by Jerry Cole
“Oh! Is that your boyfriend?” Matty asked, from the other side of the table.
Taylor exchanged a glance with Jason. They hadn’t really talked about it and Jason hadn’t taken any steps toward formalizing their relationship. But then again, he was there. Maybe that should count as a step. Maybe that should be something that Taylor should take into account. He opened his mouth to reply when he heard Jason speak.
“Hi, I’m Jason,” he said. “And I don’t know if I’m his boyfriend. Hopefully.”
There was a wave of awws and a few people saying how cute they were. Taylor could feel himself blushing. He was only able to stop himself from smiling when he saw Elliot’s face.
“Hey,” he said into Jason’s ear. “Do you think you can mingle for a bit? I —”
“Of course, honey,” Jason replied. He found a person next to him and asked him something about their training techniques. Taylor smiled at how easily he was sliding into their conversation, the way that they spoke. He couldn’t help but feel his heart flutter a little bit at the realization that Jason was obviously not comfortable, but he was pretending like he was. For Taylor. Because Taylor needed to sort things out with Elliot. Taylor looked back at his roommate, who he hadn’t seen for days and nodded toward the door.
Elliot nodded, too. They slipped away until they were both at the patio, neither one of them saying anything to each other until they were outside.
***
Taylor was ready to be the first to talk, but the moment he stepped outside and Elliot turned to look at him, Elliot started speaking. “I owe you an apology.”
“No, you don’t,” Taylor said, shaking his head. “It’s okay that you had feelings, Elliot. I mean, I would have liked to know earlier, but it’s okay.”
Elliot rolled his eyes, laughing and shaking his head. “There you go, always being so fucking sweet. Look, no, I was a little bitch and you deserve an apology.”
“I do?”
“Yes,” Elliot said, looking at the ground. “The other day, when you talked about Jason to the rest of the team, and you seemed so sure, I felt so bad. Because I don’t think I’ve ever seen you this happy before, your eyes were sparkling and it was just — ugh, it made me feel like shit.”
“Why?” Taylor replied, swallowing. He put his hand on Elliot’s arm. “You’re my friend. I don’t want you to be upset.”
“See, there you go, being all fucking nice about things again,” Elliot said. “Always so fucking nice. You should really be mad at me. You shouldn’t be wanting for me not to be upset. I was a dick to you, Taylor. I almost fucked up your relationship with Jason and you seem to really love him.”
Taylor looked at him, his eyes widening. “You think that I love him?”
“I don’t know,” Elliot replied, shrugging. “But that’s the thing, I want you to be happy. And if I hadn’t been such a selfish dick, you would have been happy earlier. But you weren’t, because of me. The thing is, you’re not even really mad because I know you. I know you’d struggle to be mad at me even if I was a huge dick to you, even though I was.”
“You weren’t that bad,” Taylor said. “Your feelings were just hurt.”
“Well, my feelings being hurt shouldn’t have any bearing on whether I’m a bad friend or not,” Elliot said. “So, I’m going to find a new place. I’m going to move out because this isn’t healthy for me, and it’s not healthy for you, either. You want to be able to bring your boyfriend around back to your place, right?”
“Yeah,” Taylor said, nodding.
“Right. Except you’re never going to feel comfortable doing that if I’m there because you don’t want to hurt my feelings, right?”
“I — yeah, I guess so,” Taylor said. He didn’t want to lie to Elliot, even if the truth did make him uncomfortable. On the other hand, he was the one who had brought it up in the first place.
“Give me a few weeks,” Elliot said, licking his lips. “It’s been — I’ve been an idiot. We’re still friends, we’re always going to be friends, but you don’t deserve that. You don’t deserve to have me around all the time and hold you back for no reason, you know?”
“You’re not holding me back,” Taylor said. He felt a little more emotional than he was letting on because Taylor considered Elliot a good friend, even after everything that had happened. At the same time, all he could focus on was the fact that Elliot had said that he loved Jason. That couldn’t be possible, right? There was no way that he could already love Jason. He had only met him a few weeks ago, but everything in his life had already changed. He shook his head at Elliot, but he was drawing a blank. Elliot clapped him on the shoulder and then they went inside, together, until Jason came over to where Taylor was standing and gave him a kiss on the cheek. The moment Jason’s lips were on Taylor’s skin, every other thought in Taylor’s head melted away.
Chapter Thirty-Eight
It was night time when Jason saw Taylor again. He had wanted to invite him back to his place, but that felt clingy, and he needed some time to recharge. Despite liking Taylor’s friends well enough and appreciating the fact that Taylor had introduced him in the first place, he couldn’t help but feel very tired. The last few days — maybe the last few weeks — had been a whirl. And he needed a break. He sat down on the sofa and looked around, trying to decide if he still found it upsetting.
But the fabric still had Taylor’s scent on it and all he could concentrate on was the fact that Taylor had been there, with him, not long ago. He tried to resist the urge, but he couldn’t stop himself. He texted Taylor to ask him when he would see him again and Taylor told him that his apartment was too big and that he was lonely. Training would start the next day and Taylor seemed to want some company. Still, he didn’t invite him over — Jason wasn’t sure, but he thought that Taylor might be slightly embarrassed of his surroundings. Taylor had seemed slightly embarrassed in the morning, too, but Jason knew that it wasn’t of him. He had been proud to show him off, and Jason had been happy to mingle with his friends.
Still, even a few hours without Taylor felt like too many hours. That was why, when Taylor had asked him if he could come over, Jason hadn’t hesitated to say yes. He put some coffee on, changed the sheets and tidied up around the living room area.
Then he waited, hanging around the hallway, until Taylor walked through the door without knocking and wrapped his arms around Jason’s neck, kissing him softly on the mouth until they were both delirious with desire again.
They hadn’t even made it to bed this time, which seemed to be the standard lately. Jason grinned, wondering if that was what it was always going to be like. His insecurities had been quelled a little bit, but he knew that he needed to talk to Taylor before he decided to make any assumptions about their relationship. If it was a relationship. He was a little more comfortable calling it that now, but he still needed to talk to Taylor about it. He was about to open his mouth to say something when Taylor looked around the living room.
“You should rearrange your furniture,” Taylor said.
“What? Why?”
“Because look,” Taylor replied. “You’re always going to associate this set-up with what happened with your ex. That’s not cool, you said you really like this house. You shouldn’t have to get new furniture just because some jerk decided he was going to kill himself in his house.”
“You think that’ll help?”
“Yeah, that,” Taylor replied, looking around. “And painting the walls. What colors do you like? My bedroom is painted blue and orange, because after I broke my hand everyone was being really fucking supportive and it was a little disturbing. So they decided to paint my bedroom for me and ugh.”
Jason laughed, cocking his head back. “You don’t like it?”
“Not really,” Taylor said, shrugging. “I mean, it was nice that they cared about me, but I prefer more neutral colors. Now that Elliot is moving out, I guess I can repaint it again without offending him. But honestly, it’s never really felt li
ke my place.”
Jason cocked his head, then he sighed and walked over to where Taylor was standing, right in the middle of the room. “Why is Elliot moving out?”
“He says he’s in love with me,” Taylor replied, shrugging. “I mean, I know he’s trying to do the right thing but it kind of sucks. He was a good roommate. I didn’t want to hurt his feelings either, but there’s you and…”
“What do you mean, there’s me?”
“I mean,” Taylor said, sitting down on the sofa and looking straight ahead. “This is a big deal, Jason. Like, I didn’t realize how big a deal it was until I spoke to him and he made me realize that I kind of, I don’t know. He made me realize that I guess —”
“What? What is it? You’re making me nervous.”
“Sorry, it’s because I’m nervous,” Taylor said, looking away from him. “It made me realize that my feelings for you are a lot deeper than I thought they were. It made me realize that this is what I want for, I don’t know, not just for the foreseeable future. I kind of stumbled into this and somehow, I’ve never been so happy. Even though what brought us together was such a weird thing.”
Jason sat down on the sofa next to him, his hand falling on Taylor’s knee. “Taylor, are you saying what I think you’re saying?”
“I’m sorry if it’s freaking you out,” Taylor said. “I don’t mind waiting. I just, I can feel you in every part of me. And I know, I know that’s super cheesy, but it’s the only way to describe how I feel about you.”
“But Taylor,” Jason said, tapping his foot on the floor. His eyes were full of tears, even though he wasn’t sure why he suddenly felt like crying. “I’m just a hairdresser. You have so many more opportunities than me, and that’s good. You’re so smart and I would never want to hold you back just because I happen to be here.”
“No,” Taylor replied, shaking his head and looking horrified. “Don’t ever talk about yourself like that. You’re not just anything. You’re an amazing person and there’s a reason that I — there’s a reason that I love you, okay? You’re not holding me back, Jason. You’re making me see who I really am. You’re making me see my full potential.”
Jason felt a fat warm tear slide down his cheek as he shook his head. “But honey, what about all the drama? What if Blaine comes back? It’s not really a matter of if, it’s a matter of when.”
“I know,” Taylor said, taking Jason’s hand. “I know that, sweetheart, and that’s why I’m going to be here every single time that he comes over. So that he can’t hurt you again. It’s not about drama, Jason, it’s about protecting you. I don’t care if the most dramatic thing happens as long as you’re okay. And, I don’t know, I don’t know if I can make you be okay with Blaine being around because I’m not suddenly going to make it go away. No matter how much I try. The thing is, I can always be there. I can always hold your hand and I can always look scary and intimidating when you need me to be. You can always run to your scary football player boyfriend if you need to. And then we can cry in each other’s arms all day because we’ve seen a sad movie or whatever. The point is, I’m always going to be there. Nothing about you scares me except for not being with you. That, that pierces me, it goes right through me.”
Jason swallowed, his mouth dry and his head spinning. If what Taylor was saying was true, then everything that he had been worried about didn’t mean anything. Everything that he had been worried about where things that Taylor had thought about and didn’t care about. Because Taylor loved him. Taylor loved him.
Jason cleared his throat, trying to make sense of his thoughts before he verbalized them, worried that they would come out like babbling noises that would barely make any sense when they were strung together. “Thank you,” he finally managed to say, wiping his eyes. He was still crying, but the tears were from relief. Not from fear. “That was beautiful. Though I’m mad at you for messing up my make-up.”
“You still look amazing,” Taylor replied.
Jason grinned. “You know,” he said, finally. “You should pick the color of the wall if you’re going to help me paint over it.”
Taylor looked at him, cocking his head. He seemed a little confused, maybe a little hurt. But Jason kept grinning.
“I don’t — I’m pretty useless with colors,” Taylor replied.
“But if you’re going to live here, you should probably get to decide the color of at least one wall,” Jason said, quietly. “Then you can decide on other walls, then maybe some furniture, then —”
“Wait,” Taylor said, shaking his head. “What are you saying?”
“I’m saying,” Jason replied. “Don’t let your roommate move out. You said your place has never felt like a home, right? So move in with me.”
“Are you serious?”
“Yes,” Jason replied, nodding. “I know it’s a little fast, but I feel the same way about you, Taylor. I’ve never felt anyone that makes me feel like you. Ever. I love you.”
“Oh my God,” Taylor replied. “Yes, I’ll move in with you. But what about —”
“Hey, we’ll figure it out,” Jason replied. “It’s probably not going to be easy. But you’re always going to be there, right? And I’ll be right there with you. And can you think of anything better than that?”
“No,” Taylor replied. “No, I can’t think of anything better than that.”
Then Jason kissed Taylor on the mouth and everything around them started to melt away.
*fin*
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