by B. N. Toler
“Yes, but I also said you found us,” he reminds me.
“Yes, but you still kidnapped me.” I point at him.
“Yes, but that’s only part of it.”
“What other part is there?” I cross my arms, annoyed by the back and forth.
“You never asked why Sarah was in the gas station that night.”
I think about this a moment. I remember how weird it was to see such a well-dressed woman in a gas station in the ghetto, but I never questioned why she was there once I met her. “Why was she there?”
He runs a hand through his hair again and rests his elbows on his knees. “Aldo, Sarah and I operate what I like to call a safe place. We love who we are. I like being a blood healer, but I don’t believe anyone should be turned against their will. Sarah was affiliated with a nest, but she cut ties with them when she broke orders. Now she has informants who work on the inside and fill her in on things.” He leans back, using his hands to hold him up. “When they hear names come through, they pass them along to her. She got your name, and started watching you to see if you were the real deal, and the night you healed the gunman in the convenience store, she knew. We got to you before they did. You would’ve pulled quite the pay day for someone.”
“Because I’m a healer?”
“Not to mention your other gift.”
“It’s so wrong.” I shake my head disappointed at the thought. How could a healer sell their own?
“Like me, many blood healers like what we are, so they think turning another is a gift.”
“But you don’t see it like that?” I start to view Rhett in an entirely different light. Maybe he’s not evil.
“No. As I said, I like what I am, but I believe you should decide what you want.”
“I could never want this.”
Rhett looks away, back out towards the field and sighs. “Maybe it’s not for you, but we need to keep you here and keep you safe until we figure out who gave you to them. In the meantime, we can show you our world, and let you decide.”
“So why did you make me lock Thomas out of my dreams?” The torment squeezes my heart.
“Because I think he may be involved.”
I recoil, scooting away from him. “No, he wouldn’t do that.” How could he think that? “He tried to send me home.”
“To who?” He questions as if he knows the answer already. “Your brothers, right?”
Guess Sarah filled him in on my family ties. No point in denying their existence now. I think about this for a moment. Is he saying Thomas tried to send me home so that he could find my brothers to sell them too? Numbness settles over me, and I realize it’s because I’ve stopped breathing.
“That’s not possible. He wouldn’t do that,” I stammer, appalled at the accusation.
“If that’s the case, then you have nothing to worry about. But as it is, I’m trying to find the reapers and destroy them. A reaper found you. Luckily, we got to you first.”
“Reapers?” I question.
“Hunters. They find healers, then contact the nest and give them the location.”
“How do I know you and Sarah aren’t the hunters?” I retort.
His brows rise, taken aback by my question. “I guess you don’t,” he answers matter-of-factly. We stare at each other in silence, awkwardness hangs in the air before he stands and walks towards the door. “I’m not going to hurt you, Aldo.”
I don’t turn to acknowledge him. I’m too confused. Anger eats away at me when I think of how he has taken me and threatened Thomas, invaded my dreams and forced me to lock out the only connection I had to Thomas, and made me come here, away from everyone. I’m afraid of what he is and how he came to be what he is, but then, there is something about him that calms me. A gentleness. Even Sarah with her stone-like demeanor and cold words has moments where I can still see her humanity. Maybe it’s more than that. After all, they may be blood healers and I a human healer, but at the end of the day we were all cut from the same cloth.
With that thought, I wonder how much of what Lucy told me is true, or better yet, what things did she not tell me. My mind wonders back to the evening I first spoke to her about Thomas, and she explained the world of vampires to me. She tried to hide her nervousness by focusing on her knitting. Maybe her reaction was more about the pain of losing a son and a husband. She stole us and lied to us our entire lives, but could I blame her? Even for the son who I’ve known briefly I would exhaust all options to protect him. She spent eighteen years molding us and preparing for a trade that would reunite her with her loved ones only to die as she reached the goal. I could forgive her for what she did to us, or tried to do to us, but to trade Thomas and his brother for money was a low I can never forgive.
I move to the porch swing and rock as I reflect on my childhood. I wish I had a way to speak to Lucy once more. She was the only one who could tell us who our parents are. Are they still alive? She must have known them personally. How else would she have gotten close enough to kidnap us?
While I torment myself with these questions, I don’t notice when Rhett actually makes his exit. It’s only when Sarah walks onto the porch and orders me in do I realize I’ve been lost in my own world.
After my completely unsatisfying dinner, lacking any flavor that I eat in the kitchen by myself, I make my way towards the stairs that lead up to my bedroom. Another day without a Coke and I may turn into a form of evil not to be reckoned with.
As I pass the doorway to what I assume is the den, I hear Rhett call out to me. “Aldo, please come in and join us.” I mope into the room to find Rhett seated on a leather sofa chair in front of the fireplace. Rhett has showered and is dressed in flannel pajama pants with a green t-shirt, and his wet hair slicked back.
Sarah is seated in a matching chair, opposite of him staring into the fire. Her blonde hair is down, barely reaching her shoulders. She’s wearing all black, I remember Rhett mentioning it’s her favorite color; apparently it’s the only color she likes. She looks softer in this more relaxed atmosphere. At my entrance, she exits avoiding eye contact with me. So much for her softer side.
“Please come and sit.” Rhett motions for me to take Sarah’s place.
I obey and sit automatically, relaxed by the warmth of the fire. I glance at him. “Pajamas?” I question, mockingly.
“What, my kind can’t wear pajama pants?”
I shrug.
“How was your dinner?”
“Very satisfying,” I reply sarcastically.
He laughs. “Well, you’ll thank us if and when you decide to be turned.”
“So this is like some blood healer—vampire prep course?”
“I guess you could call it that.” He stands and grabs the cast iron poker from its stand on the hearth and starts stabbing at the fire.
“So you starve me, force me to relax, and what else?”
“Make you come to terms with some things that might be weighing you down.” He watches me for a reaction.
I stare into the fire to avoid making any expression. “I have nothing weighing me down. We made a deal. If I came with you, those I love are safe. I trust you will keep your end of the agreement.”
“I will,” he agrees.
“Then there is nothing weighing me down.”
He places the poker back on its stand and watches me again. I can feel the weight of his stare bearing down on me, but I stare at the dancing licks of the fire, willing myself not to give him the satisfaction. Does he want to see me break down?
“Hmm,” he mumbles under his breath.
“What?” I snap, letting my stone face crumble.
“I think we both know you haven’t dealt with your… shall we say... painful issues.”
“And how do you propose to help me deal with my so called painful issues?”
“By making you wake up and accept reality.”
His words hit me like a stun gun. I’m paralyzed. Rhett stares at me, leaning forward cautiously as if I’m some sort of
wild animal that may attack him.
My vision blurs, and I close my eyes tight, trying to clear it, but when I open them again it’s worse.
Mumbled voices speak words, one over top of the other. Thomas telling me he couldn’t be around me; Lucy telling me to forget about Thomas; small frail Ella telling me it was okay that I couldn’t save her.
Visions begin to erupt, pinging through my brain like hail on a tin roof. My brother Hudson kissing Lila passionately; Whit in his tux on prom night; Lucy knitting vigorously; Hudson holding Beau the day he was born like a doting father. My head jerks as each vision erupts and I hear myself cry out, a shriek that stuns me it is so intense. Next, an image of Thomas the night we made love in my field by the lake. Suddenly, my throat burns and my eyes sting. I’m watching our house burning down in front of me, but I can’t get inside to save Lucy.
“Lucy!” I scream as I watch myself reach the door of our house engulfed in flames. The visions continue, ripping through my mind, shredding my heart like paper with each flash.
I grab my head as pain jolts through it, praying for relief. Suddenly, I’m being sucked into a black hole, my memories playing out above me. I’m caught in limbo. Up is pain and heart break, down is numbness, nothingness. Yes, I can hide there, and I won’t have to think about pain. The pain vanishes as my memories begin to scatter, pieces flying in every direction. I stare down at the dark hole beneath me and let go, falling into the darkness. The voices and images have disappeared, and I smile with relief. There is no peace like the peace I find here. Pain can’t find me here.
I’m free falling, when suddenly I’m jerked up. My dark abyss is gone, and I’m surrounded by light, something holds me tightly by my arms.
“Aldo!” Rhett shouts, shaking me like a rag doll.
I blink at him, and fall to the ground, searching for my dark hole. It was just here. It can’t be gone. Sobs burst out of me as I run my hands frantically over the floor, hoping the carpet is disguising my hole.
“It’s okay, Aldo.” Rhett grabs me and pulls me close, holding me tight as if I may vanish. “You can’t go there,” he whispers, his hand holds my head to his chest. How does he know where I was going? Through my massive sobs, I can feel his energy, cold as ice, running through me. My pain is there. He was right. I never want to experience that pain ever again. I cling to Rhett, not because I want his comfort, but because I’m afraid if I let him go the voices and images may return.
“Shh.” Rhett holds me tight. “It’s okay,” he whispers trying to calm me.
I can feel his voice vibrate through his chest where my head is pressed as he speaks comforting words to me. “How did you do that? It’s like I was falling and suddenly I was jerked out.”
“I don’t know.” He strokes my hair, maintaining his hold on me.
We sit in silence while I get myself together. Mostly, I cry an endless river of tears. After about twenty minutes, Rhett moves me back into the chair and wipes the tears from my face with his thumbs. Cold vibrations tingle gently over the warm flesh of my cheeks, wet from my tears.
“Here.” He places a box of tissues beside me, and I take one, wondering where the box came from. I wipe my face and blow my nose, not concerned with how disgusting I look or sound.
“Water.” Rhett nods at the door behind me, but I don’t turn to see who he’s speaking with, assuming it’s Sarah who must’ve come running when she heard my cries. He stands and walks behind me and returns with a glass of water which I take from him and sip slowly. I see him look back to the door with a frustrated expression and nod, indicating for whoever it was to go. I’m grateful for that because Sarah’s snooty, insensitive face is the last thing I need at this moment.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what happened,” I say before I sip my water, trying to avoid eye contact with him.
“It’s okay,” he assures me. “Why don’t you go up and get some rest.” He stands, extending his hand out to me, offering to help me up. I take it, looking into his eyes, riveted by the sensation that runs through me. He quickly lets go, realizing what’s happening. He eyes me as I stand. His face twisted; he appears to be afraid. Not afraid of me, but maybe for me.
“I’m okay,” I assure him, staring into his dark eyes. Oddly enough, I hadn’t noticed his eye color before. They have a hint of green surrounded by rich brown. A color I have never seen before. I always thought they were just dark for some reason. We stand eye locked for a moment, before I tear my eyes away and turn.
“Aldo, we all have things we want to forget, ya know.” He speaks softly and steps towards me as I turn to acknowledge him. I stare down at my balled up tissue, picking at it in an attempt not to look at him.
“I’m okay, Rhett,” I assure him again. “I think I’m just a little worn out from the events of the last few days.”
“Understandable.” He nods. “I’ll take you out for some riding lessons tomorrow.”
“Okay.” I nod and turn again. Riding lessons are the last thing on my mind right now, but I’m too tired to say otherwise.
“Goodnight, Aldo,” he says softly.
“Goodnight.” I exit the room. I make my way up the stairs and find myself wishing I was still downstairs, wrapped in Rhett’s arms, then shiver at the thought.
How could I wish that?
.
thirteen
The next morning, I wake to a knock at my door. When I open it, Sarah looks enthused as ever, holding some clothes and riding boots. She rolls her piercing blue eyes at the sight of me, but I’m so groggy I don’t bother trying to figure out why. “Rhett asked me to lend these to you.”
I take the items from her. “Thanks.”
“Your breakfast is ready.” She pivots and walks towards the stairwell.
I close my door, tossing the clothes onto the bed. When I came to my room last night I was so exhausted, I slipped on Rhett’s shirt from the previous night because it was lying on the arm chair. It occurs to me that this is the reason Sarah rolled her eyes when she saw me wearing it. I slip his shirt off and proceed to dress in the clothes Sarah brought me. She seems so much thinner than me, but the clothes she gave me fit perfectly. I decide to wait to put the boots on until we are about to go out to the barn. I brush my teeth and pull my long dark hair into a pony tail. I apply some make up and leave my room, making my way down the stairs.
As I walk down the stairs, headed for breakfast, indistinct voices come from the kitchen. Rhett and Sarah are speaking in hushed voices. I slow my descent, trying to make out their words; thankful I opted not to put on the riding boots.
“You are going to get trapped here if you don’t figure this shit out,” Sarah says.
“No I won’t. I just need a little more time,” Rhett counters. “This is not the time or place to discuss this, Sarah.”
“But I barely see you outside of here,” she hisses.
“Sarah, I got this. Okay?” Rhett’s voice is calm, steady.
“She doesn’t trust you. You made yourself look like a villain, and he remains the hero in her mind.”
Who? Are they talking about me?
“She’s smart; she’ll figure it out.”
“Whatever, Rhett, but we both know you’re playing with fire, and I’m not going to get stuck here with you over some girl.”
“You are the one who brought me here,” he replies, his tone laced with provocation.
“I had no idea this is what we would be dealing with. Had I known, I would’ve never—”
“Then go!” he snaps so loud it makes me jump from my position on the stairwell.
“Rhett.” Hurt colors her voice.
“And what of her brothers?” he asks.
What about my brothers?
“What about them?” Sarah asks.
As I lean forward, one of the boots slips out of my hands. My amygdala kicks in, and I watch the boot fall in slow motion.
“Sarah, I know that…” He pauses when he hears the sound of my boot falling, thumping d
own every stair.
“Shit balls!” I whisper to myself.
I quickly try to stop it, but it’s no use. It hits the floor at the base of the stairs. I pick it up and try to walk casually, as if I hadn’t heard a thing. I saunter into the kitchen and join Rhett and Sarah at the table, where they act as if they had not been speaking only moments ago.
“Good morning.” Rhett beams a friendly smile. “How are you feeling today?”
“Uh, I’m fine. I don’t know what happened last night. I’m sorry about that.” I sit down in front of a plate with a boiled egg, one slice of bacon, and half a piece of wheat toast. I quickly drink down the tall glass of orange juice.
“Thirsty?” Rhett quirks an eyebrow teasingly.
“Yes.” I nod once as I begin eating, chewing slowly to make it last longer. I’m starving, but I remind myself I may not be eating for a while, and next time I do it will most likely be less than two hundred calories.
Sarah stalks out, and a few moments later the front door slams.
“She doesn’t care much for me, does she?”
He smiles awkwardly, leaning back in his chair. “Sarah is complicated.”
That’s putting it mildly. I replay the conversation between them in my head. Why were they discussing my brothers, and what did she mean about getting trapped here?
“Are you excited for your lesson today?” Rhett interrupts my train of thought.
“I guess.” I shrug, not sure how I really feel about learning to ride a horse. Horses are beautiful animals, but they seem high maintenance. And huge. And scary. And fast.
“I think you’ll enjoy it. Really helps clear the mind. At least I find that it does.”
“Okay.” I nod, not knowing what to say. We continue to converse while I eat, but an awkwardness hangs between us. Perhaps because of my mental break down last night, or maybe because of the confusing feelings within me regarding Rhett. Or perhaps the conversation I just over heard between him and Sarah. I’m pretending I didn’t hear a thing—and he’s wondering if I did.
Who is this man? Is he still a man? Why do I feel such comfort when I’m near him? What is it about him that makes me feel safe? It’s almost as if being next to him makes me feel closer to sanity. Maybe because there is no one else. I’ve closed the book on anyone else in my life, as being a part of theirs is no longer an option. So good or bad, Rhett is all I have right now. At least he seems to be trying to help me cope with it all. Ease me into it.
