Jason was right. Gathering her courage, she nodded and then unfolded the letter once again. She started right where she had let off, reading out loud.
It should’ve been a wake-up call for me when you moved out at sixteen. I know the years that followed were hard. Jake filled me in on his part in your unhappiness. I wasn't strong enough. I wish I had been. Every day I pray I could have a do-over. But that's not how it works. We do things and say things, and then live with the consequences.
I can't remember the last time I told you I loved you. I know it's a little late now, but I do. Your stepmother has left, so here I am, dying alone. No one should die alone. They should be surrounded by family.
I hope you're not alone. I hope my actions haven't caused you any lasting harm. Let yourself love the people in your life. Let yourself trust them. I am a coward. You, my daughter, are not a coward. You've always been the strong one. I'll tell your mother you said hi when I reach her - assuming I'm not rotting in that other place.
That was how he left it. No signature, no official goodbye. A line about Hell. A sound escaped Maggie's throat that was something between a laugh and a sob. To her ears, she sounded like a strangled cat.
Jason didn't say anything as he took the letter from her hands and set it on the coffee table. She didn't realize she was shaking until he grabbed her hands to still them.
"My dad is dead," she whispered, her shoulders sagging.
"He is," Jason affirmed, pulling her against his side.
Her father's words ran through her mind, stopping on one word: alone. He was alone in the end. Sure, Jake was around - but a sober buddy isn't family.
Maggie rested her palm against her stomach, knowing she'd never have a family of her own.
"I don't want to be alone." A tear slid across the bridge of her nose. Jason wiped it away before it could fall to the ground.
"You'll never be alone, Mags." He bumped his shoulder against hers. "You're never getting rid of me."
She laughed despite the knot in her stomach. "Wouldn't dream of it," she said.
A sudden urge started with a thought. The letter had opened up a pit within Maggie, and she suddenly felt as if she’d been hollowed out. Her father was wrong about one thing. If she’d known he was dying, she would’ve gone to him.
"I need to go to Boston," she said.
Jason didn't argue; he just pulled out his phone to look at the time. "Let me call Aaron, he can manage the bar for a few days. We can leave tonight."
Maggie watched him walk into the other room, already speaking into his phone, thankful she hadn't even had to ask him to come. He just knew she needed him.
Eighteen
Four hours and eleven minutes. That's how much time Maggie had to think before they reached Boston. And think she did - about all the reasons she left there in the first place. Four years ago she’d had no intention of going back. It's not that there wasn't anything there for her, there was. It was just that the memories were too strong.
But there were things she missed. Most notably, Mama Lugo. Since Maggie barely knew her own mother, Elijah's mom had filled that hole in her life.
It was three hours into the drive when Jason finally asked it.
"You going to call Elijah and let him know where you are?"
"No." She gripped the steering wheel until her knuckles turned white.
Jason raised an eyebrow in question, looking sideways at her. "Want to talk about it?"
"No."
"Mags -”
"Leave it alone, Jason."
"But -”
"I'll talk about it when I'm ready."
"Fair enough." He nodded, reaching forward to change the radio station. "We're staying with his parents, right?"
"Yeah, I called them before we left." She laughed softly. "I could practically hear Mama Lugo cleaning in excitement."
"Cleaning is exciting?" Amusement laced through his voice.
"For her it is." Maggie felt herself smiling as she thought of the woman. "Their house isn't much, and the neighborhood is terrible - but there's no place that feels homier. It's clean to the point of obsessiveness and always smells nice from whatever is cooking. Mama is a fantastic cook."
"I'm glad you had a place like that to go to growing up." He put his hand on her arm, squeezed, and let go.
"Me too." Her voice trailed away as her thoughts engulfed her. Thoughts of Elijah.
Maggie had hesitated before calling Mama Lugo, looking for a place to stay. She wasn't sure it was okay with the way things stood between her and Elijah. They could’ve stayed in a hotel, but that would’ve felt wrong. Elijah's family felt like family to her.
The sting of what he did was fading. It had been a shock at first, and she’d said some things she probably shouldn't have. But dammit, she couldn't let anyone pull controlling bullshit on her ever again. That's when things started to go to hell with Jake.
It wasn't fair to compare the two. Elijah was a much better person than Jake had ever been. She’d always known that.
They pulled off the highway and made their way through the familiar streets. It was almost as if she’d never left. She’d spent all but the last four years of her life in the same neighborhood. When she left her parents at sixteen, she moved in next door. Then, when she got married, she lived two streets over. So many people here never leave.
As Maggie's hand reached down to put the car in park, her eyes lifted and scanned the row of houses. It was late and they were dark, but the Lugo's porch light let her see the house next door in small detail.
It looked almost abandoned, but she was sure it wasn't. Many of the houses in the area were in similar condition. The faded blue paint was peeling and flaking off. The front porch that she’d spent so much time sitting on to avoid being inside the house was in disrepair. Upstairs, a window had been broken and boarded up. She wondered if her father had done that. It wouldn't have been the first window he threw a liquor bottle through.
Sensing her mood, Jason walked around the car to help her out. He held onto her elbow to steady her as they walked up the front walkway to the house that stood in contrast to the mess next door. The Lugo's house looked inviting. Mr. Lugo was a firm believer in painting every other summer, so the yellow shone bright where the light touched it. The grass was perfectly cut, and baskets of flowers hung along the porch. It wasn't much, but in her life it had been everything.
Jason left her at the steps and went back to grab their bags, rejoining her a moment later. She stepped up slowly, but before she could knock, the door swung open and a plump woman with a wide smile stood in the doorway, hands on hips.
"Get in here, sweetheart," she said, opening her arms.
Maggie fell against the woman and held on tight as soon as her arms came around her.
"There there," Mama Lugo rubbed her back. "It's going to be okay."
After a few moments, Mama released Maggie. "And this must be Jason!" She reached her arms towards him and he dropped the bags. You didn't refuse a hug from Mama. "I've been hearing about you since you were a kid. It's wonderful to finally meet you."
"Mi corazón," a thick Cuban accent came from the living room. "Let them breathe."
Maggie practically ran to Mr. Lugo and he enveloped her in a hug just as good as his wife's. She pulled back, and he looked at her closely. He was so very much like Elijah that she wanted to laugh - or cry again. The same dark looks and kind eyes. They both had smiles that held a hint of humor in them.
Mr. Lugo shook Jason's hand. "It's late. I'll bet you two are exhausted."
Maggie looked at the clock on the wall, not realizing how late it was until right then. The Lugos had stayed up to wait for them.
"Can I get you anything to eat or drink?" Mama asked.
"I think we'll let you get some sleep," Maggie said, putting an arm around Mama's shoulders. "We've kept you up late enough."
"If you're sure," Mama replied. "You're in your old room. We've got Elijah's room set up for Jason. You kn
ow where everything is."
"I do." She smiled at the older woman. "Thanks. Both of you."
Mama squeezed her hand before Maggie and Jason turned and headed up the stairs.
###
Elijah was going crazy worrying about Maggie. After leaving him in the apartment, she hadn’t returned. She didn’t answer her phone.
He had an idea of where she went, but Jason wasn’t answering his phone either.
It killed him that she wasn’t letting him be there for her as he always had. He knew he’d gone too far with the letter, but he hadn’t known what the consequences would be.
At first, he wondered if she no longer trusted him enough to help her, but then he realized how ridiculous that was. Maggie wasn’t about to throw away one of the only things that made sense in either of their lives.
He needed to keep busy. He was in his car, heading over to his house, when his phone rang. He quickly snatched it out of the cup holder, letting out a frustrated breath when he saw it wasn’t Maggie.
“Hey,” he answered.
“Hi, Elijah,” Michaela responded. “What are you up to?”
“Trying to keep busy,” he admitted.
“Well, I just heard from Jason.”
“And?” he demanded.
“He’s taking Maggie to Boston, but he said they won’t be gone long.”
He blew out through his teeth. “Shit.” He knew what Boston meant for Maggie. She’d need him.
“Jason said it was something they needed to do, just the two of them.” It was like Michaela was reading his mind.
“Fine.” At least he knew where she was. He’d call his mom in the morning to see if she thought he should come.
“Come to the bar.” Michaela was an expert at changing the subject. “Chris and I are about to head over.”
“You know what?” Elijah said. “I think I will.”
Michaela let out an excited squeal. “See you soon.”
They hung up, and Elijah turned his car around. Traffic was light, so it didn’t take him long to get there.
He parked a few blocks away and then walked into the bar. It was a popular place. Aaron, Jason’s manager, saw him coming towards the bar and had a beer ready for him. He took it and then found Michaela and Chris sitting at a table in the corner.
Brother and sister both smiled at him as he took a seat. They were easy people to be around, and Elijah appreciated the lack of tension.
“’Bout time you got here, lover boy,” Chris chirped. “Figured you’d be all broody since the love of your life, your reason for living, is out of town.”
Elijah leveled him with a stare, but it didn’t bother Chris. Michaela was laughing beside him and Elijah couldn’t help the slight upturn of his lips. They had obviously already had a few drinks.
Both of them had backed off drinking a lot lately, but they still liked to have a good time. They were a bit younger than Elijah, especially Michaela, but he couldn’t remember being as carefree and fun at that age.
Michaela pushed her long auburn curls over her shoulder and looked at the two boys. “Okay,” she started, “We haven’t told anyone with all the stuff that’s been going on with Maggie, but I’m assuming Jason is telling her while they’re in Boston.”
“Michaela, slow down,” Chris said, putting a hand on his sister’s shoulder. “What haven’t you told anyone?”
“Um … JasonandIareengaged.” It came out as one word and took a moment to register in Elijah’s ears.
A grin brightened his face as Chris yelped in excitement and threw his arms around Michaela.
“When?” Chris asked, once he had stopped cheering. “How?”
Michaela sipped her drink and looked over the rim of the glass. She put it down, deliberately drawing out her actions to annoy her brother. Elijah was more patient.
“Michaela,” Chris huffed.
She laughed lightly before starting the story. “Well, he didn’t really mean to propose yet. He said he was going to wait until we were in Connecticut so he could do it at the beach. It was the day he read Maggie’s letter, but hours before. We were in bed,” the color rose in her cheeks.
Chris waggled his eyebrows, and Elijah’s smile widened.
“We weren’t doing that!” she exclaimed when she saw their expressions. “We’d just woken up and were wrestling, you know, just playing around. I pinned him to the bed with my knee to his chest and leaned down to kiss him. He was laughing as he flipped me. Then he just kind of blurted out, ‘marry me’.”
She looked down, a smile twitching on her lips.
“He tried to take it back. It was so cute. He started blushing furiously, so embarrassed that he said it. He said he wanted it to be so perfect, but I told him it was. It was spontaneous and genuine. I didn’t let him take it back.”
“Well,” Chris said, clapping Michaela on the back. “This calls for champagne!” He left to go get it, and Elijah looked back at Michaela.
“Congrats,” he said. “You guys are perfect.”
“I know,” she said quietly.
Elijah envied them, about to stand up in front of everyone they knew to proclaim how much they loved each other. Even if they never had that, he’d take Maggie however he could have her.
He glanced at his phone, hoping for a message from her. Nothing. Worry gnawed at his stomach.
Chris returned a minute later, holding a bottle of champagne and three glasses. “Time to celebrate!”
Elijah ran a hand over his forehead in anticipation of the headache he’d have in the morning if he tried to keep up with these two.
“Screw it,” he said, taking his glass. He’d celebrate with Michaela now, and deal with the repercussions later.
###
Waking up in a place from your past that’s so very familiar to you is strange. Mama Lugo hadn't changed her fabric softener since Maggie was a kid, and the floral scent clung to the sheets as she lay in bed. A bed that she’d spent many nights in. That was another lifetime.
The dresser that once held Maggie's worn assortment of Goodwill clothes had been refinished. Mr. Lugo was always doing little projects like that around the house.
Maggie threw back the sheets and set her bare feet on the cold, wooden floor. She stood in front of the window that looked down into the backyard. It was just as she remembered it. A tall wooden fence ran along the perimeter of the small space, keeping in the dog they once had. A small deck jutted out from the back of the house, its base lined by beautiful gardens. These, Maggie remembered, were Mama's pets. It's where Maggie had developed a love for gardening. She’d even designed the gardens at Elijah's new house.
Thoughts of Elijah filled her with a desire to be down in that yard. A yard they’d spent so much time in as kids, talking and sometimes just sitting in silence. Whatever she needed.
She was still in her pajamas, and she didn't want to take the time to shower and dress just yet. Stepping out into the hall, she went next door and knocked on the door. Jason answered, already showered and ready for the day.
"You just getting up?" he asked, surprised.
"Yes." She pushed past him into the room and went straight to the dresser, knowing some of Elijah's old things were still in there. She opened the drawer and found what she was looking for. A pair of drawstring basketball shorts.
Jason arched an eyebrow, but let her leave. She changed into the shorts and a tank top, throwing her hair into a ponytail. Not bothering with shoes, she went down the stairs and straight out the back door.
The scents of summer hit her full force. The flowers were in full bloom, and their smells drifted on the soft breeze. She shielded her eyes from the sun, its rays breaking through the thick rain clouds as she stood on the deck taking in her surroundings. It was going to be a hot, wet one, she could feel that already, as a line of sweat started to form in beads along her upper lip.
She didn't bother with the steps as she hopped to the ground from the deck. In the fall, she and Elijah used to jump from
the deck into piles of leaves. There were no leaves on the ground yet.
Her steps were slow and deliberate as she walked the familiar path across the small yard. The willow tree, their tree, stood taller than she remembered. It took up an entire corner of the yard, shielding everything beneath its drooping branches from the harsher realities of summer. It was missing something, though. Their bench. The bench where she’d first kissed Elijah. Where he’d made the only promise to her he’d ever broken.
Can you promise you're only going to kiss me once? Because, Elijah, you are my best friend and if I lose you, I’ll have nothing.
She closed her eyes as the memory grew stronger. Even then, she knew it would change everything. She hugged her arms in front of her, wishing he was there with her. She needed him. There had never been a time in her life where she had to face something big without him by her side. He was her strength, and without him she didn't know what she had left.
The weight of that realization forced itself on her, and her shoulders sagged. She walked forward and sunk to the ground with her back against the trunk of the tree.
"Why am I here?" she asked no one, looking up towards the sky. The truth was, she didn't know. There was the closure factor, saying goodbye to her father. But she also wanted to prove that he was wrong. She would’ve come if he told her he was sick. This was her showing up for him when he never did the same for her. Proof she was different.
She had also needed to get out of New York to think. But being here just made that harder.
"You'll hurt yourself if you think that hard," Mama Lugo said, walking across the lawn towards her, two cups of coffee in hand.
To Maggie's surprise, Mama didn't wait for her to get up. Instead, she sat next to her in the dirt.
"You two and this tree," she laughed, holding out one of the mugs towards Maggie. "I assume you still take it the same way."
"Yes, thank you." She took the coffee gratefully and sipped it. "Mama, can I ask you a question?"
"Of course."
Promises (New Beginnings Book 2) Page 13
