by Jerry Cole
Jason held his hand up and shook his head. “Blaine,” he said steadily. “Please don’t talk to me about your sex drive. Anything related to you and sex, I’d rather not hear about.”
“Yeah,” Blaine said. Jason expected him to laugh or something, but he didn’t. He just seemed resigned. Resigned and hurt. “I get it. I’m sorry, I guess it’s just so easy for me to forget everything that happened between us.”
Jason raised his eyebrows.
“And I know,” Blaine said. “I know that’s not fair and I know it’s not cool. I know it’s just another part of me being a dick. But I promise you that I have changed.”
“Okay,” Jason said, quietly. “But like, you also know that I don’t care, right? You may have changed, but nothing has changed for me.”
“Yeah,” Blaine said, licking his lower lip. “I get that. I didn’t really expect anything to have changed for you, I guess I had just hoped that it maybe had.”
“Why?”
“So you could forgive me, I guess,” Blaine said. “But not just that. Give me a second, I’m gathering my courage here. This is hard for me.”
Jason nodded, looking away from him. “Yeah, take your time.”
He only said it because he didn’t want Blaine to keep talking. He didn’t want to hear any more about his journey toward becoming a better person and he most definitely didn’t want to be involved in whatever crisis he was going through. But he was trapped, he couldn’t kick him out and he couldn’t stop him from doing whatever it was that he had come to do. He had to wait until Blaine had rubbed the bridge of his nose and looked back at him before he opened his mouth to continue his torturously long story. One that, as much as Jason was trying to, he was struggling to care about.
“The point is that when I got out I was alone and scared. I was jobless, penniless, and the gap in my resume wasn’t explained by a good reason. I started living with this guy —”
“As you do —”
“And I told him. I told him straight up I was using him for a place to live, that I was using him for money. He didn’t care. He was desperately lonely and we became friends. We fuc —”
“No,” Jason said, looking into Blaine’s eyes.
“Right, sorry,” Blaine replied. “I was just trying to give you some context. The point is that I felt really, really bad, even though I had told him. I had told him and —”
“You didn’t tell anyone else,” Jason said, though neither one of them needed to say it. They both knew that it was true and they both knew that Jason had eventually become little more than a meal ticket.
“Right,” Blaine replied. “Even though I had told him and I hadn’t told anyone else. So I moved out and I just — I don’t know. I thought I would make my own way or whatever, but I didn’t think it through. I’ve been doing odd jobs, but then I’ve also been taking work you don’t want to hear about, and I’m not really in a good enough position to stop that. You don’t need to help, just to clarify.”
Jason didn’t need to tell him that he wasn’t going to. That he hadn’t offered and that he wasn’t interested in helping Blaine. Blaine’s life and his problems were his burden to bear alone.
“And I was passing by here, and I remembered where we used to live and I — I don’t know. I thought I would knock. And if you were in, I thought I would apologize. And if you had moved, I would have just said I had the wrong house.”
“So you’re only apologizing to me because you’re passing through, just to be clear.”
“Yes,” Blaine said. “But would you have wanted to hear from me otherwise? If I sent you an email or gave you a call, would you have wanted to hear from me?”
“I’m not sure showing up at my front door looking the way you do is any better, to be honest,” Jason replied. He was starting to lose his patience with Blaine and his pity party. It was true that Blaine had rarely ever taken responsibility for anything before and he supposed that he needed to give him some credit for that, but it wasn’t enough. It wasn’t enough for Jason to forgive him and it wasn’t even enough for Jason to be okay with listening to everything that Blaine was telling him.
“I know,” Blaine replied, looking away and swallowing. “I thought about that. I know I look kind of like a drifter a bit and I know it’s really hard for you to take me seriously, but I promise you that I meant every word I said.”
“About you being a dick? Yes,” Jason said, rolling his eyes. “But you realize, you’re not telling me something I don’t already know.”
“No,” Blaine replied. “Not just about being a dick. About how awful I was to you and how sorry I am because of it.”
Jason shrugged. “It’s okay,” he said. “It’s not like I ever think about it.”
He knew it was a lie and Blaine probably knew it was a lie because if it wasn’t a lie, he would have never said it in the first place. But they both said nothing.
Jason yawned and stretched in an exaggerated manner once enough time had passed.
Blaine looked down, and suddenly, a terrifying thought occurred to Jason. “Do you have anywhere to sleep?”
“Tonight?”
“No, like —”
“Ever? Sometimes,” Blaine replied, looking away.
“I’ll get you some sheets and stuff,” Jason said. He wanted to ask Blaine to promise that he would be out tomorrow in the morning, but he didn’t really dare. If Blaine had nowhere to sleep, then it was Jason’s duty to help him. He couldn’t just throw him out on the street, no matter how much of a dick he had been to him years ago. Maybe he had changed, like he said. Jason had no reason not to believe him.
“Thank you,” Blaine replied, quietly. “For everything.”
“Yeah,” Jason replied. “I just — we’ll have to find a more permanent solution soon.”
“Don’t worry,” Blaine said, looking right into his eyes. “I know I can’t stay here.”
“Okay,” Jason said, his voice only a little louder than a whisper. Then he turned around, walked into his bedroom and closed the door.
He leaned back on it, looked up at the ceiling.
He wasn’t sure what he had just gotten into, but he was sure that it couldn’t be good.
Chapter Six
Taylor looked around the classroom. There were a bunch of pissed off women surrounding him, a couple looked concerned. It was only his second Salsex class, but from what he had heard, this wasn’t a thing that Jason did often.
After taking a long time to come to a decision, he chose to go talk to the women who looked like they were concerned, instead of the ones who were angry.
“Hey,” he said. “I’m Taylor.”
“Hi!” One of them said, looking up from her phone. She had bright pink hair and a really pretty face. If it had been any other day, at any other time, Taylor thought that he might be interested in her. But there was something else occupying him and he didn’t understand why he felt so concerned about the fact that their Salsex instructor was late. It wasn’t as if Taylor had anywhere to be later. “Are you new?”
“I was here last week,” Taylor replied.
“Yeah,” the other woman said. “You’re kind of hard to miss. I remember you.”
Taylor laughed, though he wasn’t sure if what she was saying was a compliment or if it could be considered as such. He wasn’t even sure if he should thank her.
“I’m just wondering if either of you have heard from the instructor,” he said. He looked away when he lied because he didn’t like lying, but he also felt the need to justify himself. “I drove kind of far to get here and from what I understand, he doesn’t usually do this.”
“He doesn’t,” the girl with the pink hair replied. “Which is why this is so weird. He normally arranges a sub or something if he’s going to miss class.”
“Yeah,” the other girl agreed. “And I just went to the front desk and they said they didn’t know where he was. They did say that class was supposed to be on, so we’re not sure what’s going on
. I’m creeping on his social media sites right now, but there’s nothing.”
“So neither one of you has his number?”
The women looked at each other, then they both shook their heads. “I don’t think anyone in class has his number. I don’t know if he goes around and gives it to us, because you know, he’s kind of hot and some women are clueless.”
“What do you mean?”
“He’s gay,” the pink-haired girl replied, giggling.
“So gay,” the other girl agreed.
“No, I meant — yeah,” Taylor said. “I didn’t mean that. I think anybody can figure that out. I just meant like, if you guys know that he’s gay, why is he hesitant to give you his phone number?”
“Well, it’s not that he’s hesitant,” the brunette said. “It’s just that nobody really asks, I guess. Because it kind of feels like hitting on him and he’s, you know, at work. There’s something a little gross about that, don’t you think?”
With that, the brunette looked him up and down, the move unmistakable. Taylor wondered what was wrong with him for a split second. Why was he more worried about what was going on with the Salsex instructor instead of the two hot girls that seemed to be quite interested in him? Taylor wasn’t clueless. He could always read women. And he knew that he wasn’t reading these women’s intentions wrong. He knew exactly what they wanted and they weren’t being shy about it. He wanted to want it too, he normally would want it too — but at that moment, he just didn’t. All he felt was concern for Jason, even though Jason wasn’t even someone he really knew.
He also wondered if the brunette was implying that he had been hitting on Jason. Maybe they had seen them outside, when they were talking. But he hadn’t been hitting on Jason, his talk with Elliot had made that perfectly clear.
He was jealous of Jason.
He was not attracted to Jason. He wasn’t. There was no way that he would be attracted to another man.
“Anyway,” the brunette said, shrugging, when she realized that there would be no answer coming from Taylor. “This is just a bit weird. Because he is normally here, and he is always apologizing super profusely if he’s even a couple of minutes late. Like he’s rushing in, running, telling us how sorry he is.”
“Always?”
“Always,” Pink Hair replied, turning to look at her friend. “I can’t believe that the receptionist didn’t even offer to call him. That’s really shitty, isn’t it? Like we said we were worried about him and they just didn’t seem to give a shit.”
“I don’t know, but I’m not happy,” the brunette said. “Like, how long are we supposed to hang out around here for?”
“I can go find out what’s going on, if you want,” Taylor heard himself say. That wasn’t what he wanted to do — he wanted to walk out of the gym, go home, and carry on with his life. But he couldn’t ignore how worried he was about Jason. Even though he didn’t know Jason. Even though Jason was just his Salsex instructor and he was nothing else to him.
The front desk should have called him. The girls were right, that was the least that they could have done.
“Sure,” one of them finally said. “If you wouldn’t mind. Maybe you’ll have more luck than us.”
Taylor nodded, smiling briefly at them. “I’ll go check it out.”
He walked out of the classroom and across the gym to the front desk.
***
Billy — that was his name, according to the name tag that he was wearing — got out a big folder full of people’s names and numbers, but only after the third or fourth time that Taylor had asked him to call Jason. He had been reassured, but he didn’t like the tone of the staff at all. It was as if they didn’t care in the first place. Billy was busy, but there was no way that he would be busy enough not to call staff that hadn’t come in.
“I’m sorry,” Billy said, after a while of flipping through the book. “I can’t find him. Do you know his last name?”
“You’re surrounded by people who probably do,” Taylor said, stopping himself from screaming. He didn’t understand how he had gotten stuck with the most incompetent member of the staff, but it seemed to have happened anyway and he was not pleased with it. He was starting to lose his patience, something that rarely happened. Taylor had learned to keep a lid on his temper, but he was dangerously close to losing it and unloading on this clueless man that didn’t seem to understand the meaning of the word “initiative” or maybe even the word ‘work’.
He didn’t understand how it was possible that Billy had been hired in the first place when he didn’t seem to know how to work around any clerical stuff or even how to talk to the rest of the people in the reception area. And it wasn’t as if there weren’t a lot of them, there were about five. Of course, he had the bad luck of being stuck with the one that had no idea what he was doing.
“Yes, good point,” Billy finally said, after he saw Taylor glaring at him for what seemed to Taylor like forever. He touched a blonde woman on the shoulder and dropped his voice when he spoke, so much that Taylor had to strain to hear him. “Do you know Jase’s phone number? I can’t find it in the folder.”
“The folder is really disorganized,” she replied, a little more loudly than him. Undoubtedly so that Taylor could hear her and would be slightly pacified. She must not have realized how angry he was because he was about to turn on her and start shouting at her. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes, trying to give himself a little time before he exploded on her. He knew that he wouldn’t get anywhere if he just shouted at the workers at the gym and it wasn’t as if it was the blonde woman’s fault that he was so on edge. It wasn’t anyone’s fault that he was so edge but his own.
“Here,” she said to Taylor, now completely ignoring Billy. “I’ll give him a call.”
She picked up the black receiver and dialed his number, which Taylor noticed she had no problem finding in the folder that she had called disorganized only seconds ago.
She looked at him, her eyes widening, as the phone rang and rang. “He’s not picking up.”
Taylor twisted his lips. “That’s worrying.”
He hadn’t meant to speak, but she didn’t really seem to notice his remark. When Jason’s phone sent her to voicemail, she spoke up in a clear, professional voice, but it wasn’t enough not to betray how worried she was.
“Hey, Jase. A couple of clients are asking about you, and we’re getting a little bit worried. I hope everything is okay. Please call me back as soon as you get this because the clients would like to know if class is still on. I hope that everything is okay.”
She put the receiver down, looked at Taylor and swallowed.
“Thank you,” he said.
She nodded. “No problem. I’ll let you know if I hear anything. Sorry about this.”
“It’s okay,” Taylor said. “I just hope he’s doing alright.”
“Yeah,” she replied. “Me too.”
Then she turned away and carried on working, as if nothing was happening.
***
When people started coming out of the classroom, Taylor’s sense of worry turned into dread. The pink-haired girl stopped to address him before she left the gym.
“He texted someone,” she said. “To say he wasn’t coming.”
“That’s not — it’s not really something he does, is it?”
“No, it’s not,” she replied. “It’s really weird.”
“I had the front desk call him but he wouldn’t pick up.”
“If you’re asking me,” she said. “I think that this is some sort of like, personal drama. Because he wouldn’t just not show up without a replacement and if he was feeling sick, he could have canceled class hours ago. We would have been notified.”
“Do you think so?”
“No, I know this,” she said, “because it’s something that has happened before. We’ve had Tee come a bit early or sometimes, Fiona covers for him. She’s not as good, but the point is, someone comes to replace him. He doesn’t do this
thing where he just doesn’t show up.”
“That’s — that’s not good,” Taylor replied.
“Yeah, I know,” the girl said. She walked toward him, her voice dropping to a whisper before she continued. “And that’s the thing, right, like the other day in class he looked really upset. And we just thought he might have had a bad day at work or whatever, but he was just really distracted.”
“Do you mean on Thursday? He looked fine to me.”
“No, I mean, he’s fine,” she replied. “The boy is fine. But you haven’t been coming to class for long, so you don’t know what he’s usually like. He’s way more upbeat most of the time. He just seemed really out of it, I guess.”
“He looked happy, though,” Taylor said, more to himself than to her.
“I guess,” she replied, shrugging. “I mean, I don’t know. I’m just speculating. You didn’t hear anything from me, though. Got it?”
“Yeah,” Taylor replied. He didn’t even know who this woman was or why she was talking to him, and betraying her confidence was the last thing on his mind. She had just given him more reason to be concerned about Jason.
“Don’t worry. I won’t say a thing.”
“Good,” she said. “I’ll see you next week?”
“Sure,” he replied.
Then he watched her walk away, the feeling of dread in his chest growing and inescapable.
Chapter Seven
It wasn’t that Jason hadn’t wanted to pay attention to his phone. It wasn’t that he had wanted to call in sick to work. But the way he had found Blaine in the morning had left him with little choice.
Maybe Blaine had meant what he had said the night before, but Jason doubted it. Blaine had always been able to talk a good talk, but when it came to putting his money where his mouth was, there were few times when he didn’t fall short. And he had fallen short this time, spectacularly so.
It was probably Jason’s fault to an extent. He knew that there was no reason why he should have been trusting of Blaine, especially after everything that Blaine had done. But he had been, and there was no reason for it. He hadn’t slept very well after locking himself in the bedroom and praying that everything would be okay, and when he had woken up, way before his alarm had gone off, he had known that something was wrong. Blaine had never been a light sleeper but there was something going on in his living room that was making all the alarm bells go off in Jason’s head.
