by B. N. Toler
“Are you okay?” Rhett asks.
“Yeah. It’s just that you talk about everything like it’s a story, but it was real to me.”
“I’m sorry, Aldo, I just don’t know how to—”
“I know you don’t mean to.” I shrug. “It’s just hard to hear it.” I turn to him. “So you created all of this? The farm and the horses?”
“Actually, no.” He smiles. “You did. Your gift is truly amazing. This was where we lived when I was maybe ten years old, before my father left. We were really happy here. You absorbed it from me and created it.”
“What about Mickey?” The gentle Asian man’s face flashes in my mind.
“Sarah and I posed as him.”
“What?”
“It was a way for us to be present without you knowing.”
I remember the odd grin Mickey gave me when he instructed me to shower in the bathroom across the hall. “Was it Sarah that set up that shower scene, pretending to be Mickey?”
Rhett rolls his eyes. “Yeah, that was her. She told me you were upset and I needed to get to you immediately. I flashed myself right to you and ended up in the shower naked.”
I know Sarah did it to embarrass me, but I make a mental note to thank her later.
“What about the guards, Red and Green Mile?”
He laughs and pulls a sugar cube from his pocket and holds it out to Bruno. “That’s what you named them?”
I nod.
“Initially, I added them the night we took you, for effect. But when they returned, it was by your creation.”
“Why would I do that?”
“Because their presence made you feel like you couldn’t escape. It was your way of keeping yourself here while I was gone.”
I shake my head. “This is an amazing place.”
“I like that this is what you took from me.” He follows my gaze.
“You can set scenes too, right?”
“I can, and I have added some things, like the lake. I know you like to swim.”
“What’s with the horses?” I continue rubbing Bruno’s head.
“You absorbed that as well. I have horses where I live now, named Bruno and Esmeralda. It was actually very helpful having them here. It seemed to distract you a little.”
“Is there anything else?” I sigh, exhausted by everything he is telling me.
“The cracked mirror, seizures and earth shaking are your subconscious trying to break up your dream world.”
“So it’s giving me seizures?”
“More or less.”
I pet Bruno one last time, and then walk towards the barn door. I lean against the frame, trying to decide if I want to cry or laugh. “If everything you told me is true, I’m a nut job. How can I go back and face everyone, knowing they know I’m so weak I hid inside my dreams. Not just hid, but created a world where I had a baby after having sex in my dreams, abandoned my nonexistent baby, chased after a man I swore my undying love to, who was trying to sell me to vampires and became a stripper. I’m certifiably insane.” I laugh at myself.
Rhett smiles slightly. “I’m glad you can find a little humor in it.” He stands in front of me and our eyes lock. “I’m glad you didn’t jump into the darkness.”
“I wanted to.”
“You have to wake up now.”
“I don’t know.”
“Why?” His eyes widen with disbelief.
“Because I’ve obviously lost control here where I thought I had complete control, but I know I have no control out there either.”
“You do have control.” He steps towards me.
“How so?”
“You can control whether you wake up.” He steps closer to me and the air crackles between us, like electric current running through a downed power line. My heart beat grows faster, but I don’t try to stop it because there isn’t any point. His eyes get a distant look as if he’s lost in thought.
“What’s wrong?”
“I’m scared you’re not going to wake up, and I’m scared you will.” The muscles in his jaw tense as he waits for my response.
I stare at him. What does that mean?
My confusion must have shown on my face, because he added, “I’m scared you’ll stay here and I’ll get blocked out somehow, but I’m scared when you wake up you won’t want me. Either way, I would have to exist without you.” He brushes my cheek with the back of his hand, gentle tingles sooth my hot flesh, fresh from crying.
The honesty in his words shakes me to my core and my legs grow weak. His words echo in my mind, and I remember him saying he wouldn’t leave me when he argued with Sarah. Then I remember her words. “You’ll get trapped.”
I grab his hand and hold it. “Could you really get trapped here?”
“In theory.”
“Then you have to go.”
“I’d like to spend the day with you, just in case. Unless, you don’t want me here.”
“No. I want you to stay,” I smile. “Rhett?”
“Yes.”
“How do I know you’re real? How do I know I’m not creating this?”
“I’m real, Aldo.” He leans in closer. “Let me show you.” He waves his hand, and we are down by the lake again. He’s changed it slightly. In place of the large oak tree, stands an enormous weeping willow, flowing in the light breeze as the sun glistens on the water’s surface. Breathtaking.
“I hope you don’t mind, but I feel a weeping willow is more appropriate here?”
“It’s beautiful.” I smile.
“It makes me think of you.” Rhett squeezes my hand.
“It does?”
“The willow is slender and elegant. It’s soft and pliant, yet the wood is still tough. But its best quality is its roots. The roots are known for their toughness, size, and tenacity of life. You hold so much strength behind beauty. Just like the willow.”
My eyes pool with tears. “You’re wrong. I’m weak.”
“No, you’re not. You just forgot about those roots. You have such great strength. You just have to reach down and find it.”
“Thank you, Rhett.” I blink back my tears.
Rhett pulls my hand, and I follow him under the long, thick, flowing curtain of the weeping willow, holding my breath.
“Aldo, the last thing I want to do is confuse you more.” He runs a hand through his hair. “Tell me what you want.” He stares into my eyes.
I realize the one thing I want more than anything—is him. I lick my dry lips. “I want to feel something real.” I swallow hard, hoping that he understands my meaning. I want to let go of all of the fear I’ve been carrying. I want to feel his energy consume me, own me, possess me. There is so much uncertainty, but it doesn’t matter. I only want to think of right here and right now. I only want to think of him.
He gently touches the top of my forehead with his finger and runs it down the bridge of my nose, catching my bottom lip as he slides his finger down my chin and neck. His energy seems to build as his finger moves down my chest. He catches the top button of my shirt and tugs, forcing me to move into him.
I bite my lip and close my eyes.
“Aldo, I’m in love with you,” he whispers in my ear, our faces as close as they can be without touching.
My heartbeat accelerates, and my breathing becomes labored.
In one move he rips open my shirt and I hear the buttons hit the trunk of the weeping willow. “Open your eyes.”
I open my eyes only to be immediately lost in his gaze, intense and rich with want. I let go of my inhibitions, my fear of what he is, and surrender to him. This is no monster that stands before me, but a man that wants me, as I want him.
He slides my ravaged shirt over my shoulders, and it falls to the ground. His wolfish grin is wicked, and the blood in my body rushes between my legs. “I want to drink you up until every bit of you is inside of me.” His voice is different now, stern and filled with a determination not to be reckoned with. His words may have scared me yesterday, but tod
ay I know what he really means. He’s telling me he wants to be one with me, to consume me. He waves his hand and his clothes vanish, as do my jeans. He traces his face along the scope of my shoulder and up the nape of my neck without touching me, inhaling the entire way. “You smell so good.” He raises his head and his eyes flicker with desire. I swallow hard as he steps closer to me and kneels before me. He caresses the line of my panties between my hipbones with energized kisses, teasing my skin with short surges.
I shiver, wondering if I’ll collapse when his hands reach around me and run up the back of my thighs until they reach my buttocks, grabbing every ounce of flesh he can hold. His touch is strong, almost savage, but I want it, more than I’ve ever wanted anything. My panties vanish, and his face presses into me as he tortures me with kisses and flicks of his tongue.
My body immediately loses its ability to maintain my stand, but he holds me up, forcing my body to remain in place. I realize I’m moaning, but can’t stop.
He pulls me down to my knees and gazes into my eyes. I hear the words lost in his stare. I know the codes as if we decided them long ago. His dark eyes torture and tease me with the time that hangs between us.
Finally, I can’t take it any longer. I grab his shoulders and kiss his neck and chest. I’m lost in the moment, acting without thought. I bite him hard.
Short deep moans escape him.
He lifts me so quickly I don’t even know it’s happened until he lays me in the beautiful, soft, green grass under the cover of the tree. He grabs the center of my bra and rips it open effortlessly and stares down at me, his breathing heavy. “You’re beautiful,” he whispers. When a tear slides down my cheek, he looks at it with a thoughtful expression, before gently collecting it with the tip of his tongue, leaving his signature cool tingle.
I caress the side of his face with my hand and he presses into it, much like Bruno, my favorite horse. His erection presses against me, ready to enter at any moment, torturing me with anticipation.
“I will never betray you.” He gazes deeply into my eyes.
“I know,” I whisper back.
He kisses me softly and then he makes us one.
.
eighteen
The grass is soft, pillow-like, as we lay under the willow, holding hands, as the sun fades away. My inner self lays draped over a large sofa chair, one arm over her eyes, enjoying the gratification of what just occurred. Her other hand holds a half drunken dirty martini. The shock of what Rhett just told me has faded slightly, but only because I’m wallowing in extreme satisfaction.
I know the road ahead will be difficult, but I’m optimistic in that I will have my brothers again. I now have a sister-in-law and a nephew as well. Lucy would have loved being a grandmother. My heart saddens at that thought. Lucy is dead. That’s real in both worlds. I hid from her something that may have saved us in the end. Of course, she also hid things from me. She never knew Thomas could dream walk. It was unusual for her to trust him. I wonder why she did momentarily and then I remember Thomas saying he entered her dreams the night we made love. He said he had entered her dreams before, yet she never knew. Could he have played Lucy’s subconscious? Somehow making her believe he was trustworthy? My blood pressure rises at the thought. Maybe it’s possible he was torn with selling us out, but in the end my aunt was murdered and he lied to me, making me believe that she betrayed us and that may be the cruelest thing yet. I think of my mother and her story and how easily I could have experienced what she went through. Used for producing healers, but maybe I wouldn’t have met her fate as I have a gift that might have been useful. What is wrong with the world that our kind would sell their own? I remember Rhett’s words, “humans can be monsters too.” He was right about that. He tried to tell me all along, or help me figure it out, but I fought it. I wasn’t ready to accept it, but now I know the truth and they say the truth will set you free. I look over to Rhett, who lies with one arm behind his head as he watches the willow sway back and forth in the breeze. He’s not a monster, and I know with every fiber of my being he isn’t some soulless creature. I’ve been so wrong about so much.
I know Lucy hid certain things from us because she thought she could keep us from it. She moved us and hid us, but somehow Thomas seeped in and tricked her. Of course, it was my fault as much as his. I hid truths from her. I try to think what I’ll do moving forward. Returning to the conscious world will be difficult, but at least it will be real.
Rhett rolls over so his upper body is halfway over mine and kisses me softly. “Thank you.” He stares into my eyes, turning my insides to liquid lust.
“For what?”
“For making me feel human again. It’s been a long time.” He smiles and brushes my cheek gently with his hand. “Are you ready to go back?” he asks softly.
“I’m scared.”
“I’ll be there to help you. We’ll get through it together,” he assures me. I smile, comforted by his words, but still something nags at me. That feeling of something scratching at me, like a starved rat in a cage, trying to claw its way out, but I still can’t place it. It pounds at me, rising like vile in my throat, burning, but I push it back and brush it off as I enjoy the soft kisses Rhett showers me with and laughter we share. When we finally stand, I wave my hand, clothing both of us, surer of my control by doing so. He nods a thank you and takes my hand. We stare at the lake and our willow tree one last time, surely a scene I will never forget.
He snaps his fingers, and the white dome appears. A tall ebony stained door stands before us.
“All you have to do is walk through it.” He squeezes my hand. Every muscle in my body is tense, but they relax as soon as I feel his energy run through me.
“Ready?” he asks.
“Aldo.”
I turn towards the voice and find Lucy. I run to her and hug her tightly.
“I’ve missed you too, sweetie.” She pulls away and looks me over. Her glasses are perched on her thin nose, and her soft gray hair is held back with a head band. She stares at my chest and I follow her gaze. My necklace. The necklace she gave me the day she died. I haven’t seen it since that day. She takes the silver rectangle and holds it between us. “There are answers here.” She looks at me intensely. She releases the box and looks at Rhett as if she just realized he was there. “I see you’ve met Rhett.” Her gentle smile shows me she respects him. I know she isn’t really here and this is my subconscious playing her, but I feel it is revealing something I absorbed from her long ago. Her trust of Rhett.
“Hi Lucy.” He smiles, but seems slightly put off by her. Most likely because he knows this is my subconscious playing Lucy.
“Thank you for saving her once again.”
He looks down at her and nods, still seeming off by her presence.
“May I speak with her alone, Rhett?”
Rhett’s eyes jerk to me and the muscles in his jaw tense. He’s already opposed to it because it would mean he would have to exit before me.
“It’s okay, Rhett. I swear I’ll be right behind you. This is her telling me something I absorbed long ago. A reflection,” I assure him.
“Aldo, I don’t know—”
“Two minutes, Rhett,” Lucy interrupts him. Let me share this moment with her, a goodbye, if you will.”
“Two minutes,” he says to me with a don’t push it tone.
“Two minutes,” I nod, and then hold up my hand like he did the first night we were in this dome together. “Scout’s honor.”
He kisses my forehead and then walks through the door, leaving it open.
Lucy grabs the silver rectangle that hangs on my chain and slides her thumb across it. The top slides open. She holds her finger to her mouth, signaling me not to speak. I watch her, confused, as she holds the thin silver box up revealing engraving on the inside.
I take it, but can’t make out the lettering inside of it. I touch the lettering with my finger. I know she’s telling me there’s something there, to figure out when I wake up. I
haven’t worn this necklace in this dream world, yet here it is, the gift she gave me the day she died.
“Is it something bad?” I ask in a hushed voice.
“Rhett and Sarah can be trusted,” she assures me. “But they will not agree to let you do what needs to be done.”
“What is that?”
“Destroy the nest that killed your mother,” she whispers as if someone might hear us.
I look at her bewildered and that feeling returns, clawing at me, but this time it’s bigger and stronger. The burn courses through my body, and I recognize it.
Revenge.
I want revenge.
“How?”
She holds the silver rectangle up again. “There are answers here.” She closes it letting it fall to my chest.
“How—”
“You don’t know what you are,” she whispers.
I stare at her blankly. “What am I?”
She picks the rectangle up again. “There are answers here,” she repeats.
“How can I do anything? Rhett could find me through my dreams and stop me.”
“You locked Thomas out,” she states plainly.
She’s right. I can do the same to Rhett and Sarah. They can be trusted, but they will never let me seek revenge on those who have wronged my family.
“I can’t find the nest without them, Lucy.”
“They aren’t the only ones who know where that nest is, Aldo.” She eyes me, waiting for the moment I understand.
“Thomas,” I whisper.
“You let him back in, and you beat him at his own game.”
“How?”
“Make him think you trust him. Act as if you know nothing. Let him think he found you.”
I think about this a moment. Let him find me. Let him back in, tell him where I am and let him come to me. Thomas is the key. He knows where the nest is and killing him will prevent more female healers like me from being used and murdered. Finding the nest and destroying it will right the wrongs. “Rhett took his key.” I remember the black skeleton key that locked the door which prevents Thomas from entering my subconscious.
