The Tome of Bill Series: Books 1-4 (Bill The Vampire, Scary Dead Things, The Mourning Woods, Holier Than Thou)

by Rick Gualtieri

  “Harry?” she asked, even as she hefted the sword and assumed a defensive stance in the middle of the room.

  Recognition turned to rage as Decker put two and two together. “The Icon!” he screamed, pointing at her. “Kill it!”

  Oh shit! Several of the witches turned toward her and began invocations. I didn’t wait for them to finish.

  “GET DOWN!” I cried even as I hurled myself at her.

  It was a mistake.

  In my haste to protect her, I had forgotten that we were incapable of touching without things turning explosive.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Whatever force I would have plowed into Sheila with was redirected back at me tenfold. There was a white hot flash and then I slammed into, and through, the bleachers at the far end of the gym. I barely had enough time to register how much it hurt.

  Well, okay, that’s not quite true. It hurt like a motherfucker. Fortunately, it wasn’t all for naught. The undead projectile I had become hit hard enough to knock several of the witches off balance. Their shots went wide, or at least I assumed they did. I was too busy seeing stars to tell for sure.

  “Bill!” It sounded like Ed’s voice, although it was hard to tell amongst the screaming and blasting going on.

  I tried to clear my head and stand, but it wasn’t going to be that easy. It felt like I’d been hit by a speeding car. If I didn’t shake it off quickly, there was no telling what would happen. I was so close. There was no way I was going to lose her now.

  All of this was my fault. I had obviously not been nearly as clever as I had thought. Decker and Remington had somehow tailed me. Even an idiot could tell that much. That made it ten times worse. If she died now, it would be entirely on my head.

  Fortunately, fate was occasionally kind to even me. A pair of Templars drove one of Remington’s troops back in my direction. Mustering my strength, I waited until he was nearly within reach and sprang at him. Not caring one iota for anything except protecting my friends – and the girl I really hoped would be more – I grabbed the vamp from behind and sank my teeth into his neck.

  The vampire let out a surprisingly high pitched scream – freaking pussy. Christ, even I could take a hit without sounding like a fucking five year old throwing a temper tantrum. He wasn’t the only one freaked out, though.

  As the vampire’s blood flowed down my throat, I heard several Templars gasp in surprise as well. Guess they hadn’t been expecting that either.

  The vamp I was latched onto was strong, far stronger than me. He was at least a century in age. That being said, strong or not, it could be kind of difficult to shake someone off who held on with a death grip while they dug into you like some kind of human-sized tick. It also didn’t hurt my cause that any forward momentum on his part would just take him straight into the waiting crosses of the Templars.

  I took great gulps of blood, feeling the power course through me. Within seconds, the damage I had sustained was healed. Gotta love that. Better than a Band-Aid.

  Sensing I had gotten all I was going to get from this vampire, I pulled my teeth out and wrapped my arms around his neck. With a twist, bone snapped. I let go and he dropped to the floor. What I had done would have instantly killed a person, but not a vamp, though. Still, he was definitely out of the battle for now ... one less foe in a room full of them.

  “Thank you for that, fool,” a voice said from behind me. I turned to find Harry Decker standing about ten feet away, a big grin on his face. Guess the dude had finally gone off the deep end.

  “For what, powering myself up so that I could kick your ass?”

  “No, for leading me to the Icon and now giving me an excuse to watch you both die.”

  Realization sunk in just a moment before he shouted, “The Freewill has turned on us! He’s in league with the Icon!”

  I guess I kind of deserved that one. Thankfully, when I absorb the power of another vampire, I get the full deal: strength, speed, heightened senses and reflexes. Those last two were of particular interest right at that moment. Decker’s coven must have been waiting for his signal, for no sooner did he raise his voice then several pinpricks of light shone in my peripheral vision. I dove to the side just as the spot where I had been standing was turned into a miniature Bikini Atoll. The area erupted in multicolored flame, leaving a crater where the floor had been. The vamp I had bitten was caught in the blast and immediately immolated. Even the Templars who had been threatening him were blown back by the shockwave. Guess these guys weren’t fucking around.

  I weaved into the battle so as to deny them an easy target. Most of the participants were currently occupied, so it gave me a moment to take stock of the situation. The Templar were slowly losing ground. The vampires were far faster and stronger. The firepower of Decker’s coven augmented their numbers. I couldn’t see Sally. Hopefully, she wasn’t currently in a state more fit for lining a cat box. I shook my head. No, Sally was a survivor. I had to trust in that. I had other people to worry about, anyway.

  Speaking of which, I managed to spy Sheila and Ed. True to what I had asked of him, Ed was ... oh wait, no he wasn’t. He was actually hiding behind Sheila. Three vamps had closed on her. She stepped back, holding her sword up in a defensive stance, but there was uncertainty in her eyes. Oh no!

  The vamps saw the same thing and lunged at her, their silver stakes at the ready. Goddammit! She was too far away. Even with my stolen strength there was no way I was going to be able to...

  SNICKT!

  What the fuck? In one smooth move, she spun, swinging the sword in a graceful arc. The blade connected just as the vampires came into range. There was an explosion of dust as three silver stakes clattered to the floor. Holy shit! It had been a ruse on her part, a good one too. Jesus Christ, I wasn’t sure if she was the Icon or the second coming of Chuck Norris.

  “Templar to me!” a voice rang out. Still weaving amongst the combatants, I saw Benny break away from the witch he had been grappling with ... real manly. A room full of vampires, and he chooses to tussle with a girl.

  Cross raised, he made his way to Sheila’s side – much to my consternation. If the dude had designs on my woman, we were gonna have words about it. I’d kick his ass if he so much as...

  A clawed hand swung out at me, one of Remington’s vamps – obviously heeding Decker’s warning. Jeez! No honor amongst the undead. No doubt Colin had some say in this. It wasn’t hard to imagine him giving orders dictating that the preservation of my life was low on the priority list.

  I stepped into the blow before he could remove a chunk of my face and grabbed the vamp by the lapels of his trench coat. I flung him to the side with everything I had and he went flying, right into the outstretched cross of a nearby Templar. I may not be the most impressive physical specimen on the planet, but I had gotten more than my fair share of ass-kickings since being turned. Even someone like me was bound to learn a thing or two from continual beatings.

  Benny’s voice rang out again and a half dozen Templars raced in from the entrance in full battle gear, armor and gleaming swords at the ready.

  The cavalry had arrived.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  And, just as quickly, they were dispatched. Decker’s witches had been ready for them. No sooner had they come charging into the room when their armor began to glow bright red. The Templar knights were roasted alive inside of their own chain mail before they could take five steps. So much for the reinforcements. I could appreciate these guys’ adherence to traditional weaponry, but they’d have been much better served with a couple of shotguns. As any gamer knew, a low level mage was pretty much a glass cannon. Add a few levels of experience, though, and you did not fuck with them unless you wanted to die a messy death. Jeez! Did none of these guys ever pick up a twenty-sider?

  Oh well, that was neither here nor there. I found it hard to feel any sympathy for them, considering their attitude toward me. I still had my primary mission, and that meant saving the one person in the room who could incinerate me wit
h a friendly handshake.

  To do so, however, I’d need to get us the fuck out of there. Sooner or later the combination of Remington’s and Decker’s forces would prove too much. Sure, it would save me the trouble of embarrassing myself at some future date – pathetically trying to lead our armies into battle against God knows what – but still. I was fond of my ass and not quite ready to kiss it goodbye yet.

  Fortunately, I had a secret weapon at my disposal: a dumbass wizard named Harry Decker.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  “You cannot escape your fate, Freewill!” Decker shouted, raising a hand to point me out.

  I had fought my way to the far wall and then huddled there trying to make myself look as small as possible.

  “Die like the coward you are!” he screamed.

  Like I said, a total dumbass.

  Multiple blasts of energy converged on my spot, just as I’d planned. Using the stolen strength still coursing through my veins, I jumped. Vampires can’t fly, but we could sure as shit make kick-ass NBA center guards. I must’ve cleared over ten feet vertically, more than enough to take me out of harm’s way.

  The furious spellcraft exploded against the wall, blowing a hole in it large enough to drive a van through. I landed and could see the parking lot through the smoke the explosion had created. Thank you, Mr. Decker.

  The inferno caught just about everyone, save me, by surprise. I used the distraction to race back into the fray, my eyes scanning the battle.

  Sheila and Ed were still fighting off vamps, or at least she was anyway. I pushed my way through the combatants, shoving several to the side, enough to make a path. Fighting my way to them, I grabbed Ed by the arm and spun him to face me.

  “Get her out of here!” I shouted.

  He nodded and tapped her on the shoulder – almost losing his head in the process. She swung her blade at him and only managed to change the trajectory at the last moment. It was close, so close he probably lost a few hairs off the top of his head.

  “Sorry,” she said.

  Ed blinked once – most likely evacuating his bowels in the process – then somehow managed to compose himself. “Let’s go.”

  They started to make their way to the newly created exit, Benny hot on their heels. Sheila expertly used her sword to keep clear the path I had made. God damn, I really needed to ask her where she learned that stuff.

  There was only one other minor thing to worry about. “Sally!”

  “One second!” A Templar came flying through the air in my direction.

  She was still squaring off against two of the guys who had tackled her and, from the look of things, she wasn’t particularly happy. My distraction, however, had allowed her to get to her feet and turn the tide in her favor.

  She grabbed one from behind and sank her teeth into his neck, arterial blood pouring out of the wound. His remaining companion tried to close in, but Sally’s claws flashed out. He went down missing even more of his throat than his recently chewed on buddy.

  Not bothering to wait for her to finish, I ran over, grabbed her by the wrist and dragged her toward the hole in the wall.

  “You ruin all my fun,” she protested, helping me slash and claw through anyone standing in our way.

  “It’s what I live for.”

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  We dodged several more potshots from Decker’s coven, but at last managed to make it out. The remaining few Templar, having seen Sheila make a run for it, redoubled their efforts against Remington’s forces. They weren’t going to last long, but it would hopefully cover her escape – as well as mine and Sally’s, although I doubted they cared about that latter part.

  Emerging from the school, the wind hit my face, bringing a few droplets of rain with it. Apparently, the weather had changed since we had entered. Odd, I could have sworn the forecast called for clearing skies.

  “Come on, Bill,” Ed cried out. “What, did you die in there?”

  “You’re a barrel of fucking laughs, you know that?” I replied as we caught up with him, Sheila, and – of course – Benny. Fuck me. There’s always gotta be a third wheel on every couple’s outing.

  He whispered something to her and pointed at us. Sheila immediately raised her sword as we neared, her eyes narrowing on Sally. “She killed those men.”

  I guess Benny had noticed Sally’s little temper tantrum back there.

  “It’s not like that,” I said, feeling my own temper start to fray.

  “I don’t...”

  “No, I don’t care,” I snapped. “They attacked first. Sally was just defending herself.”

  “But...”

  “But nothing. We don’t have time for this shit. I told you, we’re here to help. Now put the fucking sword down!”

  Much to my surprise, she actually took a step back. A moment passed and she lowered the blade. Holy crap! Where the hell had that outburst come from? Sometimes it was like I didn’t even know myself.

  “Wow, Bill,” Sally said from behind me. “You just got ever so slightly sexier.”

  “Not now,” I replied. “We need to get out of here before...”

  Unfortunately, it was already too late.

  Remington and his vampires swarmed out of the break in the wall. Before we could react to this, several flashes of light shone on the far side of us. Decker and his witches appeared from out of thin air, cutting off our escape.

  Though we and the Templars had taken out our fair share of enemies, we were still outnumbered at least four to one. There were only two words that came to mind to describe the situation: Game Over.

  Love Triangle

  “If you could only see the look on your own face, Mr. Ryder.”

  “I imagine it would still be only half as dumb as the one on yours,” I shot back at Decker. Never let them kill you without a snappy retort, I always say.

  The situation didn’t look good. Vampire hitmen and a coven of pissed-off mages surrounded us. I was still amped on that other vampire’s strength but wasn’t sure how much longer that would last. Sally looked like she had been dipped into a deep fryer. Benny had his cross, although I wouldn’t count on him to do much more than stab me in the back with it if push came to shove. Ed ... well, let’s be honest, aside from any witty comments he might have regarding the situation, he was tits on a bull.

  That left Sheila. She was definitely the X-factor there, but even she could only swing that sword so fast. At some point her back would be exposed, and there was little doubt one of our enemies would be more than happy to take advantage of that.

  “Step away from the Icon, Freewill.” Remington moved to stand by Decker’s side.

  “Freewill?” Sheila asked.

  “Did he not tell you, my dear?” Decker asked, trying to pour a little salt in my wounds. He was well aware of my not-so-little crush on her. Apparently everyone in our office knew.

  “We haven’t exactly had much time to chat,” I replied.

  “You’re in on this too, Harry?” she asked.

  “Obviously,” he said, a sneer on his douche face. “Alas, had I known what you were during our little dinner date some months back, the night would have ended much differently.”

  “I could say the same thing,” I snapped. “If I had known what a fucking asshole you were, I wouldn’t have been so quick to save your ass ... even less so if I had known you were a wizard.”

  Sheila looked between us. “Was everyone at Hopskotchgames some kind of monster?”

  Ooh, that stung. Was that how she saw me now? Well okay, I was currently covered in blood and gore. That wasn’t exactly helping my credibility.

  “You’re lucky,” Ed said. “At least you didn’t have to go out on a date with Barb from HR. Talk about a many-tentacled beast.”

  “Enough of this chatter,” Remington barked as lightning flashed in the sky. There was a storm coming, in more ways than one. “You will step away from the Icon now, or we will not be held accountable for your fate.”

  “You really expect
me to just walk away while you fry my girlf ... err friends?”

  “Who said anything about you walking away? You are a traitor to your kind. You will surrender and be brought before your superiors for punishment.”

  There was a little too much glee in his voice for my personal edification. Knowing vampire justice, I had to assume that probably didn’t involve a slap on the wrist. Hell, I’d be lucky if they killed me. In special cases, vampires could draw out the torture of their enemies for an eternity. Knowing my luck, I’d definitely be considered one of those.

  “I think I’ll take my chances,” I replied, putting a little swagger into my voice. Hell, they didn’t need to know I was practically ready to shit a brick. If anything, it might make a few of them slightly more cautious as they moved in to fuck my day up further.

  “Dibs on Decker,” Sally said.

  “No fucking way.” I tried to keep a grin on my face. “First come, first served.” I turned my eyes toward Ed. He gave a shrug and smiled back. I liked his odds far less than my own, but his look said it all. He knew the risks when he signed on to this crazy-ass adventure.

  Benny could go suck a fat dick as far as I was concerned. I turned to Sheila and met her eyes for what might have been the last time. “I’ve got your back.”

  “Really?” The question came out honestly, with no sarcasm.

  “You can trust me.” I meant every word of it.

  “Why?”

  Because I am deeply madly in love with you, would have been my answer. Fortunately for me ... err, sadly, that is ... or whatever ... I didn’t have the time to sputter out a reply. Our enemies converged upon us.

  Oh well, at least they saved me from embarrassing myself.

  ♦ ♦ ♦

  Remington’s goons had come into the fray ready for a fight, armed with silver stakes. That meant only one of two things: either silver was equally effective against the Icon – something I had absolutely no idea about – or they were expecting trouble from me. When a vampire really wanted to mess with another vamp’s outlook on life, that’s what they used. It reacted badly with vampire blood ... explosively so. Think of throwing a magnesium flare into a puddle of water, except it happened inside of our bodies. It also had the added effect of really screwing up our healing abilities. Depending on a vampire’s age, minor injuries could heal themselves in minutes or less. Add some silver to the mix, though, and you slowed things down enough that the vamp was left vulnerable in the middle of battle.