by Amie Knight
I looked up at him. Because for some reason I felt the need to explain my relationship with my mother. “She’s different. We don’t have—” I started to tell him about my hot-mess relationship with my momma, but he clutched my chin between his pointer finger and thumb and brought my eyes to his, effectively shutting me up. And those eyes. Whoa.
“You don’t need to thank me, Mae.” He stared down at me. That moment was one of the most intense I’d ever experienced. His breath across my lips. His eyes burning down at me. And that’s when I realized it. Holden Steel. Yes, I finally knew his name. But I knew more than that. This man liked me. He respected me. He’d told my momma I was beautiful, caring, and good. Holy shizzle. He liked me!
Even through all of those emotions, I still felt so very embarrassed about my mother and felt the need to defend her. I didn’t want him knowing how I was raised. How awful and ugly my childhood had been.
“My mother.” I cleared my throat because emotion seemed to be clogging it. Holden was still scorching me with those eyes, his fingers holding me in place. “She’s not so bad.”
He studied me hard. “You defend her? Even though she called you a bitch in the middle of a restaurant while you were trying to lend her money?” The ends of his mouth curved down even as his eyes lit up in awe. “Who are you, Miranda Jacobs, who takes care of little boys, and follows men in the street and confronts them until they see the error of their ways?”
My face flushed hot and I pulled my chin from his grasp. It was too much. His stare. His compliments. I was just always trying my best to be a good person. Wasn’t that what most people did?
“My momma had a bad childhood,” I blurted out, like that was an excuse for the person she was, when I knew it wasn’t. My childhood hadn’t been ideal, but I still somehow managed to be a decent person.
Holden pulled out of our embrace and I mourned the loss of his big, strong, secure arms. “Bad childhood or not, there’s no excuse. I’m not a gynecologist or anything, but I know a cunt when I see one.”
I sucked in a breath with wide eyes. Oh my God. He just called my mother a c-word. I should be upset. I should be offended for her and all of womankind, but I just couldn’t muster any anger because it was funny and, yeah, probably because she was a c-word.
I giggled because not only did Holden finally have a name, and not only was he gangster, he was also pretty dang funny.
I placed my hand to my chest, feigning shock. “Did you, sir, squisher of donuts, intimidator of women and children, owner of a thousand different scowls, just make a joke?”
His full lips twitched a bit before his big body slipped out of the booth effortlessly. “I have to go.” His deep voice ghosted over me.
I wasn’t ready for this to end. I knew once he walked out the door he was headed to I might not ever get this version of Holden back. And I really liked him. I wanted to hang out with him. Be friends with this man. I didn’t let myself think of more between us because I knew this man had demons I couldn’t even touch.
“Holden,” I called out right before he pushed the door open to the outside world. To what seemed like a different time. A different place, even. A place where he didn’t notice me. A place where he didn’t acknowledge me.
He looked back at me, his cold eyes back. He slid on his sunglasses and waited. “Thank you,” I said again because I wanted him to know how special what he had done for me really was.
A head nod and he was gone in a flash, taking just a small piece of my heart with him.
Why I Hate Exercise
It’s The Devil
It Makes My Body Hurt
It Cuts Into My Reading Time
I don’t know what came over me the next day. Maybe the apocalypse was coming. Maybe I was turning over a new leaf. Maybe I’d lost my ever-loving mind. But as I searched the very deep, dark back of my small bedroom closet looking for my tennis shoes, I felt slightly giddy. I was going to go for a walk this morning. I’d even gotten up bright and early. I threw two pairs of Converse behind me and blew some hair out of my face.
Ah-ha! I finally found my Adidas where I’d last put them when I’d moved into this place a year ago. I rubbed some dust off the top of them. After dressing in some black leggings and a sports bra and T-shirt, I put on my shoes, hoping that this time when I walked I didn’t pant like a nine-month pregnant woman climbing a long flight of stairs. I knew the odds were not in my favor, but this wasn’t The Hunger Games, so I still had hope, darn it.
I ran down the stairs with more than a little pep in my step. I parked my behind right outside the stairwell. I leaned against the brick exterior of my building and I waited. I might have checked how my butt looked in my leggings just a couple of times, too.
The door swung open, and Holden charged out and immediately started his walk. I jumped in beside him like we did this sort of thing every day. I looked him over in his workout clothes. I wouldn’t acknowledge how delicious he looked in them. I just wouldn’t.
Not breaking stride, he turned toward me and gave me a glance. I could feel his eyes narrow on me from behind his ever-present sunglasses before his eyes turned back ahead and continued his walk like I wasn’t even there. Which was fine. I hadn’t expected much more.
I had absolutely zero expectations at all. I just knew this man needed a friend. I knew it down to my bones. And I wasn’t the type of girl to just ignore something that needed doing.
So that day we just walked in deafening silence. He pretended I wasn’t there and I pretended I didn’t want to talk the whole time. It did pain me a little not to talk his ear off, but I tried not to care. I knew I had to ease Holden into this friendship thing. He’d taken the first steps when he’d helped me with my mom. He may not have realized it, but he needed me. I just had to make him see it. We were gonna be great together. Great friends, I mean.
We reached the entrance to our building an hour later and I was soaking wet even though it was cool out. I put my hands to my knees and bent over, trying to catch my breath. I was pretty proud of myself for completing the entire walk without dying.
I heard the stairwell door open but couldn’t be bothered to look up. I was too tired.
“Bye, Mae,” Holden tossed over his shoulder as he entered our building, the door quickly slamming shut behind him.
Success! He’d spoken to me!
I immediately darted for the door and threw it open again and yelled up the stairs. “Bye, Holden, I’ll see you tomorrow!”
He stopped halfway up the stairs and looked back at me before throwing me a head nod and continuing on.
I let the door close and leaned against our building, out of breath, a sweaty disgusting mess but still smiling my face off.
My phone pinged, so I pulled it out of the small pocket of my workout pants.
I opened a text from Adrian. It was a picture of him kissing what had to be a very flat Ainsley’s belly. My eyes stung with happiness for my two best friends. Another ping.
Adrian: I’m gonna be a daddy!
Yeah, it was a good day.
For a week, I let our walks go on like that. Even though I wasn’t making a ton of progress with Mr. Frowny Face—that’s what I was calling Holden these days—I told myself I was getting exercise and biding my time.
But not today. Today I was talking to the man whether he liked it or not. If you knew me, you knew a week of silence was almost a freaking miracle. I couldn’t hold it in anymore and I refused to anyway.
So, that day I marched out of the building with a plan. And the plan was talking. Lots and lots of it, if I had my way.
But it seemed that Holden came with a plan of his own. And it completely foiled mine. He was wearing earbuds. He’d come prepared. Sexy and smart. Dang him. Those earbuds weren’t gonna stop me.
“Nice day, huh?” I said, I guess to myself since Holden was obviously listening to something else.
And it was a gorgeous day. It was fall in the South. The sun was shining. The air was crisp and c
ool, and the trees that lined the streets downtown were starting to change. Reds, purples, pinks. Fall was my favorite time of year and not just because it was Halloween.
We walked over the Congaree River via the Gervais Street Bridge, which I had to admit I found slightly romantic, even in the daylight. The bridge had beautiful grand arches and above the railings sat cast iron light fixtures. The decorative light posts had little ornamental palmetto trees on them. I could hear the big river beneath us, running over boulders and rocks. It was a gorgeous sight.
Holden didn’t answer me. He didn’t even act like he’d heard me, so I just kept right on.
“Fall is my favorite time of year. The leaves are beautiful. Doesn’t it just make you wanna cuddle up with a good book?” I asked, but I had to take a breather for a moment. A literal breather because Holden was walking hella fast.
“Speaking of books, I see you use the little library I go to sometimes?” I tried again.
“They have some really amazing books in there. I edit books for a living. What do you do? Do you work from home?”
I looked at the dog tags around his neck. “Are you retired military?”
Finally, Holden stopped and I almost stumbled, finding it hard to put the brakes on so quickly.
He turned toward me. “Did you swallow a radio or something?”
“What?” I asked, confused.
He just stared me down.
And then I realized what he was asking. I smiled at him. “Did I swallow a radio?” I nodded. “Oh, because I talk so much. I get it. You’re surprisingly funny, Holden.”
He shook his head and huffed before resuming his walk. “She says I’m fucking funny,” he mumbled under his breath, but I heard every word.
And then I laughed out loud. “Because you are! You have some great one-liners.”
We walked about another mile in complete silence before Holden said, “I’m retired army.”
I tried to suppress my smug smile at the thought that he’d been listening this whole time and just called him out on it. “Thought you were listening to something?” I tapped my index finger on the earbud in his ear.
“Just you running your mouth, Mae,” he smarted back, and again, I laughed.
“Why do you do that?” I asked through my giggles.
“Do what?”
“Call me Mae.”
“Oh, for fuck’s sake, we’re really doing this now, huh?” he grumbled out.
“Doing what?”
He shook his head, scrunching his forehead. “Why wouldn’t I?”
“Why wouldn’t you what?” My brows creased in confusion. It seemed Holden and I were talking in circles. But we were talking, so I’d still take that as a win.
“Call you Mae,” he said like I was daft.
“No one calls me Mae, Holden. It’s not my name. My name’s Miranda Elaine Jacobs.”
His eyes widened but then he nodded, thoughtful. “Your card. Miranda Mae Editing. It’s in the books you leave in the library.”
I grinned like a loon. I admit I was giddy that he’d stalked me just a bit, too, in his own way.
“Yeah?” I prompted him to go on.
“I saw the card. Figured everyone called you Mae.”
I stopped on the sidewalk, causing Holden to pause, too, only a few feet ahead of me. He turned around, his eyebrows raised in question.
“Why’d we stop?”
“Why would you assume everyone called me Mae?”
He dropped his head and looked at the sidewalk as he answered, “I don’t know. I guess you look like a Mae.” Scratching his head, he continued, “You don’t look like a Miranda.”
“What’s a Miranda look like?” I asked because now I was intrigued since I was in fact a Miranda. And since he’d so obviously thought about this.
He ran a hand through his hair. “You ask too many damn questions, you know that?”
I did know I talked too much, but that was beside the point, so I just glared at him and parked my behind on that sidewalk, refusing to move until he answered me. He must have gotten the memo because he jerked the sunglasses off his face and huffed a big sigh.
“Miranda’s a harsh name. For a harsh girl,” he started, then his eyes met mine and for just a second, they weren’t frigid. They were warm and languid like melted dark chocolate.
“And, Mae, you are anything but harsh. You’re soft. Breezy. Carefree. Sweet. You’re like Sunday morning. Slow and easy.” He paused and his throat worked before finishing. “You’re no Miranda. You’re all Mae, baby.”
And just like his eyes oozed over me like warm chocolate, his words did, too. And for a moment all I could do was stand there . My belly warm. My face red. My heart fluttering in my chest. So many feelings. I was a Mae. He’d called me baby.
I bit my bottom lip, not quite sure what to say. No one had ever complimented me so blatantly, so unapologetically, so without premise, so bluntly. I wasn’t quite sure what to do with it.
“My grandmother, she called me Miranda Mae, sometimes just Mae. It was a nickname,” I practically whispered.
“Sounds like she knew you well,” he stated bluntly. “Let’s get going.”
He threw his sunglasses back on his face and took off again, like he hadn’t rocked my entire world, his limp more noticeable than it had been when we’d started our walk.
The rest of our walk was silent. Holden got his way and maybe that’s why he’d told me I was a Mae, not a Miranda. Because I couldn’t think of things to say that would adequately express how special those words had been to me, so instead I said nothing at all. I was just too overwhelmed. Slick mofo. He’d done a gosh darn good job of shutting me up.
I peered at the alarm clock. Five a.m. On the dot. If anything, I was fucking predictable. I rolled over in bed and thought about getting an early start on my walk, but that would mean I’d forfeit the pleasure of Mae’s company and I didn’t want to do that, despite myself.
That redhead had somehow managed to weasel her way right in there. Our long, silent walks had turned into her talking my ear off. Three weeks of it and I was hooked. I thought maybe I’d never be able to take a walk by myself again.
Sometimes she’d ask me questions. And sometimes I answered, but she never pressured me. I think that was one of the reasons I preferred her company over most. She wasn’t intrusive or pushy. She was just there. A familiar face in a sea of faceless people in a city I barely knew my way around.
Mostly she just talked and talked on our long walks. About the lists she made. About the books she’d read. About her pregnant friend Ainsley and her boyfriend. And most of the time I listened to every word. Because the woman intrigued me beyond measure. I wondered how someone so kind and selfless and just genuinely good had come from the woman I’d met at the restaurant. Her humor was quirky and endearing, and I couldn’t help but look forward to our time together every day.
Even though her words held me captive most days, sometimes I’d find myself looking at her mouth and missing every word that passed it. Because those lips. They were the darkest, almost like they’d been kissed by the inside of a cherry. They were almost a deep purple. Her upper lip was slightly larger than the bottom, her cupid’s bow precise and eye-catching. Those lips were lush, decadent, devastating. They called to me. They were going to be the absolute death of me, too.
I read for a few more hours, then checked my alarm clock again, noting it was almost time for my walk and my Mae. I paused, sitting up in the bed. My Mae? What in the hell was wrong with me? When had I started to think of her as mine? We’d only officially known each other for a few short weeks, but all of a sudden she was mine? I thought of her shiny dark red hair, her caramel eyes, and soft mouth. Her sweet words. Her not so sweet ones when she was on one of her tangents and that’s when I felt it. The slight tilt to my mouth. The crawl of my lips over my teeth felt so foreign to me I touched them, convinced I was losing my fucking mind. But no, there I was smiling at the prospect of seeing her in just a
few short moments. Fuck, she was more under my skin than I thought she was.
I scrubbed my hands over my face, determined to rub this sham of a smile away. Because once she knew the truth, she’d never want me. I was broken. And not just physically.
Still, I got dressed, a feeling sloshing around in my stomach I hadn’t felt in so long that I didn’t know how to identify it. I drank my coffee, ate some fruit, and still that feeling stirred. It wasn’t until I was down the steps and standing on the sidewalk with her ass right in my face that I realized what I was feeling. I was fucking excited.
She was bent over in a pair of magnificent black leggings that made her legs and ass look incredible. She stood up straight and was pulling her hair into a ponytail at the top of her head when she finally noticed me. Her black oversized T-shirt read ‘Bye Felicia.’
Those phenomenal lips tipped up into a barely there smile. “Morning, Holden.”
Christ, my name across her lips hit me square below the waistband of my pants and my cock stood at attention.
“Mornin’,” I grumbled out, feeling inconvenienced by how goddamn beautiful she looked in just workout clothes.
“Ready?” she asked.
“You stretch?” I always stretched before I came down because I knew what happened when I didn’t, but I’d been getting on Mae about it. She’d been complaining about how sore she was and I knew a little stretching would alleviate most of that.
“Yep.” She waggled her eyebrows suggestively at me. “I’m all limber and ready to go.”
And fuck me. I was more than ready to go, too, but not for a walk.
“Let’s go,” I grumped out. I didn’t like feeling out of control and Mae was making me feel completely off-kilter. I charged ahead, determined to make this walk a short one. Maybe I wouldn’t walk the neighborhood anymore. Maybe I’d join a gym. I knew what I couldn’t do. I couldn’t walk around with a hard-on all fucking day because of this delicious woman.
