by Tl Reeve
She gave a soft mirthless chuckle, and pushed her glasses into place. “You confuse me. I don’t understand any of this.”
He couldn’t promise he’d explain later. He couldn’t say what he’d do now. “It’s complicated.”
“Uncomplicate it.” She ran her hand down his chest, tracing the intricate tattoos covering him.
“Kizzy.” Pushing his hands under the hem of her shirt, he skimmed his fingertips along her flesh. The soft suppleness called to him. This potent attraction threw him off-balance. Made him second-guess everything. The desire to give her exactly what she wanted warred with the need to protect his pack. “You have no idea what you’re doing to me.”
She released the zipper of his jeans while biting her bottom lip. “I can feel it.”
Christ. She felt the physical. The part of him he’d lost control of three months ago. He sucked in a breath when she palmed his hard length. “Why?”
She gave a lift of her shoulder. “If I’m going home, I might as well make as many memories as I can while I’m here.”
“So you’re going to jerk me off?”
She nodded.
“Right here?”
“Yes.” She released him before working his pants below his hips. Then she pulled her shirt off.
He bit back a moan. She was fucking perfect, and even though she’d been hurting because of him, she still gave of herself. “No.” He stepped back from her. “I can’t let you do this.”
“Right. The complication.” She picked up her shirt. “I get it.”
He snatched the garment out of her hands. “No, you don’t.”
“Enlighten me.”
He stripped her out of the rest of her clothes then finished removing his. Easing her into bed, he followed behind her. “I don’t need you jerking me off to make memories with you.” He engulfed her in his arms. “I just need you.”
“You don’t mean that.”
He pressed a kiss to her mark. “Yes. I do.”
She sobbed. “You’re an asshole. A dick of epic proportions. You’re mean and hateful. You’d say whatever it took to break me down.”
“Now you’re lying.” He couldn’t stand the taste of her anguish. Moreover, he couldn’t take the fact he’d caused it. He wouldn’t allow her to leave tonight no matter what. “Take your nap. I will be here when you wake.”
Chapter Six
Kizzy knocked on the door to Miss Claire’s house and glanced at him over her shoulder. He’d been where he’d said. Right with her. They didn’t talk much as she got ready, and, as many bags as she placed by the front door, he refused to put them in his truck. As they stood there waiting for the matron to open the door, she didn’t know how he won the argument, but she didn’t put up a fight. Laying his hand on her shoulder, he gave a squeeze.
“Kizzy.” Miss Claire gifted them with a smile. “Come on in. The whole gang is here.”
He cocked a brow. “Gang?”
“Yes. Shawn and Brie are here, along with Sarah and Jason.” She ushered them inside, and led them to the kitchen. “Sit. We were just about to eat. Dylan…Charles. Where did those two pups get off to?”
Five sets of eyes greeted them.
“Evening,” he grunted, holding out a chair for Kizzy.
“Hey, guys,” Brie said. “I’m glad you made it.”
“I’m glad Fern invited me. Seemed only appropriate before I go home.”
Shock registered on everyone’s face.
“What?” Sarah grabbed her napkin and placed it on her lap. “Why are you leaving?”
He shrugged her questioning look off.
“I think I have worn out my welcome here. Everyone is so busy, and…I don’t fit in. I’d never fit in here. Elle said as much on the first day I arrived. Kizzy, be yourself, but not yourself.”
He frowned. “Why wouldn’t you be yourself?”
“Because….” She shrugged.
He had a headache. A Kizzy-sized one. The woman was maddening. Then again, Elle hadn’t helped anything there. “Well, you can be yourself. We won’t mind.”
“Gee. Thanks.”
He smiled. “You’re welcome.”
“I for one don’t want to see you leave.” Miss Fern frowned. “I’m sure if you talk this through, everything will work out just fine.”
Shit. The underlying meaning of her words weren’t lost to him. Tell Kizzy who she was to him and tell her about their shifter nature. He’d wanted to, several times in fact, but he stopped himself. He couldn’t trust her. No. Couldn’t and wouldn’t were two different words with two different meanings.
“Elle will be very upset to know you’re going home without seeing her again,” Brie added.
“She has Graham. He’ll say whatever to soothe her, and I’ll call when I get home.”
Yep. He fucked all of this up. Listening to her, even he could hear her words held no emotion. “We’re working on this.” He had to say something or else they’d all blame him.
“No, I think we said everything we needed to this afternoon.”
Frustrated, he stood. “I can’t do this.” He stormed out of the house. She cut him to the quick. See why you can’t trust her. She never meant to be with you. She used your dick and that’s it. The frigid blast of winter air hit him square in the face as he pushed out the door. The scent of snow hung in the air. Seemed the weather men were right after all.
“Boy,” Joe called out to him. “What the hell is wrong with you?”
“Not a damn thing. She’s bound and determined to go home. I won’t stop her.” He pivoted on the elder member of the pack.
“She’s also your responsibility.”
“It was forced on me.” He’d used the weak argument since Gee showed up at his house and asked about their arrangement.
“You had a choice, and you marked her.” The man growled at him. His eyes turned an eerie shade of amber. “We’ve all taken care of you the best we could, but you’ve never allowed yourself to grieve your parents or forgive them. Now, you’re putting your shit on that little girl in there.”
“I’m protecting my pack. Something my parents didn’t do,” he snarled. “They broke the rules. They put us all in danger.”
“They helped people who were lost!” Joe fisted his shirt. “Your parents did the right thing. They tried to keep the humans away from Magnum. It was the humans’ fault they came back. Not your parents’.”
“You weren’t there, old man. You have no idea what happened.” Anger rushed through him. The need to challenge Joe hummed through his veins.
“You’re right, boy. I wasn’t. But I knew your parents. I knew the kind of people they were. They did what they thought would protect the pack and keep humans alive. Fern and I would have done the same thing.”
“Then you’re a fool.” A stupid, ignorant fool. How in the hell could he say he’d have done the same thing? He’d have left Chris on his own and Shawn, too. No. They’d have kept their nose out of it.
“The only fool I see standing here is you. Your stubborn hatred of the girl inside is blinding you to the fact she is your mate. You marked her. You claimed her.”
“Why does this matter to you?”
“Because Claire and I love you like a son, and we hate seeing you hurting.”
Not what he’d been expecting. Stunned, he blinked a few times. “You don’t mean it.” Disbelief filled him. No one loved him. No one wanted him. The only thing Kizzy desired from him was his dick.
“I do. So does my mate.” Joe wrapped an arm around Sayer and pulled him toward the door. “Son, I get it. Horrific things happened. You lost your parents. Your pain and anger is fixated on one thing. Humans. You can’t see the forest for the trees. We have several humans here now. All they’ve done is make us better. Your little mate will heal you. If you give her a chance.” Joe guided him into the house and stopped him short of the kitchen to watch Kizzy’s interaction with those around her.
�
�No. I guess I’ll go see my family, or what’s left of them,” Kizzy said to Miss Claire.
“Oh, I’m sure they’ll be happy to see you.” The faux happiness in the pack matron’s voice had guilt gnawing at his gut.
“I doubt it. We aren’t…good.”
“Why?”
“My aunt’s got these ideas about me. She sees me as a Southern belle. A Stepford wife. Like my mom, she thinks I should forget about my comic books and sci-fi movies. She thinks the books I read aren’t educational enough, and no man wants a wife who can’t talk politics or whatever.”
Sayer frowned. He never saw a problem with her.
“Your aunt sounds horrible, dear.” Miss Claire’s regret only served to tighten the vise in his stomach. “What in the world would make you want to go home?”
She didn’t say anything. She didn’t have to. Him. The realization of it staggered him. He’d caused all of this. He’d pushed her so far away in the short time she’d been here that, no matter what she’d lose going home, it’d be better than staying with him.
“Fix this, boy.” Joe clapped him on the shoulder before walking back into the kitchen, leaving him to his own devices.
He thwarted her plan. Or, the snow did. He’d have to thank Miss Claire later. Dinner took longer than they expected, thanks to the matron. By the time they left, at least three inches of the white stuff covered the ground. The temperature dropped in steady increments. By the morning, it’d be below freezing, and probably another three inches would cover the ground. In the coming weeks, they’d be cut off from the world around them.
“It’s freezing.” Her teeth chattered as they walked up to the front porch of their home.
“Sorry. I didn’t think we’d be so long.” He ushered her inside the waiting warmth.
She gave him a look of disbelief. “I’m sure.” She pulled her coat off and hung it up. “There will be plenty of buses tomorrow I can take.”
“Right.” He did the same, throwing his jacket over hers on the hook. “I need to get ready for work. I’ll be back by sunup.”
“It’s snowing.”
“Your point?” He kicked off his shoes. What he hadn’t told her was he’d be going on patrol straight from the back porch.
“You might get hurt, or cold. It’s freezing out there. Can’t you call someone?” She rubbed her arms while staring up at him.
His tenderhearted mate. Although she’d been persistent about leaving, she worried about him. “I’ll be fine.” He placed a kiss to her forehead, and she listed toward him. “Thank you for your concern.” He cupped her cheek. “I can’t give you up.” Truth.
A single tear trailed down her face. “I can’t either. But I won’t do this anymore.”
“Then we won’t.” He pressed his forehead to hers. Something had to give. Just try. “We’ll talk in the morning.” Brushing a kiss over her lips, he settled in for a languid meeting of the mouths, exploring her with a tenderness he hadn’t grasped before. He loved her. The thought stunned him. A lightness settled over him, pushing back the bleak thoughts of a skittish man. Below the bluster and bullshit, the fear and doubt, he loved her. Palming her ass, he pulled her flush to him. A groan of longing filled him.
Everything clicked into place. The puzzle pieces of his life showed a new picture. One not of death and destruction. Kizzy fit into this new layout. A possessiveness he hadn’t thought possible filled him. His wolf stood a little straighter. His chest puffed out a little more. Taking a step back, he led her down the hall to his bedroom. “Tonight, you sleep in our bed. Tomorrow, we talk.”
“I don’t understand.”
He kissed her again before pointing her to the bathroom. “Take a hot bath and relax.”
“O-okay.”
She tucked herself into the bathroom, and he went out to the kitchen to grab his stash of hot chocolate. When he missed his mother the most, he made a cup of the stuff and stared down into the sugary concoction. The sweetness along with the thick, rich flavor took him back to a time when things were good for his family. When the humans hadn’t gotten lost. When they weren’t on Magnum’s radar.
He loved his mother with a single-minded focus, as did his father. They were expecting a child, a sibling for Sayer. Two days after his father gave those people directions, his mother had disappeared. No one told him where she’d gone, or what she did. However, when Magnum stood him before his parents in the barn, both were there. Now that he actually thought about it. His mother, though crying, appeared weak and tired. Her clothes didn’t fit her right either. Did she…? Oh God.
The water boiled in the kettle, and he removed it from the flame. While pouring three spoonfuls of the chocolate mix into the cup, he went over the memory again. He pushed aside the fear. The blood. Pushed aside Magnum. He focused on his mother. The metallic taste of blood clung to the air. Magnum’s men had beaten the hell out of his father. Had his scent covered his mother’s? Son of a bitch. His world cracked, turned upside down. So set in his anger and so blinded by hate, he hadn’t seen the obvious. Which begged the questions, did his sibling survive? If he did, who had his brother or sister and why hadn’t they ever told him?
He grunted.
Telling him anything about his mom and dad would have gone in one ear and out the other. Add in the fact he put off a heady vibe of “fuck the hell off,” and no wonder no one told him. So, who had the baby…kid now? Who would his mother have gone to who would have kept this secret? Glancing at the clock on the wall, he had to hurry. The questions could swirl around in his head all night for all he cared. One way or another, he’d figure it out, and when he did then what? Later. He’d figure it out later.
After placing the mug of hot chocolate on the bedside table, he stuck his head in the door. “Hey, beautiful. I’m leaving now. Sleep well.” I love you.
“Be safe.” She glanced at him and gifted him a small smile.
“I will.”
Chapter Seven
“What do you mean we have to meet at The Den?” Kizzy shoved a piece of toast in her mouth and chewed.
He kissed her forehead. When he returned as the sun hit the horizon, she was wrapped in his blankets, her faced buried into his pillow, and she held onto it in a death grip. She surprised him. When he settled in beside her, she rolled, filling his arms, which started a vigorous lovemaking session—something he didn’t think he was capable of.
“I don’t know. We’ll find out when we get there.” He kissed her again. “I meant to tell you.” He grabbed a piece of her bacon. “You looked good in my bed this morning. Still hard just thinking about it.”
She rolled her eyes. “Pervert.”
“You’re a pervert.” He tapped the end of her nose. Then he grabbed her cat’s-eye glasses off the table and put them on her. “Finish your breakfast.”
When they walked through the door of The Den, the blare of a steel guitar surprised him. With his hand low on her back, he guided her through the crowd. Heads turned in his direction, curious to their arrival, surprise for others. He pasted on his best fuck-off glare, but it didn’t seem to deter them. They openly watched a wolf and his new mate. Studied them like a rat in a maze. An open table sat close to the bar and he directed her toward it. “Hope you don’t mind a table instead of a booth.”
“No.” She took the seat he offered her.
He sat across from her. “Whatever you want, get it.”
She quirked a brow. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Nothing.” He leaned forward. “I figured something out last night.”
“You did?”
“Uh-huh.” Taking one of her hands, he threaded his fingers with hers and grinned, something he didn’t do very often. “I’m an asshole.”
She laughed.
“I expected that response.” He chuckled. “I don’t want you to leave. It’d kill me if you did.” He left off the literally part. No need in sounding like a stalker after he acted like a psychopath
.
“Sayer.” She gave a small shrug. “You don’t have to say something you don’t mean. Our time together, though brief, has been fun. We’re just….” She let out a breath. “We’re different. We crave different things. We should just go our separate ways and hang onto the good memories.”
“Like this morning?” The sadness of her tone devastated him. He’d caused all of this because of his stupid bias. Because he allowed the past to dictate his future. “Kizzy, there is so much I want to tell you. To show you. To make up to you. I know I’ve been a royal dick, but I’m humbly asking you for a second chance to prove I’m not always such a—”
“Prick?”
“Yeah.” He hung his head and snorted. “My life isn’t….” How did he explain it? How did he break down the walls he’d built around himself for protection? Yes, she chipped away at him, but he reinforced them. Used his ability to be an asshole to keep her out. “It’s not good. Kind of hasn’t been for a long time.” He ran the fingers of his free hand through his hair.
“Would you be willing to tell me about it?” The hopeful edge to her voice made his stomach turn over in an unexpected way.
Yes, there were nerves there, but it was more. Different. Anticipation and a thread of optimism wiggled through him, startling him. “Yeah, I think so.”
She smiled. Fucking hell. She smiled just for him. Because he said yes. Because he agreed to open up for her. To let her in. Son of a bitch. Dumbfounded and a hell of a lot more awestruck, he couldn’t take his eyes off her. “Why are you looking at me like that?”
“Like what?”
“As if you saw the most amazing thing and it’s left you caught up in its rapture.”
His cheeks grew warm with bashfulness. “I’ve been caught up in your joy, Kizzy.”
Pushing her glasses up on her nose, she squirmed in her chair. “You don’t mean it.”
“Oh, but I do.” He released her hand then placed his finger under her chin. He raised her face, making sure she looked at him before he spoke again. “I’m sorry. I should have treated you better so you’d know when I was being honest.” He closed the distance between them and grazed his lips over hers.
