“And honestly, I don’t think I’m ready to move in together, either. I know I love her, but we need to be patient and see how this divorce plays out. We’ll also have to decide whose place to move into. She has a fantastic home with a great pool in the back, but she shared that house with John, and I really don’t want to move in there. We could live in my place, but it might be a little small. I don’t know…I guess we’ll just wait and see.”
Alex nodded. “Don’t worry. I’m sure you will work it out.”
“I’m sure of it, too.”
Chapter Forty-six
On the eve of their three-month anniversary, Kirsten left work two hours early to get a jump start on dinner. She had invited Jordan over for a romantic dinner to celebrate the milestone, and she had been too excited to wait any longer to prepare. She put the groceries away and ran upstairs to take another look at the sexy lingerie she planned to wear to entice Jordan into an all-night lovemaking session. Not that Jordan needed much enticing—she was ready to make love as much as Kirsten, which, when it came to Jordan, was all of the time.
Her pulse sped up when she thought of Jordan hovering over her with a look of desire on her face. Every time they were together, Kirsten fell more in love. It was all-consuming, and she often found it hard to concentrate when she and Jordan were apart.
They hadn’t said “I love you” yet, and Kirsten had been holding back saying it because she hadn’t been sure how Jordan would react. But she was done waiting for Jordan to say it first. Tonight, over dinner, Kirsten was going to tell her.
Kirsten was back downstairs and had started her preparations for dinner when there was a knock on the door. It was only four thirty in the afternoon, and it couldn’t possibly be Jordan this early. She opened the door to find John standing on her doorstep. Her shock at his sudden appearance left her speechless.
John smiled. “Hi, Kirsten.”
Kirsten knew she should say hello, but her brain didn’t appear to be working.
John looked down and shifted his weight from his left foot to his right. “Um, may I come in?”
Kirsten found her manners. “Yes, I’m sorry. Please come in.” She led them to the living room and turned to John. “Would you like something to drink?”
“Some water would be great, thanks.”
Kirsten was relieved to have a couple of minutes to regain her composure. When she returned with two glasses of water, John was still standing, looking around as if this was his first time in their home. Once Kirsten took a seat on the couch, John sat next to her and took a sip of his water.
“Please forgive me for being rude, but what are you doing here?”
John looked her in the eyes. “I wanted to apologize to you.”
“What are you apologizing for?” She knew she sounded cold, but she just couldn’t help it.
“I’m sorry for the scene I made in the restaurant. I know it was a long time ago, but I was embarrassed and ashamed at the way I behaved. I had it in my head that we were going to get back together, but when you told me you wanted a divorce, and you had feelings for a woman, I just lost it. It wasn’t what I was expecting, and I acted like a child who didn’t get his way.”
Kirsten was stunned. She never thought she would get a heartfelt apology like the one John was offering. “Thank you. I appreciate that. I’m sorry as well. I never wanted to hurt you.”
“I know, Kirsten. I also wanted to apologize for not being the partner in this marriage that you deserved. I got caught up in my career and lost sight of what was most important to me—you.” John’s eyes watered, and a tear escaped and rolled down his cheek. “You were important to me, but I understood what you said.”
“Oh, John.” Kirsten was crying, and John pulled her into a hug. They both cried until there were no more tears. Then they both reached for tissues and wiped their eyes before they started laughing.
“Maybe if we’d been able to talk like this in our marriage, we could have worked things out.”
Kirsten shook her head and cupped John’s cheek with her hand. “I’m not so sure about that. I wasn’t being honest with you or myself. I never told you this, but Jordan isn’t the first woman I’ve been attracted to. I also had feelings for my college roommate. I wasn’t able to accept that part of me back then, and please believe me when I tell you I wasn’t attracted to another woman while we were together, but being with Jordan has opened my eyes to a lot of things. Mainly, I’m a lesbian, and I’m completely comfortable with that now.”
If John was surprised at her declaration, he did a good job of hiding it. He took her hand in his. “I know. It took me a long time to realize that, but I know. Look, besides wanting to apologize, I wanted to talk about our divorce. I’m not going to contest it, and I’ll offer you alimony if you want. I love you, Kirsten. I’ll always love you, but I want you to be happy, too.”
“Thank you, but you don’t need to pay me alimony. I make enough money to support myself, and I want to be fair about everything. Do you want to sell the house?”
“Not at this time, no, but if you want to sell it in the future, we can split the proceeds. Would that be okay with you?”
She couldn’t believe how generous John was being. No, actually she could. This was the type of man he had been when they’d been dating and were first married. But then his job had become more important than her, and she hadn’t stepped in when she should have. She saw a glimpse now of the man he had been. She was grateful he hadn’t changed when he’d been served with the divorce papers.
“That sounds more than fair.”
“Good. My attorney will be in touch with your attorney, and we’ll get through this quickly. I just have one more request.”
“What would that be?”
“May I kiss you good-bye?”
Kirsten nodded slightly as John scooted closer and put his arm around her shoulders. The last kiss she would share with John was sweet, but chaste, and she ended it by hugging him. She saw a shadow move across the living room, and when she looked back to the front window, she saw Jordan standing there with what could only be described as a look of horror on her face. Then she threw something down before turning and running to her car.
“Shit.” Kirsten ran from the room to grab her keys. “John, I gotta go. Lock up when you leave.”
*
Jordan decided to leave work early when she was able to reschedule her last few patients. She wanted to surprise Kirsten, who she was sure was busy making their anniversary dinner. Jordan wanted to help, but she stopped to get some flowers for Kirsten on the way to her house. The bouquet she had made was similar to the one she’d brought Kirsten on their first date, except rather than white roses to signify new beginnings, she’d replaced them with red roses to signify her love. Like the first bouquet, a sunflower was placed in the middle of the roses.
Jordan had never been happier. Kirsten had been a willing participant in their adventurous sex life, and she thrilled Jordan like no other woman had before her. She had a wide array of lingerie that she liked to model, which often made Jordan feel like a teenage boy.
Kirsten was the one woman who’d made Jordan realize all she had missed out on with her exile from relationships, but on the other hand, if she had been willing to have a girlfriend before, she and Kirsten may not have ever gotten together. No, she was exactly where she was supposed to be and with whom.
She thought back to her time at the beach before she and Kirsten had started dating when she’d contemplated the idea of soul mates. Kirsten had used the Gaelic term Anam Cara, the belief of two souls connecting and bonding. Jordan had Googled Anam Cara, and she’d learned a lot about it, but what had really rung true for her was the notion of your soul mate accepting you as you truly are. Kirsten had accepted her. She’d allowed her to take their relationship slow, to gain her trust, to let her true self shine.
According to what she’d read, in true Celtic spiritual belief, an Anam Cara friendship would allow you to awaken to your li
fe and experience the joy of others. There was no doubt in her mind that Kirsten had done that for her. She had experienced more joy, more peace, and more love in the short time she had been with Kirsten than she had in all of her life. Kirsten had healed her soul in a way she hadn’t dared to hope was possible.
While some people might say it was too soon for Jordan to admit this, she couldn’t imagine her life without Kirsten as her lover, her partner, and her best friend. She had realized that she wanted to spend the rest of her life with Kirsten. She wanted to have a family together, to grow old together, and to tell their grandchildren their love story.
Jordan came back to the present as she pulled up to Kirsten’s house and noticed a black BMW sedan parked in the driveway. She was a little disappointed Kirsten had company since all she wanted to do was take her upstairs and make love to her all night long, dinner be damned.
She grabbed the bouquet and started up the brick path leading to the door when the sight before her stopped her dead in her tracks. Through the front window, she saw Kirsten and a man kissing and hugging. When they turned around, Jordan realized the man Kirsten was kissing was John. She recognized him from the photos she’d seen on the wall the first time she had been to Kirsten’s house.
A rage roared through her unlike any she had ever experienced, even when she’d walked in on Kelly fucking that guy. Her body tensed, and her muscles quivered as the anger absorbed her. She couldn’t believe Kirsten would do this to her. She’d promised she would never hurt her. This had to be a nightmare. The pounding in her ears and the clouded vision weren’t real, were they? This couldn’t be happening. They were supposed to spend the rest of their lives together, weren’t they?
Jordan swallowed back the bile in her throat, slammed the flowers onto the ground, and ran to her car.
*
Kirsten screeched out of the driveway in pursuit of Jordan. She had no idea where Jordan was headed, but she guessed it was back to her house. She turned right onto the busy street and drove as fast as she could without getting pulled over for speeding. She spotted Jordan’s SUV up ahead, but there were six cars between them.
Kirsten was boxed in and was getting more and more frustrated as Jordan increased the distance between them. She frantically slammed her hand on the steering wheel and screamed, “Get out of the fucking way. Hurry. Shit. Shit. Shit.” Her stomach was rebelling, and she tried to take deep, calming breaths.
The look on Jordan’s face before she’d run had terrified Kirsten, but she was sure she could explain what had happened. Losing Jordan wasn’t an option. She’d finally found the meaning of her life in Jordan, and she wouldn’t let go without a fight. She just hoped Jordan would listen once she caught her.
Kirsten weaved her car through traffic and tried to catch up to Jordan. Jordan was the best thing that had ever happened to her, and she didn’t know what she would do if Jordan didn’t forgive her. But she had to. Kirsten hadn’t done anything wrong.
Kirsten was so distracted thinking about catching up to Jordan and what she would say to her when she did that she wasn’t paying attention to her surroundings. She was startled out of her reverie when she heard horns and the screeching of tires on pavement. Panicked, she whipped her head to the side just in time to see a flash of red streaking toward her. And then her world went black.
Chapter Forty-seven
Jordan pulled into her driveway and ran into her house, slamming the door behind her. She grabbed the bottle of Irish whiskey Kirsten had turned her on to and poured a full glass over ice. She needed something that would numb the pain of her heart breaking, and this was the strongest liquor she had.
You’re so fucking stupid, Jordan. Why would Kirsten be any different from Kelly? Just because she said all the right things and did all the right things? You’re a fucking idiot.
Jordan took a healthy swallow of her drink and went into the living room. She stared at the picture Brenda had taken of the two of them at the trailhead about a month ago. They looked so in love. Their smiles were wide and reached their eyes, and Kirsten’s hand covered hers as it draped over her shoulder.
Tears pooled in her eyes. Heat flushed through her body as she grabbed the framed photo and threw it across the room. Glass shattered to the floor when it hit the wall. What a fucking joke.
Jordan dropped onto the sofa—the sofa they had made love on numerous times when they’d been too turned on to make it to the bedroom—and sat motionless. She took another drink and wallowed in her pity. This was the last time she would ever make this mistake. No woman was worth losing her heart over. The only people she could depend on were Alex and her family.
Jordan thought about calling Alex, but she didn’t know what she would say. Alex had been so certain she had made the right decision in letting Kirsten into her heart. Look where that fucking got me.
She thought about calling her mom, but she didn’t know what she would say to her, either. Her mom and dad had been so happy when she’d told them about Kirsten. They’d made her promise to bring Kirsten with her next time she went to visit them. Jordan’s mom had even talked with Kirsten on the phone the few times she’d called while Kirsten had been over. But Kirsten would never be a part of her family now. She was getting back together with John, and they could start their own little fucking family. Her stomach roiled, and she ran to the bathroom, where she threw up.
A long time later, she pulled herself off the cool tile in the bathroom and returned to the couch. The remainder of her whiskey, which had blended with the now-melted ice, sat in a glass on her coffee table, causing a ring that she would probably never get out. She didn’t care about the fucking coffee table; she was too tired to care.
She wrapped her arms around her knees while she rocked back and forth. Her body felt lifeless, as did her soul. She didn’t care about anything or anyone at that moment. Her cell phone rang, and it came up as a private caller. She had half expected Kirsten’s name to come up on the screen, and was at once relieved and disappointed. Jordan let it go to voice mail. It rang again just a minute later and came up as a private caller again. She didn’t want to talk to anyone, so she turned off her phone and lay down on the couch.
She cried until she could no longer keep her eyes open. She succumbed to sleep before the sound of someone knocking on her door woke her. Her heart raced from the possibility of it being Kirsten, but she didn’t want to see her. She never wanted to see her again. She ignored it and closed her eyes again. She just wanted to be left alone and go back to sleep. She didn’t know how long she had been out, but the darkness outside indicated it had been at least a couple of hours.
The knocking on her front door became pounding, and a woman screamed her name. It wasn’t Kirsten’s voice. Jordan walked to the door, annoyed at the interruption. She couldn’t even have a night alone to wallow in her pity.
“Hang on, I’m coming.” She flung open the door and was surprised to see Brenda standing there looking pissed and scared.
“Where the hell have you been? I’ve been calling you, and it goes straight to voice mail.”
“Go away, Brenda. I don’t feel like talking to you tonight.” Jordan turned and shut the door, but Brenda pushed it open. “Get the fuck out of here.”
“I’m not going anywhere until I find out what’s going on.”
“It’s none of your business. If you want to know, then go ask your best friend.”
“My best friend is in the hospital, and she’s desperate to see you.”
“What do you mean she’s in the hospital? What happened?”
“She was in a car accident. Some guy in a truck ran a red light and T-boned her.”
Jordan ran her fingers through her hair and blew out a breath. She thought she might get sick again, but she swallowed the bile that was quickly rising in her throat. “Is she going to be all right?”
“I think so, but I’m not sure. The hospital tried calling you, and when they couldn’t reach you, they called me. When I got to Kirs
ten in the emergency room, she was a little disoriented, but she told me what happened. She made me promise to come over and get you. She needs you, Jordan.”
“If she told you what happened, then you know she’s getting back together with John. He’s the one you need to be talking to right now, not me.” Why the hell did Brenda think she had the right to come over and yell at her? She wasn’t the one who’d been kissing someone else.
Brenda stood. Her face was red, and she pointed a finger at Jordan. “Listen to me, asshole. Nothing is happening between Kirsten and John, and they certainly aren’t getting back together. John surprised Kirsten by showing up unannounced, but she told me he came to apologize for being a dick and that he wouldn’t contest the divorce. What she’s assuming you saw was John giving her a good-bye kiss. Kirsten loves you and only wants to be with you. Pull your head out of your ass, you jerk. She got into that accident because she was chasing you. You ran away without giving her a chance to explain. Now she’s lying on a gurney in the emergency room frightened out of her mind, not of her possible injuries but of you walking out of her life.”
Jordan stared down at her hands, which were now folded in her lap, and there was a distinct heaviness in her stomach. “I had no idea.”
Brenda sat back down next to her, her demeanor somewhat softened. “You should have trusted her enough to stay and hear her out rather than jumping to conclusions. Now, are you going to see her, or am I going to show up alone and break her heart?” Brenda poked her chest. “And let me make this clear, Jordan; if I go back alone, once Kirsten is better, I’m coming over here to kick your ass.”
Jordan poured another drink, then just as quickly, she threw it down the drain. She needed to think, and she couldn’t do that drunk. She paced the floor like a caged animal ready to attack. She’d seen Kirsten kissing John with her own eyes just as she’d seen Kelly fucking someone else all those years ago. I’m supposed to believe Brenda, Kirsten’s best friend? I know what I saw. Kirsten gave up on us. I thought we were soul mates. Why would she lie to me?
New Beginnings Page 23
