by Diana Nixon
“What was written in yours?”
“I have no idea.”
“How come?” She shifted a little to see my face.
“I never read it.”
“Do you want me to read it for you?”
“Well, for starters, I don’t know where my letter is.”
“What do you mean?”
“I left it at Adrian’s, but when I wanted to read it, it was no longer there.”
“Oh, no. Do you think Kassie found it?”
“I hope not.”
“You’d better find it ASAP.”
And just like that, Emily proved my worst fears. Kassie would never forgive me for hiding the truth about Adrian. Unlike Emily, she wouldn’t take into consideration my friendship with her brother. For her, the bond they shared couldn’t be compared with anything else, even with the fact that he and I were best friends.
“Do you think it will be a good idea to go to Adrian’s today?” Emily asked. “I think I’m ready to go there, again.”
“I think we should ask Kassie first.”
“What do you think she will do when she finds out the truth about his accident? Will she hate me?”
“Now, we both know that it wasn’t your fault.”
“It wasn’t yours, either.”
“Yeah, well, I think we will deal with that problem later. It’s Christmas morning, remember?”
“And, as always, we forgot about a Christmas tree.”
“We are hopeless.”
“I can’t agree with you more. That’s why we need Kassie. Do you think she’s awake?”
“Let’s find out.” I took my cell phone and dialed Kassie’s number.
“Hello?” she said after a few beeps.
“Morning, Gorgeous. Are you still in bed?
“No, there was no point in staying there alone. Why?”
“How about getting your mom and going to our parents together?”
“I don’t mind joining you, but my mom has her own plans for this morning. She called me a few minutes ago and said I could find my presents near the fireplace in my living room. She stopped by yesterday to leave them here.”
“Which means none of us thought about a Christmas tree.”
“But, I thought about presents for both you and your sister. So, come over and we will go visit your folks.”
Emily and I loved our adopted parents very much. We even called them Mom and Dad. Unlike my reckless sister and me, they never forgot about holidays, and always made sure that we had a great Christmas with lots of food, presents and sweets. I couldn’t help but smile at the memories. No matter how old we were, our parents still said we were just kids.
Sometimes I thought they did that on purpose. They knew we hated Christmas at the orphanage. We didn’t have money for presents, but I still tried my best to surprise Emily. Once, I stole a whole package of chocolates from the kitchen. We opened it at midnight and ate it all in one sitting. Of course, the next morning we woke up with terrible stomach aches, but even now I would say that the fun we had that night was worth it.
Today, I could afford almost anything I wanted, but there were still things that I couldn’t buy. One of them was Kassie’s forgiveness. The more time we spent together, the less I wanted to leave her alone. And, now it was even harder to imagine my life without her.
We met with Kassie at about noon. My sister was still a little skeptical about the development of my relations with Kassie, but for her own good, she knew it was better to keep her thoughts to herself.
“How is she?” Kassie asked quietly so only I could hear her. She needed a few more minutes to wrap the presents for my parents, so she and I went to the kitchen while Emily stayed in the living room to have a look at her own presents.
“Better,” I replied, hoping my words were true.
Surprisingly enough, Emily didn’t talk much about Adrian’s letter. She only asked me a few things about his last days when she was ignoring him, being still angry at him for breaking their engagement. I was sure she would want to talk more when she was ready. For now, it was enough to know that she was ready to move on and feel alive again.
“What happened last night to upset her so much?”
It was the last thing I wanted to discuss now, so I shrugged as if I didn’t know anything.
“She had a date with a guy from her college. Apparently, she thought she wasn’t ready to let that date become anything except for eating popcorn together.”
“You need to talk to her; try to explain that life goes on.”
“That is exactly what I tried to do last night and this morning.”
“Did it work?”
“I hope so.” I put the last ribbon on a small dark-blue box, took the rest of the presents and was just about to take them to my car when something caught my eye.
There was another box standing on the table. It wasn’t a present, just a box with some papers and photo frames. But one thing inside it looked definitely familiar.
I looked around to make sure that no one saw me, and then I reached out and took an envelope with my name on it. My heart missed a beat as the realization hit me. In my hands was Adrian’s missing letter. And it was opened…
I felt my palms sweating. Calm down, man, I said to myself. If Kassie knew about the contents of the letter, she sure as hell wouldn’t be smiling and joking around.
What do I do now? Shall I take it away? Or shall I leave it?
“Daniel!” Kassie called. “Would you like to have a look at your present as well?”
“Um, sure.” I looked at the letter again, and left it where it was. Why on earth was I the only person responsible for all the shit happening?
“Here,” Kassie said, giving me a box that I barely managed not to drop, still thinking about the damn letter. “Do you like it?”
“What?”
“The watch. Emily said you like watches.”
“Oh, yes. Thank you. It is beautiful.” I placed a kiss on Kassie’s lips, hoping she wouldn’t see my worry. “You will get your present a little later today. Emily and I have a surprise for you.”
Since it was The Sweets’ birthday, we decided to make a new emblem for the café. Even Adrian had always wanted to redesign it. The new one looked like a three-tier blue cake with an intricate pattern of white and gold flowers around it. The café’s name was at the top. The emblem was put over the main entrance and inside the café, with matching table covers and dishes.
In addition, there was a present from me personally: two small white coffee cups, decorated with crystals and porcelain roses. I knew how much Kassie loved collecting dishes, as well as drinking coffee.
I spent the rest of the day in my personal hell. I couldn’t think about anything but the letter, left at Kassie’s, as well as about her reaction to it. There were only ten days left before Adrian’s thirtieth birthday when she was supposed to receive a letter written for her, but the fact that she could possibly know about everything that he wanted to explain, complicated matters significantly.
“Hey, you okay?” Emily asked, coming up to me. “You look so distracted.”
“I found the letter,” I said.
“So?”
“Kassie has it. And it’s opened.”
“Oh, shit. Do you think she knows everything?”
“Even if she does, she doesn’t remember anything.”
“Which gives you more time to come up with some good excuses.”
I shook my head irritably. “I don’t know how to make her listen to me. She will be furious if she finds out that Adrian chose me and not her to share his problems with.”
“Call me if you need my help.”
“If only you were able to help me, Sis,” I replied, forcing a smile.
“What if we take that letter away? I mean you are still going to give her the one addressed to her, right? So what if she reads her own letter before her memories are back?”
“Hmm… You are right. It might help.”
> “I will do it. When you go to the café, I will go to Kassie’s and take the letter. Deal?”
“Deal,” I said, watching Kassie talking to my parents.
Was stealing the letter a good idea? I didn’t know, but I hoped it wouldn’t mess up everything even more.
The sound of glass breaking against the floor caught my attention. I looked back at Kassie and saw her kneeling down to pick up the pieces.
“What happened?” I asked, running up to her.
“Nothing,” she said without looking at me. “I dropped a glass.”
“I can see that,” I muttered, watching her intently. She looked a little nervous, as if she had just seen a ghost. “What did you remember?”
Kassie’s hand froze halfway to the floor. “Nothing.”
“Look at me,” I said, touching her chin. “Was that memory about me?”
“No.”
“Then, what was it about?”
“The masquerade. The one that you said you didn’t remember.”
Crap…
“The one that was a turning point in our relationship,” Kassie continued. “The one that made me hate you so much. How could you do that to me, Daniel?”
She rose to her feet and looked down at me with so much pain in her eyes. There was hate as well, and I deserved it.
“Let me explain,” I said, standing in front of her.
“Explain what?” she asked harshly. “The fact that you didn’t know how to get rid of me and that’s why you slept with the first girl you saw just to make yourself free?”
“I didn’t sleep with her!”
“Daniel, Honey, what’s going on here?”
“Mom, please. Kassie and I need to talk.”
Tabitha looked worriedly at the two of us, but didn’t say anything else.
“Kassie, wait!”
“I wanna go home, Daniel. I need some time to think about everything.”
Oh, no... This is not happening to us again…
“I will give you a lift.”
“No, thanks. Emily!” she called for my sister. “Would you take me home, please?”
“What happened?” she asked cautiously, shifting her gaze between Kassie and me.
“Kas, don’t go,” I said almost pleadingly.
“Maybe we rushed things, Daniel. Maybe we don’t have anything to restore,” she replied, barely controlling her voice so as not to fly off the handle.
“I will prove that you are wrong,” I said, meeting her angry stare.
“Do whatever you want. Just make sure I don’t know anything about your ways to fix things.” And then, she turned around and stormed out of the house.
Merry fucking Christmas to me…
Chapter 19
“Is everything okay, Son?”
“Dad, I wish at least something about my life was okay.”
He patted my shoulder, smiling compassionately. “Your relationship with Kassie has never been easy. But, now you need to be more patient than ever. She has so many reasons to walk away from you. Give her at least one reason to stay.”
“Isn’t my love enough to give me a chance to explain things?”
“Maybe giving her some space and time would work better.”
“We’ve been apart for two years. Don’t you think she’s had enough space and time to think over her decisions?”
Jonas sighed. “You never know what’s on a woman’s mind.”
You can say that again, I thought to myself.
I spent the rest of Christmas locked in my workshop; not a perfect place for the occasion, but still better than sitting at home and waiting for Emily’s return. Playing it cool has never been my major.
Around two in the morning, I received a message from my sister. “Got the letter,” it said.
“Do not open it!” I texted back.
“Too late. :)”
I should know better than that.
“Wanna read it?”
“Dying to.”
“Where are you?”
“At work.”
“Drowning sorrows in whiskey?”
I rolled my eyes. “Waiting for you.”
“See you in twenty.”
I put my phone aside and leaned back against the pillows on my couch. I had a glass of whiskey in my hand, but I never drank it. I wanted to relax, but I knew that one glass would never be enough, and tonight I wanted to stay sober to think about what to do next.
By the time Emily arrived, I had a horrible headache that she called a thinking-too-much syndrome.
“She’s furious,” she said, taking a seat next to me.
“I didn’t ask you about Kassie,” I snapped, taking the envelope from her hands.
“I thought you still wanted to know.”
“What did she tell you?”
“That you were an asshole and that she was a fool to trust you again.”
“So I figured.”
“What else did you expect to hear? That she would forgive you for screwing that slut right after you said you didn’t want to be with her anymore?”
“So she told you about the memory.”
“Of course, she did! Why didn’t I know anything about that?”
“Because I was ashamed to tell you.”
“No, shit? You were ashamed? I didn’t even know you knew the meaning of the word.”
“Well, now you know that my vocabulary is larger than your sarcastic mind would ever imagine. I didn’t sleep with the girl, by the way.”
“How is that possible? Kassie said she saw you two in one of the bedrooms.”
“She saw only what I wanted her to see.”
“What? Was it some kind of a joke?”
“Not exactly. It wanted her to think that I didn’t care about her anymore. And, well-”
“You came up with the most ridiculous way to demonstrate it. No wonder Kassie didn’t even want to see you at Adrian’s funeral. As far as I remember, the masquerade was a few days before it, right?”
“Add the so-called murder of her brother and you will get a full set of reasons to hate me for the rest of her life.”
“Oh, God… How could you guys got stuck in so much shit?”
“I wish I knew the answer.”
“You know what? I thought I should tell her the truth about the accident, as well.”
“Not until she reads the letter from Adrian.”
“No, of course, not. But I do want her to know that it wasn’t you driving the car that hit Adrian’s. By the way, you never told me how you managed to get out of prison. What did you tell the police to let you go?”
“I didn’t have to tell anything. They charged me with the vehicular homicide without any proof. By the time the doctors called Adrian’s death, I had sat in a cell for five hours.”
“Wait, was Adrian dead when the accident happened?”
“Yes. That’s why he lost control of his car and hit yours.”
“Oh, my goodness.” Emily stood up and started pacing the room, rubbing the bridge of her nose. “I’ve been living with the thought of killing him for two years. Two years, Daniel! And you never told me the truth! Why?”
“What was I supposed to tell you? That Adrian mixed whiskey with the enormous amount of painkillers and his heart stopped because of the overdose? How would I explain his suicide without telling you the truth about his disease?”
“Jeez, Daniel was his stupid desire to hide it from everyone worth my two years of self-torture?”
“Don’t start blaming me, Emily! I had to throw myself under the bus so that the police wouldn’t charge you! I let Kassie think that it was me driving the car that hit Adrian’s, because I couldn’t let her know that it was a suicide! I did everything to protect my best friend’s reputation! I sacrificed all I had just to save the reputation of the man who once saved not only my life, but the life of the only relative I had. You, Emily! He saved both of us, and what I did was the least I could do to thank him for everything he had ever done for u
s. I hope one day, you will be able to understand that!”
Emily’s eyes were full of tears, but I didn’t want to stay and watch her cry. I needed to get away from her accusing stare, because there wasn’t anything that would make me do everything the other way around. Even if I had to go through the hell of losing Adrian again, I would do everything just the way I did it two years before. I wouldn’t let anyone think that he was just another psycho who didn’t care about his life. Because he did care about it; a lot. The only problem was that he didn’t have the damn chance to live it all…
I ran out into the street, started the engine of my bike and sped away to the only place I wanted to be now: Adrian’s.
It always made me feel good, as if my friend was still there with me, showing me the right way to go. I started a fire in the fireplace and sat in a chair facing it, welcoming the waves of warmth touching my face.
I looked at the letter in my hands, and the first thing I wanted to do was to burn it. Then I opened the envelope and started reading it, my heart sinking at every word…
Dear Bro,
Sorry for leaving you responsible for my lies. I know I can never thank you for having my back, but for now, you are the only person that I can rely on. Unfortunately, time runs too fast and I don’t know when the moment to leave you all comes. Please, give our families some time to get used to the idea of losing me; don’t tell them about the disease. I don’t want anyone to think that I was too weak to fight. We both know there’s nothing I can do to win more time…
I don’t know where you are now, or what you are doing, or how much time has passed since our last talk, but I hope you’ve managed to make your dreams come true. Something tells me that my sister still likes giving you a hard time. :) You love her, I know that, and even though I didn’t approve of your relationship, I always knew you two were a perfect match; such an explosive combination of attitude and recklessness. Secretly, I always hoped she would be able to bring you to heel. :) Did she succeed?
Too bad I will never see your wedding. I would give up a lot to watch you saying those vows of loyalty and good behavior. :)
Don’t lose her. She will be truly happy only with you. Even if she makes you pull your hair out before that. :)
