by Zara Chase
She jerked upright, away from the troubling images playing tricks with her mind, and cried out, disorientated, afraid again.
“It’s okay, darlin’,” said the soothing voice of the man she recognized as Zeke. “You were dreaming, is all. You’re quite safe.”
“Hmm.”
“Come on, I’ve got you. Close your eyes again and we’ll be home before you know it.”
“Home?” She blinked. “I don’t have a home.”
“Oh, sweetheart, you so do.”
Zeke’s cool hand gently wiped her hot forehead. Instantly reassured by his touch, she snuggled back down beneath the blanket someone had lain across her, grateful to feel warm for once. She must have slept, but without panicking this time, and woke when the wheels of the plane bumped against tarmac.
“Here we are, sugar,” Raoul said. “We’re home.”
She rubbed the sleep from her eyes with her knuckles. “I wish I could remember,” she said, so quietly that she didn’t think they would hear her.
“You will, honey,” Zeke replied. “When your mind decides the time is right.”
They helped her from her seat and down a few steps. Zeke disappeared and returned behind the wheel of an SUV. How did she know it was an SUV? Some memory stirred in the back of her brain. So many fragments of jumbled information rattled around inside her head and she had no idea where they came from. It was disorientating.
“Come on, sweetheart.”
Raoul helped her into the back seat and slid in beside her. He buckled her seatbelt for her, then attended to his own and rested an arm along the back of the seat, bringing it to rest on her shoulders. He looked at her apprehensively, as though he thought she might fight him off. That was her first instinct, but the moment his fingers caressed the top of her arm with slow, lazy swirling movements, she relaxed. Something that felt so soothing couldn’t possibly cause her any harm. Besides, she had no fight left in her. Whatever these two guardian angels had in mind for her, she had no energy to protest.
She looked out of the window as they sped down a busy highway, wondering where she was being taken. She didn’t ask because for as long as she could recall she had refused to speak at all. It had infuriated her captor when she refused to speak to him, but talking was now an effort. Besides, even if they told her the truth, she would be none the wiser.
Everything seemed to move so fast. All the cars were travelling at breakneck speed, as though the people in them had somewhere important to be. Zeke turned their car off the highway onto a quieter road. It must be summertime. The sun was high in the sky, bathing green plains with its brilliant rays. Horses and cattle were making the most of the verdant grass, and there was a range of craggy mountains in the distance. The Rockies. Cantara frowned. How did she know that? She noticed lakes everywhere, torpid water speckled a dozen different shades of turquoise by the sun. It was so serene that she sensed tension drain out of her, and felt an immediate affinity with her surroundings. No one who lived in this sort of place would try to hurt her, would they?
“Wyoming,” she said abruptly.
“You know where you are?” Raoul looked delighted, as though she had said something remarkable. “That’s great, babe.”
“How did I know that?”
“It’s where we all planned to live together, darlin’,” Zeke replied from behind the wheel. “Before…well before what happened.”
What did happen? “Oh.”
The car slowed. Zeke turned it between two tall gateposts and paused at an electronic gate. Cantara tensed. Electronic gates meant high security, meant lack of freedom.
“Relax, babe,” Raoul said easily, gently squeezing her hand. “This is home and the gates are to keep out unwelcome visitors.”
She glanced at a sign on one of the pillars and noticed the name of the place. It was simply called Cantara.
“That’s my name,” she breathed as the gates swung open and Zeke drove through them.
“We named the spread after you,” Raoul told her. “The first thing we did when we bought it was to change its name.”
“Oh,” she said again.
She stared out the window as they drove for what seemed like forever along a private road on the ranch’s land. There was neat post and rail fencing keeping some lovely horses inside different paddocks. It seemed neat and well organized and she saw no people at all. Only animals. Animals were good. She liked animals.
The vehicle came to a halt in front of a sprawling brick and timber ranch house with a wraparound porch. Raoul jumped from the car, leaned back in to unfasten her belt, and offered her his hand. She paused for a second, then slipped hers into it, reassured rather than apprehensive when his long fingers closed around her palm. He helped her from the car and swept her from the ground.
“Welcome home, darlin’,” he said, dropping his head to cover her lips with his own. “We missed you more than you could possibly know.”
“Now this place feels complete,” Zeke added, grasping one of her hands as Raoul carried her into the house.
Raoul put her down in what was obviously the great room—the heart of the house, with stunning views over paddocks dotted with horses either grazing or chasing one another around.
“It’s lovely,” she said. “Very peaceful.”
“Which is just what you need,” Zeke said, sliding an arm around her waist and standing with her to admire the view. “See that paddock there?” He pointed. She followed the direction of his finger with her eyes and nodded. “Those are Arabians. I promised you that when we got this place I would buy you an Arabian mare.” The arm circling her waist tightened. “And I kept my promise, even though I never thought the day would come when you’d get to ride her.”
“I can ride?” she asked, blinking. “I seem to remember that I can, but…” She shook her head, frustrated because the ephemeral memory had already slipped away.
“You can ride, honey,” Raoul assured her, coming up on her either side and touching her face. She didn’t even flinch. Zeke was holding her waist, Raoul was touching her face, and she didn’t appear to feel threatened. Remarkable. “And Zeke broke that beautiful gray Arabian especially for you, the one there that’s prancing around, showing off because she’s almost as beautiful as you are. She’s just waiting for you to take her out as soon as you’re well enough.”
“Her name is Iesha,” Zeke said. “I remember you telling me once you thought it was a pretty name.”
“It is pretty, but I don’t remember that. I wish I did.”
“The doctor says not to try too hard and the memories will come back in time,” Raoul told her.
“Will they?” Cantara wondered if she wanted them to. She knew bad things that gave her nightmares and pain had happened to her. Now she felt safe. Why not start her life anew from today?
“Sure they will.” Raoul kissed her cheek. “But now, I’m gonna cook us something to eat and then I guess you’ll want to sleep. You have a lot of adjustments to make.”
“Yellow!” She jumped with excitement. “You promised me a yellow room.”
They shared a glance and smiled simultaneously. “And we keep our promises,” Raoul said. “Well, most of them,” he added, scowling at some memory he didn’t choose to share with her. “Come see for yourself.”
He was like a little boy on Christmas morning, bursting with excitement as he took her hand and led her down a corridor. Zeke opened a door and she found herself in a huge room, painted sunshine yellow, with windows on three sides. A huge, very comfortable-looking bed dominated the room, and the lightwood furnishings and floral drapes were just what she would have chosen for herself. She gasped with delight.
“I saw a room like this, inside my head, when…I don’t know when. But I saw it.”
“We kept it for you, even though we thought you were…” Raoul shot Zeke a look and his words trailed off. “Well, we haven’t been in here for a long time.”
She wondered why not, but didn’t ask. “Your clothe
s from before are in there,” Raoul said, indicating the walk-in closet. “They’ll be too big right now, but we can get you new things. And the bathroom’s right through that door.”
“Do you want to rest before supper?” Zeke asked. “You’ve been through a lot today.”
“No, I want to stay with you all.” She blinked, surprised by the spontaneous admission.
“Come on then, darlin’,” Raoul said, holding out his hand. “You can sit in the other room, while we fix you a welcome home dinner.”
* * * *
Zeke sat with Cantara while Raoul busied himself in the kitchen. She seemed distant, but less anxious than she had been, hopefully at ease with them here in the home they had built for her, never expecting her to occupy it. The yellow room had been made for the three of them to share. Neither he nor Raoul had set foot in it once the decorating and furnishing was done and they had filled it with Cantara’s possessions. A shrine to the woman they loved and had let down when she’d needed them the most. Same went for Iesha. She was the perfect mare for Cantara—spirited, beautiful, and just a little wilful. Breaking the mare to saddle had somehow made Zeke feel closer to Cantara’s spirit.
Now, against all the odds, they were blessed with the return of the woman herself. This time they would not fail her.
“Thanks, bud,” Zeke said as Raoul handed him a beer and placed a cup of Earl Grey at Cantara’s side. She looked at it for a protracted moment, as though wondering what she was supposed to do with it, and then smiled.
“Thank you, Raoul,” she said in a soft, sultry voice that sounded as though it hadn’t gotten much use over the past few years.
Raoul’s smile was wider than the Mississippi. “It’s entirely my pleasure, darlin’,” he replied, briefly touching her face because, like Zeke, he could get enough of touching her.
“It’s hard for me,” she said, surprising Zeke by speaking without being asked a question. It was virtually the first time it had happened and caused Raoul to stop chopping vegetables and look up at her expectantly.
“What is, sugar?” Zeke asked, knowing full well what she would most likely say.
“Not being able to remember who I am. It’s like someone has drawn a curtain through my mind. Occasionally it flaps open and I see glimpses of things.”
“Like the yellow room?”
“Yes, like that.”
“It was important to you, sugar. That’s probably why. So was coming to live in Wyoming, and you remembered that name.” Zeke paused. “And our names, too.”
“I thought you weren’t real,” she said. “I kept seeing your faces but I thought I was dreaming again when you came to get me from that plane.”
The pathos in her tone broke Zeke’s heart. “We’re real, sweetheart, and we’re never gonna let you out of our sight again.”
“I’m figuring you’ll remember more and more real quick now,” Raoul said from the kitchen as he supervised his grilled fish. “Every day you’ll feel a little stronger, a little safer, and your mind will be ready to unlock itself.”
She looked distressed. “But what if it doesn’t?”
Zeke picked up her hand and kissed each of her fingers in turn. “Then we’ll help you, sweet thing. Never doubt it for a moment.”
“We’ve got a specialist coming to see you tomorrow,” Raoul said. “I just spoke to his office and fixed it up. He doesn’t usually make house calls, but for a special lady like you, he’s willing to make an exception.”
She tensed up. “Don’t leave me alone with him.”
“I already told you,” Zeke said gently. “You never have to be alone again.”
“But why can’t I remember?” she asked, frowning. “Why do I know what some things are instinctively and yet I can’t remember what happened last week?”
“You hurt your head,” Zeke told her, because she didn’t seem to know. “Bad bangs to the head sometimes cause memory problems.”
“Oh, perhaps that’s why I get so many headaches.”
“You need to tell the doctor about those tomorrow,” Zeke said. “He’ll be able to help you, I expect.”
“Yes, perhaps he will.” She shared a protracted glance between them. “The lady on the plane told me I was going to meet my husband. Is one of you my husband?”
How to answer that one? “Would you like one of us to be?” Zeke countered cautiously.
“I think so,” she replied after a long hesitation. “You make me feel safe, and I know I haven’t felt safe in a long time, especially around men.” She shook her head. “But I can’t decide which of you I prefer.”
“Why not settle for us both?” Raoul asked, blowing her a kiss from the open kitchen area.
Her eyes widened and Zeke was encouraged to see them light up, albeit briefly. “Is that allowed?”
Both men threw back their heads and laughed. “Oh yeah, babe,” Raoul replied for them both. “It’s definitely allowed, but as far as the rest of the world’s concerned, you’re married to me. Is that okay with you?”
“Yes, I think so.”
“Well, that’s real good. Now come on you two, dinner’s ready.”
Cantara fed herself this time, picking at her salad and the grilled fillets of fish Raoul had prepared, along with tiny potatoes and green beans. She cleared her plate of the small portion Raoul had given her.
“That was nice,” she said. “Thank you.”
“Seeing you eat it all is thanks enough,” Raoul said, clearing away the dishes. “And it just so happens that I have some raspberry ice cream. Your favorite.”
She gave him a blank stare. “Is it?”
“You tell us,” Zeke replied, dishing some up and placing it in front of her.
She picked up the spoon, took a little of the frozen dessert into her mouth and savored it slowly. “Hmm, it tastes real good, but I don’t remember having it before.”
Shit, Zeke thought. She used to eat it all the time.
“You can have more next time,” Raoul promised her. “Have to get you used to this stuff again slowly or your insides will protest.”
“Why?” she asked with another of her bewildered looks.
“Don’t worry about it, sweet thing,” Raoul replied, dropping a gentle kiss on her brow. “Just concentrate on getting better one day at a time.”
She stifled a yawn with the back of her hand.
“Come on, darlin’,” Zeke said, standing and taking her hand to pull her to her feet. “It’s getting dark and you’re beat. It’s time for you to get some rest.”
Together Zeke and Raoul did what they had never imagined they would get to do, and got the love of their life ready for bed in the home they had created for her. Her eyes were dropping by the time they’d helped her to wash, brush out her hair and slip into a silk nightgown that Raoul had bought for her in a previous life. It hung off her emaciated frame, but she seemed to find the touch of the silk against her skin soothing. Zeke pulled back the covers and Raoul lifted her into the middle of the huge bed—a bed which they had given up all hope of ever sharing with her.
Now that hope had been resurrected—but it wouldn’t happen tonight. She needed to get used to being back in civilization first. She needed time to heal. Each man kissed her brow as Zeke pulled the covers up to her chin.
“Sleep well, darlin’,” Raoul said. “We’re both right down the hall. Just call if you need anything and we’ll come running. We’ll leave the door slightly open so we can hear you if you want us. Is that all right?”
She mumbled something incoherent and curled into a ball on her left side. Zeke and Raoul waited until her breathing became slow and even and they were pretty sure she was asleep. The doctor had given them sleeping pills for her but both men were against the idea of her taking them unless absolutely necessary. They were here to help her through her neurosis. She didn’t need chemical additives messing with her already messed-up mind.
They ought to leave her but lingered a little longer, drinking in the sight of her.
In repose, with the covers over her thin body, she looked almost like the Cantara of old. Except she would never be that person again. Part of Zeke thought it would be better if her memory didn’t come back, but he also knew that unless she faced her demons, she would never be free of the fears that gripped her.
“What do you make of her?” Zeke asked as they crept away and sat together in the great room, sipping beers straight from the bottles.
“I think there’s a good chance she’ll get her memory back,” Raoul replied. “Odd things are occurring to her already. Whether that will be a good thing or not, is another matter.”
“Yeah, I hear you.” Zeke felt a murderous rage streak through him. “When I see how cowed she now is, how petrified of men, it makes me wanna commit a few murders of my own.”
“Then we’re on the same page.” Raoul’s expression was set in stone. “We know who took her, and why. He’s dead so there’s nothing we can do about him. What we can do is track down Levi and make him regret the day he was born for what he put her through.”
“I still find it hard to believe that he did it,” Zeke said, shaking his head. “I thought he was as straight as a die.”
Raoul shrugged. “Just goes to show. A fool who can’t control his cock can land up in all sorts of shit. He should have known better than to get caught in a honey trap. Once that happened, he belonged to the guys who trapped him.”
“Yeah, I guess.” Zeke stretched his arms above his head and grinned. “We have her back, man. That’s all that counts. I still can’t believe it. We’ll get her fit again physically, get some meat back on her bones, and hopefully the rest will follow.”
“We’ll know more tomorrow after…” A bloodcurdling scream had them both leaping to their feet. “What the fuck!”
They ran to Cantara’s room and switched on the lights. She was thrashing about in the huge bed, her body bathed in perspiration, the silk nightgown twisted in knots around her. But it was her face that worried them the most. She was whiter than the sheets she had kicked aside, and the terror in her eyes tore at their heartstrings. Even though her eyes were wide, she was clearly still asleep, gripped by a nightmare.
