‘What con—?’ He cut himself off, his eyes lowering to her stomach, and she resisted an urge to put her hand on her abdomen. She wasn’t sure where that urge had come from. She’d been strangely detached from the news that there was a life growing inside her since she’d found out. Detached. Alone. The way that life had come to be—how that had ended—was the only explanation she could think of for why she felt that way. Or the only explanation she allowed herself to think of.
‘Are you...’ he started, and then his voice faded before he cleared his throat. ‘Are you telling me you’re pregnant, Rosa?’
‘Yes.’
She straightened her shoulders. Drew up her spine. This was the reason she’d worn another one of her designs. Confidence. Courage. This time it came in the form of high-waisted pants and a blue shirt.
‘How...how... Are you sure?’
She’d rarely seen her husband so frazzled. ‘I’ve taken multiple pregnancy tests.’ And had hated herself for it. It seemed like something her mother would have done. ‘And had it confirmed by my GP. It’s still early, as you can imagine. But it’s there.’
‘But...how did this happen?’
‘I wasn’t taking the Pill any more. It didn’t seem necessary.’
He made a disbelieving noise. It felt as if he’d slapped her. ‘What?’
‘I didn’t say anything,’ he snapped, and began to pace the length of the room.
‘No, you didn’t,’ she said. ‘But that sound you made implied something. Almost as if getting pregnant was some kind of plan. As if the unwilling and unknowing part I played in your mother’s misguided fairy tale plan was meant to end up like this.’
Her stomach turned again and she held up a finger when he opened his mouth, pressing her other hand to her own mouth. The wave of nausea had barely passed before another took its place and she strode to the door of his bathroom—thank heaven it was adjoined to Aaron’s office—barely making it to the toilet in time to empty her stomach.
Which was strange, she thought as she heaved, since the only thing she’d managed to choke down that morning was a dry piece of toast and black rooibos tea. But there it went, followed by a few extra lurches of her stomach.
She flushed the toilet and sank down to the floor. It was refreshingly cool, though a moment later she felt an even colder cloth pressed to her forehead. She knew it was him before she opened her eyes. Saw the concern—and something else she couldn’t place—on his face.
‘I’m fine,’ she said and tried to stand, incredibly aware of the fact that she hadn’t rinsed her mouth. Steady hands helped her up and, exhausted, she couldn’t summon the energy to be annoyed at his assistance.
She’d expected it, hadn’t she? It was part of why she’d left him in the first place. Because she hadn’t wanted this to be her life—to be his—if she were sick like her mother.
Ignoring the irony that had brought them to this point anyway, she asked him to get her handbag. And when he left gave herself a moment to take a quick breath before she washed her face and patted it down with the dry end of the towel he’d given her.
She was pale, she thought as she looked at herself in the mirror. The skin under her eyes looked bruised, and the light brown of her hair somehow looked darker because of it.
But she told herself not to be too concerned about it. She’d already been there, worrying about all the possibilities that had made her look and feel that way. It had pushed her into making an appointment with a psychologist, but then she’d missed her period and postponed that appointment in lieu for one with her GP.
Aaron returned with her handbag, and thankfully gave her space when she rummaged around in it to find the travel toothbrush and toothpaste she’d started carrying when throwing up had become the norm.
She made quick work of it, and then took another breath before walking out to face Aaron again.
‘Better?’ he asked in a clipped tone. She frowned. How had she possibly annoyed him by throwing up?
‘For now,’ she answered mildly. ‘You?’
His expression darkened, and there was a long pause before he said, ‘I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.’
‘You didn’t really react. Besides when you implied that I somehow tricked you into making me pregnant.’ At his look, she shrugged. ‘You know that’s how you made it seem. And, if I recall, you were as much into the activity that got us here as I was.’
Though she hadn’t thought it possible, he looked even more peeved than he’d been before. Not that it surprised her. She was purposely being contrary, but it was the only way she could cope with what was happening. And again, she’d give herself permission to do just about anything if it helped her cope.
‘Does this mean you’re not accepting my apology?’ he asked quietly, and she lifted her shoulders. ‘Rosa,’ he said more insistently now, and she blew out a breath.
‘Yes. Fine. I accept your apology.’
He folded his arms and leaned against his desk, looking at her evenly. Back to being in control, she thought, resenting it.
‘What did you hope to achieve by coming here today?’ he asked.
She frowned. ‘I didn’t hope to achieve anything. I just came to let you know.’
‘You came all the way to Johannesburg to let me know that you’re pregnant?’
‘Yes. Or would you have liked that information over the phone?’
He didn’t react to her sarcasm. ‘Thank you for coming to tell me in person.’ He paused. ‘But I suppose what I’m actually asking is whether this was a planned trip, or whether it was spur-of-the-moment?’
It had been spur-of-the-moment, something she’d convinced herself to do before she lost the nerve. So she’d booked the ticket, put on the sample suit she’d made for her line, and now she was here.
But she wouldn’t tell him that.
‘I came here to tell you that you’re going to be a father,’ she said, and saw that he wasn’t as unaffected as he was pretending to be. ‘Other than that... Well, no, I suppose I didn’t know what else to achieve.’
‘But you didn’t think you were going to tell me and then just leave?’
Her heart started thudding, reminding her of when he’d said something similar when she’d first arrived at the house on Mariner’s Island. ‘I know we have to talk about things.’
‘Yes,’ he agreed. ‘But more than that, Rosa. We’re going to have to fix this marriage.’
* * *
She inhaled sharply, and then let the air out between her teeth before she replied.
‘That’s a high expectation from someone who didn’t have any intention of doing that a month ago.’
‘Did you?’ he asked softly, the haughtiness of her statement not putting him off. In fact, it did the exact opposite. It told him that she was scared. And he’d contributed to that fear by leaving.
‘Did I what?’
‘Did you have any intention of fixing things between us after we slept together?’
She opened her mouth and then cleared her throat. It was enough of an answer. Enough that he didn’t need her to say anything else.
‘So I was right to make it easier on the both of us by leaving.’
‘Oh, is that why you did it?’ Her eyebrows rose. ‘I thought you left because you wanted to make me know how it felt to be the one left behind.’
‘I’m not that vindictive.’
‘I didn’t think so either. But I had to wonder. Karma, and all that.’ She was throwing his words from the first night on the island back at him. Then she abruptly changed the topic. ‘Your mother called me.’
‘You...you didn’t tell her?’
‘No. I didn’t answer, actually. And then she sent an email saying she hadn’t heard from you since you got back. Asked me whether that was some form of payback. Karma?’ she asked lightly.
<
br /> Annoyance bristled through him. ‘You know better than to listen to my mother.’
‘She’s right about some things, Aaron,’ she said. ‘She was right to bring us to that island.’
‘Look where that got us.’
Her hand shifted, moving towards her stomach before she jerked it back. Something about the movement irked him. ‘Yes, we’re in a...situation now, but this situation is proof that we couldn’t just walk away from things and hope to never face them again.’
‘I didn’t walk away f—’
‘First?’ she interrupted him. ‘Yes, I know I did that. And I know that I was wrong to do that, especially without any explanation.’ She bit her lip, and then blew out another breath. ‘I saw that on Mariner’s Island when we were talking. And I realised that I should have told you about what I was going through so that, at the very least, we were on the same page.’
Why was she being so calm now? He almost preferred the haughtiness.
‘So you would have tried to fix things between us?’
‘No,’ she said after a moment. ‘But I would have tried to make you understand why I couldn’t. So that when we walked away from one another I’d be able to move forward with a clear conscience. We both would.’
‘Is that what you want to do now?’ he forced himself to ask. Was proud of how he’d managed to ask it without revealing the emotion that was choking him.
‘Partly, yes. We have even more reason to be on the same page now. Without the past clouding things.’
‘What does that mean, Rosa?’ He pushed off from the table. Took a step closer to her. ‘What do you really mean?’
‘We can’t fix this,’ she said stiffly. ‘So maybe your idea of ending things—of filing for divorce—was for the best.’
CHAPTER SIXTEEN
HE WASN’T EMOTIONALLY prepared to hear that Rosa wanted a divorce. Hell, he wasn’t emotionally prepared for anything that had happened in his office since he’d walked in and found her there.
He’d been on somewhat of a high when he’d got there too. The case he was working on was a particularly dirty one. The husband had more than enough money and power to force his wife into divorcing him quietly. And he would have succeeded too, if Aaron had agreed to be his lawyer.
But the moment Aaron had met the man he’d known no measure of money or power could make Aaron represent him. Instead, he’d reached out to the man’s wife and had offered to take on her case pro bono.
It had been a rocky ride—would be for some time—but that day the judge had ruled on custody. And since the husband was the ass Aaron thought he was, he’d gone for full custody based solely on the fact that his wife wanted the kids. But that day the wife had won. They’d won. And it had felt damn good.
Until he’d seen the wife he’d walked out on a month ago, found out she was pregnant and that now she wanted a divorce.
It was his own fault. He’d mentioned it before. And that had set the events in motion that had culminated in their night of passion.
But she was right. Things were hanging mid-air between them, and they couldn’t live like that for ever. Particularly not if they were going to raise a child together.
A child.
He pushed the thought aside and told himself it wasn’t the time to think about that. Or to remember how disappointed he’d been when she’d told him about the milk duct in her breast—the lump—and that that hadn’t meant she was pregnant.
One problem at a time.
Since he’d had an appointment shortly after Rosa had dropped her bombshell, he’d had to deal with work first. But they’d arranged to have dinner together that night. So they could talk about getting on the same page.
She was already there when he arrived, and he fought the feeling of nostalgia at seeing her there. The restaurant had been his suggestion—it was the first one that had come to mind. Unfortunately, it was also one they’d been to often when they were together. And often she’d be waiting for him to get there.
Except then she’d had a smile on her face. Her expression would be open, warm, as soon as she saw him. That was not the case now. His heart took a tumble when he saw her wary expression. The tightness, the nerves. He’d done that, he thought again, and then forced it aside and took his seat.
‘You came,’ she said after a moment.
‘You thought I wouldn’t?’
‘I...wasn’t sure. After what happened today.’
‘We don’t have many choices any more, Rosa. You and I are in this together, whether you like it or not.’
She winced, but nodded. She was still pale, and when the waiter took their drinks order she asked for black tea and water. Not her usual.
‘How are you feeling?’
Her eyes lifted. ‘Fine.’ They were tired. And he knew that she was lying.
‘Rosa.’
‘What?’
‘If we’re going to have this conversation, then we should be honest.’
Colour flooded her cheeks but she nodded. ‘It hasn’t been the best experience.’
‘Obviously you’re suffering from morning sickness.’
‘Obviously,’ she repeated dryly. ‘And I’m tired. Even when I wake up. Par for the course.’ She lifted her shoulders, but the gesture looked heavy and a sympathy he didn’t understand pooled in his belly. A fear too.
He frowned. ‘I’m sorry.’
She opened her mouth and then caught him off-guard with the smile that formed there. ‘I was going to say it’s not your fault, but then I realised it’s at least fifty per cent your fault.’
His lips curved. ‘I suppose.’
Her gaze suddenly sharpened, and then she released a breath. ‘It is yours.’
It took him a moment to figure out how to reply. ‘I didn’t think it wasn’t.’
She nodded. ‘I know some... Well, thank you for not doubting that.’
‘Things might not be in the best state between us,’ he said stiffly, ‘but I don’t suddenly think that you’ve changed.’
‘And changing would be sleeping with someone else?’
The air was charged, but he couldn’t tell if it was because of her words or because of the way things were between them.
‘Changing would be lying to me.’
And she’d never done that, he thought, seeing the confirmation of it on her face. At least there was that. They’d had honesty between them for the longest time. And if somehow that had changed it was just as much his fault as it was hers.
It might very well have been his fault alone.
‘I’m sorry,’ he said after the waiter brought their drinks. He waved the man away when he mentioned food, seeing Rosa recoil at the suggestion. ‘I shouldn’t have left you the way that I did.’
‘Why did you?’
‘I already told you.’
‘You told me that you left because I was going to leave.’ She was watching him closely. He shifted. ‘I don’t believe that, Aaron.’
‘You should. It’s the truth.’
‘Not the whole truth.’ She paused. ‘If you’ve changed your mind about being honest...’
He clenched his teeth and then reached for his drink, which thankfully had alcohol in it. He nearly hissed as the liquid burnt down his throat and then he pushed it aside, no longer interested in the courage it offered.
Fake courage, he thought, since he still had to steel himself to answer her question.
‘It seemed easier.’ He didn’t look at her. ‘And what we shared...was special. To me, at least.’ He paused. ‘I knew that whatever we’d say to each other about it would spoil that, and I didn’t want that memory to be destroyed. So I left.’
She took a long time to answer him. Because of that, he forced himself to look at her face. Her expression was unreadable, though her hands trembled slightly as she pu
t some sugar into the tea in front of her, stirring the liquid much longer than it required.
‘You’re right,’ she said eventually. ‘It would have.’ The stirring stopped. ‘But then, I don’t think you leaving the next day did much different.’
She lifted her eyes and their gazes met. Clashed. But in them Aaron saw the acknowledgement that what they’d shared had been special. He didn’t know if the effect that had on his heart was good or bad, all things considered.
‘I’m sorry.’
She lifted her hand, as if to brush his apology away, and then dropped it again with a nod. ‘Okay. It’s in the past. Let’s move on.’
There was an expectant pause after those words, as if she were waiting for him to say something that would do just that. Except he couldn’t. Not immediately. His thoughts were too closely linked to the past. His feelings too.
He fought through.
The child.
‘What are we going to do about the baby?’
She’d lifted her cup to her lips, but lowered it slowly after his question. Still, her hand shook. He resisted the urge to lean over and grip it.
‘We’re going to have it.’ He nodded. He hadn’t been concerned about that. He knew where they both stood on that issue. ‘But, other than that, I... I don’t know.’
Her grip tightened on the cup and he watched as she forcibly relaxed it.
‘So let’s take it one step at a time,’ he said slowly. The temptation to make the decisions for her—to take the pain of it away from her—was strong. ‘Your pregnancy.’
‘Yes.’ She blew out a breath.
‘Where do you want to live during that time?’
‘I...haven’t thought about it. I have a flat in Cape Town. I suppose I’ll live there.’
Panic reared its head, but he reined it in. ‘Okay. Do you have friends out there?’
She gave him a strange look. ‘Yeah, a few.’
‘So they’d be able to help you through...this.’
‘I suppose. I mean—’ She broke off. ‘It’s not their responsibility.’ He waited as she processed it, and then she sighed. ‘Not this again.’
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