarcastically as I leave, stepping back out into the heat.
I want to give up—it’s hot and I don’t really want to work at a casino—but I forge forward. I can be stubborn like that, and in this case it pays off. After three more stops at three more casinos, I get lucky and walk out of the last one with a skimpy cocktail waitress outfit and, more importantly, a shift for tonight.
Unfortunately, tonight is also Brent’s party. And we all know I have plans for Nolan. Oh well, this new job may put a crimp in my plans to kick Nolan in the junk f
or his stripper-ing ways this summer, but it doesn’t mean I’ll miss the party entirely. Since I’m in training, my shift is supposed to end at midnight on the nose.
And I sure have taken notice of how the thigh-high boots that are part of my new uniform feature the pointiest of toes.
“So yeah,” I murmur as I head for my car, smiling slyly. “You better cover those balls, buddy.”
What the F*ck Are You Wearing
Brent’s party is in full swing, and the boys and I are gathered out on the back patio. I’m having a good-enough time. I mean, it’s great to see the guys and all, many of whom I’ve not had contact with since winning the championship, but I’ve yet to run into Lainey.
And it’s almost fucking midnight, goddammit!
“She’s the reason I’m even here tonight,” I mutter to myself, frustrated.
Brent, unfortunately, is within earshot, and promptly asks, “Who are you talking about, Solvenson? Sounds like you have a secret you’re keeping from us. Like maybe you invited someone to the party, and you’re waiting for her to show?”
Ha, if he only knew. I have a secret all right—that I spent the winter nailing his soon-to-be sister-in-law.
Benny is standing next to me and, upon hearing Brent’s jab, gets right to ribbing me.
“Hey, Solvenson, you been holding out on us? You have, haven’t you? I knew there was a reason why we didn’t see much of you this summer.” Glancing around, scanning the large sandstone patio and the surrounding gardens, like he’s in on this with me, he says, “Who you looking for, anyway? Your secret girl’s not here yet, is she?”
Brent appears to be particularly interested in my response, so it’s no surprise when he piggybacks on Benny’s interrogation.
“Yeah, Nolan, we’re dying to know.” Brent levels me with an assessing look. “Is someone supposed to meet you here? Or were you expecting to see someone you were pretty sure would already be here?”
The only two guaranteed attendees of the female persuasion are Aubrey—who’s at this very moment sliding open a glass panel door in the back of the house so she can rejoin us—or her sister Lainey. Brent knows it wouldn’t be Aubrey I’d want to see, which leaves only her sister.
