“You will gain what you seek, Charm. I only hope I may share in your journey.”
Memories like a distant dream began to surface. Memories of an entire life lived in a beautiful and peaceful world-- peaceful, that is, until the gods came.
I stood and took a step back.
Her countenance fell. “What's wrong?”
“I’m-- Sam Dejal.”
“We don't have time for this,” came a gruff voice from behind me.
I twisted around and was surprised that I was still in the funeral parlor. Standing before me, unmoving, was a priest with an annoyed look on his face. There was a long pause, and I began to wonder if he had spoken at all. I leaned in close-- looking for a hint of movement.
“Can we speed things up!”
“Whoa!” I leaped back.
The priest rolled his eyes.
I squinted at him. “Do I know you?” I asked.
“My name is Clayton P. Wentworth,” he said gruffly, “but you know me as Humphrey.”
I let out a laugh. “That's right! Of course you’re here. You're dead too!”
“You're not dead, ya dope!”
“What?” I looked around. “Then, what's all this?”
“It’s not real. You're creating this out of the substance of Dantra.”
As he said the word, there was an impression. I knew Dantra. I had been here before. In my mind I saw a wide white bridge with a multitude of people moving across. Angels of God in brilliant orange flame were flying beside the bridge, protecting us from the fallen ones. Explosions of yellow plasma erupted as the ancient ones did battle. God had called us to save one man, Robert Helm.
Humphrey smiled. “That's it, that's a good memory. Hold on to that one. And let's go!”
“Please, Humphrey, I need more.”
Humphrey looked past me and his brow furrowed.
“What is it?” I glanced behind.
“I have been reminded that time is not an issue, and--” his voice lowered and he looked away, “that I need to be more patient.”
“Who reminded you?” I looked around the funeral parlor.
“Someone who knows and loves you,” said a female voice. I felt a gentle hand on my shoulder and turned to see a familiar face. Her eyes squinted as she produced a smile.
“Becca!” I gave her a long hug, then pulled back slightly. “Are you real?”
“Yes.” She laughed. “I'm real. What you saw before was a creation of your mind, but I’m real.”
I gave her a puzzled look. “How...”
She smiled. “I'm here to explain that, but we will have to take it slowly, because there is great pain if you are shifted through thought too quickly here. It isn't like your dreams. Here in Dantra, your thoughts become reality.”
This idea made me uncomfortable.
“See. You are already beginning the struggle.” She rubbed my shoulder. “It's okay. Humphrey and I are here to assist you. We’re sharing your reality, and the angels are here as well.”
Humphrey interjected. “Remember Arganis?”
It took me a second, but the memories were there. “Yes. I remember him.”
“He taught you how to control the energy coming from The Circle of Ghosts while you were still in Vrin.”
I squinted at him. “Where?”
“Vrin.” He began to pace. “The place he created from the energy of Dantra, the energy surrounding us now, thought energy.”
I stared at him.
He grunted, then tried again. “Vrin is made from thought energy. It is real, because in Dantra thought becomes real.”
“So-- is Vrin a shared hallucination?”
“No.” He frowned. “But that's pretty close.”
Rebecca spoke up. “Let's see if you can follow this. I will stop if I sense any discomfort.”
I nodded.
“Beyond our dreams and past the darkness is a spirit plane called Dantra. We are in Dantra right now. Here, God teaches us about ourselves, and we carry that information back through dreams. It is why we sleep. Do you understand?”
“I-- think so.”
“Well a man named Doctor Solomon began an experiment intended to create a connection between the comatose mind of his friend, Robert Helm, and the physical world. But it did not go as expected, because the scientists had no idea what they were tinkering with. Each time the computer prodded Robert's mind, Robert created substance from the energy of Dantra, and as a result, Vrin came to be.”
“That’s where we were going on the white bridge.”Vrin, yes, now I remember.
“Exactly! God sent you and the others there. So from that time on, whenever you slept, you went to Vrin instead of Dantra. And in Vrin you lived another life, a life completely separated from the one you were experiencing on Earth. Each night, Thomas Tardin went to sleep and became Charm. But then Thomas had an accident and was unable to wake up, which made sleeping very difficult for Charm. Because when Charm went to sleep, he could go only as far as The Separation, but was not able to get home.
For a time, Charm was plagued with sleeplessness, but was otherwise fine-- until one night when he was sitting up late reading Davata Notrals and his consciousness was ripped from his body. His mind was pulled into the void because at that moment, the same computer that had prodded Robert Helm began communicating with Thomas.” Rebecca paused. “Are you remembering?”
I nodded slowly. “It's coming back-- though I'm not sure I want to remember.”
“Should we take a break?”
“No. I need to know.”
“Alright.” She gave a warm smile. “When the computer first began communicating with you, you were terrified because you had no control over what was happening. But eventually you adapted and created an environment in Vrin, which brought you peace. It was then that Sam' Dejal came into existence. And since time does not exist in the void, it appeared that Charm froze at the exact time you became Sam' Dejal. And for a short time you were a god-- or so you thought.
“Sam' Dejal.” An image flashed in my mind. “Yes. But I wanted to be called Jason.”
“Because it was a familiar name to you. But actually, you didn't know who you were, and in your attempt to find your identity, you became entangled in a conflict that was not your own. And with your new abilities, you began to believe you were invincible. This led you to ruin. But when you finally came to the end of yourself, God allowed you to return to Thomas Tardin.”
“Yes. But only after I asked for help.”
“Exactly!” Rebecca flashed a brilliant smile.
I stood thinking, and the memories continued to surface. “I returned to Thomas, but-- I was in some sort of danger. Right?”
“Yes. At the center Thomas’ life was in danger, so Dr. Solomon helped him escape. But that was all Thomas needed to do; to expect any more from him would have been asking too much. His life was riddled with poor choices, because it was tailored to create the man Thomas Tardin would become. But don't feel bad. God knew there would be a Vrin, and he knew there would be a Charm, and Charm's life was fashioned by God to turn you into a hero. All Thomas had to do was fall asleep. You returned to Vrin, and it was once again up to Charm to complete the will of God. And Charm was doing great-- right up to the point where he got shot.”
“Why don’t I remember that?”
“It will come.”
“So-- who am I now?”
“You are the sum of all.” She smiled. “And, Dad, although you have made some poor decisions, I love you anyway.”
“Thanks. I guess.” I gave her a quizzical look. “So how do you know so much?”
“Because I have come to the knowledge of the truth. It is in the understanding of who God is, and of what he has done for us, that we may finally see Dantra for what it is. I no longer have to struggle against myself, I can now focus on the real war. But not all who come to Dantra see it for what it is, and that brings us to Constance. She needs you.”
“--Who?”
“The daughter of Rober
t Helm.”
“Why does she need me?”
“You are the only one she will listen to.”
Humphrey broke in. “It’s time to go. You have what you need to shift through Dantra. And we have work to do.”
“But, I still have questions.”
Rebecca gave me the most wonderfully loving look. “Humphrey's right, you need to go. But I want you to know, I am so glad to have you for my father. I'm proud of you, Dad, and I will see you when you return.” Her form began to shift and flutter into ghostly transparencies, until she dissolved away completely.
My heart sank.
“You'll see her again, lad,” Humphrey said, “when we’ve finished our work.” He waved his hand and the funeral parlor dissipated, leaving us standing on the white bridge. Here we were enveloped in a light that was love. It eased the burden on my heart, and a feeling of complete peace washed over me.
Beings of light traveled in all directions, near and far. Two of them floated down to us. I stared open mouthed as they came in close. “Where are you going, Humphrey?” said one, with unmoving lips.
“To see Magnus,” replied Humphrey, in like manner.
“Can we help?” he said, his voice like a song.
“You could give us a lift. Thomas doesn't completely remember yet.”
“Sure thing.”
They swooped down and grabbed us by the armpits. At the being’s touch, a soothing warmth flowed through me, up into my face and out into my chest, soaking me in peace.
They lifted us high into the air, and in the distance I could see our destination beginning to take form; a brilliant crystal fortress with the base appearing as a frozen spire. --And beyond this, a darkness as black as night. Cries echoed from within, desperate voices crying out in tortured agony, pleading for an end to their torment. Holding the darkness in place was a transparent barrier. Powerful angels of light hovered before it, strengthening it with coils of energy from their hands. The sight of it made my skin tremble.
“Wh-what is that?” I pointed.
“That is the lost land.”
If not for the calming effect from the being of light, I would have lost myself in panic. My eyes grew round. “Is-- that where we’re going?”
Humphrey scowled with disgust and nodded.
The being leaned in close to my ear and spoke out loud. “You are brave to return.”
Return?
My heart beat faster as we approached the fortress. The being gently placed me onto the translucent bricks at the entrance, then rose back up into the air. I lifted a hand toward him. It was meant to be a wave goodbye, but as I did it, I realized I was reaching for him, not wanting him to go, not wanting him to take away the feeling of peace. The love I’d felt back at the bridge was fainter here, and my own emotions were disconcertingly strong.
“Thank you,” I said, still reaching. My voice sounded faint in my ears.
“You are very welcome,” he sang. “It is not often we get to help a prophet.”
A prophet? The word forced a memory to surface. I was not yet a man of God, but God had chosen me anyway. He’d sent his angels into the dark land to bring me out. I had been in Dantra-- but the struggles of life were weighing me down. I remembered the pain of being in the love of God. It was painful because I held on to destructive things. Thomas was a shrewd businessman, an overachiever driven by success-- but with success came difficult choices-- choices that effected the lives of thousands...
Humphrey smacked me. “Think while you walk, lad. If you stop every time you get a revelation, we'll never get there.” He turned and entered into an enormous engraved archway. Reluctantly, I followed.
Deep inside the courtyard of the crystal fortress, the light was much stronger than the light outside, and this light was also love. Love and light were the same. In my mind, words from Davata Notrals echoed: Good lives for the day and the brightness of the sun, but evil flourishes under the dim light of the moon. It was a metaphor. The sun was a representation of God's love. The moon was simply a reflection. Kric' tu was the moon. He was once the greatest of God's angels, but he was merely a reflection, a reflection that grew dimmer as he moved away from God. Some loved Kric' tu, because they loved darkness, they believed the darkness would hide their wicked deeds.
At the end of the courtyard was another angel and the light reflecting from him was blinding. Though the light was weaker here, this angel seemed to magnify its reflection.
He lifted his wings high into the air. “WELCOME!” His voice was deep and resonating. “I AM MAGNUS. I STAND IN THE PRESENCE OF THE ONE TRUE GOD. COME. I WILL TELL YOU WHAT YOU MUST DO.”
“Do we have to do this?” I whispered.
“I don't,” said Humphrey.
My throat constricted. “You're not coming with me?”
“I'm coming with you.” He scowled. “I just don't have to.”
We approached the foot of Magnus.
“DO NOT BE AFRAID. GOD HAS CHOSEN YOU, AND YOU HAVE DONE WELL. THE DAUGHTER OF ROBERT HELM IS IN THE LOST LAND-- AND YOU MUST MAKE A CHOICE. WILL YOU RISK YOUR LIFE FOR HERS, THAT YOU MIGHT SAVE YOUR ENEMY?”
Save my enemy? Thomas would have said no, he would have chosen his own needs. I did not like what Thomas had become, and was thankful that God had given me a second chance with Charm. He had learned the value of selflessness. I liked Charm. I chose Charm.
“Yes. I will.”
“WELL CHOSEN. TAKE YOUR SWORD AND ENTER THE PORTAL.”
I could see the portal behind him, swirling around in melted gold and silver spirals. But I did not see the sword he spoke of. I looked at Humphrey.
He let out an irritated sigh. “Your sword is in your mouth.”
My tongue rolled in response.
“Words are our sword.”
I gave him an uncomprehending look.
“In Dantra, even in the lost land, truth cannot be denied. If you speak truth, it must be obeyed.”
“And--” I looked at him sideways. “What is truth?”
“It is what sways the hand of God. He is our weapon.”
His reply did not answer my question, but I didn’t press the point, partly because of the towering angel watching me with fierce eyes, and partly because Humphrey was already walking toward the portal. I hurried to catch up. He passed through without hesitation, but I was not so comfortable with the idea. Although this was not my first trip to the lost land, it was my first time entering with the understanding of what it actually was-- to an extent. The memory had not completely returned, but what I did remember made me realize that I did not miss this place.
I closed my eyes tightly, and pushed through.
On the other side, was darkness. And it was complete. My short nervous breaths sounded much louder than they should have, as if the sound was reflecting off a hard surface inches from my face. I reached out my hand. But there was nothing there.
“Humphrey!” I whispered.
“What?” His voice made me jump, like he was right next to my ear.
“Why is it so dark?”
Something flashed in my face. The sound, and subsequent reduction of flash, told me it was a match-- before my heart could fully leap from my chest. Humphrey’s face appeared in the orange glow, his wrinkles deepened by the harsh shadows.
My feet sloshed in water upon the hard obsidian surface we were standing on. I turned and squinted into the darkness, listening. There was no sign of life. Just me and Humphrey. In the middle of endless black. I should have been afraid, but I wasn’t.
“--That's weird.”
“What?” The way he said the word, I realized he already knew what I was going to say.
“I didn’t expect to feel God's love here.”
He nodded. “His love fills Dantra, even in the lost land, but it is fainter here because the inhabitants cannot tolerate the light.”
--Cannot tolerate the light. The words echoed in my mind. The idea was so familiar, so...
Humphrey smacked my arm. “Co
me on!”
I shook my head, and followed closely behind him, unable to take my eyes off the match. As we walked it continued to burn, but did not get shorter. I was about to comment on it, when a tortured scream broke through the darkness. I stopped abruptly and peered around. “That was creepy,” I said in a low voice.
“And to think,” Humphrey said, half sympathetically, “you used to live here.”
A memory surfaced. Pride and selfishness brought me to this dark place. I would come here to try to work through my financial troubles, always carrying my burdens with me, never able to trust God with them.
As I explored the memory, our surroundings began to flicker and change. Light filled the darkness and objects took shape in the receding shadows. Soon we found ourselves walking through an enormous office space with cubical after cubical of men and women frantically trying to get work done. The dark obsidian chamber had completely dissolved. “Did I do that?” I asked, startled.
“Yes, and yes.”
“What?”
“Yes, you changed our surroundings, and yes, you used to be one of these people, struggling to make a name for yourself, never trusting God, only trusting in the talents God gave you.”
“How? How did I do that?” He looked as though his answer was going to be a smart one, so I cut him off. “I mean, how did I make all this appear?”
He looked disappointed I had ruined his fun. “Don’t get your undies in a bunch. It’ll come to you.”
I looked into one of the cubicles at a man in a business suit. He was staring at a screen filled with charts and graphs. In the corner of the screen, a stock ticker flashed red. He laced his fingers into his curly hair and gripped hard. His elbows dug into the desk.
Peering down at him, I suddenly realized, I had once been this man. In fact, I had shared this very office! I looked around at the other workers. They were all here because of the same lust, the same perceived need for something more. I was once one of them, constantly worrying about money, caught in a cycle of endless frustration.
I had not created this room. These were real people sharing the same reality, the same struggle. I had simply merged my reality with theirs-- but this was not a place I wanted to remember. The emotions were growing stronger, painful emotions, and I had no desire to revisit them. I turned toward Humphrey. “Can we leave?”
Vrin: Ten Mortal Gods Page 28
