by Kit Tunstall
He nodded, though his insides clenched at the words. The words felt too timely to be coincidental, though he knew Winn had no reason to suspect Shane had done something dishonest. Parting from the man, he got up and started looking for Mina. He couldn’t push away the tug of guilt that flared every time he recalled having dumped her tea and sneaking in the mint from Emme’s stash.
If he hadn’t heard Emme telling Chelle how to make it, he never would have known. A surge of anger crowded out his guilt as he remembered the conversations he’d had with Mina over the past few months, and how eagerly he’d waited the cessation of her cycle to signal their baby grew in her stomach.
When he’d found out about the tea, he’d immediately known she must be using it. If he’d confronted her right then, he would have hurt her. By the time he’d gone on a run and had time to process his feelings, he’d decided to be just as deceitful as her. Swapping out the tea had seemed like the answer. Emme’s books had yielded enough information for him to know mint wouldn’t prevent a pregnancy, so it had seemed to be the logical solution.
In retrospect, he supposed maybe he should have talked to her about it first. Perhaps she had a good reason for not wanting to have a baby right now. As long as that reason wasn’t because he was the father, he should have listened maybe. He might not have agreed in the end, but she had deserved her say.
Should he come clean with her when he saw her? Or would it be better to just forget the whole thing? Could he live with keeping it from her? Yes, he could. If she got pregnant before that batch ran out and Emme replaced it with the authentic stuff, he’d consider it was meant to be. If she didn’t, he’d broach the subject with her in a few months. It might be better to wait until after the wedding anyway to appease her family.
*****
Mina had left Coop reluctantly, slipping back into her room to wash up and dress in different clothes. It was paranoia-inspired, of course, to think he might be able to smell Coop on her.
Dinner was a tense affair, with Coop not appearing, Lia picking at her food, and Shane watching her throughout. Her father was giving her some strange looks too, and she didn’t know whether to seek him out after dinner to ask why or just flee as soon as she could.
As the meal drew to a close, Shane made the choice for her. “Mina and I will wash dishes tonight.”
Dana punched his shoulder. “You’re sure you know how? I’ve never seen you wash a dish in your life.”
He cracked a half-smile. “I know my way around the kitchen. Growing up in foster homes, I imagine I did every unpleasant job there was.”
“You were a foster kid?” asked Finn, looking fascinated.
Mina was reluctantly intrigued too, hoping for some insight into the man who had made her life so complicated.
Shane nodded.
“Were you beaten and starved?”
“Finn, mind your manners,” barked Janie.
He lifted a hand. “It’s okay, Mrs. Marsden. The answer is yes, in a few homes. Mostly, I was just ignored or used as a cheap source of labor.”
Kelly looked upset. “No one ever adopted you?”
He shook his head, starting to look a bit uncomfortable. “Almost, once, but their adult daughter talked them out of it.”
“How old were you?” asked Mina.
“Eight.”
She felt bad for assuming he must have done something sexually unwanted to the daughter, even though she had more than enough reason to jump to such a conclusion.
“How come?” asked Finn. “Why didn’t she want them to take you?”
He sighed. “They were getting on in the years. I presume she was afraid she’d be stuck taking care of me if they officially adopted me.” He shrugged. “I guess she didn’t think about the fact she could have dumped me back into the foster system. I stayed with them for two years before being shuffled on, and we maintained some contact. They even came to my graduation from basic.” Shane’s smile was sad, tinged with longing. “They obviously survived until I was an adult, so it was a missed opportunity to have a real home, but I try not to be bitter.”
“That’s a good attitude,” praised Winn.
“Well, I did say try,” said Shane with a cocky grin. “I can be petty and vengeful sometimes, just like most folks.”
After his soul-baring, the ones not recruited for cleaning drifted from the table, and she set about stacking and tidying up, not speaking to Shane. He surprised her by taking the task of washing, which she loathed, and she worked beside him silently.
“Okay, what’d I do?” He handed her a plate he had just rinsed.
Mina dried it aggressively before shoving it into the cabinet. It clinked against the plates already stack there.
He winced. “Come on, Mina. Just tell me before I have to explain to your mom why all her plates are broken.”
She glared at him from, looking over her shoulder before saying as softly as she could, “You know what you did.”
He sighed. “Is this our first real fight?”
Mina snorted. “I haven’t been keeping track. All we do is fight.”
Shane carefully handed her another plate that received ruthless treatment. “That’s not true. Sometimes, we fuck until you’re about to scream out my name as you come.”
Her cheeks heated with embarrassment at the words, which held at least a hint of truth. “You swapped out my tea.”
“Oh.”
“Oh?” She snatched the wet glass from him, rubbing it briskly. “Is that all you have to say? You’re trying to force me to do something I don’t want to do, and all you can say is oh? It’s my body, Shane, and I have ultimate say about whether I want to use it to shelter a little human.”
“You’re right, but I was pissed and hurt when I found out you’d been taking the tea without telling me.” His brown eyes darkened. “You know how much I want a baby, and you kept letting me believe it could happen at any moment.”
“I was scared to tell you the truth.” Mina bit her lip, once again checking over her shoulder to make sure no one had entered the kitchen. “You can be violent.”
His shoulders sagged. “Yeah, I know. I’m sorry.”
She blinked, certain she had misheard him. “Huh?”
“I’m sorry,” he said again. “I hate that you’re afraid of me, and it’s my own fault. I’m really trying to rein in the temper.” He focused on washing utensils for a moment, appearing to be collecting his thoughts. “Could we discuss this in a few minutes somewhere more private?”
Slowly she nodded, bewildered by the turn of events. She’d planned to lay into Shane, and the kitchen had seemed like the safest place. An apology was unexpected, as was the request for a private conversation. Even more shocking was she didn’t feel afraid to go with him alone. He seemed in control and ready to discuss the situation logically.
They finished the dishes before grabbing their coats and going out to the front porch. The air was cold enough for her to see her breath, and she huddled in the outerwear after putting on her gloves and hat.
“I fucked up.”
She cocked her head, wanting to ask which time in a smartass manner, but holding back the impulse.
“That first day…I hurt you so badly, and I’m sorry. I was angry with Lia and just hitting out blindly.” One corner of his mouth curved upward. “Though I admit you trying to stab me caused a good portion of my rage to be directed solely at you.”
She remained quiet, not about to apologize for trying to defend herself.
“This is not an excuse, but I want you to understand the childhood I had. Most of the foster parents I lived with were apathetic, but even the most uninterested was quick to dole out a slap or a spank if I did something to make myself noticed.” He rubbed his bicep, looking lost in memory. “Some were more inventive or violent. I grew up with the perspective that might equals right. If you’re strong enough to impose your will, then you should.”
“Oh.”
“In some ways, the military helpe
d counteract that, but it also reinforced it. I mean, most of our current missions before The End were about imposing our will on the natives of the countries we were protecting.” He gave the last word a sardonic lilt. “I’m really trying not to keep reacting that way.”
Mina didn’t pull away when he took her hand, though she was conflicted. His revelations inspired sympathy, but having been the recipient of his rage didn’t give her confidence that he was going to be successful with his attempts at self-improvement.
“I’m not going to lie. I’m a lot of things, but a liar isn’t one. It’s a struggle, and I won’t always overcome the compulsion. I know that, but I’m trying really damned hard to make sure you have no reason to fear me.” Shane brushed her cold cheek with his other gloved hand. “I love you, Mina. I want to marry you, and you deserve to have a stable man in your life who will protect you from everything, including his own darker impulses.”
He knew how to say the right things, but she couldn’t fully believe him. “I’m not ready for marriage.” The idea of marrying him left her horrified. She wasn’t that brainwashed yet.
He nodded. “It’s okay. We’ll have a long engagement. Maybe announce it around Christmas and get married in June.”
She sighed deeply, annoyed that he was steamrolling what she said again. Did she really expect a different reaction from him? “Look, Shane, marriage is not in my plans.” Not with you. “This…thing will end whenever you feel you’ve gotten enough payback for what Lia did.”
He flinched. “Do you really think this is still about that? Fuck, Mina, I don’t expect you to pay for what Lia did to me.” Shane held up his hand before she could refute that. “I know what I said, but I was just really angry. You had nothing to do with Lia screwing me over or stealing Ty. This relationship is about us, not them.”
“Are you saying you’re no longer threatening my family if I end things?”
Shane scowled. “Don’t do this. Don’t put me in a position where I feel like I have to force you.”
She closed her eyes, taking a deep breath before speaking again. It didn’t do much to leave her Zen-like or dissipate the heavy weight of disappointment dragging her down. Shane was willing to say the things he thought he should, but he couldn’t actually demonstrate any real change. “Fine, but have the same respect for me. I’m not ready to get married, so don’t try to force me into it.”
After a moment, he nodded. “Okay.” Then his hand dropped to her stomach, which he cradled with his palm. “Except there will be a wedding right away if you’re pregnant.”
She didn’t argue, but Mina knew she was drawing the line at that. She wasn’t so far gone into the Shane West indoctrination program that she was willing to sign up for a life of servitude as his wife and mother of his children. After the afternoon with Coop, she knew she couldn’t live that way for long. In fact, she was already sure she couldn’t keep up this pretense much longer. Soon, she was going to have to stand up to Shane and risk his wrath for her own sanity.
Please don’t let there be a child, she thought as hard as she could. The glimmer of hope that it would be Coop’s wasn’t enough to keep her from dreading the prospect. Mina already had an idea of how possessive and obsessive Shane could be when it came to family, and she had no doubt he would employ any necessary measures to force her into accepting him as her husband if she was pregnant. Telling him he might not be the father would certainly not be an easy out either, because he would make her pay dearly for what he would perceive as betrayal.
*****
Shane had left her room well before dawn, so she was surprised when her door opened a little bit before the sun rose. Seeing Coop there gave her heart a jolt of happiness, though the idea of welcoming him with traces of Shane still inside her made her ill. “Hi,” she said with a tentative smile.
He closed the door quietly, but in a jerky motion that suggested he was upset. “What the hell was yesterday about? You’re talking about being knocked up and getting married to Shane just hours after you crawled out from underneath me?”
She gasped. “How did you—”
“When you want privacy, you should check the entire area first. I was standing at the side of the house, making a sweep, when I heard part of your conversation.”
“You heard all of it then. You know why I’m with Shane?”
He shook his head. “No, but I figured it had something to do with fucking like rabbits. I get the impression you’ve led Shane to believe you’re far more serious than you are. After the way you screwed me yesterday, I can only conclude that’s true.”
She winced. “Wait, you don’t understand. Please listen.”
Coop crossed his arms, leaning against her closed door. “What can you possibly say to explain what happened?” His mouth twisted. “I guess I know why you said it was safe to come inside you. You’re already pregnant.”
Mina shook her head. “I’m not. I mean I could be, but I won’t know for a couple of weeks. I just couldn’t stand the thought of being pregnant by Shane, so I…introduced another element in the equation.” Shame filled her, and she bent her head.
He sounded like he was choking. “What? Are you telling me that you picked me as one of your possible baby daddies?”
Mina nodded, not sure how to explain in any way that would make Cooper okay with what she had done. Would he even have any sympathy for the situation in which she found herself, being used as Shane’s toy, since she had done virtually the same to Coop?
“You’re unbelievable, lady.” Coop pointed at her, looking angrier than she’d ever seen. “You’d better hope there is no kid, because if I even suspect it’s mine, I will raise holy hell and wreck your perfect little fairytale.” He scowled. “I should anyway. Shane deserves to know what he’s getting into with a conniving little cheat like you.”
“Please, Coop, you don’t understand.” Mina held out her hand, pleading for him to listen, to stay, to not hate her.
He shook his head. “I understand you aren’t at all who I thought you were. You once told me to stay away from you before I got hurt. Thanks for the heads up, and let me issue the same warning. Keep out of my path if you don’t want me to go straight to Shane.”
Her heart stuttered in her chest, and she shuddered at the possibility. There was no telling how Shane would react. She knew he’d probably literally kill her, but would he go after Coop too, for being involved? And her family? Even at his most open last night, Shane still hadn’t retracted the threat he’d made against them. Mina shook her head. “You can’t tell him. Please. He’ll hurt me.”
He scoffed. “Don’t expect me to buy that horseshit, Mina. You seem to be the one who enjoys hurting people.” Without another word, he slipped from her room, slamming the door behind himself with more force than he probably intended.
She was feeling weary of company by the time her door creaked open a crack several minutes later. Emme stood there in a long flannel gown, platinum hair cascading down to her waist. Somehow, she rocked the granny look.
“You okay, sis? I heard some whisper-shouting and the door closing hard.” Emme frowned. “After what you said yesterday, I kind of expected it to be Shane creeping out of here, not Coop.”
Tired of fighting alone, with no one knowing what she was going through aside from Lia, who didn’t care, Mina held out her hand. “Do you have about a year? If so, I can catch you up on the drama my life has become since Tony brought home the remainder of his platoon.” As Emme curled up beside her on the bed, she already felt better, even before she began telling her sister everything. The burden was just a bit lighter knowing she’d have someone to share it with.
Chapter Ten
Shane groaned as his internal alarm went off. He’d gotten so used to waking around this time each morning to slip from Mina’s warm bed that it had become an ingrained habit. She snored softly beside him, and he eased away carefully, not wanting to wake her. He got out of bed and dressed quickly, wishing he could crawl back in and
stay there until the day started for everyone. It would be disrespectful to Winn and embarrassing for Mina if he did, so he made himself leave after staring down at her relaxed face for a long second.
He slipped from the room and took a few steps, stumbling to a stop when Emme appeared in her doorway before stepping in front of him. How did he handle this? Had Mina already told her sisters? He knew Lia knew, of course, but how about the others? Not like he could pretend he hadn’t been leaving her room, even if he felt inclined to maintain the pretense. “Morning, Emme.”
She glared at him. “I want to talk to you.” Backing into her room, she gestured for him to follow with the air of a commanding officer.
Military conditioning, coupled with curiosity and a dash of amusement, prompted him to obey. Once inside her room, he leaned against the wall, suddenly wondering if she was going to do something awkward, such as make a pass at him. No, probably not, considering the death glowers directed his way.
“Mina told me everything last week, and I’ve been waiting for a chance to talk to you.” She scowled. “I told her we should kill you.”
He laughed slightly. “Good luck, sweetheart.”
Emme narrowed her eyes. “I know all kinds of ways to kill a man, Shane. They aren’t all blatantly obvious or over-the-top violent.”
He barely resisted the urge to roll his eyes. “A little thing like you?” She was probably an inch shorter than Mina, who was on the petite side. “I’m trembling with fear.”
“If you were any kind of decent man, you’d go away and not come back.”
His amusement fled at the threat in her voice. “I don’t think so.”
She curled her lip. “Of course not. We both know you aren’t decent. It’s obvious, considering the horrible things you’ve done to Mina.”
Without meaning to, Shane was suddenly holding Emme’s throat in his hand. “I love Mina.”
She looked at him without a trace of fear. “You don’t love Mina. You want to control and possess her. She’s nothing but a toy to you.”
