by Chase, Nikki
I squint at all the women who are wearing red dresses, studying their features. But even from a distance, I can tell she’s not among them .
Who the fuck is this girl, what does she really want, and where has she disappeared to ?
Sam
A ge: 4
Hey, that kid took my cheese !
That boy in the blue shirt .
The same boy who kicked my block tower yesterday .
And stepped on my crayons .
Age: 8
Today, both Mom and Dad are home. And they brought a little baby girl with them. They say she's my sister; I’ve always wanted one of those .
She's tiny and her face is all scrunched up. She’s really pink, too .
While Mom and Dad chat with other grown-ups in the baby's room, Sarah takes Ray and me to a house down the street. Her friend from school babysits some kid there .
The kid turns out to be Gabe from my school, and he has the new Nintendo 64. I should ask Sarah to take us there more often. Or I can go myself. Maybe that's okay because his house is just down the road from mine .
Gabe’s pretty cool—kind of quiet and a little scary, sometimes—but he’s cool .
Age: 13
I wonder if Jackie will grow up to be more like a boy than a girl. She's always hanging out with Gabe and me—and Ray too, when he happens to be home, although he's often mean to her .
I wish we could find her a friend, just like how Sarah the babysitter found Gabe for me .
Age: 15
Where has Mom been? I mean, it's not like she was always home before, but we haven't seen her in a week and Jackie is sick. Mom hasn't even responded to any of our texts or phone calls .
We managed to get Jackie to the doctor, thanks to Ray and the new BMW he’d gotten last year for his birthday .
But the doctor told us our parents could get in trouble for not being around at a time like this. Ray and I know how to handle most situations on our own, but we're still kids, legally speaking .
After the doctor’s visit, I feel a lot better, and I think Ray does, too. It's a huge relief to know Jackie’s fine .
Our parents suck. They're never home so Ray and I often have to deal with grown-up stuff ourselves .
Age: 18
I’ve decided. I’m going to go to medical school .
Maybe helping people and saving their lives will give me a sense of purpose .
I hear doctors get hit on by their patients all the time, so that has to be another plus, right ?
Should I be worried about the long hours? Everyone says the amount of work for med school students is insane, and it gets even worse for actual doctors .
I don’t mind working hard, but I’m worried about Jackie .
Our parents are never home. Dad’s always traveling for work, and Mom’s always organizing the next biggest fundraising gala for charity .
Ray and I are used to it. We’re both adults, even though neither one of us are of legal drinking age yet. We don’t need our parents as much as Jackie does .
She’s a good kid who doesn’t complain, but I hear her crying in the middle of the night sometimes. I always try to comfort her and I think it helps, but Mom and Dad should be the ones doing this shit .
Maybe they didn’t plan on having Jackie—it’s obvious because she’s eight years younger than me—but they brought her into this world, so it’s their responsibility to take good care of her regardless .
Too bad they’re selfish narcissists who are incapable of empathy .
I’m still going to medical school and becoming a doctor. I just hope Jackie will be okay without me .
Age: 20
College is not as stressful as I thought it would be. In fact, I feel like I’m more relaxed these days .
Maybe it’s the environment. There are a lot of weird people on campus, and people accept them .
I feel like I can be anything I want to be. I don’t have to follow in my parents’ footsteps .
The world is full of possibilities. Things can get better. I just need to find a path for myself, a path to happiness .
That said, I’m actually pretty content these days. My anxiety level is manageable .
I guess I owe a lot of it to Gabe. He’s my new roommate as of last week, and it’s been great .
Now I can actually come home at the end of a long day and rest without feeling pissed off about all the things Mom and Dad have failed to do .
Gabe can’t do anything about my situation—no one can. But I just… I don’t know. Talking to him makes me feel a little lighter .
The only downside to all the new developments in my life is… I haven’t been able to spend much time with Jackie. I try to visit as often as I can, and I invite her over to our new apartment too, but it’s not the same .
She’s going to be thirteen soon. Mom really should be here to talk to her about periods and women’s stuff like that, but she’s never home .
I mean, I know all about the actual biological changes a girl goes through during puberty because I learned about those things in class. But I have no idea how to deal with them in day-to-day life .
I can Google that shit and pass on the information to Jackie, but this is not how it’s supposed to be. If it wasn’t for me, Jackie wouldn’t have an adult to talk to about these things .
It’s really not cool that Mom and Dad are neglecting Jackie to the point where she can’t deal without me, but this is the way it always has been and there’s nothing I can do about it .
Jacqueline
T he sunlight streaming in through the window jabs me in the eyes .
Why the hell are the curtains open? I usually pull them shut before I go to sleep, so my bedroom is always pitch-black in the morning .
I draw my eyebrows together into a frown .
What time is it ?
I reach one hand underneath my pillow, where I usually put my phone before I go to sleep .
It’s not there .
Okay, sometimes it migrates during the night .
I slide my hand over my bed, hoping to touch my phone at some point .
It’s not on the bed either .
Defeated, I peel my eyelids open and squint, letting my eyes slowly adjust to just how bright everything is .
Oh, my phone’s on the nightstand .
Cool. I don’t remember putting it there, but whatever .
9:14 !
I’m supposed to be at the hospital in sixteen minutes !
I sit bolt upright in my bed .
I’m not going to make it in time .
Some things are poking into my head .
There’s no time to worry about that, though. I need to get ready .
There’s no time to shower, obviously, so I’ll just… I don’t know, put on my scrubs and hope I look presentable. Definitely no time for make-up .
I flip the blanket open and …
What am I wearing ?
Why did I wear a dress into bed? And this dress, too. This dress is way too special to wear to sleep. What if it gets stained or torn before I even get to see Gabe ?
Wait a minute …
I stare absently across my bedroom. All my brainpower goes into trying to remember …
Gabe.
Oh, shit .
I check my phone for messages, and find just one from Karen .
Hey, I just dropped you off. You totally passed out! Hope you’ll feel better in the morning .
Gabe.
There’s nothing from Gabe .
But of course! I didn’t give him my phone number .
I didn’t give him my phone number because… I was supposed to see him again right away .
Then I went to see Karen… and that’s all I remember .
Shit!
I was about to see Gabe in his room and I passed out ?
I have the worst luck in the world .
I must’ve passed out after I saw Karen .
I guess I can’t complain too much. At le
ast I didn’t puke on Gabe or something .
But damn it, how could it have gone so unexpectedly right, and then so unexpectedly wrong ?
I don’t have time to dwell on this. I already wasted about thirty seconds reading Karen’s text .
I grab the door of my wardrobe open and take the scrubs at the top of the pile .
I’ve had so many 16-hour shifts that I don’t remember the days anymore. They’re all blurred together in my mind—except for last night .
Last night stood out because I knew I was going to see Gabe .
On the first day of my internship, I asked to have last night off. That was before I knew I could attend the event. I didn’t even know Karen at that point .
But I knew I was going to see Gabe, ticket or no ticket. Worst case scenario, I could hang around outside the building and wait for the party to end so I could “bump into” Gabe as he’s walking out .
But I totally didn’t expect him to not even recognize me .
As I close the wardrobe door, a silver flashlight catches the sunlight on its reflective surface, momentarily blinding me .
I almost forgot that thing’s still in here. When I was a little girl, I used to hide inside my wardrobe and read a book under the flashlight. I found the enclosed space comforting, and Ray never looked for me in there .
With lightning speed, I take off my dress and underwear, then put on my scrubs .
I check my reflection in the mirror. Of course I didn’t remove my make-up either. I take off the hairpins poking me in the head and run a finger under my eyes to remove the black mascara that has smudged there .
Done. Ready for work .
I run downstairs .
“Oh, look who’s decided to join us for breakfast,” Ray says .
“I’m not having breakfast. What are you doing up so early ?”
“What, I’m not allowed to wake up in the morning now? Maybe I just want to see how you deal with your first hangover .”
“Sorry to disappoint you, but I don’t have a hangover.” I check the hallway table, where the keys are supposed to be stored .
Nope. Not there. Of course they’re not there .
“You look like you’re in a rush, honey. Do you want Ray to drive you to work?” Mom asks as she appears from the kitchen with a stack of pancakes .
What is with my family today? Why are they being so nice and helpful ?
Is this opposite day? Am I still dreaming? Is this just how vivid dreams are when I’m drunk ?
“No, thanks, Mom. I’ll be fine. Besides, I don’t think Ray wants to leave his pancakes .”
“Damn right I don’t,” he says .
I can always depend on Ray to be selfish .
I don’t need either of these two to show up at the hospital and see Gabe’s dad .
They’d get out of control like they always do and embarrass me. Worse still, they’d give me shit for working there and Ray would finally have an excuse to try to drag me down with him .
“You know, Mom, Jackie came home wasted last night. About time, don’t you think?” Ray asks .
“Oh, don’t bother her, Ray. She went out with Dr. Brown’s daughter to that award event. Did you meet any nice guys, sweetie ?”
I roll my eyes. Of course Mom would judge how worthwhile my activities are based on how many wealthy men I meet in the process .
This time, though, the answer is actually yes. Yes, I did meet a very nice guy, Mom. But you wouldn’t like him .
I ignore Mom’s question, and Ray does too .
“She’s already twenty-four,” Ray says, pausing to chew his food, “and I expected her to start binging at twenty-one, at the latest. And even that’s late for our family. You have a lot of catching up to do, little sister .”
Mom stays quiet, and I can’t see her expression because I’m crawling around the entryway, but I finally find the keys .
I grab the damn things and bolt out the door .
I walk down the street to where Mom and Ray can’t see me and call a cab. It comes in no time. We live in a pretty central location, so it’s also going to be a short ride to the hospital, but I’m still going to be late .
In the cab, I think about the events of last night, replaying as much as I can remember in my head .
I remember going outside and asking for a cigarette because I needed an excuse to talk to him. Then, he told me not to smoke and invited me up to his room instead .
My face heats up as I remember all the dirty things he said .
I had no idea Gabe had such a filthy mouth. I didn’t expect him to be that dominant either .
I mean, he was always a gruff loner, but he was a sensitive soul inside .
But I like the rude, arrogant Gabe. He’s hot as hell. My panties were completely drenched last night, and I desperately wanted him to pop my cherry .
God, why didn’t I go to his room last night? It was the opportunity of a lifetime. Now he’s probably going back to Africa soon, and I’m never going to see him again .
Okay, maybe “never” is an exaggeration. I’m sure there’s something I can do to figure out his schedule. Or I don’t know, he’s bound to come back again someday, right ?
All things considered, I guess things worked out okay last night …?
Up until last night, Gabe had never seen me as anything other than his friend’s little sister .
To be fair, I was only sixteen when It happened and Gabe left. He was the same age I am now. And from my current point of view, sixteen-year-olds are immature brats .
Now that we were both grown-ups, I was hoping he’d see me as a woman. And he did .
It was just a shame the moment didn’t last as long as I hoped it would .
As the cab pulls up in front of the hospital, I grab a $20 bill and hand it to the driver as soon as we come to a stop. “Keep the change .”
I walk briskly—I can’t run because that would attract too much attention—toward the spot where we’re supposed to meet this morning, a nurses’ station on the third floor .
I find the group easily. Trying to blend with the crowd of medical interns, I start at the back and slowly sidle up to Karen .
As soon as she sees me, she widens her eyes and whispers, “Where were you? I told your brother to set an alarm for you before I left .”
Damn it. Ray deliberately didn’t set an alarm for me even though he knew what time I’d have to get up. Jerk .
I give Karen a smile and a shrug. It would take too long to explain why I didn’t wake up on time, because I’d have to go through everything that’s wrong with my family .
Besides, I don’t want the stern residency director, Dr. Crenshaw, to notice me. I’m already late, so I probably should shut up and listen to him .
I take out my pen and notebook to jot down my tasks for the day, copying a few lines from Karen’s notes. When I’m done, I look up, only to see a tall, dark, and gorgeous man beside Dr. Crenshaw .
Gabe.
He’s staring at me with an angry flame in his bright green eyes and a smirk on his lips .
Gabriel
F inally, I find her—well, only her name. But this is a big clue .
Just when I think I won’t ever see her again .
It’s kind of poetic, if you think about it .
But “poetic” won’t help you, angel. You’re really in trouble now .
Last night, before I went back into my hotel room, I managed to get my hands on a copy of the guest list from one of Dad’s important friends .
I scoured through the names, but I couldn’t find a Jacqueline. I couldn’t find anyone with the surname Summers either .
I had no other leads to use to find her. So even though I knew that brief meeting with a gorgeous, mysterious girl under the moonlight was going to haunt me for the rest of my life, I thought I had to let it go .
But there she is .
I didn’t see her name on the guest list from last night, but her name is printed right here, on the list of
interns working under Dr. Crenshaw .
Jacqueline Summers .
She’d really messed with my mind last night, to the point where I was starting to think she was just a figment of my imagination. She was the perfect girl—physically, sexually, and personality-wise. No girl like that could exist. It was the logical conclusion .
So she lied to me about smoking. She lied to me about wanting to come up to my room. And she probably lied to me about the friend, too .
I was starting to assume everything that she’d told me was a lie. Including her name .
In fact, now that I’m staring at her name in black and white, I can’t quite believe that she’s real, that she’s really going to come into this building and work here today .
Is it possible she gave me a false name and made sure I was going to come across that name the next morning ?
Okay, that’s a bit of a stretch. Let’s take off the tinfoil hat and try again .
It could be that Dad had really hired an escort to seduce me, and absentmindedly plucked a fake name for the escort from memory, not realizing that the name belonged to an intern. But then why would she back out of our deal ?
No.
None of those scenarios sound right at all .
Despite everything that has happened, despite the fact that she didn’t show up last night, my gut tells me it wasn’t some kind of a dumb prank .
Her reactions were too genuine. Not even an Oscar-winning actress could act out the little signs of her arousal as perfectly as she did, without a script and under pressure .
No, I really did have her wrapped around my finger. And at least up until the moment she gave me that lingering glance through the door from inside the event hall, she fully intended to come up to my hotel room .
Even after giving it a lot of thought, I still have no idea what happened last night, and why she left without an explanation .
But I’m about to find out. It’s only five minutes until the interns gather to do their rounds .
* * *
I check my watch obsessively, scanning the faces gathered around Dr. Crenshaw and me .
