by K. Webster
I let my gaze drift over to where Baylee is fussing over the dark purple bow on Toto’s white dress. The woman I once loved is still just as beautiful as she was when I had her for the very first time. Fuck, she might even be more beautiful. Age has done her well. A spitting fucking image of her mother, Lynn. The teal-colored dress she’s wearing hugs her body in all the right ways, accentuating the globes of her breasts. Hannah would have been so jealous of her mother had she been able to be here today for this wedding.
Guilt and heartache have my jaw clenching.
Last night was the worst night of my life.
I’m hollow now.
“He’ll take care of her,” War assures me as he clutches my shoulder in a supportive way. Twenty years ago I’d have murdered him for merely looking at me. And yet, here we are. Friends of sorts. I’m sure Baylee is proud.
I smirk and shrug. “Brie is a tough cookie. If he does her wrong, she has enough of her daddy in her to make sure it doesn’t happen again.”
War chuckles and shifts their baby Mason to his other hip. “You’re right about that.”
Toto squeals and runs over to me. I scoop her into my arms and plant a kiss on her soft cheek. “You’ll always stay my baby girl, huh? You’re never going to get married.”
“Daddy’s baby,” she agrees, her brown eyes wide and happy.
My heart swells when she nuzzles against me and hugs me with her small arms. I’m grinning like a fool when my gaze meets Baylee’s. Normally, she glares at me. Cold stares filled with hate.
But not today.
Today, Baylee regards me like she did long ago, back when I was someone in her life who she cared for. Her eyes shine with love for my daughter, and a smile plays at her lips. It hurts me how fucking much she and Hannah resemble each other.
“How much longer?” I question.
She reaches forward and adjusts the boutonniere on my lapel, which Toto jostled. “Ren and Calder are finishing up. Luci’s in with Brie, making sure her makeup is just right. I think we’re ready to begin.”
“Where are the twins?” I question.
She pulls a baby monitor from her clutch and waves it at me. “Same place as Land. Napping in the church nursery. Brie wanted them in the wedding, but they’ve been extra fussy lately so she decided to let them sleep.”
“Is the devil even allowed in church?” Calder questions with a laugh from behind me. “Shouldn’t your skin be sizzling or some shit?”
“Calder!” Baylee chides. “Don’t say ‘shit’ in church. I can’t take you anywhere.”
I snort and eyeball the Justin Bieber looking kid with a raised eyebrow. “The devil was an angel once.” That comment earns me an eye roll from both him and Baylee, which has me chuckling.
I sober up, though, when Ren walks out and stands beside his brother. Had I not had his help last night, I’m not sure where my life would have ended up. I’ll owe him that debt until the day I can repay him. But now he’s about to vow to take care of my Brie baby for the rest of his life. For that, I’ll never be able to repay him.
“I’m counting on you,” I tell him as I reach out to shake his hand.
He gives me a firm shake. The kid is a man now. He’ll fuck up anyone who even looks at my daughter wrong. I’m thankful she has a built-in bodyguard for her and the twins.
“So is she,” he replies. “I love her and I’m going to spend the rest of my life showing her that.”
“You better,” I say with a grin. “I know where you live. And you know what I can do if you slack off. Don’t fucking slack off.”
“Gabriel Sharpe!” Baylee hisses. “Church. Stop trying to get us kicked out.”
Calder starts laughing, but Ren starts shoving him down the aisle in a playful brotherly way. My heart rate picks up. I can’t wait to see my daughter all dressed up and ready to marry a McPherson.
“You asleep, sweet girl?” I coo to Toto.
She lifts her head and beams at me. “I big girl. No nap.”
War ruffles her hair before taking Baylee’s hand. Together, the two of them along with their small son, walk down the aisle and find a seat.
I kneel down and set Toto to her feet. “Where’s your basket?”
She points over to the table but then regards me with a frown. “Mommy?”
A pang of guilt slices through me. “Mommy’s sleeping,” I lie.
“Nap like baby?”
I hug her to me and kiss her soft blonde hair. “Yep. Now go get your basket.”
She runs off just as the music starts playing. By the time she returns, the door down the hallway opens. Luci steps out wearing a knee-length dark purple, almost black, dress. Her long black hair has been pulled up in a fancy style on top of her head. The engagement ring Calder gave her glimmers in the light. She smiles broadly when she sees me. Luci and I hit it off pretty easily. For being a mute, the girl has a lot to say. But if she texts me one more Justin Bieber meme… Sometimes I regret bringing her that bastard’s tongue as a vacation souvenir because apparently that means we’re best goddamned friends now.
“Luci!” Toto shrieks and runs over to her, losing half her flower petals along the way.
The pretty Colombian woman squats to hug my daughter. It warms my once-cold heart. She signs to Toto. Toto sets her basket down and signs I love you, which is something Calder has been teaching her. Luci grins and signs it back before kissing her on the forehead. She stands and looks back in the room. Her hands do some fancy motions. Then I hear my other daughter.
“I’m too big for this dress,” Brie pouts.
As I stalk toward the room where I can hear her mumbling to herself, I can’t help but smile. Inside, I find an angel. My angel. A lump forms in my throat upon seeing my beautiful girl. She looks so much like Alejandra, it’s dizzying. Her mother would be so proud of the woman she’s grown into.
“Daddy,” she chokes out.
“You look gorgeous, Brie baby. Fucking gorgeous.”
A laugh escapes her. “I’ve gained weight since I bought the dress. I look terrible.”
At this, I raise an eyebrow. “You could never look terrible. Even if you tried.”
Her smile is radiant. “Ren says the same thing. You both are strange.”
“Love is strange.”
When I start humming her favorite Dirty Dancing song, she giggles just like she used to when she was a kid.
“Sylvia?” I ask with a grin and hold out my hand.
“Yes, Mickey?”
I tug her to me, and she steps on my fancy shoes. While I hum the song “Love is Strange,” we dance around the small dressing room, until she begins humming the melody along with me. She rests her head against my chest. I dance with my daughter, enjoying the moment, until Luci knocks on the door, motioning to us that it is time for us to go with her.
Leaning forward, I press a kiss to Brie’s forehead and then I offer her my arm. She hooks her arm in mine, and I walk my daughter out to marry her off to her husband. I may be giving her away, but she’ll always be my baby.
The ceremony is a blur.
Two kids who have been through so fucking much vowing to love each other till the end. It’s beautiful, and I wish Hannah could have seen it. My heart is heavy but it was the right thing to do. The only way.
The vows. The rings. The kiss.
It’s all a haze.
Regret and sadness try to steal me from the moment. It almost does. But then these two strong kids raise their conjoined hands as if to say, We did it, and I’m grinning with pride. An old familiar 80s song plays on the speakers. “Don’t You (Forget About Me)” by Simple Minds. Everyone claps and Calder whistles. Toto runs into the aisle and spins around in circles with excitement.
Jesus, I wish I could have shared this moment with my wife.
I’m in a daze through pictures, and it isn’t until a new song is playing in the reception hall that I snap out of it. The reception is small, just family, but it feels right. My oldest daughter beams happi
ly at me.
I reach for her and touch a sparkly diamond stud in her ear.
“Something borrowed,” she whispers sadly. “Vienna sent them.”
Guilt settles in the pit of my belly. I don’t regret killing Heath Berkley—not after what he did to Brie and Duvan. I do, however, regret that it put a wedge between Brie and her best friend. Brie confided in me that as much as Vee wanted to come to the wedding, she wouldn’t be able to be around me without “accidentally” stabbing me while I wasn’t looking. Not to mention, she’s still pissed as hell that we “stole” her kill. Apparently she was saving Esteban for a rainy day. Well it rained that day and my wife and I seized the opportunity. Carpe fucking diem.
Another song comes on, dragging me from my dark thoughts.
“Father-daughter dance,” she says with a smile as she takes my hand.
I chuckle and bring her hand to my lips before kissing it. “May I have this dance, princess?”
She nods and she reminds me of the little girl from years ago who’d dress up and make me play the prince from her storybooks. I never had the heart to tell her I was the villain. Today, she doesn’t look at me any differently. As if I’ve always been her hero.
“Which song, Daddy?”
Ren stands beside the speakers grinning. “I have just the one for you two.”
When Bill Medley’s “(I’ve Had) the Time of My Life” comes on, I choke up. Her brown eyes shimmer with tears as I hug her to me. The song is perfect, and dancing with her is even better.
“Daddy,” she whispers. “I’m pregnant again. We just found out.”
I snap my stare to hers. “Again?”
She laughs. “Again. Ren promises me we can do this. I’m not so sure. The twins are hard.”
“Brie baby, you can do whatever you set your heart to. You’ve always been strong like your mother. She’d be so fucking proud of you. I know I sure as hell am.”
A tear races down her cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”
“Now let’s hope this baby looks like you and not like Ren,” I tease with a grin.
We both chuckle and the rest of the dance is free of conversation. Just enjoying the moment. I don’t ever want to let go, but much too soon, the song ends, and Ren whisks her away to dance. Their eyes are glued to one another, and the love radiating from them is overwhelming. I hope it never wavers for a second. My daughter deserves all the love in the world.
“Daddy,” Toto chirps as she tugs on my pant leg. “Dance.”
I tug her into my arms and dance much faster to the beat with my baby girl in my arms. She almost falls asleep, until Calder’s big mouth takes over the microphone.
“I’d like to dedicate this song to Teev,” he says with a shit-eating grin before the Blue’s Clues theme song starts playing. This perks Toto back up as she starts singing loudly.
“Teev! Teev!” she screeches happily and then squirms out of my arms to go chase after her favorite uncle. Or is it brother-in-law now? Fuck, I really messed up the family tree.
“You’re getting soft in your old age,” Baylee says. “I think I even saw you crying.”
I smirk and regard the angel in the teal dress. “I don’t cry,” I snap.
She laughs. “Don’t try that villainous shit on me. You don’t intimidate me anymore.”
“You said ‘shit’ in church,” I grumble, but a smile sneaks its way out.
I snag her wrist and she lifts a brow at me.
“Dance?”
My hand gets forcibly removed from hers and War flashes me an annoyed glare. “Nope. This one’s mine.” He pulls her away to dance closely with her, their sleeping baby sandwiched between them. The sight of them makes me happy. I’m glad that fucker lived after me shooting him in one of my crazed moments. I’m glad he stole my girl from me. So fucking glad.
I scan the room and can’t help but think of who we’re missing. The girl who I made mine. The girl who rocked my world to its core. The girl who stole my heart and my soul.
My Hannah Bananas.
My goddamned wife.
My everything.
But it’s better this way.
Right?
Five years later…
“TIME TO COME inside,” I holler out the back door. “Dinner’s ready.”
When I walk back to the kitchen to start dishing out the kids’ plates, I groan to find Land still swinging despite Toto’s obvious attempts to boss him around. Her blonde hair is in uneven pigtails because I kind of suck at doing little girl hair. They bounce each time she yells at him and points at the house. He sticks his tongue out at her but refuses to get off the swing. Little shit.
I put their plates in the refrigerator to cool off while I go round up my kids. As soon as I step out onto the back porch, Land flies off the swing set Ren put together for us several years back. He regards me with an innocent stare. Problem is, that little boy is just like his momma. The innocent looks don’t work on me. Especially when I know he’s been bad.
“In the house, Toto,” I tell my daughter.
She huffs. “Daddy, you promised you’d start calling me Toni Lynn. Jackie at school says I’m the dog from The Wizard of Oz.”
That little Jackie is a fucking bully, and if I knew where she lived, I’d scare the living daylights out of the mini bitch so she’d leave my Toto alone.
“Okay, sweet girl. Go get the plates out of the refrigerator please,” I instruct.
She hugs me before running inside. When I turn my attention to Land, he manages to produce tears for theatrics. I hate seeing my kids cry, and this kid fucking knows it.
“Come here.”
He runs over to me and hugs my legs. “I’m sorry, Daddy.”
I scoop the tiny thing into my arms and kiss his messy dark hair. “Don’t rile your sister up, okay?”
He nods and rests his head on my shoulder as we go back inside. Once they’ve both washed up and are at the table, Toto takes it upon herself to say grace.
“Dear Jesus. Thank you for this yummy food Daddy made. I love you and Daddy and Mommy and all the squirrels that eat the bird seed out of the feeders. Amen.” She beams sweetly at me.
Land huffs. “What about me?”
“What about you?”
“Daddy,” Land cries out and glares at his sister. “She said she doesn’t love me.”
I groan. “Your sister loves you—”
“No I don’t,” Toto argues.
“Daddy!”
“Toto,” I grumble. “Tell your brother you love him.”
“No,” she says before bursting into tears. “H-He’s mean and he doesn’t listen. I hate him.”
They start yelling at each other, both of them crying now, and I rub my palm across my face. This parenting thing is hard to do alone.
“I miss Mommy,” Land wails.
I manage to calm them both down and urge them to eat a little more. They both end up passing out the moment I put a movie on after dinner. I tuck them both into bed and take my time picking up the house. Tomorrow, they’ll just ransack it again. If I don’t clean every night before bed, it’s fucking atrocious by the end of the week. Once the alarm is set, so I’ll know if they escape the house, I go to my room and grab my lanyard from the top of my closet and slip it over my head. I make a pass through the kitchen, snagging a few things, before I head down to the basement for some me time. Daddies need me time.
The door is triple locked and tricky to unlock with all the shit in my hands, which is why I put the key on a lanyard, but I eventually get it open. It’s quiet, but I’m not alarmed. My footsteps are heavy as I thud down the stairs. When I reach the bottom, my head darts to the left. Always to the left.
God, what a beautiful sight.
“Hey, babe,” Hannah chirps, her eyes never leaving the screen in front of her.
“Who’s winning?” I ask as I set down her plate of leftovers on the table just outside her door.
“Daddy,” she groans.
I smirk to see War
wearing the same intense expression as her on the screen. Those two spend countless hours playing chess online together. I’m pretty sure he kicks her ass every time, but it doesn’t stop her from trying to win.
“Where are the kids?”
“Asleep. They were both tired as fuck. If I would have brought them down, they’d have begged to spend the night with you and that would have just led to more temper tantrums,” I grunt.
I grab on to one of the bars outside her cell and stare in at her. Five years ago, I discovered a way to keep my wife without having her be a danger to herself or others. I didn’t have to kill her. And while we were in Buenaventura, Ren did me a solid and finished out this basement for me so I could keep her safe. And everyone else safe from her.
My gaze skims over her makeshift prison. There’s plenty of space for my girl to roam. She has a comfortable bed that we can both sleep in easily, a bathroom complete with a tub, and a table. Her space is painted in bright colors and the kids’ drawings decorate the walls. It looks like any other room in our home—except this room has bars and a locked door. My little inmate has been sentenced for life. And, thank fuck, she’s happy.
Getting her inside it proved to be tricky, though, but once she realized I had no intention of killing her, she settled into her new home easily. It gives her peace of mind, knowing she can still have her family but that when the dark thoughts consume her, she can’t hurt them.
At one time, I didn’t have an answer when it came to Hannah. I thought I would have to kill her. Hell, that’s the reason I brought her to Colombia with me. Despite my conversations with Ren about making her a cell, I’d had my doubts it could work. After she and I had eliminated Esteban, I had my hand around her throat. I almost murdered my wife in the pouring rain. It would have been easy to dump her beside Esteban’s body. But goddamn was she beautiful. Mine. I was too fucking selfish to let her go. Ren and I would have to make it work. We did make it work.
“Checkmate,” War says smugly.
