As he tried to figure it all out, the party went on around him, even though, without her nearby, it was so much less festive.
Chapter Eleven
The party was over, and as the crews deconstructed the tents and tidied up, Zane knew he needed to do a bit of the same with Melanie.
Take apart the hurt he’d seen after he’d dismissed her. Clean up the mess he’d left.
He didn’t find her again until he got back to the house. She was putting Livie to bed, and he joined in what had become a nightly ritual, with his daughter asking him to read from one of those vividly illustrated Golden Books. Then, in turn, he and Melanie kissed Livie good-night.
They would seem like a real family to anyone who casually looked in on them, Zane thought. But he sure hadn’t treated Melanie like a true part of his life tonight.
She told him that she was going to get ready for bed in her room, then come to his, as she’d been doing for a while now, in order to keep from flaunting their sleeping arrangements. So he went to his own quarters, took a shower and put on his sweatpants and T-shirt. Then he waited for her, tempted by a pile of contracts near the bed, but denying the call of work.
Because that had been the issue, he thought. Work. The McCords.
And right now, neither of them appealed.
When Melanie took a longer time in coming than he’d anticipated, he couldn’t wait any longer, so he headed for her room and knocked on the door.
“Come in,” she said, sounding far away.
But he was here to make sure she would always be close.
The realization washed through him. He needed to let her know, once and for all, exactly how much he’d come to love her, how much she added to his and Livie’s lives.
And he was ready, by God. So ready to lay himself out there because, out of everyone in this world, he could trust Melanie. She had already accepted everything about him, and it was up to Zane to let her know that he was going to do the same with her.
Nerves humming, he found her dressed in a white peignoir, taking off her makeup. The outfit was one he’d recently bought, lacy, silken, as refined as she was becoming more and more each day. Her hair was down around her shoulders, combed out, soft.
Zane loved to see the changes in her, but he would always value the image of the woman in the knockoff-quality business suit, too.
Leaning against the bathroom door frame, he said, “Long time, no see.”
She gestured toward her half-removed makeup; she’d worn more than usual for the party. “I’ve got a lot more to deal with tonight.”
He took a deep breath, ready to apologize for how he’d treated her. “Tell me about it.”
At first, he wasn’t sure why her shoulders slumped a little. But then he realized she had taken his own comment to mean that he’d been forced to deal with the extra burden of the McCords during the party.
Was she reliving that moment he told her that he needed to take care of business? That thoughtless instant when he’d basically let her know that she was secondary to his other pursuits?
Well, he was going to put that worry to rest. He was a new man because of her, and second by second, everything that used to consume him became more irrelevant.
She finished taking off her makeup.
“Melanie,” he said, allowing her name to carry all the affection and adoration he felt.
She turned away from the mirror, and he noticed how beautiful she still was, with or without those cosmetics.
“Tonight,” he said, “I made the mistake of putting you off because of business. It was wrong, and I want you to know that I’m never going to do it again.”
She smiled softly, but there was a tinge of sadness to the gesture, too, and he wondered if there was a lot more to tonight than he was realizing.
Even so, he was going to finish the apology. Then they could move on.
“I don’t want there to be any secrets between us,” he added. “I want to be able to come home at night at a decent hour, be with you and Livie, then talk to you about anything, whether it’s about what I’m doing at the office or it’s about the McCords.” He grasped one of her hands. “I want to be as open with you as you’ve been with me.”
She lowered her gaze, but he thought he saw the blue of her eyes go cloudy with something he couldn’t begin to fathom.
So he touched on everything she should know as the woman he wanted to spend the rest of his life with: a brief version of history between the Foleys and McCords, the Santa Magdalena Diamond, this whole issue with Jason’s plan and how it affected the way Zane had acted with her at the event today.
She listened, seeming to grow more uncomfortable with every passing minute, until, at the end, he said, “You look like you don’t want to hear any of this.”
It was as if she was trying to make some kind of heavy decision, and she held his hand to her chest, cradling it.
Then she sighed, releasing him before she walked out of the bathroom.
“I do want to hear all of it,” she finally said as she sat on a chair near the bed, her hands folded in her lap, her knuckles going white with the pressure she was putting on them. “I…I did hear, Zane.”
What the hell did she mean?
She continued, watching him as if she meant to test him with what she was about to say. “During our second interview, I forgot my suit jacket in your study, and I went back to get it. But you were on the phone with Jason. I loitered in the hallway and heard what you two were talking about, so I already knew about the diamond and Jason’s plans with Penny McCord.”
“You were eavesdropping on me?”
She nodded, still measuring him with that cautious gaze. Again, he thought there might be more to this than the obvious.
“I started listening in,” she said, “because Jason asked you about me, and I was curious, because even early on I was smitten with you.”
Zane didn’t know whether to be angry or touched. Both emotions warred with each other, and much to his surprise, touched was winning.
“So,” he said, “this whole time you knew about that piece of business.”
“I was embarrassed to tell you.”
He hated that she felt this way, hated that she looked so sad. And even though he wished she’d told him about this earlier, she didn’t need to be punished any further.
But it was funny, he thought, because, only weeks ago he would’ve been quick to strike out with a lot more defensive ire.
“What else haven’t you told me yet?” he asked, almost in jest.
Yet, she must have misconstrued his tone, because her face paled.
A tiny niggle—a guarded habit he thought he had overcome—lashed at him.
What’s she hiding? How’s this woman going to hurt you, and are you just going to stand there letting her do it?
But he was overreacting. And he didn’t want to disappoint her like that. God, he wanted to make her the happiest woman on earth, and if she had believed that she couldn’t confide in him, he bore that responsibility.
He took a seat on the bed. “What do you say we come clean with each other right now. About anything and everything.”
She closed her eyes, biting her lip so hard that he thought it might start bleeding.
In spite of not understanding what this was about, he saw her slipping away from him with every moment that she couldn’t meet his gaze.
And he couldn’t take it.
He couldn’t lose Melanie.
“I’ll start,” he told her. “I made a big mistake today. A couple of them, actually. The first one was in not making it crystal clear to everyone at that party that you and I are together. I should have, even though all they had to do was look at me to see that I’m yours.”
She shook her head. “Zane, that’s not—”
But he couldn’t be stopped. She was what he wanted. She was what he was stepping up and claiming right damned now.
“My second mistake,” he said, “was excluding you from a par
t of my life that I haven’t been able to let go of. Maybe I thought that my job—my old existence—was going to be my safety net, just in case you and I didn’t work out. But I’m not going to do that anymore.”
Her eyes were getting a sheen to them, but it didn’t look like the start of happy crying. It looked like frustration.
“If you say it won’t happen again,” she said, her voice wobbling, “it won’t. But it’s been a long day. Maybe we should sleep on this, and…”
He leaned forward to cup her jaw with one hand. “Melanie, I’ve been so afraid of failing as a husband. As a father. But by protecting myself, I’ve been setting us up for failure all along.”
“No…” She stared at her lap, where her hands were still clenched. Then, as a single tear spilled down her cheek, she fended off a sob. “It hasn’t just been you, Zane. I’ve done things to set us up, too.”
Right. Zane almost laughed, because the opposite was true.
He stroked her hair back from her face, wishing that she would look at him again, that he could see the steadiness in her gaze that he’d come to treasure.
He loved this woman, and by not telling her before tonight, he had been giving her up slowly but surely.
So he got to his knee at the foot of her chair, holding her hand in the two of his.
“I love you, Melanie.”
A tiny sound came from her throat—another sob?
But why?
He kept on. “I want you with me, now and always, and I can’t imagine a future without you in it.” He rested his forehead against their hands, feverish, carried away. “Marry me. Be with me. Spend the rest of your life with me.”
Pressing his lips to her fingers, he waited for her answer.
Yet, tears seemed to be her only response.
Even as joy welled within Melanie, it was blocked by the unrestrained fear of the look she would see in Zane’s eyes when she told him who she was and where she’d come from.
He would be disgusted, she thought. And although he hadn’t reacted as badly as she’d believed he would when she tested him with her minisecret about eavesdropping on him and Jason, she was sure that wouldn’t hold true with her bigger bombshell.
Nevertheless, she’d come close to revealing her history when Zane had said that he didn’t want there to be anything between them.
So close.
Yet, then she’d come to her senses, because how could one of the world’s biggest tycoons have any kind of positive reaction to her mortifying past?
How could a man who hadn’t been big on trust in the first place ever forgive her?
She actually wasn’t afraid of him getting angry, either; in fact, she would welcome it because it would be well deserved. It was his disappointment that would get her.
He would be disappointed that, even after they’d made love and grown closer every day, she’d backed away from being truthful with him. And he would be disappointed that she wasn’t the woman he’d fallen for.
As the seconds dragged by, Zane raised his gaze, still clasping her hand while retaining the fervid glow that had come along with his proposal.
She held to him tighter, not wanting to let go.
But the longer she didn’t give him an answer, the more the shadows began to crawl back into his eyes.
And those shadows were encroaching because of her, not Danielle.
He released her hand, and she realized that he’d already taken her hesitation for a refusal.
Tears rolled down her face now, and she felt as if a fist had a grip inside her chest.
“For some reason,” he said, staying on his knee, “I thought a proposal would turn out differently. I pictured you crying from happiness, not…this.”
Melanie opened her mouth to say something to make him feel better, but the words balled in her throat, and she feared she would choke on them.
She just wanted to tell him that she hadn’t refused him in the least. That he was the best thing that had ever happened to her and all she wanted to do was make sure they stayed in love.
But how could they do that when the only way to appease him was to be truthful? She wouldn’t pile more lies on top of the ones she’d already committed.
He got to his feet. “I guess I just bring out the tears in women.”
She shook her head, but it was like the sky was crashing down on her, and she knew that she couldn’t let this continue any longer.
“Zane,” she said, barreling ahead. “I’m crying because—”
He held up a hand, halting every word she didn’t want to say.
The proud man she’d met during those first interviews was back, his posture stiff, his tone stern, his gaze dark and guarded. But underneath it all, she could see that he was crushed, and she had done that to Zane.
Her—the woman who’d had such good intentions with Livie, with him….
He headed for the door. “I’m leaving. You just stay here with Livie.”
She bolted to her feet, her heart ripping out of her chest, but as he opened the door, his gaze was so full of wounded rage that it stopped Melanie in her tracks.
“Don’t come after me, understand?” he said. “I…”
His voice caught and he went out the door, shutting it softly behind him, leaving her frozen in guilt and devastation.
Her crying was the only sound she heard. She’d been so afraid of seeing disgust, but there was no way his reaction to her past could’ve been any worse than this. No way she could have done any more damage to him and, by extension, Livie.
At the idea of his daughter returning to the shadow she’d also been, Melanie forced herself to move, to open the door, then go toward his room. She had to tell him everything so that he would know she’d wanted to say yes.
Yes and yes, a million times over.
But when she got to his room it was empty.
And after she went to his window to see if she could catch sight of any taillights streaking away from the main house, she went back to her room for her cell phone and tried Zane’s number.
As his voice mail intercepted her call, she began to understand just what “empty” really meant.
Zane only made it to the massive on-property garage, where he was about to take off in one of the cars—he barely even knew which one—before he asked himself just where he was going.
To Dallas, so he could fade into his townhouse?
To the office, so he could go back to a place that didn’t hold as much attraction for him now?
He had no idea where he should go, but he did know that he’d put his heart on the line and Melanie hadn’t taken it.
Anguish made him lean against a car door. All those feelings he’d suppressed for years were clawing him apart.
No wonder he’d banished them.
But Melanie—God, he couldn’t even think of her name without another claw swiping at him…She had to be just as in love with him as he was with her. He’d been sure of it. And he knew she would walk through fire for Livie, too.
So what had gone wrong?
He replayed everything in his mind: their talk, her reactions…
And he realized now that she’d been close to crying even before he’d gotten to the proposal.
“It hasn’t just been you, Zane,” she had said. “I’ve done things to set us up, too.”
And in his eagerness to make up for all he’d done wrong today, he’d completely ignored whatever she’d been working up to telling him.
What had she been attempting to say before he’d rushed into the proposal?
And what if everything hinged on the answer?
But even as he wondered, he left the car and made his way out of the garage, still not sure where he was off to. Still not sure if he had the courage to let himself feel again, to get back what he’d given up after Danielle’s death.
As he walked, getting his head together, he stayed within view of the mansion, where Melanie might still be waiting for him if he found it within himself to go back ins
ide.
Unfeeling, Melanie had gone from Zane’s room back to her own.
Although she held the attacking emotions at bay, they still raced around in a swirl of despair and confusion: should she go to the garage to see if Zane had taken a car out? And how would she even know if he had?
Instead, she walked through the house, hoping to find him in a sitting or dining room. Yet he wasn’t anywhere around, and the questions increased in volume, nearly deafening her.
When Melanie arrived back at her room, the buzz of her mind came to a screeching halt as she found Livie at her door.
She was wearing a pair of new summer pajamas Zane had purchased for her, and they were decorated with R2-D2s, replacing the old pajamas Livie had used to make that Father’s Day tie.
At the reminder of better times, Melanie got to her knees and pulled Livie into an embrace, burying her face in the girl’s hair and holding back the threat of more tears.
Livie hugged her, too, patting her nanny’s back. She was sleepy, and right now Melanie could get away with a short hug before the girl caught on that something was wrong.
Get it together, Melanie thought. Don’t let Livie see how upset you are. Don’t pile this on her.
So she held back her sorrow, attempting to dry her tears before Livie saw them.
She put on the perfect nanny smile for the child, trying to fool both of them. “I thought you’d be sleeping straight through the night.”
Melanie’s voice was thick, and she told herself to try harder.
Livie rubbed her eyes. “I thought I heard daddy in the halls and I couldn’t sleep again. Why isn’t he in his room?”
“He’s somewhere around,” Melanie said. “But I’m sure he’s going to be back in his room soon.”
If anything, Melanie would go after Zane herself, returning him here for Livie’s sake. She would understand if he didn’t want anything more to do with her, but she would still keep battling for this little girl.
And as Melanie put her hands on the child’s arms, she realized that she’d come so close to having Livie be her little girl, too. Yet she’d allowed ugly pride to get in the way.
The Texas Billionaire’s Bride Page 15
