Several bouquets arrived at the house on the evening of the presentation. Captain Clayton’s was among them, as was Mr. Reddington’s and a young ensign’s whom she had met only the previous night.
“Which will you carry?” Nell asked her, agog with curiosity.
“Whichever you choose on this special occasion will carry a message to the giver,” Lady Ridgeway warned her. “It shows a preference, so be careful to make the right choice.”
Lucy turned over all the bouquets. “If I chose simply because of the flowers, I would pick Captain Clayton’s. It’s by far the most beautiful, but if my choice will be taken as an indication of my interest then I can carry none of these.”
“Captain Clayton and Mr. Reddington have never been away from our door since your ball,” Lady Ridgeway objected.
Lucy nodded. “I know and that is why I can’t choose between their offerings, so I will take this one.” It was the smallest of all, white roses and daisies in a simple holder and had been placed at the back of the others. No visiting card accompanied it, merely a note which said ‘In memory of starlight on the sea’. As soon as she saw it, Lucy recognised the giver and had intended to carry it from the start. If she must display a preference, then she would follow her heart, even if this was the last time she would ever do so.
“What a strange message,” Lady Ridgeway remarked, reading the note. “Who can have sent it to you?”
“Whoever he is, he is a poet,” Lucy dissembled. “That gives me a reason to carry it this evening. If I don’t know whose it is, I can’t be accused of causing anyone pain.”
It has to be Patrick’s. He is the only one with whom I have seen starlight on the sea. Of course, as Mr. Anselm, he cannot openly send me flowers, but he expects me to know that these are his.
“Well reasoned, Lucy,” Lady Mary rose to her feet. “If you are not yet sure, it’s better not to raise false hopes. Come now, it is time for us to go.”
A carriage waited for the party. The distance to Dublin Castle was short but walking was unthinkable, for the weather was inclement and their dresses must be protected from the elements. As the carriage approached the gate of the castle, Lucy was surprised to see a great crowd of people lining both sides of the road. They wore thin, ragged clothes and many of them were shivering in the cold.
“Who are they, Grandmama?” Lucy asked.
“The Dublin poor.”
“What are they waiting for?”
“They like to watch the fine carriages, the men in their uniforms and the ladies’ dresses.” Lady Ridgeway added. “It’s a spectacle for them.”
“How cold and wretched they must be, standing there without shelter in this bitter wind,” Lucy said.
“It’s their choice and they think it’s worth the wait, but here we are.”
The carriage drew up in front of the viceregal apartments, the home of the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland during the Social Season. Lucy received an impression of flaming torches lighting up the dark courtyard and then she was inside into a blaze of light and colour. A red carpet and red walls, gilt mirrors and paintings; people whom she did not know. She felt herself shrinking a little as she followed her grandmother and her aunt down the corridors to an antechamber. Young girls, in the same pale dresses and feathers, milled around chattering in subdued tones, while they waited for their turn to be presented. Lucy looked anxiously at Lady Ridgeway.
“Do I look all right, Aunt? I’m afraid my plumes are going to fall down any second.”
“Everyone thinks like that,” her aunt reassured her, “but they never do. Morgan is an expert and you look charming. There is Amy Edmondson over there with her mother, go and say how do you do to her. I will fetch you when it is time for you to meet the Viceroy.”
Obediently Lucy went over to talk to Amy, a pleasant girl but one with few ideas in her head. Cecily Woodford, who joined them after a few minutes was no better. Since both of them were extremely nervous, Lucy was almost glad when her aunt appeared to claim her.
Lady Mary, as an earl’s daughter, was to make the presentation while Lady Ridgeway waited for them in the withdrawing room. Lady Mary looked her over critically as they moved to the doorway.
“Head up, Child, and smile.”
At the entrance to the throne room, Lucy’s train was taken from her arm and let down behind her. She heard her grandmother’s name announced followed by her own. She walked down the aisle to where a man and woman stood before matching red and gold thrones beneath a canopy. As she stopped before them, she kicked her train away, as she had been taught and sank into her curtsey. She rose and the Duke of Richmond, the Lord Lieutenant of Ireland, who represented his Majesty the King, came forward and kissed her on the forehead. A step backward and a few steps to the side; she repeated the drill automatically. His wife, the Duchess, greeted her but afterwards Lucy could not remember what she had said. Then it was over, she went through the doors on the opposite side of the room. Her train was placed over her left arm again and she was free to join the merriment of the other debutantes and their sponsors.
Almost immediately she was joined by Captain Clayton, who told her that he had been waiting for her. Giddy with relief that she had done nothing wrong, had not fallen or acted oddly, she allowed him to lead her into the supper room and fetch her refreshments. Sipping a glass of ratafia and nibbling on a small cake with the others, she felt happy. Captain Clayton was attentive, the other girls were as relieved as she was and in high spirits.
Whatever happens next, at least I have been presented. That’s what I hoped would happen in London and now it has. She had a sudden sense of anticlimax and a riot of new emotions, one after the other. I feel different than I did before. Now I wonder if the effort was worth it. All that trouble for a few seconds with a man and woman I have never met before. They won’t remember me and I’ll probably never see them again. How ungrateful I am to Grandmama who gave me the chance. She became aware that Captain Clayton was saying something to her and she turned towards him,
“I’m so sorry, could you repeat what you just said; it’s so difficult to hear.”
The din in the supper room made any conversation difficult, but indeed she had not been attending to him. He moved closer to her and murmured,
“I asked your grandmother if I might call on her tomorrow afternoon. Can you guess for what purpose?”
Lucy dropped her eyes, to hide her blush. “No I can’t,” she lied as her heart beat faster.
“To make a request which I hope you will grant me.”
She looked up at him and smiled, wondering if her aunt’s words were correct. She did not love him but, if O’Rourke left, she preferred him to all the other young men she had met in Dublin including Mr. Reddington. If he did offer her marriage and she accepted, could they possibly be happy together? She had an answer almost immediately. Bishop Mortimer was making his way through the crowd, with O’Rourke at his side. Her heart gave a great leap and started to beat so fast that she thought everyone must hear it. The Bishop came up to her, bowed over her hand and congratulated her on her presentation. She glanced over his head at O’Rourke who smiled at her and echoed his sentiments. The prelate mumbled a few more pleasantries before he moved on but O’Rourke did not follow him.
Chapter Twenty One
“May I steal you away for a moment, Miss Ridgeway? A letter has come from France which I must discuss with you.”
“Please forgive me, Captain Clayton. We have friends who are still prisoners in Saint-Malo and I would like to learn their news.”
He bowed. “Until tomorrow then. Mr. Anselm, your servant.”
Lucy put her hand on O’Rourke’s arm and let him lead her out into the corridor. They found a window alcove where they could be seen but no one was near enough to overhear.
“Is there really a letter from France?” Lucy asked.
“Of course not, who would write to me here? I needed an excuse to speak with you and this adds to the tale we agreed if you are ever
questioned about me. I promised to come tonight, didn’t I? I’m glad I did, seeing you in all your finery; you look so beautiful.”
“I never thought of you as someone who made pretty speeches.”
“You didn’t know me when I had the right to do so. I still don’t, but I couldn’t go without telling you. Had circumstances been otherwise, I wouldn’t leave you.”
She gasped, “You’re going?”
“The day after tomorrow. I’m taking the stage to Belfast where several ships are due to sail for America. From there I can travel to New York or Boston or Toronto.”
“So this is goodbye?” she whispered.
“It has to be. We can’t meet again.” She swayed and her face paled. He caught her arm and murmured, “Courage, Alannah, there are people at the end of the corridor, watching us.”
“I don’t care about them. Take me with you.”
“I won’t blight your life. You’ve no conception of what it is to live as a fugitive. I wouldn’t condemn a dog to such an existence, even less the woman I love. In time you will forget me and find happiness. I pray it is so.”
“Never!”
“Lucy, let me go. Smile for me, so I shall always remember you as you are now.”
For a few moments, Lucy could not bring herself to do so but when she did, he kissed her hand, turned and walked away. Lucy stood there alone, looking blankly after him, unable to move. A group of girls came out of the salon together. One of them saw her, left the others and walked up to her.
“Are you all right?” she asked. “You look dreadfully pale.”
“What?” Lucy’s eyes focussed on the speaker and as her thoughts cleared, she recognised Amy Edmondson.
“Why you are crying!”
“Am I?” Lucy reached up and touched her cheeks which she was surprised to find wet. She fumbled in her reticule for a handkerchief only to see Amy holding one out to her.
“Use mine,” she offered.
Lucy did so and dried her face. “Thank you.”
“Shall I find your aunt for you?”
“If you would be so good; I have such a terrible headache.”
“Stay there and I will fetch her directly.”
Lucy was relieved when Lady Ridgeway appeared.
“I’m sorry, Aunt, but I am in so much pain. Is it possible for me to leave without causing a fuss?”
“Of course.” Lady Ridgeway motioned to one of the pages and ordered her carriage. “I’ll take you home and then return for Mama. Come with me now.”
Very shortly, Lucy was tucked up in her bed with a hot brick at her feet. Rose blew the candle out and the room was left in darkness except for the soft flicker of the firelight. Lucy sank back into her pillows. The headache, which had been an excuse, was suddenly real. Unhappiness, stress and pain made her toss about uneasily and it was a long time before she was able to sleep.
The next morning she was heavy-eyed. She longed to stay in her room and hide away from the world, but Nell tapped on the door and came in, eager for her to describe her presentation. Lucy did not have the heart to refuse her. At this moment she felt so alone and friendless that her young cousin’s admiration was doubly dear to her.
She sat up in bed, sipping her hot chocolate and answering Nell’s questions as well as she could. For a brief while, she was able to divert her thoughts. She had no intention of telling Nell why such a marvellous occasion had ended so badly. So, to distract her, Lucy suggested they walk in Fitzwilliam Square after breakfast. There they would be sure to meet some of the other debutantes and be able to discuss all the events of the evening.
Lady Ridgeway readily gave her permission. “The fresh air will do you good, my dear. You still look pale this morning.”
“I’m almost better but I would like to go.”
One of the first people Lucy saw in the Square was Amy Edmondson, with several of her friends. Amy and most of the others looked bright eyed, despite their late night, Lucy thought with envy. She went forward and said, “Thank you so much for helping me, Amy, so silly of me to make such a fuss.”
“Not at all, I was happy to help you. Are you better now?”
“Much better, thank you.”
The girls walked together for a little while and Nell was delighted to listen to the stories they told about their presentations and the party afterwards. One debutante had disgraced herself by tripping over her train, as she backed away. A page had caught her just before she fell. Another had the misfortune to sneeze, just as the Duke of Richmond was kissing her.
“She was mortified,” Amy said. “We must be kind and not mention it to her.”
When Lucy and Nell left the others, Lucy promised to meet them at the Rotunda where a musical evening was being held while poor Nell sighed with envy.
“Oh, to be old enough to go!”
“You will be soon enough,” Lucy replied.
They returned to the house for a small nuncheon. Afterwards, Lady Ridgeway sent Lucy to change her dress.
“Why, Aunt?”
“Have you forgotten that Captain Clayton is coming to visit us this afternoon? He us certain to ask to see you before he leaves.” Lucy nodded listlessly. “What’s the matter, child? Do you dislike him so much?”
“No. I don’t dislike him at all.”
“Then hurry up. He’ll be here soon.”
Lucy did her best, but her heart was not in choosing clothes or in preening herself. She allowed Morgan dress her as the servant wished. At the end of the process, Lucy had to admit that she looked every inch the debutante, once after Morgan had pinched her cheeks to give them colour. Lucy tried to calm a sudden attack of nerves as she answered her grandmother’s summons. Please don’t let him ask me to marry him, at least not yet, not until I accept the fact that I will never see Patrick again. Let him have called for some other purpose, any other purpose.
Lucy’s prayer was not to be granted. As she appeared in the doorway of the drawing room, Captain Clayton, her grandmother and her aunt all rose to greet her.
“Come in Lucy,” Lady Mary said. “Captain Clayton has asked to speak with you. Let us leave them alone, Agnes.”
“Grandmama!” Lucy cried.
“It’s all right, my dear, stay and listen to what the captain has to say.”
Lucy stood petrified as the door closed behind the ladies. Reluctantly she turned to face the young man. He was smiling down at her and took possession of the hand she held out to him.
“Why Miss Ridgeway, you’re shaking.”
“Am I?”
“There’s no need to be afraid of me. I came today to tell you how much I admire you and to ask you to marry me. Your grandmother has given me her permission to pay my addresses to you.”
He paused for her reply but she could not answer. As he waited, his smile died.
“Do you have an answer for me?”
“No, yes, I’m not sure,” she blurted out.
“How adorable you are, so young and innocent. If we become engaged, you will learn to know me much better. Won’t you agree to make me the happiest man on earth?”
Lucy raised her eyes and looked at him. He’s everything I ever dreamed of, handsome, rich and in love with me. I’d be happy with him and I’m lucky he wants me. In that instant as the words formed in her mind to accept; she knew she could not. Calling on her courage she said, “You do me a very great honour in asking me to be your wife and I thank you but I am sorry that I must say no.”
“No?” He looked as if she had just hit him. She drew her hand away from his and stepped back.
“You can’t mean it…” he stammered. “You haven’t thought. Do I offend you in some way?”
“No. You are courtesy itself. I like you very much as a friend, but I am not in love with you.”
“If that is the only reason…”
“No it is not. Forgive me and pray say nothing of this. Please excuse me.” She whipped out of the room before he had a chance to say anything more and ran up to her
bedroom. She cried until Lady Ridgeway tapped on the door and came in.
“Lucy, what happened?” she asked.
“Captain Clayton asked me to marry him and I refused.”
“But Lucy, why? He is just the husband for you.”
“I realise all the benefits of becoming his wife, but I could not say yes. I’m so sorry to disappoint you and my grandmother.”
“There’s no doubt it would be an advantage to our family if you married him, he is so rich. That is not our prime concern, however. If the knowledge of your refusal becomes known, I’m afraid it might decrease your chances of receiving another offer.”
“I see,” Lucy said, turning this thought over in her mind. “I shall certainly say nothing and neither will Captain Clayton, if he is truly the gentleman.”
Lady Ridgeway smiled. “He left us saying that he would not despair just yet. He described you as being confused and he blamed himself for having sprung his proposal on you before he had a chance to fix your interest. Unless you tell him that you have changed your mind, he promises not mention his hopes to you again, so you may be easy in his company.”
“That’s very nice of him.”
“Do you agree to give him the chance to prove himself to you?”
“On those terms, yes, I would like to know him better but I’m not sure I’ll ever care for him enough to marry him.”
Lady Ridgeway rose. “Who knows what the future brings, my dear? You’re young and the Season is just starting. I will tell Captain Clayton what you said and I believe he is a man of his word. Rest now.”
It was excellent advice but Lucy found it impossible to make her mind easy. If Patrick leaves, what’s left for me? I’ve no money of my own and I can’t expect Grandmama and Uncle Edgar to support me for the rest of my life. Does it matter whom I wed? I’ll never love anyone as I love Patrick, so Captain Clayton is as good a husband as any other. He seems kind enough and is keen to marry me. Many men would have been affronted by my refusal. At the end of the Season, if I have met no one else and he still wants me, then perhaps I should say yes.
Regency Belles & Beaux Page 54
