by Kit Tunstall
She had to admit her heart ached with the concept of having a husband, or at least someone important in her life, almost as much as her lower back and fingers hurt after an hour of pulling weeds. A few months shy of nineteen, she should have been dating a host of boys in college and getting ready for the next phase in her life. As she’d given up on those dreams, one by one, Mina found herself searching for new dreams and new ways to make this new version of life enjoyable. Inevitably, she’d found herself drawn to the idea of a partner. Not just someone to share her body with, but her fears, doubts, happiness, and burdens too.
Of course, the body sharing part was of particular interest. She was still a healthy young woman with the normal urges. Unfortunately, the choices were slim these days, with her world mainly consisting of her family and the very occasional passing stranger her parents allowed to stay for a night or two. None of them had been men anywhere close to her own age, and a couple had made her downright nervous. They were always denied the option of staying around, even for a meal, as though her father had a good sense of who was dangerous and who wasn’t, with the notable exception of a couple of thieves who had stolen from them in the beginning of the turmoil. Maybe that sense came from having four daughters and being an overprotective daddy.
She found herself starting to sing as the excitement of having new people fizzed in her veins. As she belted out a song, feeling cheerful for the first time in a while, she ignored her brother’s gagging sounds.
“For pete’s sake, Mina, it’s bad enough we have to be out here in the sun, but your caterwauling is making it that much worse,” said Finn.
She paused briefly to stick out her tongue and fling a clod of dirt at her little brother. “You wish you had my talents, baby bro.”
“Sure do. I could lure all the bullfrogs from the pond, and we could have a delicious supper.”
She rolled her eyes at her brother, but still laughed. It had been a good comeback. To please him—and because the arrival of the soldiers to help out inhibited her off-key singing—she let the melody lapse and focused on weeding the garden. All the while, she was conscious of Coop working two rows ahead of her. When he paused to strip off his T-shirt, using it to wipe his sweating face and brow, her mouth fell open, and she almost forgot how to breathe. Only Kelly laughing beside her snapped her attention back to the plants and away from his seriously toned body.
“Do you have a little crush?” teased Kelly.
Mina ignored her sister, making a conscious effort not to look at him again. Her sister couldn’t stifle the mental image still in her head, and she savored it as she worked. The droplet of sweat that had streaked down his abdomen insisted on repeating over and over in her mind, and she couldn’t resist imagining what it would be like to run her tongue down the same path. That led to imagining his stunned reaction, which quickly aborted the fantasy, though she was sure she’d break it out again later and replay the moment in her mind when she had some privacy.
*****
She was mildly surprised to see Coop in the coop again the next morning. He leaned against the wall, watching her work, and she found herself surprisingly at ease. “So, you mentioned your gran?” she asked as she gently scooted Lionel with her foot so she could move past him.
“Yeah. She had a farm in Iowa, and I used to spend most summers with her.”
She nodded. “She had chickens?”
“A bunch, though I don’t think she felt at all maternal toward them.”
Mina blushed slightly. “I still think friendly is the best approach.”
“Your girls certainly seem fat and sassy.” He bent down to pick up Trudie, who had been pecking around his feet. She clucked at him, but settled against him like a froufrou dog.
“That’s Trudie. She likes you to stroke her wings.” She pushed back her short bangs with her forearm, already hating the morning heat. “I miss air conditioning.”
“And computers.”
“And hot running water.” Mina sighed. “I know we’re luckier than many, with having the farm and the artesian well, but I sure miss how easy life was before The End.”
Coop returned Trudie to the floor before coming closer. He moved to the nesting box beside her, reaching in like he’d done egg collecting a thousand times before. “It’s bad out there. Several times, I was sure we wouldn’t make it here. Wyoming seemed a million miles away when we were in Germany.”
“I’m glad I’m not out there. We’re pretty isolated here, but we’ve still had some scary times. A few people have tried stealing from us. One rough-looking group of men offered to trade my father a generator and a working tractor for one of us girls.”
He drew his breath in raggedly. “How’d Mr. Marsden handle that?”
“We all showed them our guns and told them to leave—then spent the next couple weeks worrying about if they’d come back to try to take one of us.” She shrugged. “Thankfully, they must have moved on. I just hope they didn’t come across any women traveling alone or who were vulnerable.”
Coop looked haunted. “Yeah. We saw some…things that are burned in my head. Lots of violence out there. People are desperate and starving. Of course, it brings out the worst in everyone.”
They had collected all the eggs, and she realized they were just standing by the boxes talking, but she didn’t try to rush away despite a busy day. “I can’t really blame someone for doing what it takes to feed your family or take care of your kids.”
“Yeah, I know, but some of the things people did…killing for things they didn’t need. Raping—” He broke of abruptly. “Well, I have to get started. Your pop has a laundry list of chores for me.”
“For us all,” she said with a silly grin, finding it difficult not to smile in his presence.
*****
It was two mornings later before he joined her again. They spoke about superficial things for a bit, until she asked about his family. “Gran died the summer I was fifteen. My mom was Air Force, so we spent most of the time traveling. Pop died last year, and I haven’t heard from my mother since before the Pulse…End.”
“Siblings?”
He shook his head. “Just me. I’m not entirely sure if I was a peace offering for my dad, who wanted a son, or if I was a complete accident.” He must have interpreted her frown correctly. “Not that they made me feel that way. My parents loved me, but my mom was definitely not a kid person. If this hadn’t happened, she probably would have been heading the whole Air Force before retirement. She was an airman first and family person second.”
“Do you think she’s okay?”
He shrugged. “I hope so, but realistically, probably not. She is tough, but also a stickler for rules and order. I don’t think she would adapt very well to the current state of chaos.”
“It’s kind of adapt or die these days, huh?”
Coop sighed. “There seems to be a lot more of the latter than the former.”
Chapter Two
In two weeks, the soldiers had settled onto the farm. In some ways, it was almost like they had always been there. After a supply run, where they had unfortunately lost one of their group to a fall from a fourth-floor window, they had spent the first few days erecting a small bunkhouse that would be serviceable for most of the group. Dana and Chelle had remained in the guestroom, which was more or less their room now. Mina knew Coop had a spot in the bunkhouse, but he ended up stretching out on the screened-in sun porch most nights, complaining about the heat inside the small bunkhouse and lack of privacy.
So far, everyone was productive, and to her knowledge, neither her father nor Shane had needed to tell anyone to pull their weight. Mina was enjoying the lightening of the workload, which actually left a bit of free time for everyone at the end of the day.
This evening, she was taking leftover dinner scraps to the chickens before planning to go to the pond for a quick dip to cool off. As she rounded the corner, she froze at the sound of angry voices. Mina peeked around warily, surprised to see Lia an
d Shane standing a few yards away, their body language suggesting an intense discussion. She couldn’t hear their words, but they seemed angry.
She started to back away, but hesitated. Not knowing the man, she couldn’t be sure Lia was safe with this stranger. Mina almost approached them when Shane grabbed her sister’s arms, but Lia shrugged him off, slapped his face, and turned to stride away.
Shocked by the display, and realizing Lia knew Shane on a deeper level than just her husband’s commanding officer, she backed away. For just a second, he looked in her direction, his brown gaze pinning her to the spot. Eyes wide, she shook off her paralysis and turned back toward the house.
As she walked along, trying to puzzle out what she’d seen, she bumped straight into Coop. “Oh, sorry.” Without thought, she reached out to wipe the smear of tomato from his gray T-shirt that had collided with the plate of scraps in the impact. His chest was hard and firm under her hand, and her fingers splayed without her permission, just resting against his skin for a long second. She looked up, meeting his green gaze before jerking her hand back.
He nodded to the plate, acting as though nothing strange had happened. To him, it probably hadn’t. She doubted the experience had left him flushed, heart racing and hand tingling from a simple touch. “Weren’t you taking that to the girls?”
She somehow managed to nod. “I was.”
Coop crossed his arms, looking amused. “Aren’t you going the wrong way?”
She nodded. “I am. I guess I got distracted.”
He arched a light-brown brow. “By what?”
For a second, she considered blurting out what she’d seen, but hesitated. More than likely, he wouldn’t know anything more than she did, and the truth of the matter was none of it concerned her. Lia’s interaction with Shane wasn’t her business. She settled for a shrug. “I have no idea.”
Still wearing that half-grin of amusement, he swept an arm forward. “Maybe I’d better walk you to the coop then, to make sure you don’t get lost.”
“Um, thanks.” It was a nice offer, but would he have made it to anyone? Was it just a way of being friendly, or was there more to it? Did he have a modicum of interest in her, or had he already decided she was too young and out-of-bounds for anything beyond friendship and pseudo-brotherly affection? The end of the world sucked. It should have crystallized everything, helping sort out what was important and what wasn’t. It shouldn’t still feel disconcertingly like high school and trying to guess if the guy sitting next to her was flirting with her, mocking her, or actually trying to get the attention of the girl in front of her.
*****
Early the next morning, she went to the chicken coop as usual. Mina didn’t even bother to look up when the door swung open before closing against the frame with a small thwack, expecting Coop. He claimed it reminded him of the summers he’d spent with his grandmother. Yeah, just what she wanted, to invoke memories of an elderly woman to whom he was related. “You’re late,” she said cheerfully. “You’ve already missed Lionel strutting around like the stud he thinks he is and pecking at my feet when I got in his way.”
“That’s too bad,” said a deep voice behind her.
She froze, egg in hand, before slowly turning to look up at Shane West. He’d never spoken directly to her, and she’d certainly never been this close to him, or the sole focus of his attention. He was taller than she’d realized, with a solid build that somehow felt intimidating rather than comforting, unlike Coop’s. She swallowed thickly. “Hello, Lieutenant West.” It seemed natural to call him by the more formal name, even though he wore a plain T-shirt and snug faded jeans instead of his army camos.
“Call me Shane. You’re Ken?”
She blinked, wondering how he had gotten the idea she was named Ken. It didn’t even sound much like her name. “Mina.”
He gave her what was probably supposed to be a sexy smile, but made her stomach curl a bit instead. “That’s much better. I’ve never seen a Ken that looked like you before.” His gaze lingered deliberately on her breasts in the tank top before he looked up again. “I did have a sergeant in basic named Ken. He was built like a brick wall and not at all feminine. Unlike you.”
She managed a jerky nod, unsure what to say. Instead, Mina focused on retrieving the eggs, hurrying through the familiar task so she could escape the chicken coop. Coop should be arriving soon, at least.
“I wanted to ask you something, Mina.”
She nodded again, watching him peripherally.
“You’re quiet. I like that. It’s a nice change.”
Feeling like a puppet, she found herself nodding again.
“Let me know what you think of this situation.”
“I can try,” she said softly, bracing herself to discuss Lia. That had to be why he’d sought her out.
“Let’s imagine you met a woman that seemed like she was everything you’d ever wanted. Smart, sexy, and fun.”
“I’ve never found any woman sexy,” she said a bit flippantly, though Mina’s stomach tightened. After witnessing the scene between them yesterday, she had no doubt he was talking about Lia. Did he really think she was going to give him some advice on how to capture her married sister’s attention?
He laughed slightly. “It’s reassuring to know you like cock.”
Mina flinched at the word. Of course she’d heard it before, but never from someone ten or fifteen years older than her, and in such strange circumstances. Bending her head, she focused on the nesting box.
“Assuming you’ve actually touched one?”
She stiffened, not liking his tone or the way he was speaking to her. Putting the basket on the box, she said, “Excuse me,” and tried to move past him. When he stepped in front of her path, his sheer size blocking her, Mina’s mouth went dry.
He continued on as though he hadn’t been crude, and she hadn’t tried to leave. “This woman is married to a friend of yours, and he’s someone you work with. You’re technically his boss.”
Mina frowned. “I wouldn’t pursue her.”
Shane sighed. “I wasn’t asking your opinion.”
Mina looked up at him. “You said you wanted to know what I thought.”
“Not about that. Just listen.”
Resisting the urge to roll her eyes, she returned to egg collecting and did her best to endure the man’s presence, still wondering when Coop would show up. Once he finished, he’d move on and she could escape back to the house. How she longed for a hot shower, more than any time in the past thirteen months. Talking with Shane left her feeling unclean.
“It turns out when you make your move that she isn’t immune. You have a hot affair over a few months.”
Mina closed her eyes, pained by what she’d heard. The idea of Lia cheating on Tony seemed incomprehensible, but there was clearly something going on between them. “Oh,” she said softly.
“Oh, indeed. You’re shipped out for eight months, but before you leave, you tell this woman you love her and want to marry her. She tells you she’s not leaving her husband, but she still goes to bed with you a couple more times before you deploy. So you go along with it, thinking a lot can happen in eight months. People are killed by friendly fire all the time.”
Mina squeezed her hand without thought, breaking the new egg in her palm. She looked up at him, horrified. “You were going to kill Tony?”
He lifted a shoulder. “It was just a thought, born of desperation. Obviously, it didn’t happen. When I want someone dead, they die.”
He was so cavalier about taking lives that it made her shudder. The egg residue was still in her hand, and she wiped it on the hay the best she could. “What do you want from me?”
He put his finger to his lips. “Shh, and listen. After you’re deployed, the world goes to shit, and you think you’re never going to see this woman again. You’re hurting over it, because you think you love her, and you’re worried about her.”
She should have been slightly reassured to know he had strong
feelings for Lia, but something about him still set her teeth on edge.
“When your friend, her husband, offers to bring you back to his family’s house, where your woman is waiting, you jump at the chance. You go through hell and back, kill so many people you lose track, and keep fighting just to survive, all so you can get back to her.”
Mina balled her hands into fists. “You’re wasting your time, Shane. She loves Tony. I don’t know what she was thinking when she had an affair with you, but Lia and Tony are soul mates. They’ve been together since seventh grade. You have to let her go and move on.”
His mouth tightened, but that was his only acknowledgement to her input. “When you see her, she treats you like a stranger, but you think she’s just trying to hide her feelings in front of her family. Except she keeps avoiding you, and you soon realize she wasn’t missing you the way you missed her.” His voice broke, indicating he was upset. “It sinks in that you were just a fun fuck for her and nothing more.”
Mina felt a bit of sympathy, even though she didn’t condone cheating. Who hadn’t been in a position where they felt more for someone than the other person did? She could easily recall the boyfriend she’d had as a sophomore. She’d been sure she and Billy would get married. Less than a month after she’d given him her virginity, he’d dumped her for someone else. It had taken her weeks to get over the heartbreak. Tentatively, she touched his forearm. “I’m sorry you were hurt.”
His expression softened. “I knew you’d be a sweet little thing.” Shane let out a long sigh. “So you go on each day, trying to forget about everything you had with her. You even try really hard to hope she’ll be happy with your friend.”
She gave him a small smile. “That must be hard.” Maybe he just wanted some sympathy, or someone to talk to, and she seemed like the only option, having seen him with Lia.
“Then, one afternoon, you’re working when your friend comes up to you with his baby. You hadn’t paid much attention to it before, because it hurts to think she’d had a kid with someone else.” His voice surged. “But you hold the baby when he’s offered, and you realize almost immediately that he has your eyes, your nose, and your crooked second toes.”
