School has been full on this term and I put my key in the door to our flat with relief. The weekend was here and I was going to relish every moment, starting this evening with a date with Lucy. I was even thinking of testing the water to see how she felt about taking our relationship to the next level.
I threw my coat over to the rack in the hall. Drat. It missed. Must be losing the old touch, I thought as I picked it up from the floor and hooked it up properly. I went through to the kitchen to make a tuna melt sarnie and there were Nesta and Lucy sitting at the breakfast bar.
I went over and gave Lucy a hug then tried to wrestle her off her stool. She shoved me away. ‘Get off, Tony.’
‘You know you want me,’ I said, then I let her go and turned to Nesta. ‘Mum or Dad home?’
She shook her head. ‘Mum left money for a take away if you fancy.’
‘Cool. Later? What do you fancy?’ I said as I went to the fridge.
‘Nothing,’ said Nesta. ‘I am never going to eat again.’
I stopped for a moment and looked at the pair of them. Lucy pulled a glum face. Trouble, I thought.
‘I see. So spill, what’s happened?’
Nesta sighed and stared at the floor. ‘Only the worst day of my whole life,’ she said in a wobbly voice.
I glanced over at Lucy.
‘Want me to tell him?’ she asked Nesta.
Nesta nodded and sighed again. She can really ham it up on the drama queen front when she wants. ‘May as well,’ she said. ‘The whole world will know soon.’
‘TJ has been two-timing —’ Lucy started.
‘With Luke,’ Nesta interrupted.
‘TJ? Luke? Your Luke?’ I asked. ‘Luke De Biasi. No way.’
Nesta nodded. ‘My friend. One of my best friends. Can you believe it? With my boyfriend! She even had snog rash this morning from snogging him.’ She sighed again and took a big gulp of air.
‘And she dumped Steve,’ I added. ‘By email.’
I sat on a stool. ‘Whoa. Pretty major, huh?’
Lucy nodded. ‘You can say that again. We can’t believe it. Plus that’s not all. She’d told Izzie but she hadn’t told us. Us. Her best mates. We tell each other everything. That’s one of our rules.’
I nodded. ‘Not good. Not good. You OK, Nesta?’
‘Do I look as if I am OK?’ she blurted. ‘No. I am not. I have been cheated on by a mate. I really liked Luke too.’ Another gulp of air and she put the back of her hand up to her forehead to complete the tragic look. ‘I don’t know who I can trust any more.’
Normally I would have tried to tease her when she does her drama queen routine but I could feel anger rising from the pit of my stomach. No one did this to my sister. I wanted to find Luke De Biasi and punch his lights out.
‘Where is he?’ I asked.
‘Luke?’ asked Nesta. ‘Don’t know. With TJ? Snogging TJ?’
‘No. He’s probably working at his dad’s restaurant,’ said Lucy. ‘Why?’
I got up. ‘I have something to say to Luke De Biasi,’ I said and I punched my fist into the palm of my other hand.
Nesta and Lucy exchanged worried looks.
‘No. No, Tony, you mustn’t,’ said Lucy.
‘She’s right,’ said Nesta. ‘We don’t want you hurt too.’
‘You saying I couldn’t take him on?
‘No,’ said Nesta. ‘No, course not. Just we’ve got enough to think about as it is without worrying about stupid boys punching each other too – so just leave it, will you? In fact, I don’t want to think about it any more at all. It’s giving me a headache.’
I glanced at Lucy. She nodded. ‘I think I need to stay with Nesta tonight, don’t you?’
Nesta slumped forward. Bummer, I thought. That’s my night ruined. It was definitely not the night to be encouraging Lucy to go to second, third or any base. I could punch Luke for that alone, never mind for cheating on my sister. I knew there was no point in trying to persuade Lucy because I knew how intense these girls were about their friendships and being there for each other when in need, and for that reason, I also knew that Nesta would be cut up about TJ as much as Luke. What a creep.
I guess people can say the same about me, probably have done in fact. I’d two-timed many a girl in the past – a trail of broken hearts behind me, that’s part of my legend. No way was I a creep though – my attitude had been that all was fair in love and war. But Nesta looked well cut up. I didn’t like to think I’d done that to anyone. I felt confused. Part of me wanted to let Luke have it. Another part of me understood his behaviour completely.
Lucy’ s Diary
18th December
Holy moley, lemon joley. Phew, what a mad time these last few weeks have been. The maddest ever – and seeing as it’s coming up to Christmas, it ought to have been our best time instead of weeks of misery. Nesta and I had a big falling out with TJ and Izzie after we found out that TJ was a two-timing love rat. Even though it wasn’t Iz who was the two-timer, I had believed that she told me everything. I am her oldest mate after all. It was awful seeing them at school and it being so weird with them. I missed them so much even though I hated them. Then Izzie emailed me to say that TJ backed out of the project because she didn’t want to see Luke any more.
And then at the beginning of this week, TJ comes into school and confronts all of us. Said she never meant to hurt Nesta and that Luke had been lying to everyone behind their backs telling Nesta one thing and her another, and that Nesta had to know the truth about him. She also said that she wanted to be mates with us more than be with someone like Luke. She practically got down on her knees and begged. I could see that she was really upset and even though I was mad with her for hurting Steve, I felt for her too. I decided to be friends again and I believed what she said about Luke stringing her along. Nesta took a while longer, but she came around too and already she has seen someone new that she likes. It was hysterical. It was at the final day of the project and we were all at the display and this gorgie guy came in and we all clocked him and had such a laugh, he clocked Nesta though, which none of us minded because she needed a boost to her confidence. Luke was there too. He looked terrified when he saw us all together, mates for ever, united – and thank goodly goodness, we really are friends again. I know some girls put boys first and drop their friends but Nesta, Izzie, TJ and I know that boys come and go, but friends are for ever.
Tony and I are great. Still a regular couple with regular dates, regular phone calls – he calls most evenings after school just to catch up and most weekends we do a movie or get a DVD and a pizza round at his place. Kind of weird being a proper couple, nice though, except for going shopping with him. That’s a big no no. We tried one afternoon and did my favourite shops in Hampstead. I soon realised that mooching around clothes shops and trying stuff on is much more fun with my girlfriends. Tony couldn’t fake it – despite trying to be enthusiastic, I could see that he was bored out of his mind. Top points for effort though.
I made him a calendar for Christmas. I collected all the photos we have had taken of us since I have known him, like the one the waiter took of us at Biasi’s just after his birthday, that will be the picture for September. Steve helped me put them against a background right for that month, like against a snowy scene for December and against a sizzling hot beach for July. Hope he likes it. The girls all think it’s fab and Izzie wants to do one of us mates too. Steve said he’d do one of us for my birthday in May. He’s been really quiet these past weeks. I think he took being dumped hard. His pride was hurt and he retreated into himself. He’s better recently and is being pursued by a girl called Gina. It’s perked him up no end.
Tony keeps teasing that what he wants for Christmas is to take things a stage further in the oo la la department. Not sure what to do. Oo la la and oo er.
I threw my book to the bottom of the bed. ‘Work, work, work. That’s all I ever do.’
Lucy picked the book up and glanced at it for a moment. ‘Bo-oring,’ s
he said and tossed it aside too. We were top to tail. Her propped up at the end of the bed reading one of her glossy mags and me at the top, supposedly studying. I had been going at it for weeks, even over Christmas and New Year, although we did manage to get in a few parties, but most of January had been nothing but studying. I was determined to get A stars all the way and that meant maximum effort for all of my last year.
Lucy got up and went to the calendar that she had given me for Christmas. It had pride of place over my desk area and had pics of Lucy and I in various scenarios for every month. My fave was the May one when we were two faces amongst a hundred sheep in a Where’s Wally? type of pic.
‘So when is your first exam?’ asked Lucy as I got up and walked to the window. Outside it was dark and dreary. Typical February weather.
‘Too blooming soon,’ I replied. ‘Biology is first. Oh God, I wish I was going on holiday somewhere.’
‘Me too. Our school is doing a school trip to Florence at half term. I so wish that I could go.’
‘Oh yeah, Nesta mentioned it. I think Mum said she could go.’
Lucy sighed. ‘Izzie and TJ too. I’ll be the only one left behind. I’ve asked but Mum and Dad just can’t afford it.’
‘That sucks,’ I said, then I went back to the bed and slid behind Lucy so that she was between my knees. I nuzzled her neck. ‘So we will just have to think of things to do to make up for being left behind, hey?’ I was about to try my luck and see if I could get past first base. I had to play it really carefully because sometimes she slapped me right away, other times she seemed to be more into it. She’d been slightly less resistant lately. Just as she turned and we were mid-snog, Mum burst in.
‘Whoa, oops, sorry to disturb, Tony. Hi Lucy. Didn’t realise you were still here. Um. Right,’ she blustered. She looked embarrassed at first then concerned. Oh no, I thought, I hope she’s not going to get Dad to give me another sex talk later. Whenever I have a girl in my room, they feel the need to give me a caution. Last time was hysterical. Dad said we needed to have a talk about sex. I replied, ‘OK Dad, any time, just let me know what you need to know.’ Nesta had cracked up.
‘Right Lucy,’ continued Mum. ‘Isn’t it time you were getting off home?’
Lucy had gone bright red. She sprang off the bed. ‘Yes. Of course. Right. See ya, Tony.’
I pulled her hand and made her sit down. ‘We weren’t doing anything, Mum, if that’s what you think. Lucy’s going to be a nun, aren’t you Luce? She’s promised to God.’
Lucy went even redder.
‘Just be careful, that’s all,’ said Mum and she backed out of the room.
Lucy and I looked at each other then burst out laughing.
‘It’s your decision, Lucy,’ said Steve.
It was one of the rare occasions when my brother had decided to communicate. We were at home alone one night after school and had bonded over a tub of Ben and Jerry’s Chunky Monkey ice cream. Having a proper conversation happened with Steve about once a year. Lal and I had a joke that he was like a exotic flower that bloomed occasionally and you had to make the most of it when he opened up. We’d been talking about Lal, who had got a mysterious letter to go and see a solicitor – something to do with our neighbour Mrs Finkelstein. She was a weird old stick, angry with everyone and we were worried that Lal had done something stupid to annoy her and had got into trouble. Somehow we’d moved on to talking about relationships and doing ‘the deed’.
‘Have you done it?’ I asked.
Steve tapped his nose. ‘None of your business,’ he said.
Open, but not that much, I thought, then decided that actually I didn’t want to know. The thought of either of my brothers having sex made me feel weird although I knew that Lal was still a virgin simply because even if he snogs a girl, he has to announce it to the world.
‘I know it’s my decision,’ I said. ‘I have been thinking about it.’
Steve looked at me with a concerned expression. ‘You do know that you’re underage, don’t you?’
I shrugged. ‘So are loads of people in our school that have done it. So?’
‘It’s against the law. We had some guy come into our school and give us the lecture about the legal age, which is sixteen, in case you didn’t know. That and the condom talk.’
‘Yuk.’
‘Hmm, well, they say if you’re not ready to talk about it, you’re not really ready to do it. Anyway, lots of people lie about what they say they’ve done.’
‘Yeah, yeah. Besides, I’ll be fifteen in May, that’s almost sixteen.’
Steve raised an eyebrow.
‘But what do you think?’ I asked. ‘Should I do it?’
‘Jeez. I don’t know Lucy. I’m your big brother! I don’t really want to think about it. Talk to Tony.’
I rolled my eyes. No point in that, I thought, I know what he’d say. Wahey and get your kit off. I had pretty well decided that I was going to go further. I liked, no, loved Tony and I think he felt the same although he had never actually said the l-word. I hadn’t said it to him either. I didn’t want to scare him off. We had been going steady and that was really something for him. He would be responsible if I agreed to do it, I’m sure he would. I had talked it over with the girls and they were surprised. None of us had done it yet and, not that it’s a competition, I don’t think anyone thought it would be me who was first. What’s worrying me is that a girl in our year at school got pregnant. I saw her crying in the cloakroom and saw how freaked out she was. ‘Candice Carter is pregnant,’ I blurted out to Steve.
‘That redhead in your class? She was here for your singles only party last summer, wasn’t she?’
I nodded. ‘Yeah. She’s a laugh normally, but I’ve never seen her so upset, like all her plans for the future have disappeared, and it made me think.’
‘Yeah, but not every girl who has sex gets pregnant, Luce. Especially if you take precautions.’
‘I know but some do and no contraceptive is a hundred per cent guaranteed.’
Dad arrived back moments later so that put the kibosh on our conversation. Having the sex conversation is not one I wanted to have with him again. Once was enough. He’d sat me, Steve and Lal down and gave us a lecture like we knew nothing and as if we don’t go over it all at school. We had all dutifully sniggered like five-year-olds. Still, Candice’s situation had made me question my decision to go ahead with Tony. Having sex, even with precautions, was, as my brother had kindly pointed out, illegal, as well as being a risk. Was it one that I was seriously ready to take?
Nesta knocked on the door. ‘You OK in there?’
‘Fine, yes, thanks.’
‘Lucy in there with you?’
I opened the door and Nesta looked past me and tried and get into the room. ‘Where is she?’
‘Gone,’ I said and gently shoved her out then shut the door.
‘OK, be like that, rude person,’ Nesta called back through the door.
I wasn’t in the mood for Nesta. If she got the slightest inkling of what had just happened, she’d want every detail and then no doubt she’d blame me. It was Saturday night. Mum, Dad and Nesta had been out all evening and Lucy had been over. I thought it was to be the night. She’d been dropping hints and when she arrived, she was giving me all the signals. It was going great at first and it looked like we were even going to get past second base and maybe on to third then she suddenly pulled back and told me about some girl in her class that had got pregnant. I did my best to reassure her that it wasn’t going to happen to us and I backed off a bit. When we started kissing again the moment had gone. She tried to get into it, but I could see that she had panicked and was anxious, maybe not doing it for the right reason. I got the feeling that she was trying to do it because she felt that she ought to rather than wanted to – and I didn’t want that. In the end, she admitted she wasn’t ready and before I could stop myself, it was out of my mouth that maybe we should take a break. I mean, although she’s almost fifteen, I’m e
ighteen. I have had more experience than her and if I was honest with myself, holding back from going further with Lucy was doing my head in. No way did I want to rush her though. I wanted her to want it too, as much as I did, but tonight, I realised that we were poles apart and I began to think that maybe the age difference was the problem. So we agreed to finish. It was awful, she looked so hurt.
After she’d gone, I picked up the phone a few times to say, no, let’s carry on as we were but I put the receiver back down. I knew it was for the best – but that didn’t stop me feeling totally crapola about it.
Mum and Lal looked decidedly suspicious when I got home from school. It had been a rubbish day. I’d been worried about Lal because I knew he had his appointment with the solicitor, plus I felt crap and a half about breaking up with Tony. I was going to miss him so much. I had loved being his girlfriend and I liked the way he called me every night. It already felt like there was a big empty space in my life. The girls had been supportive as ever, Nesta wanting to go and kill Tony of course (again) so I had to talk her out of it (again) but we did have a laugh about ways to get revenge – Izzie took the prize with her idea to sneak into Tony’s bedroom and sew prawns into his bedding. Snicker snicker. But I didn’t really feel like laughing. I didn’t really want to take revenge. It wasn’t like that with us. I still cared about him a lot, I couldn’t deny it, and the fact that Izzie, Lucy and TJ were soon about to take off for Florence wasn’t helping either.
‘What’s going on?’ I asked as soon as I saw that Mum and Lal were home.
Mum told me to call everyone together in the kitchen and I felt a rush of panic as I went upstairs to call Steve and Dad down. We only had family talks like she was proposing when something serious was going on.
The Secret Story Page 11
