“I still think you should call her,” Beth said quietly.
“And if we did talk and—” Her father cleared his throat. “I mean, if, perhaps, she came for Christmas dinner tomorrow?”
That’s what she’d thought. They missed each other. Maybe there was a way to fix it, after all...now that the store was gone and they’d seen what it was like to live apart.
Beth shot her father a smile. “That would be fine, Dad.”
Her father nodded, then rose his feet. “Maybe I’ll just go upstairs and make a call—”
Beth watched her dad climb the stairs, and she sighed. Linda might not have been her first choice, but Beth didn’t need mothering anymore. She hadn’t for a long time. She was a grown woman now, and despite her father’s protestations to the contrary, she still wanted to move into her own place as soon as she could. She’d need her own space, too, to raise her daughter and establish her own home.
Beth’s arm was getting tired, and she brought Riley over to the bassinet beside the couch and laid her inside. Riley made a discontented moan but didn’t wake. Beth smiled to herself. She could see where this was going already, but she didn’t care. Not yet.
Beth stood over the bassinet for a couple of minutes watching her daughter sleep. From the kitchen, she could hear Granny’s whisk against a bowl while the old woman hummed a Christmas carol. This was a happy home, in spite of it all, Beth realized. Riley would spend many happy hours here, she could tell. Even if only when visiting her grandpa.
The doorbell rang, and Beth headed over to answer it. She pulled open the door and was shocked to see Luke. He was wearing a scarf that he’d obviously tied himself, because the knot at the front of his neck did nothing to stop the cold. He wasn’t wearing gloves, either, and Beth looked behind him into the chilly night, scanning for Danny.
“Hi, Luke,” she said. “Are you alone?”
She stepped back and beckoned him inside. The boy came in, shivering.
“Yeah,” Luke said. His eyes were red, and she could tell he’d been crying. She bent down and put her hands on his cold cheeks, tipping his face toward hers.
“What’s wrong?” she asked.
Fresh tears welled in the boy’s eyes, and his lip quivered. “She didn’t come.” His words were a whisper, and Beth’s stomach sank. Lana. He’d asked Santa for his mother—maybe the boy believed in old Saint Nick after all.
“Let’s get you warmed up, Luke,” she said. “And then you can tell me what happened.”
Luke stepped out of his boots and followed her into the living room. He looked silently at the bassinet. He didn’t seem to want to talk at the moment, and she realized that he hadn’t seen Riley yet. At the hospital he’d been whisked off before he’d had the chance.
“Do you want to see the baby?” she asked.
Luke went closer and stood looking down at Riley.
“She’s little,” he said quietly.
“Yeah.” Beth put an arm around Luke’s shoulders. “Does your dad know where you are?”
Luke slowly shook his head, and she sighed. Again. Poor Danny would be a wreck. Her father’s footsteps creaked on the stairs, and Beth looked up as he entered the living room.
“Dad, would you mind calling Danny and letting him know where Luke is?” she asked with a wince.
Her father nodded and immediately began scrolling through his phone for Danny’s number.
Beth led Luke to the couch and tugged him down next to her. “Now, tell me what happened, Luke.”
“It was my mom,” Luke said, his voice shaking. “She was on Facebook, and I used my friend’s account to talk to her. And she said she would come to see me tonight and I just had to meet her in front of my school. So I told her which school was mine, and she said she’d be there at seven.”
Beth’s stomach curdled. He’d sneaked out to meet his mother? All of the worst-case scenarios spun through her head, and she glanced at the clock on the wall. It was eight thirty. He’d been out for an hour and a half already. If Lana had shown up, he could have been almost out of the province by now!
“That’s so dangerous, Luke,” Beth said, trying to keep her voice steady.
“She didn’t come.” Luke’s chin trembled. “I waited and waited. She didn’t come...” His face crumpled, and Beth pulled him close and rocked him in her arms.
“Oh, Luke,” she said, her own eyes misting. “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”
“Why didn’t she come?” Luke wept. “Why not?”
Beth didn’t know... She knew she was grateful, though, and she knew that Luke would take it as a rejection. All he wanted was his mother to love him, to want him, and when he’d thought she’d finally come back, she’d let him down again.
It would have been kidnapping, legally speaking, if she’d simply picked him up and driven off. The very thought filled her with fury, but Luke didn’t need her indignation.
“Luke, your mom isn’t the best parent right now,” she said quietly. “Your dad is, though. And he loves you something fierce. If you’d just disappeared on him—”
“I only wanted to see Mom!” Luke protested. “I didn’t want to leave, just to see her. I wanted to give her a hug!”
He was eight, and far too young to understand all the complications.
“I know.” Beth smoothed his hair out of his eyes. “And I’m so sorry that she disappointed you. Especially on Christmas.”
Luke let out a shuddering sigh.
“You are a special boy, Luke,” she went on. “You’re funny, and you’re talented, and you’re particularly handsome, too. I wouldn’t make that up. Any mom would be super lucky to have a son as terrific as you. This isn’t about you, Luke. You’re a great kid. This is about your mom’s situation. And it’s complicated right now.”
Luke raised his tearstained face toward her and whispered, “I wish you were my mom.”
Beth’s heart gave a squeeze. “No, you don’t,” she said. “I’m your friend now, so you like me. But if I was your stepmom, I’d have to make you do your homework—” she made a face “—and I’d have to send you to your room if you were rude. I’d make you eat veggies, too. Whole plates of them!”
She was trying to cajole him into smiling, but Luke wasn’t responding to her humor.
“At least you’d be here. That’s better than my real mom.”
At least she’d be here... Did he mean that? What did kids his age know about how they’d feel in different circumstances? When he couldn’t get his way, when she couldn’t be sweet and soft all the time, when he’d have to share everything that right now he had to himself... And then she’d be the wicked stepmother, and she’d be tired and emotional, and she’d raise her voice to order him to his room, and he’d yell, “You’re not my mom, you know!” And one day when he was a teenager, he’d tell his father, “All I want for my birthday is a day with you alone. Without them.”
But this wasn’t even about Luke or how pleased he’d be with her in his life. This was about her and Danny. It didn’t matter how much Luke wanted her around if she couldn’t trust Danny when things were hard. If she and Danny weren’t solid, they wouldn’t be the strong, reliable family that Luke and Riley needed. They needed to know they could trust each other with the uncomfortable, unattractive, divisive things in life, or all the challenges of parenting and stepparenting would drive them apart.
She saw headlights swing up her driveway through the living room window. Danny was here to pick up his son. She pulled her hair away from her face and looked down into Luke’s teary eyes.
At least you’d be here... This little boy needed a mother.
“I think your dad’s here,” she said, putting a hand on his cheek. “And he’s going to be mad, but that’s only because he was probably scared out of his mind when he couldn’t find you.”
The doorbell rang, followed by a hard thump of a fist. Beth went to the door and pulled it open, then jumped back as Danny strode inside.
“Luke!” His voice boomed through the house, and Riley’s wail erupted from the bassinet.
Beth hurried to pick up her baby, and Danny shot her an apologetic look. But she understood. He’d just had a decade knocked off his life with this scare, no doubt.
“I’m sorry, Dad,” Luke said, tears welling up again.
“What the hell was that?” Danny rubbed a hand over his eyes, and she could see that the big man was struggling to hold back his own emotions.
“Mom said she would meet me at the school,” Luke said. “And I wanted to see her—”
The blood drained from Danny’s face, and rubbed a hand over his eyes. His worst fears were running through his mind—she could see it.
“She didn’t show up,” Beth added.
“Thank God...” Danny grimaced when he saw Luke’s face. “Son, if you’d left—”
“I wasn’t going to go, Dad!” Tears streamed down Luke’s face. “I just wanted to see her!”
Beth knew they’d need time to talk this one through, and she didn’t envy Danny. She’d likely be dealing with her own version of it in eight years or so, when Riley started asking about her own father. Beth snuggled her daughter closer.
“Let’s go home,” Danny said woodenly. “We’ll talk about it, okay?”
“Am I in trouble?” Luke asked plaintively.
“We’ll talk...”
Beth met Danny by the door while Luke shoved his feet back into his boots.
“He needs to see her,” Beth whispered. “He needs to at least see his mom, so he can see why she can’t be with him.”
Danny’s eyes flashed and he shook his head. “After this, she’ll never see him! Setting up a meeting behind my back? That’s unforgivable.”
She knew he was angry, but she could also see what his anger hid from him—his son’s need for his mother.
“Danny—” she started, but he raised a hand, silencing her.
“You aren’t part of this decision.” His tone was strangely quiet. His words sank in, though, and she nodded, swallowing everything she would have said. He was right. He’d wanted them to be a family, and if she’d agreed, she’d be a part of the parenting, too. But she’d said no. These choices were his and his alone to make.
Danny pulled open the door, and Luke followed his dad out onto the snowy walk. Luke turned back and fixed her with a miserable look before Danny barked something and Luke trudged after him toward the car. Beth closed the door after them to keep the draft away from her newborn.
Her heart was heavy and sodden. She sucked in a breath, trying to sort out her feelings, but she couldn’t right now. They were all knotted up. She went back into the living room, stood in front of the Christmas tree, and tears blurred her vision, then started to flow. She couldn’t hold it back, and great, shuddering sobs shook her shoulders. She loved him—blast it all, she loved that man, but the kids needed more than what she and Danny could provide.
She was doing this for all of them.
* * *
DAN BROUGHT LUKE home that evening, and they sat up together for a couple of hours talking. As much as he hated to admit it, Beth was right. Luke needed to know his mom, and Dan needed to find a way to make that happen safely.
“Doesn’t she love me?” Luke had asked.
“She definitely loves you,” Dan said. “Maybe that’s why she didn’t come, because saying goodbye would have been too hard.”
“I love her,” Luke whispered.
Dan emailed Lana that night, too, and told her that he knew about the meeting, and that they needed to sort this out together—no secrets, no sneaking. He wasn’t sure if she’d respond or not. He had a feeling that Lana had agreed to see Luke on impulse, but given time to think it through, she’d changed her mind.
Thank God! Dan was so deeply grateful that she’d changed her mind...
But it made all of this harder, because Luke felt his mother’s rejection keenly, and when he finally fell asleep that night, Dan was left with a heavy heart.
This wasn’t what Christmas was supposed to be. Luke was supposed to be excited about Santa coming...even though he knew Santa wasn’t real by this point. But still—tonight was supposed to be about sugarplums dancing through Luke’s head, not the heavy reality of a distant mother. He was supposed to be wondering what surprises were waiting for him under the tree, not if his own mother loved him.
While Luke slept, his eyelashes moist from tears, Dan brought the presents out and put them under the tree. They looked paltry—too few. Four odd-shaped boxes wrapped in Santa paper with drugstore bows. Somehow, even the Christmas tree sparkled a little less. Dan couldn’t fix this...
There was a knock on the front door, and he pushed himself tiredly to his feet. He glanced at his watch and saw that it was past eleven. Who would be coming over this late? Dan pulled open the front door and found Granny Thomas. She wore her red parka, a white hat pulled down over her ears, and she held a foil-wrapped plate.
“Granny!” He looked beyond her to the car in the driveway. Rick was behind the wheel, the car still running. Rick looked at him but didn’t wave or make any other gesture of recognition.
“May I come in?” Granny asked gently.
“Yes, of course.” Dan moved back, and she stepped inside and stomped her boots on the mat. He shut the door behind her and accepted the plate. He peeked under the foil to see shortbread cookies decorated with icing. “Thank you.”
“I told Rick that you needed some Christmas treats,” Granny said with a smile.
“I appreciate it.” He forced a smile in return. “A bit of Christmas cheer in spite of it all.”
“How is the little one?” Granny asked.
Dan looked at her uncertainly. Which “little one” did she mean? “Luke’s asleep,” he said.
“Good.” Granny nodded. “Because I need to speak with you...about Beth.”
Dan sighed. He didn’t have the strength for this. He couldn’t sit here and pretend that they were in the past to comfort Granny, because his heart was ripped to shreds, too. How long would they all playact for her? When would enough be enough?
“Granny,” he said gently. “Beth and I aren’t getting married.”
Granny tipped her head to one side, then nodded. “I know.”
“Okay—” So she was in the present. That made things easier.
“So, what about Beth?” he asked.
“I still think you should marry her.” Granny pulled off her gloves. “And that isn’t confusion talking, dear.”
“Granny, I told her I loved her—” His voice caught, and he swallowed. “She can’t be a stepmother to Luke. He’s my world. I can’t just—”
Granny put a hand on his arm and silenced him.
“I can’t take too long with this, dear,” she said. “Rick is waiting for me in the car. So I need you to hear me. Can you do that?”
“Yeah. Sure.”
It was the Granny they’d all known and loved—the practical yet sentimental woman who’d always seen the best in Dan.
“Daniel, I’m losing my memory,” she said simply. “I slip back to times past... I forget that Ralph is gone. I think people are younger than they really are, and...” She sighed. “I’m losing what is most important to me, Daniel—my memories of the people I love most.”
Dan didn’t know what to say. He hadn’t realized that she understood her situation, and he had no comfort to offer.
“I’m sorry, Granny,” he said simply.
“The thing is,” she went on, “I’m losing the memories, but I’m not losing the love. Does that make sense?” She shook her head. “I’m going to need you to remem
ber for me, one day. I won’t know who you are, and you’ll have to hold on to our memories of our friendship by yourself. I’ll think you’re a stranger. I hate that.”
“I’ll remember for you,” he assured her.
“And I know you will.” Granny smiled sadly. “But while I lose the memories that nail me down, the love is still there inside me. The love is more firmly attached, it seems. It’s a better anchor. Love isn’t a choice, is it?”
Tears filled Dan’s eyes, and he shook his head. “No, it doesn’t seem to be.”
“When I forget the time I’m in, my heart is filled with memories of love, even if the memories themselves are gone. I still have some remnant—like a sticky residue that can’t be washed off. I think you understand that kind of love, don’t you?”
A sticky residue—unwanted, perhaps, but cemented on. That summed it up pretty well. Dan smiled wryly, but nodded.
“I can’t stop loving her, Granny,” he admitted. “It’s not about vows. It’s just a fact.”
She smiled. “I know. I also know that you’ll never be able to rinse her out of your heart, Daniel. Ever. If that kind of love sticks despite dementia, then believe me—you’re stuck.”
This was supposed to make him feel better? Dan heaved a sigh. “Thanks for that.”
Granny shrugged. “It is what it is, Daniel. Perhaps it’s better to accept that and find a way to make it work with her.”
“There isn’t a way,” he said.
“There’s always a way.” Granny’s eyes teared up again. “I watched her cry tonight, Daniel. I watched my granddaughter sob in front of the Christmas tree with her newborn baby in her arms. She loves you, too... And I’ve lived a lifetime already, dear. I know how rarely a person comes across a love that strong.”
She’d cried? His heart sank at that image—Beth weeping in front of her Christmas tree... If she’d let him comfort her, he’d do it. If she’d let him love her—
“What do I do?” he asked helplessly.
A Boy's Christmas Wish Page 21
