Dolores made a disgusted noise. “I wouldn’t even repeat the threadbare fairy tale he told us before you left. Jennifer, what’s going on?”
“Nothing is going on,” Jennifer said wearily. “He just took me to his house to see some telescopes.”
Dolores looked at her as if she were demented. “Telescopes?”
“Yes, yes, it’s his hobby; he’s an amateur astronomer. He wanted to show me the stars.”
“Show you the stars? Well, that’s original, at least, a new variation on an old theme. It used to be ‘come up and see my etchings,’ now it’s ‘come up and see my asteroids.’”
Jennifer fixed her with a deadly look. “Dolores, for my sake, could you try, just once, not to be such a smartass?”
Dolores stared at her, releasing her breath slowly in an inaudible sigh. “Oh, Jen, you poor thing. You’ve fallen for him, haven’t you?”
Jennifer said nothing.
“Please, be careful.”
“I’m trying.”
Dolores dropped her eyes. “Well, I guess that’s all you can do.”
The men came back, and Jennifer went with John.
He was silent as they drove through the downtown streets toward Yardley, and Jennifer began to feel that if he didn’t say something soon, she was going to scream.
“Did you have a good time?” she asked brightly.
“Fine.”
“I hope Dolores kept you entertained while I was gone.”
“Dolores could keep anybody entertained, even a dull, unglamorous legal type like me.”
“John, I…”
He took one hand off the steering wheel to hold it up for silence. “Don’t say it, Jennifer. Don’t demean yourself, and me. You think I can’t see what he has, that I don’t? I know what’s going on, give me that much credit at least. If you had ever once looked at me the way you were looking at him tonight, we would have been married long ago. Just drop it, okay?”
Jennifer dropped it.
* * * *
The night had turned cool, in the manner of late summer, and Jennifer built a fire when she got home. She was too keyed up to sleep and didn’t even undress, but made herself a cup of tea and curled up on the living room sofa to think.
The trouble was, she couldn’t think. All her legal training in logic and the systematic breakdown of a problem had deserted her and left her mind as blank as an unused sheet of paper. What good was an education if you couldn’t use it to help yourself? She had used it to help others, but in her case, emotion took over and made a mockery of the rationality she had worked so hard to obtain.
She lifted her head when she heard the sound of a motor in her driveway. Mrs. Mason went to bed at ten o’clock and never had night visitors. Who could it be, at this hour?
And then she knew. A hollow grew at the pit of her stomach, and she set her cup down carefully, so as not to spill it. She made herself walk slowly to the door and was ready when the knock came.
Lee stood on the tiny porch, still dressed in the evening clothes he had worn earlier.
“I’m back,” he said.
“I see.”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d still be up.”
I am.
They stared at one another, illuminated by the yellow glow of the porch light.
“I…may I come in? I need to talk to somebody.” He stopped, and then raised his eyes to hers. “No, that isn’t true. I need to talk to you.”
She stepped aside, and as he walked past her she said, “Are you hungry? I can fix something.”
They were whispering, like two conspirators. “Thanks. I’m afraid I didn’t eat much tonight.”
That makes two of us, Jennifer thought As she reached to shut the door behind them, she caught sight of one of the stars Lee had shown her, twinkling by itself against a velvet background of night sky.
“‘First star on the right, and straight on ‘til morning,’” she said softly.
Lee turned to look back at her. “What?”
Jennifer pointed to the star. “It’s from Peter Pan, the directions to Never Never Land.”
He smiled down at her. “Is that where you want to go?”
Jennifer gazed up at him, as magical, to her at least, as any boy in a children’s tale who was ageless and could fly.
“I think I’m already there.”
Chapter 6
It was hours before Jennifer realized that they still hadn’t eaten, but Lee seemed unaware of it He was more talkative than she had ever seen him, discussing his background more freely than he usually did. He was troubled by his choice to play professional football, which had been made ten years before but apparently still weighed heavily on his mind.
“If I had gone to medical school,” he said thoughtfully, “I’d be just starting now. In this business, I’m on my way out. You can’t stand being beaten up every Sunday for an unlimited amount of time. I think I’m approaching the limit.”
“Why didn’t you go to medical school?” Jennifer asked.
“Because I love to play football,” he answered simply. “And I thought if I could be paid, and paid well, to do what I love to do, then that would be the best life anyone could want.”
Jennifer smiled. “Oh, yes.”
He sighed. “But that was a decision I made a long while ago, when all I could see was money and a good time. Now I wonder if I did the right thing. Any career in sports is a short one. What will I do in a few more seasons when all this is over? My life has been devoted to, as you correctly pointed out to me once, a children’s game. If I’d been a doctor, I could have done some good, gone back to Montana, worked on the reservation, in the schools. I could have done some good,” he repeated. He shook his head. “It’s funny how, the older you get, the less the material things matter, the more important a sense of accomplishment becomes.”
Jennifer studied him, touched to the heart.
“You should feel a sense of accomplishment,” she said. “You’ve risen to the top in a difficult field, in which the competition is fierce. And I don’t agree that you could have done more for your people as a doctor. Then you might have healed them, true, but now you are a symbol of success to American Indians everywhere. Think of the little boys all over the country looking up to you for what they might become. I’m sure you’re an inspiration to them all.”
He swallowed hard, looking down. “I...thank you. I needed to hear that today,” he said huskily.
She reached for his hand, and he gripped her fingers convulsively.
“That dream has never left you, has it?” she said.
He shrugged. “I guess it never has.”
“Then do something about it.”
He looked up at her, astonished. “Like what? I’m thirty-two years old, for Christ’s sake.”
“A great age, to be sure,” Jennifer responded dryly. “I’m certain that some school would take you. You’re famous, Lee. Think of the boost to the reputation of the school. And you told me your grades were good.”
He waved his hand, dismissing the notion. “That was another life. I could never live like a student again. I would have to take entrance exams, compete against kids fresh out of college.”
“I didn’t say it would be easy,” Jennifer said. “Of course, if you’re afraid to try...”
That comment produced the desired result. “That’s not the issue!” Lee said fiercely. “And I wouldn’t want any special privileges, either.”
She blinked at him.
“If I were going to attempt it, which I’m not,” he said pointedly. “And I don’t want to discuss it any further.”
“Certainly, your majesty.”
“Don’t get sarcastic, Jenny. It doesn’t become you.” He changed the subject. “I have to go to New York on Thursday.”
“That’s nice.”
“Not very. The place depresses me. It lacks the ambiance one sees in the perfume commercials. It always seems to be filled with heroin addicts with permanent head colds,
and coke freaks with permanent nosebleeds.”
“Oh, come on. It isn’t that bad.”
“No? You ever walked through the Bowery on a Saturday night in summer?”
“I can’t say that I have.”
“Looks like the last act of Hamlet. Bodies everywhere.”
Jennifer laughed. “I’d have guessed that your experiences there were limited to lunches at Elaine’s and nights with the in-crowd at the best clubs.”
“You’d be wrong,” he said shortly, in a voice which did not encourage her to ask questions.
He glanced at his watch. “It’s late, or very early. I should go.”
Jennifer said nothing. She didn’t want him to leave, but how could she risk another scene?
He got up and reached for his jacket. She followed him to the door.
“Thanks for listening,” he said.
“Thanks for talking,” she whispered.
Lee stood looking down at her. He reached out to smooth her hair back from her face. His fingers trailed across her brow to her cheek. Unable to stop herself, Jennifer turned her head and kissed his palm.
He froze.
“Don’t go,” she murmured. “Don’t go.”
“I’m not going anywhere,” he said firmly. He dropped his jacket on a chair and picked her up as if she were weightless, walking to the sofa in front of the fire. He sat upon it with her still in his arms.
Jennifer clung to him, her arms about his neck. His eyes, heavy lidded, thickly lashed, gazed down at her, lambent. They closed slowly as his mouth met hers.
His kiss was forceful, demanding, right from the start. He was sure, this time, that she would not stop him.
She could not have done so if she’d tried. Jennifer was so in love with him that one night together was preferable to a lifetime of wondering what might have been. She knew the chance she was taking, but it no longer mattered. The only thing in the world was this man, and this moment.
The feel of his hands on her body was the strongest erotic stimulant she had ever known. Jennifer could not get enough of him; her own aggression surprised her and aroused Lee. She tore her lips from his and pressed them to his throat, slipping her hands inside his clothes. He groaned and shifted her weight on his lap, pulling her closer.
Jennifer unbuttoned his shirt with trembling fingers, and he shrugged it off, letting it fall to the floor.
His skin was smooth, perfect, golden bronze. He half lay against the cushions, head thrown back, eyes closed, as she kissed and caressed him, stroking the hard, muscular arms and shoulders, rasping his flat dark nipples with her tongue.
It was not enough. Her hands strayed below his waist, and his breath hissed through his teeth. He moved to get up, to undress. Besotted, she hung on him, unable to bear the loss of contact.
He gently put her hands away, and quickly shed the rest of his clothes. Jennifer sat, drugged, until he returned in seconds, to disrobe her like a doll. As he removed each garment, he mouthed the part of her body he had uncovered. She put her fist in her mouth to prevent crying out, and he pulled it back, kissing the curled fingers. “I want to hear,” he whispered.
When she was naked, he scooped her up in his arms again and carried her to the hearth rug before the fire. He dropped beside her.
“Please,” she whimpered. “Please.”
“Anything,” he murmured, running his palm over her full breasts, her flat belly, absorbing the beauty of her body.
“Love me. Now.”
He crushed her to him. “I will,” he groaned. “I do.”
He stroked her thighs, and they opened to receive him. She gazed in mute adoration at his face above hers, his lower lip caught between his teeth in a spasm of pleasure as he entered her. They both gasped aloud with the sensation.
Jennifer clutched him, burying her face against his shoulder as he moved within her. Tears stung behind her lids and ached unshed in her throat. She must not cry. She wanted to remember everything. Everything.
She was certain that she would.
* * * *
The cold woke Jennifer a few hours later. The fire had died, and the room become chilly. A few fading embers still glowed on the hearth, but they gave little heat.
Lee slept face down, one arm thrown across her, a long muscular leg entwined with hers. She slipped away from him, and he stirred with the movement Jennifer went to the hall closet to get a robe, and when she returned, he was sitting up, looking at her.
She felt a deep flush creep up her neck. What did he think of her? What did she think of herself? She had never been so brazen. He probably thought...she didn’t want to think.
To cover her embarrassment and confusion, she grabbed a poker and stirred the fire.
“Let me do that,” he said, adding logs from the storage bin in the wall. Soon the blaze was roaring again.
He reclined once more on the rug, looking like an Inca prince with his sleek, strong limbs, carved features, and midnight hair. He reached up for her with one hand and drew her down to him.
“What’s this?” he asked, fingering her housecoat.
“I was cold.”
“Take if off,” he said huskily. “I’ll make you warm.”
She obeyed and closed her eyes, letting herself melt into him. “We should move to the bedroom,” she said. “You won’t get any rest.”
“I’m not interested in rest,” he said huskily. “I’m fine right here.”
He propped himself on one elbow and gazed down at her, tracing her features with a blunt forefinger. Then he bent to place a kiss on the tip of her nose before he moved his mouth lower, seeking her lips with his.
The cycle began again, as headlong and as powerful as before. All her concerns went out of her mind. She would worry about them later.
It was dawn before they slept—the deep, exhausted sleep of satiety.
Chapter 7
Jennifer woke first in the morning and showered while Lee was still asleep. She dressed in jeans and a blouse and walked past Lee’s prone form on the way through the hall to the kitchen. He lay sprawled on the hearth rug, the arm which had claimed her so possessively during the night still flung out at his side. The sight of him filled her with yearning tenderness, and she could have stood there, watching him, all day. But she deliberately moved on, making coffee as quietly as possible.
A kiss on the back of her neck told her that Lee was standing behind her. As usual, she had not heard his approach. She set down the box of filters she was holding and turned to face him.
He was bare chested and barefoot, clad only in the black formal pants he had worn to the reception. His hair was still mussed and his eyes heavy from the night, making him look boyish and vulnerable, but never more attractive. Jennifer had to fight to keep from embracing him.
He embraced her instead, drawing her against his chest. The feel of his silky skin, the enclosing warmth of his muscular arms, sent her spinning into the now familiar vortex of desire. She resisted it, evading his attempt to kiss her.
Feeling her reluctance, Lee held her away from him, searching her face. His unasked question hung between them, demanding an answer.
Jennifer dropped her eyes from his. “I’m afraid, Lee. This is all too much, ever since we met, the constant pull, and now last night...” She broke off, unable to articulate further, finally repeating, “I’m afraid.”
She half expected him to ask what there was to fear, or otherwise dismiss her concern. But he surprised her, releasing her and looking away. She saw him draw a slow, careful breath.
“And you think I’m not?” he said quietly.
His reply produced a mixed reaction in Jennifer. She felt a surge of joy at the knowledge that he was apparently taking their relationship as seriously as she was. She would have been devastated by any light treatment on his part of what was so important to her. But at the same time, she felt something like despair. He couldn’t guide her out of these troubled waters; he was drowning, too.
Jennifer studi
ed his strong profile, as sharp and as clean as any etched on a coin, and said softly, “I don’t do this, Lee, and I’m getting in too deep. I can’t help it. I’m not much for one-night stands.”
He raised his eyes to her face. “I know that,” he said seriously. “Don’t you think I know that?”
Jennifer nodded, relieved. “But where does that leave us?” she asked. “What’s the sense in torturing ourselves with samples of what we can’t have on a permanent basis? You’ve already told me how you feel about your sister, and I can’t be a party to the sort of betrayal you think she has made of her background and her people. I know you don’t want that, and if you got involved with me you’d wind up hating yourself in the end.”
He said nothing.
Jennifer had almost hoped that he would protest, but she saw now that he wasn’t going to. She could never affect his deepest beliefs; they were strongly held, rooted in his soul. There was an inner core of mysticism in him, which she had glimpsed while he talked to the children that afternoon, born of an ancient way of life as foreign to her as the pyramids of Egypt That will, and that difference, could never be possessed. She loved him and respected him for it, but knew that no matter how much he wanted her, he couldn’t change.
“We’re just wrong for each other, and it’s nobody’s fault. Your heritage is very important to you, and you need someone who understands it and can share it. You’ll always be afraid I’ll turn you into one of those imitation WASPs you despise, make you forget who you are. And I’ve been burned once, I’m gun-shy, too. Let’s call it quits now, before we hurt each other.” Jennifer said all this calmly, without betraying the inner turmoil she felt, which increased with each word.
He still didn’t answer.
“Say something, Lee.”
He lifted one shoulder. “What can I say? You’ve said it all.”
So that was to be it, then. Lee left the room and returned wearing his ruffled shirt, unbuttoned to the waist, and carrying his jacket draped over his shoulder, hooked by one index finger. He cupped her chin in his free hand, looking at her as if he might never see her again.
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