“Come, Ryan, I have no time for displays of pain.”
I eased up on the anguish act, but I squinted something awful with that eye at him for a good five minutes.
“I must insist on proper respect. That is full and unwavering respect. Any questions, funny robot?”
“Yes. So, what do I call you?”
“That is simple and consistent. Master. You call me Master.”
This dog double entendre was getting out of hand. Did his barkiness know?
“I have a question. How is it—”
The electric stick flashed to my groin. Yeah, this was getting serious.
“I ask the questions. You answer the questions. Then you die.”
I raised my hand, signaling I had a question.
“What,” his woof-woof demanded.
“I don’t get it. What’s my motivation here? I comply and still I die? What’s the upside for me?”
“The manner of death can be widely variant. Also, the manner of death of your loved ones can be affected. For example, I could summon my pack and devour your precious Deft bitch while she is alive, before your eyes.”
I must have revealed surprise.
“Oh, we know of the Deft you stole from us. We know everything. You are new to this epoch. Were you to have lingered longer than you will, you’d have learned that.”
“How could I steal her. You were about to kill her?”
“Precisely. You prevented us from completing our plan, from executing our will. Such a crime is rare because the penalties are so severe.”
“Don’t you think you’re overdoing the pompous badass routine, Garustfulous?”
One electric beam zapped me in the mouth, then another in the throat.
“Look,” I said impatiently, “you say you’re going to kill me, so I’m going to ask. How is it you were in the last room I searched. That’s … improbable at best.”
“It was meant as a lesson. I knew which room you’d enter last, so I waited here,” he gestured around the room.
“But you couldn’t. I didn’t know which room I’d enter last until I reached this floor.”
“But I did. Never underestimate us. It is impossible to overestimate us. We are unstoppable.”
I raised my hand again.
“What?” he said, snatching up the stick.
“If you are unstoppable, how do you account for the fact that I destroyed that big prison ship, outran you during pursuit, not once but twice, and that I’m leaving here alive while you’ll be dead?”
“General Ryan, you are pushing the limits. That question was thirty-seven words long. That is unacceptable.” I think the dog grinned. It’s not easy to tell with a dog.
“I’ll be more careful in the future.”
“No need to worry. Yours will be so abbreviated.”
“Do you realize how many soon-to-be-dead people have said that to me? You’re kind of boring me.”
He bristled. “The Adamant were not among those.”
“Ah, Mercutcio might beg to differ with you, pal.”
He stared at me, glared at me, for a long time. “Do you know why these inquisition sticks only carry enough energy for six discharges?”
“Any more and they’d be too heavy for your delicate paw?”
“No. It is because were anyone to endure six shocks and still beg for death, it would be granted immediately.”
I made a show of counting my fingers. “One, eye. Two, groin. Three and four, mouth and throat. I’m good.”
He zapped me in the mouth again.
“Five, mouth. But it’s a do-over, so I think I’ll only award it half a point.”
“How is it a man so flippant and abrasive has lived such a very long time?”
“Sometimes I’m not certain myself. I think stunning good looks and a regard for the less fortunate definitely factor in.” I batted my eyelids. This wasn’t random crap I was dishing out. I’d come to rely on a strategy I call impatience-fatigue. I wear down their ability to react by being so floridly obnoxious.
“After you and your little bitch are dead, I will nap easier.”
I had to say it. “Do you know you look like border collies from my planet. They were service creatures—dogs. You keep saying nap, bark, master, all the things that were associated with dog ownership. Are you unaware or trying to be cute with me?”
That, apparently, did it. He dropped to all fours, and with the stick in his mouth, came around the table to my chair. He removed the stick, stood, and began beating me with it. He really laid into me, I gotta give him credit. By the time he was finished, yup, he was panting and his tongue was hanging out.
“Is that a yes, or is that a no?” I asked in as helpful a manner as I could.
When he was done beating me some more, he was exhausted. The sedentary life of a cruel overlord had its downside. He was in lousy shape. I elected to keep that observation to myself.
When he was seated again, he panted a while longer. “We are just about done here. I have not been so angry with another living creature—ah, forgive me, yet again, robot.”
“Think nothing of it.”
“I will.” He sighed deeply. “Well, this is the juncture where I traditionally begin removing body parts, asking one key question which each segment.”
“Don’t let me interfere with your fun.”
“You will not. This time I will gratuitously tear your Deft bitch apart. Then I will begin with you.”
Uh oh. I hoped I could defend Mirraya. I was pushing him in part to allow her time to escape.
“You see, my men have been following you since you entered the city. We observed you and her the entire time. Her changing from one hideous creature to another didn’t distract us.”
The over-confident fool had made a mistake. Cool.
“She is being invited up here as we speak.”
On cue, there was a scratching at the door.
“Come.”
These guys were going to kill me, all right. Kill me with humorous irony.
The door flew open, and a single Adamant soldier marched the naked Mirraya in. He had a nasty looking rifle placed at the base of her skull.
“You may stop and leave us,” Garustfulous said to the guard.
He continued, however, to march her forward.
“I said halt. What’s your name and rank, grunt?”
Still he pushed Mirraya forward with his rifle muzzle.
“I will brook no—”
Garustfulous stopped shouting when the barrel dropped from Mirraya’s and slammed into his nose. He stared crosseyed at it. Dude was seriously stunned.
“Move, make one solitary move, and your nose stops being cold and wet. Paws where I can see’um,” the guard snapped.
Garustfulous complied, but began to sit.
“Ah ah, away from the desk of many wonders.”
He waved the rifle toward me, and Garustfulous moved over slowly.
“Do you think you know how to tie up a hound dog, Uncle Jon?” the guard asked.
Smartass. But, never say that to the one wielding the plasma rifle.
I searched the room and came up with thick string, zip ties, and moderately strong tape. Within a few minutes, Garustfulous was bound up like the proverbial Christmas goose.
“Okay, kid,” I said to the guard, “hand me the gun and switch back.”
“I told you not to call me kid,” the guard replied.
“Get over yourself.” I pointed to Mirraya. “Her, I promised. You still have to earn it.”
In synch, the two figures melted. The guard became Mirraya, and Mirraya became Slapgren. There they were both naked again, darn it all.
“What?” I asked.
“He was too scared to be the guard, so we switched,” she responded.
“I was not too scared. I favored an alternate plan, that’s all,” said Slapgren in his defense.
“Yeah, to do nothing and let Uncle Jon be killed.”
“No. I wanted to let
the situation play out farther, that’s all.”
“Well, thanks to you both. Garustfulous here was about to do some pretty despicable things to me.” I turned and pointed to the bound figure on the floor. “Bad dog. No cookie for you.”
“That’s Garustfulous?” said Slapgren with wonder.
“S’what he told me. Why?”
“Wedge Commander Garustfulous? The Killer of Worlds? The Storm in the Night? He’s a seriously bad player.”
“How do you know him?” I asked more than a little curious.
“My father was a diplomat, fairly high up. He knew Garustfulous was coming to Locinar and tried to negotiate with him. That pile of shit wouldn't even answer my father’s messages. He led the assault on us.” Slapgren looked at the rifle in my hand, and I didn’t need to ask what he was thinking about.
“Well, he’s my prisoner now. Don’t get any ideas, all right?”
I wasn’t pleased that Slapgren growled in response. I half expected his to turn into the bogeyman and bounce onto Garustfulous, teeth first. Good kid. His star was rising in my eyes.
“Hey,” I said to Slapgren, to distract him, “bring me that stick.”
Garustfulous’s eyes followed the stick like it scared him. Very perceptive puppy. He was a veteran of its use, wasn’t he?
Slapgren offered me the stick. I held up a palm. “Place this end,” I pointed to the business end, “anywhere you want on him. Then press this,” I indicated the trigger switch. Mind the flashback.”
Oh, my did Slapgren get the wickedest look in his eyes as comprehension dawned.
He set the tip on Garustfulous’s nose and slowly drew it down to his butt. Slapgren gave the stick a not so gentle shove and hit the switch. I must say the results were messier than the kid anticipated, but I don’t think he really minded. In the end, Garustfulous got the message, loud and clear. I was glad I’d gagged him.
“So now what?” asked Slapgren as he dropped the stick to the floor.
“We need to—”
Mirraya cut me off. “Remember when I told Garustfulous to step away from his desk of many wonders?”
“Yeah.”
“I said so because it is, in part, a PEMTU.”
“No way!” I exclaimed.
“I know,” she smiled back. “I learned that when I touched the guard to assume his shape.”
“Zar-not?” said Slapgren with wonder.
She smiled even bigger to him.
“What’s zarnot?” I asked.
“Zar-not,” Slapgren corrected reverently. “It is a rare gift. Only the priest class possess it.”
“And priestesses,” Mirraya added.
“It allows the Deft to actually become the copy, to be one with its mind. It is the rarest of gifts. Once every few generations.”
“So, what, you can read minds?”
“Something like that,” she replied.
“Can you operate the PEMTU?” I asked quickly.
“No. Such knowledge was below that guard’s pay level. Sorry.”
“Hey, it’s a start.” I handed the rifle to Slapgren. “Here, but don’t shoot unless he unties himself and makes a run for it.”
“I don’t think he’ll be running for quite some time, Uncle Jon,” Slapgren said with too big of a smile. The little son of a gun. My kind of kid.
I went to the desk and fiddled with the drawers. It was not clear how it might operate. I placed my fibers on it. “Anyone home?” I asked.
“You are unauthorized and will be deleted,” came the mechanical reply.
The AIs were as revolting as their bosses. What a pathetic society.
“I am authorized. I am Mercutcio. Please check your records and verify.” I couldn’t think of anything else.
“You are not. Master Mercutcio is dead. After your escape of Triumph of Might, all algorithms and security protocols were redesigned. That trick will never work again.” I could almost hear the na na na na nanners from the jerk.
I tried to initiate a hack but couldn’t get past the first firewall. Someone had excellent programmers on the payroll.
“Nothing,” I said, mostly to myself. Then I noticed the bound and gagged prisoner. I pointed to him. “Do you think you can do the zar-not thing on him?” I asked Mirraya.
“I don’t know. I only got a tiny glimpse inside the guard’s head. We’re told zar-not must be honed over years.”
“Are you willing to try? Is there a downside?”
“Yes, and I say she does not try,” said a suddenly bold Slapgren.
“I’m willing to—”
“What could go wrong?” I asked.
“She could lose her mind,” Slapgren said flatly.
“You mean go insane, right?”
“No,” he replied a few octaves lower than I’d ever hear from him, “I mean she could lose her mind. Her consciousness could leave her and go … somewhere. No one knows for certain where. Maybe it just disappears.”
“S’at true?” I asked her.
“That is what we are told. The gift is rare. Not much is known. Sorry, Uncle Jon.”
“Well if there’s that much risk, we’ll find another way.”
Timing was everything. That’s when the door exploded open and the shooting started. A troop of Adamant were trying to enter the room. They were laying down random firing patterns and rushing forward. It was suicide for the lead soldiers. I imagine that was okay in Adamant etiquette.
Slapgren started firing, and darn if he wasn’t a good shot. I traced a horizontal laser line across the attackers and the initial wave fell dead. The next salvo of attackers noted the mangled corpses that they were about to duplicate and pulled back quickly. I hear panicky orders being barked. The soldiers were confused and frightened. That wouldn’t last long. Any officer worth their kibble wouldn’t order them into the breech again very soon.
I turned to ask Mirraya to try copying Garustfulous, as it was our only hope. She was already on her knees beside him, melting. God, I loved that young woman. I pointed to what little furniture was in the room, directing Slapgren to take cover. I pinned my back against the opposite wall.
Outside the panic to the voices ebbed. That wasn’t good. I cut a line along both sides of the metal wall knee high for an erect border collie. The howls of anguish and confusion were music to my ears. The troops retreated another ten meters. Most importantly, they didn’t advance immediately.
Mirraya was now standing next to the PEMTU. She was issuing orders, it seemed.
I heard the order to attack or die boom in the hallway. It was now or never.
Mirraya waved us to come to where she stood. I fired into the walls as I moved, but within a second, dog soldiers were sprinting into the room firing madly.
As I passed Garustfulous on the floor, I grabbed him by the scruff of his neck and threw him over my shoulder. Hostages were a great asset. Slapgren fired continuously up until he was struck in the leg. He buckled to the floor next to Mirraya. Then the world started to fizz out of existence in a swirl of light.
We stood on a mountain top. The wind was fierce, and the temperature was well below freezing. I made a quick check. I would be fine. The climate was within my system specs. Not so sure about the kids, especially a wounded one.
“Can this unit put up a protective barrier?” I yelled over the din.
The figure that looked identical to Garustfulous shook its head no.
I spun to check on Slapgren’s wound. He’d already melted and was turning into a God-knows-what. It was round with short fat legs, maybe twelve though it was hard to tell. It was one gigantic ball of wooly white fur is what it was.
The fur ball leaned over to me and said loudly, “I’ll be fine. The wound heals with the transformation.”
Nice attribute for a warrior.
I turned to Mirraya. “Can you change too?”
“Yes, but I might lose control of the PEMTU if I do. It’s been giving me a very hard time. Damn thing knows I’m not the real Garustfu
lous but can’t disobey valid orders.”
“Where the hell are we?” I shouted.
“Mount Vesparil. It’s the second highest peak on Locinar. It was the only location I knew in a hurry.”
“Fine. Ya did good. Now, think Stingray back on Ungalaym.”
“I’ll try,” she said with a concerned look.
“You’ll do fine,” I patted her on top of her head. I’d had pulled Garustfulous from my shoulder to check on him, but I really didn’t care if he was alive, dead, or transitional betwixt the two states. Son of a bitch deserved whatever he got. I hoped he froze his balls off, as they were propped against my ear, exposed to the harsh environment.
The flashy fuzzy lights returned, and we were gone. Then we were right next to Stingray.
I threw Garustfulous to the floor like an over-stuffed duffle bag and embraced Mirraya. I It was the first time for a girl to literally melt in my arms. Not sure I’d like to go there again. It was like hugging molasses. I was even less comfortable snuggling up to, yup, naked Mirraya. Boy that naked thing was pervasive in their culture. I was glad I was born human.
Slapgren had reformed into his old, young self. He was buck naked too, of course, but him I could handle. Maybe, just maybe, I’d become less prudish in a hurry.
“Okay,” I announced, “everyone into Stingray.” I lifted the then moaning Garustfulous and tossed him roughly to the deck. Oh, I thought to myself, did I hurt the little prince? So sorry—not.
“Al, deploy a full membrane,” I said.
“Done,” responded Stingray. Now they were working as one. Great, marital bliss amongst diodes and wires. I needed a vacation.
“I need to revive the dog and see if he needs a vet. I want to check him for bugs and homing devices.”
“You’re worried he has bugs,” asked Slapgren, “at a time like this?”
“No, boy, I mean radios, monitoring equipment. The membrane’ll keep us invisible for now, but we can’t stay here long. I need to pay the debt I owe for the Gartel’s ship, then I want outta here. If he’s bugged, they’ll find us immediately.”
Embers: The Galaxy On Fire Series, Book 1 Page 18
