‘Murdo knew the baby wasn’t his. He must have known. I mean, long before…’
Virginia looked up at her. Her voice was flat. ‘A miracle child. That’s how I thought of it. Why shouldn’t I believe in miracles? Why shouldn’t it be true that you can have light in the darkness?’
Berenice was silent.
‘It wasn’t difficult, after that,’ Virginia said.
‘Did Iain know what you’d done?’
‘Oh yes.’ Virginia gave a nod. ‘He was unsteady, complaining of dizziness. His last words were, ‘Have you done this? And as I put my hand on his arm, I said, Yes, I said. Yes, I have done this.’
Now, she looked at her. A direct, clear gaze.
Berenice gazed back. ‘And then what?’ she asked.
Virginia blinked, chewing at her lip. She shook her head. ‘After that… it only took a little push.’ Her gaze faltered again. ‘I heard him fall. It was very loud… I don’t know… I didn’t know a man falling can make that kind of noise.’ She fell silent, staring at her hands.
They listened to the sea, the distant crashing of the stormy waves. After a while Virginia said, ‘Will they charge me with murder?’
She held out her hands, as if waiting for handcuffs.
Berenice leaned forward and grasped the two cold hands in her own. The movement took them both by surprise.
Chapter Thirty-Four
Three days. Helen sat by the window of the lounge and looked out to sea.
Three days. One text, two days ago, saying, ‘I am still here’. Then nothing, his phone switched off.
She’d told the police, of course. Berenice herself had tried to help, but she was so busy with the case, such an extraordinary outcome, it was all over the press, photographs of Virginia, photographs of the lab, Liam, even…
She wondered what Chad made of it. She wondered if he knew. Presumably he’d heard somewhere, seen a television or a newspaper, wherever he was…
Her heart clenched at the thought.
And Virginia, capable of that. Berenice had said to Helen, over a cup of tea, that she’d seemed almost relieved when she’d challenged her, as if something had come to an end, something burdensome and terrible, and now over.
Poor woman, Helen. Thought. Poor poor woman.
Murdo was the love of her life, she’d said.
Perhaps it drives you mad. Perhaps I’ll be the same, as the years pass, sitting here by the window waiting for my husband, becoming more and more shrivelled with rage until one day, I too…
Except, the difference is, the only person I’m angry with – is myself.
Funny how things change, Berenice thought, as she walked through reception and along the sunlit corridor. Two days ago I had to creep through the car park entrance, in the hope of not seeing anyone, in the hope of avoiding the Chief Super with his snide comments. And today –
‘ - Morning Ma’am,’ said a passing sergeant, a boy she hardly knew.
‘Morning,’ she replied.
His hand briefly touched his forehead.
A salute, she thought. They’ll be doffing hats next.
She rounded the corridor into the foyer area.
‘Ah – Berenice – ’
‘Morning, Sir,’ she said.
He faced her. ‘Well…’ He stood there, pink-faced against the orange lino. ‘Well… carry on, eh? Good work.’
‘Thank you, Sir,’ she said.
‘You should have called him Stuart,’ Mary said, later, as they sat in her office.
‘I thought of it. Then I thought, I don’t care.’ She pulled the papers on her desk towards her. ‘So – wassup?’
‘These are the new files. Clem to be charged with the murder of Alan Moffatt. And the other stuff still stands, of course. Iain Hendrickson, deceased, is named as the person responsible for the murder of Murdo Maguire, by assault and drowning. And Virginia’s been remanded in custody, charged with the murder of Iain Hendrickson.’
Berenice scanned the paperwork. ‘Tobias,’ she said. ‘He’s on his own in that cottage.’
‘I’ve talked to social services. They said he’s technically an adult. I said he still needs looking after. They said last time they’d called he wasn’t there.’
‘Great. And Lisa?’
Mary inspected her nails. ‘She’s gone again.’
‘Gone?’
‘The hospital were supposed to keep her until children’s services could find a place for her. But in the meantime, she discharged herself.’
‘Fuck.’ Berenice reached to her computer. ‘I’m not having that kid going missing. Can’t we find her?’
‘We’ve tried everyone. Finn Brady. Tobias. The caravan.’
‘And Tazer?’
‘The dog? No sign either.’
‘Keep a shout out, OK?’
‘Will do. One other thing.’ Mary checked her notebook. ‘There was a sighting of a man at Hank’s Tower. Sleeping rough.’
Helen clicked off her phone. ‘Could be anyone,’ Berenice had said. ‘Be careful.’
Helen, still curled on her sofa, watched the distant waves, blue like the sky. She felt cold. She stretched her legs out, shifted her shoulders. It was time to take action.
She went out to the hall, found boots, coat, keys. Five minutes later she was driving along the track towards the coastal road.
It was a high tide, a spring tide. A sharp wind buffeted the waves. Foam crashed onto the stones beneath, as Helen parked the car.
The sky had clouded over. The tower, Hank’s tower, rose darkly in front of her. She thought of the men spiralling to their deaths. She shuddered.
The stone staircase was narrow and worn with age. She leaned on the curved brickwork as she climbed. She found herself out on a platform, half sheltered from the wind by a wooden roof.
She screwed up her eyes, adjusted to the flat grey light. She saw the cold stone of the floor. In one corner, a pile of blankets. A figure, seated, his back to her. He turned.
The sea quietened as they looked at each other.
She took a step towards him. He got to his feet, stumbled towards her. He took her hands and stared at her.
‘You look awful,’ she said, her fingers touching his cheek, which was rough with three days’ beard.
He was still holding her gaze, blank-eyed, vacant.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she said, and burst into tears.
Later they would stand, arm in arm, looking out to sea. Later he would turn to her, nuzzle at her hair, murmur her name. Later still, much later, they will make love, and she will find, in his rough familiarity, the glimpse of a future, the promise of forgiveness.
But that is yet to come. For now, he faces her, his skin wind-blown, his eyes steel-bright with sleeplessness. She is still crying, and he reaches out a chilled hand and touches the tears.
‘I was very angry,’ he says. ‘Very very angry.’
‘I know,’ she whispers, staring at the ground.
He touches her chin, tilts her face upwards. ‘Sitting in the wreckage,’ he says.
‘It’s my fault – ’
‘No. No blame. Not now.’
‘But – ’
‘I didn’t listen to you. You wanting a child… I didn’t hear what you were saying.’
She meets his eyes. ‘Sitting in the wreckage,’ she says.
He takes hold of her hands. ‘It’s as good as any place to start.’
Chapter Thirty-Five
It was a moonlit night. Tobias squeezed through the gap in the fence. He saw the flicker of candlelight in the broken windows.
He opened the door. A smell of wood smoke, cigarette smoke.
‘Chips,’ he said. ‘And ketchup.’
A loud bark greeted him.
‘I got enough for Taze,’ he said.
‘They ain’t no good for her,’ came Lisa’s voice from the darkness. ‘Tomorrow I’ll go thief some dog food.’
She was sitting by the fire, which blazed brightly. Tobias joined her, and
they ate the chips, passing one or two to the dog from time to time.
‘Tom – we can’t stay here, y’know.’
‘Yes we can,’ he said.
‘They’ll find us.’
‘Where are they going to send us?’ he said. ‘Auntie Ginny’s not there anymore…’ A catch in his voice. He sniffed, ate another chip.
Lisa patted his arm.
‘She’s all right, though,’ he went on. ‘She’s happy where she is. That’s what she told me last time.’
‘She can look after herself, that one,’ Lisa said.
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘She can.’
‘But we still have to find somewhere else,’ Lisa said. ‘I’m fed up with the rain coming in.’
‘And the ghost,’ Tobias said.
‘I ain’t seen no ghost,’ Lisa said. ‘Never have.’
‘I don’t mind him,’ Tobias said. ‘He’s a friendly ghost.’
Lisa finished her chips. She got out papers and tobacco and began to roll a joint.
Rain dripped from the corner of the ceiling.
‘Weird thing is,’ she said, ‘it probably belongs to me, this house. If Dad found them deeds and now he’s banged up… Funny he knew the papers were there all along. And they’re still there. When he opened the thing what he’d dug up, they just fell out in tiny bits.’ She took a long drag on the joint.
Tobias licked ketchup from his finger. ‘We can grow white roses round the door,’ Tobias said, and Lisa laughed.
The moon shone through the wide windows, as Liam walked along the corridor. Through the glass screens he could see the curves of the machine, hunched in semi-darkness, humming quietly.
He reached his office, switched on his computer, stared at the screen. He thought about Helen. Again.
I don’t suppose I’ll ever see her again.
He’d glimpsed her in town, the day before, he was sure it was her, her light step, her ballet-dancer’s walk, her coat swinging at her legs… He’d imagined running towards her, grabbing her hand, ‘Helen, it’s me…’
It was impossible.
Sinead was right.
He clicked on the keyboard. He looked at the two lines, one red, one blue. He looked again. Something had changed.
His door swung open. Roger was standing there.
‘Have you seen – ’ Roger said.
‘It’s different – ’
‘It’s a regular pattern again. B-mesons. Don’t you think?’
Liam gazed at the screen. He clicked through a series of graphs, then back to the beam.
‘I’ve just seen Neil,’ Roger said. ‘He reckons that whatever we were seeing, it was just a B-D asymmetry. That’s all. I’m going to put in a call to Richard. Get him to call off the press hounds.’
Liam, alone, stared at the screen. Patterns, he thought. We scan the evidence to find a pattern, to find meaning.
Three physicists dead looked like a pattern.
But in the end, there was no meaning. There was just chaos. Messy, human, murderous chaos.
He clicked on a graph. ‘B-D asymmetry,’ he said out loud. In that case, he thought… if we’ve got these charges here… a co-sign of that…
He turned to the notebook at his side and began to scribble numbers.
In the moonlight, a car drew up outside the Voake house.
Berenice got out. A thin column of smoke rose from the chimney.
She walked up the overgrown drive, and pushed at the door.
Candlelight. The smell of cannabis, of chips, of dog. Two warm faces turned to her.
Lisa spoke. ‘You can’t make us leave.’
‘It’s her house,’ Tobias said. ‘We live here.’
Tazer eyed her, growling.
Berenice looked at the rain dripping from the ceiling.
‘Well,’ she said, ‘at least let me recommend you some decent builders.’
Chapter Thirty-Six
The reception area of the lab was thronged with people. There was a hubbub of chatter, the clink of glasses. Richard circulated, greeting people.
‘… results still very significant, of course, not quite what we thought at first, but even so…’
‘… terrible events, terrible, I know, sorely missed, we feel their absence…’
Liam watched the staircase. He remembered the last time, the way she’d descended the polished steps, her grace, her shyness…
She won’t be here. They were invited, but they won’t come. Of course.
‘Ghosts?’ Elizabeth handed him a glass of champagne.
‘Ghosts.’ He smiled at her.
‘All we can see are the gaps. The people who should be here.’She surveyed the room. ‘I don’t know why he bothered. No Alan. No Iain. No Murdo. These so-called significant results he’s announcing, and the people who made them aren’t here.’
‘You’re here,’ he said.
She looked up at him. She looked older, and weary, in spite of the hair pinned up, the heels, the black dress. ‘Not really,’ she said.
‘What will you do?’
‘Do you remember Bruno, at CERN? He’s asked me if I want to join the LHCb experiment there. I’ve said yes.’ Again her gaze scanned the room, the be-suited people, funding bodies, the press. ‘There’s nothing for me here.’
‘Will you keep in touch?’
‘There’s one person here… one person I care about…’ She was still surveying the crowd, and suddenly her face lit up. ‘Ah. Good. I invited them – ’
Tobias was standing at the top of the steps, with Lisa on his arm. He was wearing a suit. She was in a skirt and low heels, with newly-straightened hair.
They smiled at Elizabeth as they came to join her.
‘You look like man and wife,’ she said.
‘Don’t be stupid,’ Lisa said. ‘Brother and sister, more like.’
‘Forever,’ Tobias said.
Lisa reached up to Elizabeth and hugged her. ‘No sling, then?’
‘Doesn’t match my dress,’ she said. ‘And anyway, it only hurts at night these days. How are things?’
‘Fine,’ Lisa said.
‘I heard you were living at the old house,’ Elizabeth said.
Lisa looked at Tobias and giggled. ‘We were, weren’t we, Tom? Thought we was going to stay there forever, didn’t we.’
Tobias smiled. ‘But then they made it so we can go back home. So we’re both there. And Taze, she’s there too.’
‘His Aunty Ginny’s house,’ Lisa added. ‘That copper came and sorted it for us.’
‘We even have a social worker,’ Tobias said. ‘She drinks all our tea and complains about our food.’
‘Too many chips, she says,’ Lisa said.
‘Says the dog should be vegetarian,’ Tobias said.
‘She hates cheese, Taze does. We tried it, didn’t we, Tom?’
Liam smiled. ‘It sounds like she isn’t much use.’
‘But we do,’ Lisa said. ‘We really need her. Taze and the cat can’t stand each other, fighting and that, she comes and sorts them out.’
Tobias turned to Liam. ‘Is this about the results, then?’ He waved an arm towards the crowd.
‘Yes,’ Liam said.
‘Is it a new particle?’ Tobias said.
Liam shook his head. ‘No,’ he said. ‘It’s just a new pattern, perhaps. It just confirms something we suspected about B and D Mesons.’
Tobias nodded. ‘I’m looking for a new particle. I’ve set up my lab in Aunty Ginny’s room as she won’t need it for a while.’
‘Your lab?’
Tobias nodded. ‘I’ve got it all working. I’m looking for aether rays.’
‘How – ’ Liam stared at him. ‘How does that work?’
‘I’ve got batteries, because you need a beam. And in the middle of it all I’ve got Lisa’s magic watch.’
‘Lisa’s magic watch?’
Tobias nodded. ‘From the old tunnel. She found it in the mud. I’ve wired it into the machine. It works off the
cogs, see.’
‘I see,’ Liam said.
‘You could try it here,’ Tobias said. ‘Only you’d need a very big watch. A very very big one.’
‘I hope he’s OK. Tobias.’ Virginia faced Berenice across the table in the visitors’ room.
‘They’re doing fine,’ Berenice said.
‘How long has it been?’
‘A month. Since they moved back into your house.’
‘Is he happy?’
Berenice nodded.
‘Does he miss me?’
Berenice hesitated. ‘Yes,’ she said. ‘I’m sure he does.’
‘I bet Lisa lets him eat chips the whole time.’
‘They’ve got a social worker – ’
‘What good will that do?’ Virginia shifted on the hard plastic seat. ‘They offered me counselling here, you know. I said, what’s the point of that? I know what I did and I know why I did it. Then they went on about mitigating circumstances.’ She frowned. ‘What do they know, these people?’
‘It’s about sentencing. That’s what they mean.’
‘What, diminished responsibility? I’m not pleading that.’ She leaned back on her chair. The room was high ceilinged, with dim fluorescent lighting and blank, pale walls. ‘I was completely responsible,’ Virginia went on. ‘I’ve told my solicitor. She says I might feel differently when the case comes up. But I won’t. I know I won’t.’ Her face clouded. ‘I killed a man. Iain… he didn’t deserve to die.’ Her eyes seemed to focus on a distant scene. ‘He should be here. And now – now he isn’t. And it’s because of me.’ She looked up at Berenice. ‘All I can say is, that anger would have killed me. I would have died of it. And instead… ’ Again, that faraway look. ‘Instead, I’m here. And he isn’t.’ She reached for one of the biscuits that Berenice had brought. Around them there was the murmur of other visits, the occasional squawk of a child.
Dying to Know (A Detective Inspector Berenice Killick Mystery) Page 30
