Ray turned on his heel, about to walk away. But then he paused and turned around again. “Hey, he’s not worth anything is he? The kid?”
“Not in the way you mean,” Chris answered coldly. He could envision himself wrapping his hands around the man’s thick neck and choking the life out of him. Chris took hold of Jewel’s arm, hurrying her away. “C’mon, I need to get out of here before I do something really stupid.”
Jewel found that she had to rush in order to keep up with him. “Like what?” she prodded as they made their way out of the casino.
“Like strangle that piece of dirt with my bare hands.”
She’d seen better-matched battles. “He’s got about thirty pounds and four inches on you,” Jewel pointed out tactfully.
“Rage has got to count for something,” Chris retorted.
The last thing she wanted was to have him go ballistic. “Put it behind you, Chris,” she urged him. “You’ve got custody of Joel. That’s all that matters.”
He took a deep breath and then let it out. The anger he felt on Rita’s behalf, as well as Joel’s, began to subside a little.
Collecting himself, he corrected her last statement. “Not all.”
“A big part of it, then,” she amended. This wasn’t the time or place to split hairs over semantics. “Why don’t we go somewhere, grab a late lunch and celebrate?” she suggested, then added a word that put everything into perspective. “‘Dad’?”
For a moment he appeared to be rolling her words over in his head. And then he nodded. “Sounds good to me.”
“Great, because I am really starving,” she told him, doing her best to sound cheerful and upbeat despite realizing that she’d lost sight of the fact that their association was about to come to an end. If not now, then very, very soon. The goal had been achieved. That meant that she was no longer of any service to him. They could each go their separate ways and move on with their lives, emphasis on separate.
“You’re awfully quiet,” Chris commented. Immediately after having lunch they’d hit the road and, unlike the trip out, were making great time. He’d noticed that as she’d turned on the engine, she’d also turned on the radio. Music, not conversation, had filled the air for the past few hours. “I’m not used to that with you.”
She was surprised that it had taken him this long to notice. With a half shrug, she gave him a vague excuse. “Just thinking.”
She did her thinking out loud. At least, that was what he’d come to expect. This was something different. “About?”
“My next case.”
Next case, as opposed to this one. Was that all this had been to her, he caught himself wondering. Just a case? Now that it was solved, her attention had shifted to another puzzle, another challenge. An uneasy feeling wafted through him.
“You have something lined up?” he asked, trying to discern if he was being paranoid or if he had a good reason to feel this way.
She avoided his eyes and stared at the road straight ahead as she nodded. “Came in a couple of days ago,” she added.
“Does that mean you’ll be busy?” And that I won’t be able to see you? he added silently.
“Very.” The single word came out in a rush and emphatically.
He felt a chill running down his spine. She was telling him that it was over. Just like that.
“Okay,” he said slowly, as if he was tasting the word and found it bitter.
Okay. Chris had accepted the lame excuse she’d given him. Maybe he even welcomed it, she thought. Just like that, without a challenge, without a protest. He was okay with it, okay with not seeing her because she was “busy.”
Dammit, what did she expect? She knew that their association, that what had happened between them, those few, precious weeks, had all just been temporary. She’d told herself as much over and over again. Hell, she’d walked into this knowing it was finite.
Why couldn’t she have gotten the message through to her damn heart?
Jewel let out a long breath slowly, struggling to focus on the road. They’d made excellent time and were almost home. All the traffic had been headed toward Vegas. Hardly anyone was coming back this soon.
And then, before she knew it, the trip was over. Just as their time together was over. She was pulling up in his driveway.
And her mouth felt like cotton.
Chris got out on his side. It took a second before he realized that she wasn’t moving. She was still sitting behind the steering wheel. Moreover, the engine was still running.
Rounding the hood, he came over to her side. “Aren’t you coming in?”
She wanted to, but it was only putting off the inevitable. Trying to revive something that had already been declared dead. And besides, her mother was inside. One look at her face and her mother would know what was going on. And knowing her, her mother would make some sort of comment. Or worse, try to keep them together.
She wasn’t up to that.
“No, I’ll pass, thanks.” Her voice was flat, devoid of emotion. “I’m kind of tired. Besides, this is your moment,” she told him, trying to smile. “Yours and Joel’s. I don’t want to get in the way.”
She was brushing him off, Chris thought. Her mind was obviously made up. He wasn’t about to beg and embarrass both of them.
Stepping away from the vehicle, he said, “Don’t forget to send me the bill.”
Like she cared about the damn money. “Right. When I get around to it,” she answered vaguely. “I’m going to be very busy.”
“So you said,” he acknowledged woodenly.
Jewel pressed her lips together, forbidding herself to cry. “Tell Joel goodbye for me.” She threw the car into Reverse. If she stayed a moment longer, threats or no threats, she was going to cry.
Chris turned away, not wanting to watch her leave. His heart felt like lead in his chest as he unlocked the front door.
There was music playing in the background. Cecilia had the radio on as she was finishing up the dishes. The moment she heard the front door, she hurried toward it and was there as Chris walked in.
“Hi. You’re back sooner than I thought,” Cecilia said, greeting him with a warm smile. She glanced behind him, but he was already closing the door. “Is Jewel parking the car?”
“No,” he answered stoically. “Jewel’s on her way home.”
“Home?” Cecilia echoed as if the word made no sense to her.
He didn’t want to talk. Everything inside him felt shell-shocked. He’d thought…
He’d thought like an idiot, Chris upbraided himself. Jewel was a bright, vibrant woman who thrived on excitement. Who generated it wherever she went. He had to have been crazy to think she would have been satisfied with a college professor for more than a few weeks.
“Yes, she left.”
There was a finality to the word, to his tone. Cecilia stared at the young man she had handpicked for her daughter. She knew Jewel inside and out. The parts that weren’t like her were like her late husband. If Jewel had left, it was because she was afraid. Afraid of getting hurt. Damn that job of hers.
“And you let her?” Cecilia demanded incredulously. Incensed, she shot straight from the hip. “Have you lost your mind or am I completely wrong about you and you don’t care about her? Because, like it or not, my daughter loves you, Chris Culhane. All you have to do is look at her face to know that.”
Chris opened his mouth to defend himself and then stopped. Suddenly, all the pieces just came flying together. How could he have been so stupid? So caught up in his own imagined hurt that he hadn’t read between the lines? Hadn’t seen what was right there in front of him? Cecilia was right. He had lost his mind. Temporarily. But it was back now. And he was ready to reclaim what was his.
“Stay with Joel,” he tossed over his shoulder, heading for the door.
“No problem.” Cecilia hurried after him to lock the door. “Just get it right this time,” she called after Chris.
“I fully intend to.” It was a pledge to h
imself. And to Jewel.
Chapter Sixteen
Tears were streaming down her face as she drove. Jewel cursed herself.
She thought she was tougher than this. She would have sworn to it if anyone had asked. But tough people didn’t cry when the inevitable happened. Not when they knew it was going to happen all along.
Jewel couldn’t stop crying even as she struggled to get herself under control.
She’d been right all along. She knew it was going to be like this.
So why did being right hurt so damn much?
It wasn’t as if this were a surprise. Sitting on the sidelines, gathering proof, she’d seen it happen time and time again. Two halves of a whole coming apart. Sometimes six months after the marriage, sometimes twenty years. But it happened. Over and over again it happened.
Hadn’t she said right from the start that all relationships were doomed?
Okay, not all, she reminded herself, but most. The word most had been the culprit, the reason she’d let her guard down. Most whispered that there was a chance, however small, that she and Chris could somehow beat the odds.
Who was she kidding?
She wasn’t a gambler, not when it came to something like this, to matters of the heart. To forever.
She stifled a sob that tried to break free.
Dammit, she had to stop this, had to stop tearing up and falling apart or else she was going to run into something or cause a collision.
Blowing out a shaky breath, she wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.
Maybe she needed to take a break, a vacation. There was no other case; she’d lied to Chris. She only wished there were so that she could get her mind off this soul-wrenching ache she felt in the pit of her belly. She desperately needed something to keep her occupied. But since there was no case, maybe she’d just take off for a few days…
And do what? a small voice in her head demanded. Think?
That was all she needed, endless days stretching in front of her with nothing to do but think about how empty she felt inside. How hollow.
Ordinarily, if things were getting her down, or she needed to get away, she would get in touch with Nikki or Kate and go with one of them, or both, for a weekend mini-vacation.
But there was no doing that now. Both of her friends were deeply involved with the men in their lives. Any “getting away” would be done with their fiancés, not her. She was the odd girl out.
How had she become the fifth wheel without even knowing it?
Jewel blinked and looked around. She was on the freeway, heading for home. She didn’t even remember getting on the on ramp. Apparently, the car was on automatic pilot, she thought.
As was she.
Maybe it was better that way. She needed to stay numb, removed, until she was finally up to dealing with this.
Until the pain was no longer unbearable.
Chris couldn’t quite figure it out. How had Jewel managed to get so far ahead of him in such a short time? Only a couple of minutes had gone by, but by the time he’d come rushing out, she was nowhere in sight.
Jumping into his car, he had to all but floor it to even get a glimpse of her. It took another eight minutes of one eye on the road, the other on the lookout for any police cars, to catch up to her.
When he finally did, pulling abreast of her car, Jewel seemed to be oblivious that he was even there. Whether she really didn’t see him or was just pretending, he had no idea. What he did know was that he was determined to get her to pull over.
Still driving parallel to her vehicle, Chris rolled down the passenger window, leaned on his horn and shouted, “Pull over!”
Stunned, confused and startled to see him suddenly all but at her side, a whole host of emotions raced through Jewel as she maneuvered her car onto the right shoulder of the freeway. The moment she did, he pulled over, as well, parking behind her.
Getting out of the car, she wondered if there was some thing wrong with either Joel or her mother, both of whom were still at the house.
“What’s wrong?” she asked him the second he got out of his car and headed for her. “Did you forget something?”
The sound of cars whizzing by made it hard to talk above a shout. “Yeah, you.”
She raised her voice, certain she’d heard wrong. “What?”
“You,” he repeated, reaching her. “I got so caught up in everything that I thought it would just continue going right and then I thought—” This was all getting too complicated. “Never mind what I thought. Your mother set me straight.”
She had no idea what he was talking about. “My mother?” This had all started with her mother. When would that woman learn to stop meddling?
“Yes.” Even standing next to her, he had to shout to be heard. The noise from the cars all around them swelled. “She asked me if I was crazy.”
He was still not making any sense, she thought. “And this set you straight?”
“Yes.”
She shook her head, but that didn’t clear it. Or change things. She just wanted to get away. “What are you talking about?”
Traffic was slowing down now, as motorists began to watch the minidrama playing out on the shoulder of the road.
“Your mother made me realize that I was crazy to let you go without a fight.”
“‘Let me go’?” she echoed in disbelief. “I thought it was pretty clear that you were trying to tell me it was over.”
“Where did you get that idea?” he demanded incredulously. “You were the one who called this just another case.” She was guilty of that, she thought. “This wasn’t just another case, but I didn’t want you to think that I expected something.”
“What if I expected something?”
She shook her head, unable to make the words out. “What?”
“What if I expected something?” he repeated, raising his voice even more.
Her heart refused to settle down and beat normally. “Like what?” she heard herself asking.
“Like spending the rest of my life with you.” He took her hands into his. “I’m old-fashioned, Jewel. I don’t want to just sleep with you. I want to wake up with you, have breakfast with you, make plans with you—I love you and I want to marry you. You’ve filled my life the way I never knew was possible. Don’t make me feel empty again.”
Anything too good to be true wasn’t—hadn’t that been the first thing she’d ever learned? So why was she rooting for Chris’s side, praying he’d say something to convince her?
“Now,” she told him. “You want to marry me now, but once whatever you’re feeling right at this moment vanishes, once you think things over—”
“I’ll still want to marry you,” he insisted. “And I’ll still want to be married to you.”
And then, amid the snaking evening traffic, on the shoulder of the road, Chris took one of her hands in his and got down on one knee. “Jewel Parnell, will you marry me?”
Self-conscious, aware that traffic was at a virtual standstill and every set of eyes were now on both of them, she tugged on his hand. “Chris, please, get up,” she pleaded.
But he shook his head, remaining where he was. “Not until you tell me you love me and say yes.”
She looked up, as if searching the sky for strength. “Of course I love you. I wouldn’t be this miserable if I didn’t love you.”
“Love and miserable—not exactly the two words I wanted to hear in the same sentence,” he told her. “Again, will you marry me?”
She pressed her lips together. Could he actually be serious? About wanting her for all time? “I don’t have a choice in the matter?” she asked.
His answer was short and firm. “Nope.”
She was losing the battle, but she gave it one more try. “You don’t know what you’re saying.”
“That’s where you’re wrong. I’m a physicist. I always know what I’m saying.”
He had no idea how much she wanted to believe him. How much she wanted to be convinced. But she didn’t w
ant to wake up some morning only to find him gone. “You haven’t thought this through.”
“Oh, yes, I have,” he contradicted. “Would you like to see the flowchart?”
He got her then. “You made a flowchart?”
He grinned. “With colors and everything.”
A motorist leaned out of his car and shouted, “Hey, lady, say yes already!” To underscore his point, he hit his horn, hard. The sound was echoed over and over again as other drivers joined in.
Within moments, there was a cacophony of car horns beeping.
Dammit, she was melting. Please don’t let me regret this. “You really want to marry me?”
He nodded, his eyes solemn. “I really want to marry you.”
“And stay married to me?” she emphasized.
“And stay married to you,” he echoed.
She let out a long breath slowly. She was going to follow her heart. He was right, she had no choice. “Then I guess I’d better say yes.”
He rose to his feet, still holding her hand. “Sounds good to me,” he told her before kissing her.
The sound of blaring horns grew louder, but this time, it was the drivers’ way of cheering.
At least, that was the way the evening news reported the story later that night when Cecilia taped it. She fully intended to share the tape with her future grandchildren someday.
Epilogue
Joel’s eyes moved from his uncle to the woman he’d come to adore. The woman he’d secretly been afraid was going to leave. Except now they were saying something different to him. Something that made him feel very excited.
“You’re going to marry my uncle?” he finally asked Jewel in a small voice. That was what they’d been saying to him. That and all this stuff about permission. That’s why he was confused. Grown-ups never asked a kid for permission to do anything.
Jewel wanted to marry Chris with all her heart, but there was more than herself to consider here. She knew that. Knew, too, how important it was to feel as if you mattered. Even if you were only five. Feelings had no age limits.
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