So she was still waking up screaming at night, not from the detox but from nightmares. I wanted to be there for her, rock her to sleep.
“At least I’m healthy. I repeated all the tests Vic gave me. Luckily, no STDs. Even in the brothel, I always insisted on using a condom. Thank God prostitution was legal down there and I at least got tested. If the men refused to use one, I’d take the beating from my pimp rather than risk it. I always hoped one day I’d be able to escape.”
I wanted to tell her she was lucky, but I couldn’t figure out a way to say it without sounding like I was vetting her for sex.
Gabriel was climbing around the seat, antsy. I took out my phone and let him play Angry Birds.
“Are you going back to school?”
She shrugged her shoulders. “Maybe. I don’t know. I want to get into some kind of sex trafficking activism.”
“That’s great.” Despite my desire to take her home with me, I kept my distance. She didn’t need me dropping in and out of her life. I’d be leaving San Diego to train again in a month or so. “I saw your press conference. Why’d you lie?”
She bit her nails. “My parents thought it would be best, you know? Like my dad kept saying these people didn’t need to know our business, we’d suffered enough. By you bringing me home, we had more options. I guess people see me as a selfish brat who left her family, but isn’t that better than being seen as a sex slave?”
“I guess, Annie. Your call. But what about Gabriel? You don’t think he’ll remember? Does anyone know the truth?”
“I hope not. He’s so young. My parents have told everyone I was married to a missionary, we had Gabriel, and then his father was killed.”
I shook my head. “The more lies you tell, the harder it gets. Trust me. Someone will find out the truth.”
She shrugged. “I didn’t really have a choice, Pat. I can’t really work right now, I’m jumpy. And I need to take care of Gabriel. My parents financially support me. I had to go along with what they wanted. Chris knows, he had a right to because he was blamed for my disappearance, but he’s the only one, and my therapist. Maybe one day I’ll tell my story.”
I sighed. This wasn’t how I’d wanted her life to go, not that I had a say. I’d pictured her becoming strong and independent, hailed as a survivor. Now she still seemed to have little control over her life.
She reached across the table and touched my hand. My body craved her caress. “I need another favor.”
Why the hell not? It’d been months. I grinned and squeezed her hand. “Let’s go. I’ll take you back to my place.”
She blushed. “No, no, not that. I’m sorry I begged you that night. When I’m finally ready to be with a man I want it to be special, to mean something. Know that he loves me.”
It would be special and mean something to me. I couldn’t put my feelings about her into words. “What do you want?”
“Um, so, you can say no. But my dad wants to meet you and personally thank you for saving me.”
Fuck no. I clenched my fist. “Not going to happen, Annie. I assume you already told him how we met? Hi, sir. Well, yes, I visited a whorehouse in Aruba and hired your daughter to give me a blowjob. No way.”
“It’s important to him to meet you.”
“Sorry, Annie. But the answer is no.”
“Please. Just this once then I’ll leave you alone. I promise. He just really wants to thank you.”
“You’re not going to leave me alone until I agree?”
“Pretty much.”
“No, Annie. I can’t. I’m sorry.”
“Fine. Forget I asked.” She bit her nails, and rummaged through her purse. “I’ll leave you alone. I can take you back to base now.”
I wasn’t about to meet her family, but I wasn’t ready to say good-bye. “Do you and Gabriel want to come to Vic’s party?”
Her eyes beamed. “We’d love to. I wasn’t sure you really wanted me to go. It’s tomorrow, right?”
“No, Saturday. I’ll pick you up at five. At the coffee house down the street from your house?” I wasn’t just being a dick, not picking them up from her house; I really didn’t want her family to see my face. I still didn’t trust, despite their cover up, that I’d somehow pulled off this rescue without getting caught.
“Sounds good. I can’t wait.”
We finished our meals and went to Bay Books next door. I bought Gabriel a counting book about the Navy. Then we grabbed ice cream. Had I been wrong about being incapable of taking care of anyone other than myself? I thought seeing her back in the United States, free, would squelch any feelings I had for her, protecting her, loving her. She didn’t seem happy to me, truly happy. And I had some crazy notion I could make her happy again. That, in some twisted way, our fucked up past could make each other whole.
25
Annie
MY HAND TREMBLED AS I twisted up one more coat of mascara onto my eyelashes. Since I’d been back home, I almost never put on makeup. It reminded me of being at the brothel. But I wanted to look nice for Pat. I was meeting him in a half an hour. Was this a date? It felt like a date, whatever I imagined a date would feel like. I wouldn’t really know—Chris and I just fell into a relationship in high school. He even recently confessed to me that he was planning on proposing on our last night on the vacation. I still loved him, I would always love him—he was my first, the only man I’d been with until I was taken. But there was too much pain and sadness between us. The guilt of what had happened to me wrecked him. He blamed himself, if only he’d awoken, or we hadn’t been drunk, he was sure that he could’ve prevented my kidnapping. I didn’t blame him, at all. But we had nothing left. Years of wondering, suspicion, longing had squashed any chances of us finding happiness.
But with Pat it was different. I felt different. He was so sexy, beautiful, deep. Loyal and committed. His strong arms, sexy mouth, my mind ran wild imagining him making love to me. Though I knew he felt guilt for hiring me, I knew in his fucked up mind he felt that hiring a hooker was safe for him emotionally. No promises. No disappointments. But he could never disappoint me.
I walked out of my bathroom, and into the family room, where my parents were watching television, Gabriel playing quietly on the floor.
My father gave me a hard glance. “You look nice. Date with Chris?”
His voice was almost hopeful. His sad blue eyes broke my heart. I knew it just killed him to see me, imagine what I’d been through. And Gabriel was just a reminder to him of my ordeal, despite how hard he tried to love him. My father couldn’t even look at Gabriel. Daddy’s little girl died on that vacation. “No, Dad. We’re meeting Pat. He’s taking us to a barbeque with the other guys who saved us.”
He let out a pained breath. “You’re meeting him? He doesn’t even have the decency to pick you up at your home and meet me?”
“Dad, stop. It’s not like that. He’s embarrassed about how we met. If I continue to see him, you’ll meet him. He’s a good guy, I swear.”
He pointed at me. “He’s a good SEAL, Annie. Don’t confuse his job proficiency with his character. Remember where you met him, how he hired you for his selfish needs. No morals. No ethics. I’m surprised he made it through BUD/S. He’s not the type of man you want around your son.”
“Well, he’s a helluva improvement from Gabriel’s real dad.” That ought to shut him up.
My dad just shook his head and walked away. My parents’ constant newfound concern for and control over me irked me to no end. What were they trying to protect me from? I’d already lived the worst life imaginable.
I brushed Gabriel’s hair, put on his shoes, and we walked out of our door, toward the coffee house. Toward Pat. I was so nervous. Seeing him two days ago had brought back all the feelings I’d had on the ship. It was real—not just some misplaced affection for my savior. He cared about me, and Gabriel. He’d seen me at my worst. Yet he looked at me with desire, not disgust. Not as some used up heroin addicted whore, but as a woman, as a mother. A s
urvivor.
I wanted him. I wanted to make him feel love, make him trust me. I would never cheat on him. If he would only give me a chance. Give us each a chance to build a new life together. Based on truth. How could I ever be with anyone who didn’t understand and accept my former life? Star is a part of me. I don’t want to forget her. The kidnapping happened. I was a sex slave. That is my past—but I won’t let it define my future.
26
Patrick
I ARRIVED AT LOFTY COFFEE twenty minutes early. I didn’t want to be late. My stomach was in knots—this felt like going on a first date, and I didn’t date. Annie still hadn’t arrived, so I slipped out the door to The Den, a boutique next store. I wanted to buy her something.
The designer clothes and lingerie weren’t what I was looking for. Then something caught my eye at the counter. “I’ll take this.”
The shop girl grabbed the item and packaged it up. “Is this for your girlfriend?”
I couldn’t tell if she was hitting on me, but I didn’t care. “Something like that.”
I paid, and went back to the coffee shop.
Annie had arrived but hadn’t noticed me yet. She and Gabriel were standing in line.
I couldn’t resist checking her out. She was wearing a pale peach dress that clung to her body. I couldn’t tell if she had a bra on or one of those camisoles. Either way, I could see the outline of her nipples. I clenched my fists and tried to reconcile this beautiful woman standing in front of me with the traumatized hooker I’d first laid eyes on. A mixture of shame for how I met her with pride at how she’d recovered filled my mind.
I leaned into her and kissed her, not caring about my own objections. The words spilled out of my mouth, the look on her face made me happy as I said them. “I’m glad you came to greet me off the ship. Honestly, I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you.”
She touched my face, her fingers tracing my beard. “I missed you, too.”
We ordered two cold-drip iced coffees and chocolate milk for Gabriel.
Annie was turned toward the coffee bar adding milk and sugar to our drinks. Some dickhead handed her the plastic covers and said something to her to make her blush. I wanted to punch him.
She handed me my coffee. Her cheeks were red.
I put my arm around her, grabbed Gabriel’s hand, and headed back to my truck.
I texted Vic and told him we were on our way. I really wanted to see how she would act around the other Team guys and their wives. I wasn’t trying to test her, yet I couldn’t help but be curious if there was any possibility she’d ever fit into my world. I mean, I was still going to ship out and be away from her again, without a doubt. But it was like there was a part of me that wanted to know for sure, wanted to see how stupid any vague lingering idea of us…. No. This could never work, no matter how much we might both want it. I’d used her once; I was one of her johns. And despite her claiming she was better, she was probably too emotionally damaged to be in a relationship.
God, she looked hot in her dress.
Forty minutes later, we arrived at Vic’s family’s house. The smell of cumin and lime wafted from the backyard.
I didn’t need to knock. We walked around the back and opened the gate.
About twenty other Team guys, plus their wives and kids, were milling around the yard. There was one of those bouncy houses for the kids. Gabriel’s eyes widened. I wasn’t sure if he was used to kid centric parties; somehow I doubted Annie’s parents had fully embraced him, but I honestly didn’t have a clue.
Vic spotted us. He poked Kyle to get his attention and they both came over.
“Annie! You look great.” Vic hugged her. “Thanks for coming.”
A hug wouldn’t satisfy Kyle. “Hey, sweetheart!” He lifted her in the air. She seemed more excited to see him than she had to see me. Not that I had anything to worry about—we never ever hit on another Team guy’s woman. “How’ve you been? Where are all the hottie friends you promised me?”
She smiled. “I’ll hook you up.”
Vic’s mother walked over to us, his daughter Carina trailing behind her.
“Mama, this is Annie and her son Gabriel,” Vic told her.
“Hola, mija. Bienvenida.” I loved Vic’s mom; she was like a second mother to me. She never hesitated to make food for an entire SEAL Team or drive downtown in the middle of the night to pick one of us up if we were smashed.
“Encantada, Señora Gonzales. Soy Analía.”
Vic’s mom seemed impressed by Annie’s fluent Spanish. Three-year-old Carina looked up at Annie and then back at Gabriel. Vic’s little princess was adorable—huge brown eyes, long wavy hair tied up in a bow. I admired how he made her his top priority when he was in town, knowing that as long as he remained in the Teams, they would spend more time apart than together.
“You wanna see my dolls?” Carina asked Gabriel.
Gabriel nodded.
Carina led Gabriel into the house, and Vic’s mom went to the kitchen.
Our Teammate Joe’s wife Tori walked over, carrying a tray of beers. Tori was a SEALs dream woman. Gorgeous, great mom, faithful. They’d been high school sweethearts. Joe had just been selected for SEAL Team Six, our most elite Team and was currently deployed. No doubt, his success was directly attributed to the love and support of his wife.
“Annie, this is Tori. Her husband Joe is one of my best friends. He’s deployed.”
Tori reached out her hand. “Hi, Annie. Nice to meet you. How did you meet Pat?”
Annie pulled on her hair, her face now white.
Fuck, we hadn’t prepared for questions. I was about to open my mouth, but Annie started talking.
“Pat picked me out of a line-up . . . . at a country bar and asked me to dance, said I was the prettiest girl there.”
I spit out my beer. “Annie was the most beautiful girl that night for sure, but she’s also a champion soccer star and a great mom. I fell for her the moment I met her.” I winked at Annie.
“Well, you must be pretty special, Annie. Pat never brings anyone around us. Ever. I’ve known him for eight years. He’s a good guy, saved my husband’s life. Why don’t you come over and I’ll introduce you to the other wives.”
Annie looked up at me, as if asking for permission. I squeezed her hand and she and Tori walked over to the other women.
Kyle gave me a devilish grin. “Couldn’t stay away from her for a day. We’ve been back, what, five hours? Have you already hit that?”
“Two days, asshole. You saw her greet me at the dock. Welcome home sign and everything.”
Vic raised his eyebrow. “What’s the problem? You wanted to see her anyway.”
I glanced over near the pool; Annie was sitting at a table chatting with the other women. She gave me a big smile and waved at me. “Yeah, I did. But, I mean, she has Gabriel, and we’ll leave again soon. I don’t want to confuse him; poor kid’s been through enough.”
Vic jumped in. “Walsh, she wants you. She’s a good girl. And she’s gorgeous. You have nothing to lose. Stop being such a closed-off prick and give her a chance.”
I was going to respond, but Annie walked over to me carrying a plate of food.
She smiled and I couldn’t help but think even though I didn’t fit in her life, she sure seemed at home in mine.
27
Patrick
AFTER A FEW HOURS AT the party, I was about to leave and take Annie and Gabriel home. Carina had worn Gabriel out playing house, and the little guy was passed out on the floor.
Vic’s mom whispered. “Pobrecito, mijo.”
“Why don’t you and Annie go somewhere? Let Gabriel sleep. If he wakes while you’re gone, I can keep him entertained,” Vic offered.
“Oh. I don’t know. Are you sure that’s okay?” Annie crinkled her brow.
“Yeah, I’ll just be cleaning up. We’ll be fine.”
“Okay. But we’ll only be gone for an hour.”
“Don’t worry about it—take your time.�
�
I was excited and nervous to get alone time with Annie. I didn’t even know where to take her. I decided I’d show her around the SEAL base, since it was close by the back roads. It was private, beautiful, and where I spent the majority of my life. As we drove in my beat-up black truck from Chula Vista through Imperial Beach on our way to Coronado, I couldn’t shake the gnawing feeling that I shouldn’t push her away. I’d been alone for so long, I didn’t even know what my life would be like with a girlfriend.
The view of the Silver Strand beach was on our left and Annie stared out the window.
“You okay?”
She blinked back tears. “Yup.”
I touched her thighs, sliding my hand in between them. Not to start anything, just to touch her. It would take me a lifetime to comprehend what she’d been through.
“Tell me.”
“It’s nothing.”
“I want to know.”
Her hands shook. “I was having fun at the party, just being normal. Everyone was so nice to me. But I kept thinking they were all looking at me. No one brought up the fact I’ve been on the cover of every magazine, flashed across all the news networks. I haven’t been out in public much. Everyone must think I’m this bitch who abandoned her family and let her boyfriend become a suspect for murder, just to run off.”
I had no idea she’d felt everyone was judging her. “First, none of that is true. If you want to ever want to tell anyone what really happened to you, I support you. Any of them who recognized you probably think you had a good reason to vanish and were in awe of your strength. And all the other Team guys were jealous I had the hottest girl there.”
“Thanks, Pat. You’re full of shit, but I appreciate your effort.”
We pulled in to the Naval Amphibious base, and I decided to give her a quick tour. When I showed her the obstacle course, her eyes got wide. “I want to try it.”
“Who are you, GI Jane?”
BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Page 26
