by Mara Jaye
“G’nar?” Xell’s reaching for me. “Babe, what’s wrong? You look like death warmed over.”
I can’t answer. How can I tell her nothing matters because truly, we’re both dead.
Chapter Eleven
Xell
I sit up and look at G’nar, seeing him like I’d never dreamed possible. “How do you do it? There’s so much detail. So much distraction.”
“You’ll get used to it, filtering out what you don’t need.”
I examine everything in the shuttle. Nothing is blocked from me. I’m seeing measurements, history, building materials, stress quotients. I try to use the new nanos like I have the Emol nanos and feel like a wobbly tightrope walker. Emols needed a hammer, Alliances need a touch. “I might need to practice for a while.”
“You’ll do fine. Are you hungry?”
“I am, actually, and surprisingly, not for metal.”
“No, there’s nothing metal in what I gave you.”
“You gave,” I ask and the answer springs to my mind like intuition. “Oh. You kissed me to transfer the…” I bit my lip before adding, “I know a few other fluid transfers I’d like to try with you, in case you want to send more or want these back.”
The seriousness fades from his face and he gives me a smile. “Ha, I’ll bet and look forward to it.”
He’s at the food dispensers. The micro gestures tell me everything about the fear he’s struggling with. I don’t blame him, yet every time I go unconscious, I’m pleasantly surprised to be alive when I wake up. There’s tension, fear, anger, and every other negative emotion radiating from his body language. I don’t blame him. Yet, I can’t help but be optimistic. When I’d given up on ever seeing another person, he arrived. I stand and go over to him, wrapping my arms around his waist.
“Hot food.”
“I know and accept the risk.” Resting my cheek against the middle of his back, I add, “I just need to hold you for a moment.” We’re quiet for a few seconds, enjoying the connection before I realize I’ve heard the food preparation system ding. I’m amazed and make a note to explore this new tech a lot more. Mainly how to turn down all of the information flowing into my mind. The heads up displays, constant tones or chimes are distracting. Even worse are the software upgrade notifications like I’m an obsolete computer turned on for the first time. Shoving all of that aside, I tell G’nar, “Since our lives are shorter than we’d thought, I vote we spend all of it having sex. Lots and lots of it.”
He turns back to me with a grin. “I’ll set the shuttle’s comm to emergency only. Why don’t we open the door while we eat but close it for the lovemaking?”
“Good, because I’m not a fan of nature intruding when I’m getting down.” I accept the plate he gives me and go to the co-pilot’s seat. “Rocks and twigs in the back, mosquitos everywhere, and the park ranger checking up on why the car is rocking? No thanks.”
“Sounds like the voice of experience.”
“No?” I give him my best innocent grin. “I’m merely speculating is all.”
“Uh huh.” I take a bite of the green mush. Not too bad. “Serving me more mashed peas, huh? I sense you have a favorite.”
“It is,” G’nar replies. “One of my comfort foods from home. Eldan, the Emperor,I mean, hasn’t quite perfected the hummus replication so we have to wait on it.” He cuts up the meat. “In the meantime, the chaka with a side of luzzer is the best for now.”
“Chaka’s the meat?” I poke at it, glad Ghars aren’t like some Earth cultures who eat their food quasi alive.”
“Yes, and the luzzer is from luz, fresh caught, or tasting like it, from Fleeg.”
This is mushed meat? I must have made a sick face because G’nar laughs. I shake my head, saying, “It could be blended frog and it still tastes good. I’m not going to think about its original form.”
“No need. It’s a vegetable. The plant it’s from doesn’t grow roots so much as relies on leaves like seaweed. They roam the surface, absorbing sunlight for food.”
“They treat soil like water? Wow.” The images of luz plants pop into my mind like a search engine run amok. I’m transfixed for a moment.
“Xell?” G’nar says and I smile at him. “The bionans can be a little overzealous in retrieval.”
“I’ve learned that.”
“You can adjust the sensitivity.” He takes his last bite. “Dessert? Ghar has some of the best pastry chefs in the universe. Our prior Emperor had a sweet tooth.”
“Was he Eldan’s father, or do you all not go with genetic inheritance?”
“He was. Had our Emperor at an elderly age. Eldan has been our ruler since he was late teens. He’s hoping to spare his son, Danuel, the same fate.”
Information about the royal family comes up and I scan it. Thanks to the bionans, I can read faster now, too. They are going to be serious fun when I decide to sit still and search for all the information advanced races know. No wonder they can’t let Earthers go back home. The basic nanos would be catastrophic when weaponized.
Have you figured out the innercoms?
My jaw drops. Holy shit! I heard you in my head. Can you read my mind?
No, no one can. It’s against the law and far more serious than even the Lesser World Order or Promise.
Promise?
Search “promise” while I dial up a suitable dessert for us. He takes my plate.
I don’t get to munch on you? I love that sexy butt.
He laughs, blushing. You can do anything you want with me, after I please you with chocolate.
In that case, have at it, baby. He laughs and goes to the food dispensers. Meanwhile, I have to see what the fuss about promise is all about. The datalinks don’t disappoint. Promises are a big deal with the Ghars. You make one and you die before breaking it. There are stories about those who broke them but lived. Their shame is infinite, it seems, and I’m translating literally. I’m lucky G’nar speaks terrific English. I should learn Standard Alliance for him as a surprise. After making a note to do so, I refocus to see him with a slab of chocolate cheesecake. “Oh hell. I’m going to be so fat by the time we croak.”
“Don’t worry. I plan on working it off of you.”
“Hopefully with sex because that whole hard labor thing is not happening.”
“Sex is what I had in mind, yes.” He takes a bite and I do, too. “What’s the point of hard labor to build something when we have a sas or year left? Maybe less?”
He’s right, but I don’t want to give into depression. “Oh? Is it less than a year or…?” I do the math, which is wicked awesome. “Or 6570 hours to spend having sex?”
“First of all, you assume an Emol year is equal to Earth’s years. Plus, sleep.”
Again, he’s right and I find there are far more hours than I’d planned on. “Great! We have sleep time, too.” I go to him, putting my hands on his knees. “Pucker up, baby, because we’ve been wasting time.”
He kisses me as if he’s capturing enemy territory, bruising my lips a little. I thought I was being too forward , but it turns out he was holding back. Trying to give me time to recuperate? I love this man. I also love his passion and don’t mind the roughness. I move between his thighs, sinking down. After wearing the Alliance uniform, I know how to undo his pants and let his cock spring free. “Wow. You are the best,” I say aloud.
Glad you think so, he communicates to me.
This is a whole ‘nother level of intimacy.
It is, he replies and flashes images, dirty ones of us.
Stop, I think at him. I’m ready already.
G’nar begins throwing the blankets stacked on a bench onto the floor. Then drop and spread them.
This forceful and sexy Gharian is more than perfect so I do exactly as he says. Teasing him, I ask, “Should I have taken off my pants, first?”
“You shouldn’t be wearing anything, ever. I say we live naked until we…” He pauses and I know what he’s thinking. The certainty of how much more time w
e have hurts my heart, too. He shakes his head and gives me a smile we both don’t feel. “Until we can’t live anymore.”
“Make love to me,” I say. “So we don’t have to think about anything else but how good we are together.”
“Can do, woman.” He pulls off my pants and I’m so glad I’m not wearing underpants. I’m lying down, resting on my elbows as he all but licks his lips while staring at me.
“Well?” I don’t want to wait. “Come and get me.”
“I want to taste you.”
And…now I’m shy. It’s been a while since my last shower and I want to be perfect every time for him. “Maybe later? We can clean up together?”
“Absolutely.” He slides up until his body is above mine. He’s in the top position of a pushup, staring down at me. “I’m going to fuck you until you beg for mercy.”
“Okay,” I manage to squeak. “I’m good with that.”
He pushes off of his hands into kneeling and pushes off his pants. His cock springs free and I almost drool. Hard, hot looking, and ready to take me. I stare at it until looking up into his eyes. When our gazes meet, he says, “You’re so fucking sexy.”
“So are you. I need you, G’nar.”
He moves fast, his body covering mine. I suspected I was wet and ready but when he slides in so easy? Yeah, we were good to go. I lay back, closing my eyes and just feeling him overfilling me. The only sounds in the room are of our breathing, hard and hot as we fuck. I open my eyes a small bit to find he’s staring at me as if memorizing every cell I am. “I love you,” I whisper, overcome by emotion for the man.
“I love you, too, my mate.” He shivers. “You’re mine. I’m yours. We’re for forever.”
“We are,” I agree and the Gharian bonding ceremony springs into my mind. “I suppose we’re married now?”
He relaxes against me, keeping his weight supported by his elbows. “Something like that, only deeper. We’re halves of the same whole.”
Soulmates, I think.
“Forever,” G’nar responds and his voice pushes me to climax so hard I can’t breathe. He hasn’t had his first orgasm and I’m already done. He lowers to where our chests press together and whispers, “Overachiever,” into my ear. I can’t help but giggle and kiss him.
So catch up, lover, I think.
And he does, over and over again. Later, we’re exhausted and too tired to move. I reach out with my mind and open the shuttle door. The probe is approaching, the system tells me, and I’m glad a blanket covers us.
“Xell? Are you all right?”
I love his voice both inside and outside of my head. “Yes, why?”
“You’re not answering me.”
Probably because you’re not talking to me, I send, but he doesn’t respond. “G’nar?”
“Yeah?”
“You’re not talking to me.”
“Yes I am. I’m sending via the innercoms, but everything is silent.” He sits up. In fact…” he begins but silence. I watch his face for a moment. “No, I can’t command anything. He looks at me, fear cloaking his face. “I’m unable to reach anyone or anything. My entire system is shut down.”
“What?” I sit up and the blanket falls to my waist. I don’t bother with it while staring into his eyes and reaching out through the innercoms. He doesn’t answer. “Do you think the doc is rebooting them?”
Maybe, he replies. Because they’re back now.
We both sigh in relief. He’s the only one who has piloted the shuttle before now. While I think I could, I wouldn’t bet on my ability as much as I’d count on his. “Yeah, just a reboot is all. Happens all the time on Earth. Turn off, unplug, and plug back in. Presto, working machinery again.” I stand. “I’ll get dressed just in case Dr. RenShell calls again to explain.”
“Good idea, so will I.”
He and I throw on our clothes and fold the blankets before putting them away. I won’t lie. His glitch scares me. What if Dr. RenShell had nothing to do with his access randomly dropping? He doesn’t need my worry added to his own so I make sure to smile whenever our eyes meet. He hasn’t reached out to me over the innercoms since. I don’t blame him. I’m afraid the routine might not work and our problem is more serious than we’d expected.
A tone interrupts my thoughts. I glance at G’nar, who seems oblivious. “Do you hear anything,” I ask and he shakes his head. Incoming message, sounds in my mind. Transfer to screen, my system responds as if on autopilot. Which, it probably is, considering my ignorance. “G’nar? There’s a message ready to display.”
He nods and I let it continue over to the shuttle. The doctor appears again. As she speaks, her voice plays in stereo through the physical speakers and my innercom. Odd and echoing, I focus on the audio versus the telepathic.
“…and so, your director wanted me to speak to you both,” the doctor concludes as the woman G’nar calls Tira appears. “I’d informed her of your situation and how I’ve found no solution as of yet.”
Tira glares at me. “So, RenKrell assures me we have no hope of rescuing you. I’d had some faith our latest tech could wipe out the Emol threat, but no.”
I return her hard stare. “I’m actually tired of hearing about how G’nar and I are going to die and how nothing can be done.” I take a step forward, her fury feeding mine. “If you’re really his friend, you’ll stop bitching at him and let us live in peace however long that happens to be.”
“I didn’t say nothing, did I?” the doctor says and all of us stare at her. “All right, maybe I did, but where there’s life, there’s hope.” She nods at G’nar. “You. I’m not reading you on my panel at all. Can you open a channel?”
“No. I’m completely offline. None of my bionans respond to my requests.”
Her face blanks. “Pless,” she whispers. Even the angry Tira seems afraid.
“What? What does this mean?” I ask and the answer hits me in the head again. The bionans’ fail safe is to completely deactivate and remain inert until the host’s system can flush them. I pull up reasons for deactivation and gasp. Radiation poisoning, removed organs, severed heads and bodies were all why nanos in general stopped cold in a host. I glance at G’nar and he gives me a wan smile.
“Very well,” the doctor begins. “I request you remain within twenty feet of the shuttle at all times in case I need to contact you.”
“What about me,” I ask. “I can help him.”
No, you can’t and I don’t know if anything can. Keep him comfortable as much as you can.
The probe drifts in through the open door. “Ah, good,” RenShell says. “I want to scan you, MaKrell.” G’nar nods, still as the white light sweeps him from head to toe. Various circuitry lights up as if he’s wired with electrodes inside. I stare as the strings glow in the beam. When the scan ends, I turn back to the two Gharian women. Dr. RenShell stares at a point below the screen, her eyes narrow. “Interesting.” She glances up. “I don’t know what’s wrong, but keep the probe on and nearby for now. I want every scrap of information on you it collects.”
“Yes, ma’am,” G’nar responds as I nod.
“I’ll be in touch,” she says before her side of the screen goes blank. A couple of seconds later, the Director’s screen clears as well.
Several long seconds pass before I feel like breathing. We may not have as much time as we’d planned. I look at G’nar, who is staring ahead, his eyes clear but entranced. “Are you all right?” I ask.
“I will be.” He swallows, not turning toward me. “Do you mind if I’m alone for a while. Not long. I just need time to think.”
“Sure. I have some things in the Vahdmoshi ship I’d like to bring here.” A sudden rush of insecurity hits me. “I mean, if you don’t mind me staying with you here. I could always stay where I first landed.”
“No, I want you here with me.” He takes a glass of water from the dispenser. “But after I’ve had time to process how this is going down for us.”
I don’t want to leave him al
one. If I hurry to my ship and back, he’ll only spend a little while without me. “All right. See you in a bit.”
“Be careful.” He’s staring ahead again, in a worryingly detached way. For a person used to the constant noise in his head, the sudden silence must be difficult.
I leave. There’s no real path to my former home, so I watch for mature stalk trees and overly aggressive Kiks. It feels like forever ago since the acid splattered on G’nar. I’d love to send a hint of that fabric to Earth and make millions.
The ship I’d been living in for a month is undisturbed. Good, because I’m never sure if I’m completely alone here. I fold up a blanket, using a second as a knapsack to hold my friends’ possessions. The flashlight, a spare pocketknife, an extra overshirt all go with me. I sling the full and folded blanket over my shoulder. The way back to G’nar seems longer. Probably because it’s late afternoon and nights make me nervous. I hear the odd noise long before I can identify the source.
It’s the shuttle’s engines, my access to the Alliance’s data links say. I run to the ship only to find G’nar has the small craft’s engines powered up. The door is close as the vessel hovers above the ground.
Chapter Twelve
G’nar
I never planned on losing my bionans. Hell, I never thought I’d be without the basic nanobites even children receive. Xell can’t understand. Only a Gharian or other Second Worlders can. I feel like I’ve lost a good portion of my brain. The memory and information section. I slump down in the captain’s seat, wondering what to do. The controls in front confuse me somewhat. They’re like a friend I used to know but whose name I can’t recall. I reach out to touch the panel, hoping my hands remember. They do. I run through the prelaunch sequence as if possessed. Tears fill my eyes. I’m not completely lost, then. Men don’t cry on Earth or Ghar, and yet, I’m overcome with gratitude. If I can pilot this ship, I can continue being me even as the bionans die off.
I lift the shuttle to several feet, just to prove I can, and let it hover for several minutes. The huge gaps in my mind now terrify me. What if something happens to Xell and I can’t help her? My own death is inconsequential. All I care about is keeping her safe. I can’t ensure she’ll live as long as our short lives will allow if I’m useless.
