He blinked hard, too hard, as if he was trying to stop tears from escaping. “You don’t understand. You never could. I’m not going to ruin the rest of the guys’ lives and tarnish our team’s reputation further. It’s complicated, and I really can’t talk about it.”
I didn’t want to hear about his team loyalty. “Who’s your lawyer? Is he any good?”
“Daniel Reed. He’s a former team guy.”
Sure he was—the world’s most exclusive fraternity. Even when these guys left the service, they only hired their own. “What did he say about bail? I’ll find a way to raise money.”
“We won’t know until the arraignment, but he thinks the judge will probably make an example of me. No bail.”
“But you’re a SEAL.”
“Exactly. No playing favorites.”
From his posture, the edge in his voice, I knew I was treading on his patience. I needed to garner any information I could before he cut me off. “What’s the last thing you remember? The girl, did she pass out?”
His nostrils flared, and he bared his teeth. “Knock it off, Mia.”
Whoa. He never raised his voice to me. There was no use arguing with him. Joaquín was a stubborn Taurus—I’d never win. I bit my lip and tried another approach. “You can’t tell me anything about that night? Who was the dead girl? Were you dating her?”
“No. I’d never met her before.” Joaquín shrugged. He wasn’t really a relationship guy. A complete player, he claimed no one could ever be faithful to a SEAL, which was bullshit. I’d never even looked at another man when I was with Grant. I still hadn’t, even though we’d been broken up for what felt like forever.
“Who invited her?”
His tone became more agitated. “One of the team guys invited a bunch of strippers.”
Yeah, I’ll bet. Strippers and SEALs went together like rum and Coke. At least Joaquín wasn’t a cheater. I couldn’t count the number of times wasted SEALs had called Grant to be picked up from Panthers, the local sleazy strip club. Grant would drag me along, and then his buddies would beg him to act as an alibi to give to their wives. We used to fight about him covering for the philanderers all the time. I had to make small talk with their wives at the family barbecues, knowing that their husbands had their dicks sucked by strippers the night before. Grant always told me to stay out of it—it was their marriages and not our place to get involved. I argued that we were involved because covering for them made Grant an accessory to their infidelities. At least Grant never went to the strip clubs; he swore it wasn’t his thing.
I tried to stop myself, but I had to know. “Which guy asked the strippers to the party? Mitch?”
He let out a growl. “One more word, and I’ll drop this phone and walk back into my cell.”
My gaze darted around the room. I was grateful that this crime had been committed off the naval base so at least he wasn’t stuck in the brig. Under a civilian justice system I could find him the best lawyers. I’d do whatever it took. “I’ll get you out of here. I’ll find out the truth.”
He laughed, and although it was nice to see him smile, I knew he didn’t have a shred of faith that I could help him. “How are you going to do that, Mia? You’re a theater student. We’re talking about a bunch of team guys.”
I preferred the term “highly trained actor,” but I wasn’t about to correct him. Plus, who was he trying to protect anyway? Did he suspect one of his teammates? Did he know who killed the girl? “I know. I’m just trying to help.” But my mind started racing. Why not me? Joaquín was my brother—the same blood ran through our veins, the same dedication, the same stubbornness. Just because I lacked testosterone didn’t mean I was any less capable than he was.
He studied me. “I know that look. Don’t get involved, Mia. That’s a fucking order. I didn’t drug or kill Tiffany, which means someone else did. I don’t have a clue who, and I can’t protect you from in here.” His hands shook.
I cringed. This was real, not some fucked-up nightmare. “I can protect myself.” He’d always protected me, been my savior. It would kill him if he knew what had happened to me years ago. But it wasn’t his fault. He and Grant had both been deployed, and there was nothing either of them could’ve done to save me that night. Telling them the truth would accomplish nothing.
“No, I need you to trust me on this.” His voice firmed. “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.” He was proud, pigheaded, and I knew he didn’t want me to see him defenseless. Just like Grant. These macho SEALs never allowed themselves to be truly vulnerable, not to their families, and most certainly not to their women. Though I completely understood—I was too proud to admit my own weaknesses.
He focused on me. “Mia, I can’t take care of you anymore. This is important. I need you to hear me. You have to be strong for me. Remember that place in Marin we used to hike to?”
How could I forget? On the top of Mt. Tamalpais, in a ridge overlooking the fog, was a group of rocks. Joaquín and I used to go up there and spend hours playing make-believe.
“Of course I do. Why?”
“If you need to feel my presence, go there.”
What on earth was Joaquín talking about? He hated what he called my “New Age bullshit” about vortexes and spirit guides. But my spirituality guided everything I did. I didn’t care if he didn’t understand it. “I won’t need to. I’m going to take a leave of absence from school, move down here, and visit you every week until you’re free.”
“Don’t you dare. You only have one semester left. Don’t ruin your life, too. Listen to me. I don’t want you to visit me again. Promise me you won’t come back to San Diego.”
I bit my nails, and my stomach clenched. He was the only person I had in my life since I’d ended things with Grant. Without Joaquín, I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t exist. He would never ask me to abandon him. It was then that I knew in my heart something was gravely wrong. Not just the murder of Tiffany and the charges against Joaquín, but something else. Something hidden deep in the secret realm of the SEAL brotherhood. “I promise.”
I nodded and placed my hand on the thick plexiglass. He did the same. Would this be the closest I ever came to touching him again? “I love you, Joaquín.”
“I love you too, Angelita Mia.”
My little angel. He hadn’t called me that since we were kids. That name had always meant so much to me. I wanted to be that angel for my brother. No, I needed to be that angel. And I would. I would live up to my birth name and become Joaquín’s angel.
We only had a few minutes left, so I tried my best to cheer him up. My hands trembled, my body frozen. He’d worked so hard to be a SEAL. It was all he ever wanted. The possibility of his career being destroyed was almost worse than him being accused of a crime he didn’t commit.
The bell rang, and the guard came and escorted Joaquín out of the room. I stared at him walking away, praying that this nightmare would end soon. This couldn’t be goodbye.
I walked out of the San Diego County Jail. Determined. Dedicated. Definite.
I would clear my brother's name. For my entire life he had protected me, lifted me up when I had fallen. It was my turn to rescue him.
I took off in Joaquín’s truck, a brand new Ford Raptor. The scent of the fresh leather tickled my nostrils. For a second, I actually questioned his innocence. How could he afford this new truck? He’d told me he’d saved up during deployment, but I knew he spent most of his money on my tuition and housing. Even though I worked part-time as a makeup artist, living in San Francisco was not cheap. Paul was a second-generation Navy SEAL officer and came from old money—was Joaquín involved in something shady that had resulted in him being framed for murder?
I pushed the thought of his guilt out of my head. My gut wrenched for even questioning his honor.
Speeding on Harbor Drive, I rolled down the window and allowed the crisp San Diego breeze to blow all doubt away. Though it was January, the sun was still bright in the sky. As Joaquín’s words replay
ed in my head and the look on his face haunted my thoughts, I choked back tears.
The Raptor seemed to have a mind of its own, and I found myself driving toward Grant’s place. I had to see him. I had no choice. He was my only hope. I needed to ask for his help. I prayed that he would be able to fix everything like he once had. He’d been with Joaquín at the party that night. He must’ve seen something.
My insides twisted. The intersection of excitement, desperation, and guilt left me unable to focus. Grant was the one man who rivaled my brother in his steadfast character. He’d been my first love, my only lover, and I’d shoved him away. Like every great thing in my life.
I pulled up to his tiny apartment in Point Loma, praying he wasn’t off somewhere training. The sight of fresh mud on the door of his lifted truck alleviated that fear.
My fingers traced the doorbell. His dog Hero let out a friendly bark. There was no turning back. I pressed the button.
“Hello?” Grant’s deep, sexy voice sounded groggy through the intercom.
He must’ve been asleep even though it was three in the afternoon. Probably another balls-to-dawn training rotation. Back when we were together, I’d make sure to have his place clean, his favorite meals cooked, Hero walked and fed when he came home from those all-nighters. It was some of the only times he allowed me to take care of him. “Hey, it’s me.”
His tone turned bitter, dark. “What do you want, Mia?”
I couldn’t help but smile that he still recognized my voice immediately, even though we’d been broken up for two years and hadn’t seen each other in six months. I knew what I had done to him. Abandoned him in his hour of need, secretly blaming him for being gone when I needed him most, not willing to allow him to see me at my lowest point. My fatal flaw had ruined our love. My conceit.
Joaquín would never turn his back on someone he loved. He would embrace his anxiety. Shake hands with fear.
Somehow I would have to learn to do the same.
“I need to talk about Joaquín.”
Grant opened the door, and I gasped at the sight of him standing in front of me wearing only pajama bottoms. I’d forgotten how incredible his body was; his broad shoulders and V-shaped torso displayed no body fat, just a perfect eight-pack of abs. His skin glowed in the afternoon sun, highlighting his sculpted arms, which were covered with ink. My eyes focused on his huge hands, remembering how they had explored every inch of my body. He ran his fingers through his golden hair, and I imagined those fingers deep inside me, sending spikes of pleasure to my core. The scruff of his beard hid the deep scar on his neck. His green eyes seemed to shoot beams of kryptonite at me, exposing my soul.
Right, I came here for my brother.
“Let me in, Grant.” I pushed my way inside the door, scanning the place for signs of another woman. All clear. Hero, his black lab/pug mix, gave me a lick on my face and lay by my feet.
The last time I saw Grant was an awkward run-in at my brother’s apartment last summer before they deployed. Grant had ignored me the entire time. No matter how hard I’d tried, he refused to engage with me.
Today, he had no choice.
2
Grant
THE VIXEN STANDING IN FRONT of me barely resembled my beautiful Mia. Her waist-length brown hair that had once carried the scent of coconut milk and vanilla beans was now tinted fuchsia and chopped off into a long, angled bob with spiky bangs. Her freckled skin was painted up like a streetwalker’s. Her soft curves were hard, skinny, angular. Her nails, which had always been kept short and pale, were filed into sharp points and polished black, like daggers. I fucking hated her full look. Like some bullshit revenge breakup make-under meant to ensure that I wasn’t attracted to her anymore.
It didn’t work—I still wanted her.
My eyes lingered on her small breasts and fell down to her hips. “There’s nothing I can do. No one remembers anything—and if they do, they aren’t talking. I’m sorry. For what it’s worth, I don’t think he’s guilty.”
“Of course he’s not guilty. But you can help him. You know the men on your team. You were there. We can find out who killed that girl. I’ll do whatever it takes. Maybe I could go undercover? I’m a chameleon. An actress, a makeup artist. I’ve reinvented myself so many times even you wouldn’t be able to recognize me. We can do this.”
This bitch was crazy. “You can’t be serious. You’re five-feet-four inches tall, one hundred thirty pounds. I used to have to open spaghetti jars for you. You think you can defend yourself against a SEAL? No way can you outsmart my team. Sorry, Mia. It will never work. You’re delusional. I could recognize you no matter how you changed.” I knew every inch of her body, the sound of her voice, the way her lips parted when she was embarrassed, the glint in her hazel eyes when she wanted her way, the flush on her cheeks when she came.
I loved you. Picturing her smile had gotten me through those long muddy nights freezing my balls off in the frigid water during BUD/S. Her faith, her love, her belief in me had kept me from quitting, from ringing that bell. Too bad it was all complete bullshit.
She touched my face, tracing the beard that hid the scar on my neck. “I just need one of them to talk.”
I pushed her hand away. My stomach churned, I couldn’t stand the sight of her. Couldn’t she see the hurt in my eyes? I’d once looked at her with warmth, love, devotion. Now only her betrayal lingered in the air. “SEALs don’t talk.”
She let out a laugh. “You did. You used to tell me everything.”
Smartass. My fist clenched. “Yeah, I did. Only because you were my girl. What are you going to do—fuck them all?”
A wicked smile graced her lips. “Why the hell not? I’m single, remember? You made it clear you never wanted anything to do with me again.”
My chest tightened. She was taunting me. The thought of her, my girl, being screwed senseless by my friends made my palms sweat. She was mine—only mine. She’d lost her virginity to me, and I’d always found comfort knowing that no other man had ever touched her. Images flashed through my head of another man kissing her, fucking her, making her come, her screaming out his name.
I swallowed hard and steadied my breath. “Stop, Mia. We both know damn well you were the one who fucked things up. Even if you were that much of a bitch and wanted to fuck me over more than you already have, none of them would touch another team guy’s woman. Especially since you’re also Joaquín’s sister. I only got away with sleeping with you because we started dating before Joaquín and I became SEALs. And no matter what you think, in their eyes, you will always be mine.”
She cringed, and I noted the look of shame on her face. Had she cheated on me back then? I would never believe that. Like a wild animal, I was confident that I could’ve sensed another man’s scent on my woman. Even so, Mia was hiding something from me. There was more to her leaving me than being too young for a serious relationship. Unfortunately, I didn’t have a fucking clue what her secret was. She never even gave me the chance to fix it.
She leveled her gaze at me. “Yeah? Yet you are sure quick to abandon Joaquín at the first sign of trouble. So much for leaving no man behind. You know if the situation were reversed, Joaquín would do anything possible to set you free.”
Dammit, I shouldn’t have let her in the door. This was already too intense, too emotional. “It’s not that simple and you know it. I’m under orders not to talk to him. I don’t have a choice.”
“Can you tell me about the girl who died? Who invited her? Was Joaquín dating her?”
I clenched my teeth. Some people thought that since I was a SEAL I’d have a wicked temper, but I had complete control of my emotions at all times. That composure allowed me the mental strength to point a loaded gun at my enemy and still be able to make a conscious decision not to pull the trigger. I’d never raised my voice to Mia, ever. Even so, she knew when I was pissed off.
“What the fuck? Do you think you can just walk in here like you didn’t rip my heart out and I’m just going t
o comfort you and fix this mess? I already fucking told you there’s nothing I can do. And I don’t owe you anything.”
Her chin dipped to her chest, her shoulders slumping. “I know you don’t believe me, and I don’t expect you to, but I had to leave. I didn’t have a choice.”
I looked back at my bed, the rumpled covers. I remembered watching Mia sleep in my bed, the way she always curled up in a ball, with Hero at her feet. I never told her, but she used to talk in her sleep, sometimes even said my name. “There’s always a choice. We aren’t in this together. My world started and stopped with you. All my friends told me that we wouldn’t work, that we didn’t have a chance because we were so young and because of my job, but I told them you were different. That you would have my back no matter what.”
Her voice cracked. “For what it’s worth, I’ve never even looked at another guy. I want you to know that.”
My eyes bore into her. “That’s supposed to make it better? That I’m the only man you’ve ever been with, but you still don’t want to be with me? Well, I wish I could say it were that easy for me. Since you left, I’ve fucked a bunch of girls, trying to get you out of my head.” But she was still fucking there every night when I closed my eyes. I prayed her face would soon fade from my mind.
Her mouth tightened. She wasn’t stupid—she had to know from her brother that I’d been with women since her. But she only had herself to blame. “Please, Grant, if what we had meant anything to you, please help me exonerate Joaquín.”
BEAST: A Bad Boy Marine Romance Page 35
