He lifted his eyebrows expectantly as she turned and disappeared up the stairs, heading into her bedroom to pull the comforter off her bed. Stopping before going back down the steps, she grabbed a pair of wool socks, pulling them over her bare feet. As she emerged from the stairwell, comforter billowing about her like a fluffy cloud, Ryan laughed.
“What are you going to do, smother me?” He laughed, giving her a wide smile.
“The intent is to warm you up, but since you’ll have to go back out into the cold, I don’t know what good it’s going to do.”
She didn’t give him a chance to answer as she stepped through the dining room and pushed open the door to the living room, which was stained a dark brown from the dining room side but looked rather faded and dingy from the other. She didn’t stop to turn on the light as she peered at the tree in front of the window, which was rather small and looked like it had only been bedecked with the lights to that point. Crossing to Annie’s couch, she paused and waited for Ryan to join her.
“This will be the first time I’ve ever sat in this room,” she remarked casually as he rubbed his hands together before crossing his arms and placing his fingers beneath his armpits. “Sorry we don’t have Annie’s TV hooked up yet, and mine’s upstairs.”
“Believe it or not, I didn’t come here to watch TV.”
Shifting uncomfortably from one foot to the other, she glanced at the couch. “Did you take off early?”
“It’s 8:30. That doesn’t exactly feel early to me, but yeah, I finished up a little before I expected.”
“Sorry. I guess I’ve lost track of time.” Peering at the couch again, she lifted one corner of her mouth in a teasing smile. “Are you going to sit down, or are we just going to stand here awkwardly staring at one another?”
“I’m going to sit down. Any other instructions?”
He lowered himself slowly to the corner of the couch, reaching out for her hand.
“You’re too cold for that,” she protested with a grin. “Why don’t you pull your boots off and make yourself comfortable?”
“Making myself comfortable is likely to put me to sleep. And with that giant comforter, I’m a little afraid you’re tucking me in for the night.”
Dropping the comforter onto his lap, she sat beside him, looping her arm through his and leaning against him. “Like I told you, I’m just trying to get you warmed up. Why you’d be out driving around on your bike on a night like this is beyond me.”
“I’d imagine you have a pretty good idea,” he said, allowing her to snuggle against him. “You want to tell me what’s bothering you?”
Although she felt safe and welcome sitting next to the man beside her, she hesitated briefly, wondering if she should share her deepest thoughts. Closing her eyes, she focused on the fact that she could feel the coolness of his skin beneath his shirt, and the thought that he would go to such lengths to see her caused her to relax slightly.
"I'm not a match for Kelsey,” she began softly. He didn’t make a move as she leaned further against his arm, dropping her head to his shoulder.
“I never expected you to be a match,” he finally said. “The mere fact that you were willing to make such a sacrifice for Kels is wonderful, so don’t let your disappointment take that away.” Letting out an audible sigh, he placed his head against hers. “Can I put my arm around you now?”
“Not if your hands are cold.” Smiling to herself at his annoyed grunt, she focused on the sound of him breathing beside her. “That’s not all. Summer was making some allegations about me today…completely ridiculous things, but they set me on edge.”
“Did anybody believe her?”
“Not that I know of.” Forcing herself to remain calm, she tried to ignore the pounding in her chest. “There’s something else. Trent Bauer’s looking for a cohost, and they called me about having an audition Monday in New York.”
“The morning show guy?”
Harley didn’t dare look at him, but the change in his tone told her everything she needed to know. Squeezing her eyes closed, she tried to ignore the tightening around her heart as she nodded her head.
“You’re telling me you might be moving to New York,” he whispered, clearing his throat. “How long have you known about this?”
“They called me yesterday, and I couldn’t figure out how to tell you last night.”
He grew silent, and she chewed nervously on the corner of her lip. She had expected telling Ryan about New York to be difficult, but she never imagined her heart would feel so conflicted.
“And that’s what you want?” he asked, catching her by surprise.
As she pondered his question, the day’s events came rushing uninvited through her mind. “Today I met with a doctor who told me that I was a donor match.”
“But I thought you said—”
“A marrow donor match. They want me to start injections tomorrow and go to Dallas Monday.”
“The same day as New York?”
The emotions of the day overwhelmed her, and she sniffed quietly as she felt tears prick her eyes. “How do I justify New York in my mind now? If I follow the forward trajectory of my life, and try to bring about the plans I made, someone could die.” Succumbing to tears, she gulped with difficulty. “Someone could die, and I have no way of knowing… Is it someone like Kelsey? It’s one thing to imagine sacrificing for someone you care about, but for a random person you’ll never meet?”
Pulling herself away, she turned to face him, drawing her legs up toward her on the couch. “Greater love has no man than when he lays his life down for his friends, right? That I can comprehend, but a stranger? Tell me something that makes sense. I feel like everything’s falling down around me.”
His eyes focused on hers, barely discernible in the dim Christmas lights, but she could see that a wrinkle formed between his eyebrows. “Greater love… What you’re talking about isn’t human love at all. That’s a love that can only come from God. It’s against human nature to sacrifice for someone you don’t know.”
Rubbing the back of her hand across her cheek, she leaned her head against the couch cushion. “Then I’m not the person,” she stated almost inaudibly. “Right? How can I be that person?”
Ryan watched as Harley rested the back of her head against the couch, obviously conflicted about her feelings. He had always known inside that she wouldn’t be a match for Kelsey, but her selflessness in suggesting the idea had made her even more lovely in his eyes, if that was even possible.
Focusing on her beautiful face, he rubbed his hands together to try to force some warmth into his fingers, almost desperate to touch her. He wanted to hold her…tell her everything would work itself out somehow, even though he doubted it himself. When the words New York slipped off her tongue, he felt as though he’d been punched in the gut.
Still, she needed his reassurance, and he longed to give her something, even if it meant offering himself up for a broken heart.
“Do you remember the night we met? You told me you wanted to be important.”
She exhaled loudly without looking at him as she closed her eyes against his words, and he took the opportunity to study the contours of her face, his eyes following the smooth skin of her cheek down to her chin and her shapely neck. To him, she was absolute perfection, and the thought of being so close to her and losing her made his heart physically ache.
“It sounds so childish, doesn’t it?” she asked. “Wanting to be important.”
Moving his eyes to her mouth, he watched as she swallowed and then pulled her bottom lip between her teeth, looking so young and unsure of herself. Above every other instinct that was flowing through his veins, at the moment all he wanted was to protect her.
“You are important,” he offered quietly, not taking his eyes off her face. “You’re important to me, and you’re important to Kelsey. You’re important to more people than you realize.”
Dragging her gaze upward, she stared deeply into his eyes, igniting a fire
inside that he forced himself to ignore. “What was it you told me?” Pausing to sniff softly, her chin quivered just enough to betray her lack of self-assurance. “You weren’t trying to change the world?”
With a sad smile, he pulled his hands out from under the blanket she’d given him, squeezing them into fists as he placed one against his mouth and tried to blow some warmth into his fingers.
“It’s not about changing the world. It’s about refusing to let the world change you.”
“Refusing to let the world change you,” she repeated, eyes locked on his. “What if I don’t know who I am? I’m not sure I’ve ever known.”
Reaching up, she grasped the corner of his beanie and slid it away from his head, bringing it down to her lap. Her fingers grazed the corner of his ear before her fingertips pushed gently through his hair. His breath grew heavy almost immediately from the simple, intimate act, and she seemed to notice as she brought her other hand up to his hair.
As her fingers came to rest against the back of his head, she allowed her eyes to drift towards his mouth. He swallowed self-consciously as she studied him, sweeping her eyes across every inch of his face in a way that made him feel that she was memorizing him. Maybe because she believed she wouldn’t see him again?
The thought brought such instant sorrow, he fought to keep the discomfort from his face, afraid to give away his feelings. Harley had said she was in love with him in the heat of the moment, but if she understood the depth of his feelings for her, he feared he might drive her away.
His lips parted slightly as he prepared to say something, but his attempts were cut short as she let out a slight sigh, keeping his hair twined between her fingers.
“What did I do to deserve you?” she whispered, her hands tracing paths down the sides of his face. “You are so out of my league.”
Unable to stop a short burst of air that expelled from his lungs, he forgot about trying to warm his hands as he reached for her waist, drawing her closer. A trail of moisture still glistened against her cheek in the dim light of the Christmas tree, and he brought his thumb up to gently wipe it away, marveling at the softness of her skin beneath his hand. As he thought about the beautiful woman in front of him expressing that he was too good for her, his eyes welled up with tears and he gave a quick shake of his head.
“Harley…”
His voice sounded hoarse in his own ears as he tried to fight back emotion.
“What should I do? You always have everything figured out.”
The urge to laugh presented itself at her erroneous assumption, but instead he offered the beginnings of a smile.
“I don’t know anything,” he admitted. “I’m trying not to think so much with my head, and just follow my heart for a while.”
“Is it working?”
The light from the tree illuminated the right side of her face, and for a second he thought she looked like an angel, slight wisps of her hair catching the glow and framing her face.
“No. Right now it’s close to breaking.” She dropped her eyes, but he placed his hand against her chin and forced her focus back to his face. “I thought I had things going really smoothly, up until the night at Tiny’s when you needed a ride. Once I knew there was a void in my heart that only you could fill, how could I keep it empty? I don’t know how to go back to the way it was, without destroying it. It’s too full of you.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean I can’t go to New York, not with Kelsey…” Sighing, he paused to rein in his emotions once more. “It means I don’t want to lose you—not now. It means that I love you with everything in me, so when you make your decision, you know what’s on the table.”
The instant he released the words, he caught himself holding his breath, hesitantly awaiting her response. She still hadn’t removed her hands from his face, and as she drew her eyes downward, she traced a line from his mouth to his chin with her thumb.
“Can I lay my cards on the table?” she asked quietly. Rather than respond, he simply nodded. “My heart belongs to you, so completely that I don’t think I can follow it anywhere, because it’s not moving. And if you loved me even half as much as you just said you did, you should have kissed me by now.”
He laughed almost inaudibly, hardly believing his ears as a wave of relief washed over him, and he couldn’t stop the grin from spreading across his face. “Maybe I’m waiting for you to kiss me.”
She leaned into him as he wrapped his arms around her, tilting her lips upward in expectation. For a second he hesitated, simply closing his eyes and feeling her breath against his skin while he allowed their noses to touch, inhaling the scent of her hair.
“Stop torturing me,” she whispered.
Needing no further inducement, he closed his mouth over hers, feeling the results of the simple act coursing through his body and tying his insides in knots. As she relaxed in his embrace, he deepened the kiss, pushing all thoughts away from his mind except the marvel of the woman whose soft lips were responding to his at that moment. Of all the traits Harley possessed, above all the physical attraction he felt for her, he knew that she had a big heart and was caring. He also knew she was passionate, and would go after whatever she wanted.
As if in response to his thoughts, a soft, breathless moan escaped her lips, and he felt the heat of her fingers against his abdomen, locating the bottom of his T-shirt and moving across his skin. Instinctively his muscles tightened, and he pulled back, exhaling heavily as he glanced behind them at the open door to the dining room.
“Are you afraid of me?”
He was fairly certain her words were teasing, but the way she said them in his ear, they sounded almost suggestive.
“Should I be? Bringing a blanket down here, trying to get inside my clothes… Are you trying to seduce me?”
He returned his eyes to her, and she responded by assuming a rather shy posture. “Can I see your tattoos again?”
“What? That’s not a very effective argument, asking me to take my shirt off. Besides, I thought you wanted me to be warm, not freeze me to death.”
“Oh, never mind,” she complained, eyes narrowing. “You’re a very frustrating man, willing to be an exhibitionist for someone you just met, but won’t even respond to a simple request from the woman you love.”
The woman I love, he thought, unable to stop a smile. “Hmm, but I already had a huge crush on you when I showed you my tattoos.”
“You had known me five minutes. When exactly did you develop this huge crush—instantaneously?”
Toying with the bottom of his shirt, he lifted his eyebrows, offering his most mischievous smile. “You were covering a benefit rock concert, interviewing this real bonehead who kept saying the most idiotic things. That was the first time I ever saw you, and it’s like I was mesmerized by how poised and beautiful you were in that crazy situation.” Pausing, he chuckled at the memory. “Then, you turned to the camera and I expected you to say something about charities or throw it back to the studio. Do you remember what you said?”
She looked rather self-conscious before she answered. “No, what did I say?”
“You said, ‘Guys, I don’t know what to say except…rock on, Louisville. Rock on.’ Then you stuck your tongue out and made a weird hand gesture.”
“I remember that,” she added with a laugh. “That was right after I came here, nearly two years ago.”
“You mean I’ve been dreaming up fantasy meetings with you for two whole years? That’s crazy.”
“You’re clearly insane.” She grabbed his T-shirt, threatening to attempt to pull it up while he held it in place. “Come on, I wanted to inspect them the first time you showed me, but I really couldn’t. You were turning my insides to mush, and there was no way I was getting too close to your chest.”
Smiling at her admission, he jerked his shirt up, sliding it over his head. “This is totally against my better judgment.”
He sucked in a breath as her fingers rested on the anchor agai
nst his ribcage, studying it intently, tracing a line around each letter in “hope” as though she would be able to feel them. While she looked at the design, her hand drifted up to her mouth, absently touching her lips. Leaning back against the couch, he willed his breathing to remain normal.
Her actions made it even more difficult, though, as she leaned closer and stared at the cross on his arm, allowing her hair to fall gently against his shoulder. He winced, the restraint required not to touch her almost proving painful. As she lined herself up in front of him again and placed her palm against his pectoral muscle while she inspected the word across his collarbones, his pulse started racing and he let out a low chuckle for self-preservation.
“Okay, nosey. I think that’s enough.”
“I’m not finished.”
She hovered directly in front of his face, and he caught her fingers in his hand. “I’m trying really hard to be a gentleman here, babe. You’re finished, or I’m finished, one or the other. You get what I’m saying?”
Acknowledging defeat, she sighed and slid away from him on the couch, allowing him to pull his shirt back over his head. Her gaze flitted to the Christmas tree, and he took the opportunity to study her profile, noting how innocent and vulnerable she seemed. Her eyelashes swept over her cheek as she blinked quickly, peering at the tree more intently, as though she was counting every light on the branches.
Allowing his own eyes to travel to the tree, Ryan’s first thoughts were that it was pretty small for the area, and the lights looked like they were hastily strewn across the branches. Not too many of them, either—maybe two strands.
Because one wasn’t enough and three were too many…isn’t that what she told me her dad said?
Judging by the faraway look in her eyes, he assumed that she had gone back home in her mind, and she was imagining those same Christmas lights herself.
“You okay?” he asked, placing his hand over hers against her leg.
“Huh?” Her shoulders rose as she took a deep breath, finally acknowledging him with the turn of her head. “Oh, sure. Just a million thoughts going through my head.”
Crowned (Girls of Wonder Lane Book 2) Page 25
