20 January
Major C is not in favour of Conscription and says, to Matron’s stern-faced disapproval, that we have ‘killed quite enough of our young men and should endeavour to desist’. I do agree — but how are we to beat the Kaiser if we do not offer up more of our men?
22 January, Deans Park
Much to my surprise, Captain Miller appeared yesterday just as I was finishing my shift. We had not seen or heard from him since he was transferred to a Hospital near Warrington last April, but I could hardly have forgot that rakish grin. He remains incorrigible, announcing as if it were perfectly natural that he had come to take me to tea. Of course I said it was impossible as I was due to catch a train for Littlebury. His reply: that he should catch the train with me so that he might take me to tea on arrival! Having half an hour to spare I said that he might buy me tea at the Station, but that he was certainly not to take the train. He made me laugh a good deal and I subsequently found myself — on threat of his throwing himself beneath my carriage wheels should I refuse — agreeing to tea next week, and this time a ‘proper tea, not some horrible railway sludge’. He has a rather jaunty swing to his step, which is a little uneven, but such that it is not immediately obvious he is missing a leg.
Sunday 23 January, Deans Park
Millie asked if I might attend her GFS meeting, on the way confiding that she is determined to do something worthwhile with her life and citing as models Winifred and me! I assured her there are women far more admirable, including those female Doctors who are contributing quite as much as their male counterparts. Her interest was engaged; I shall give her some of Winifred’s pamphlets, with the proviso that she not mention it to either of our mothers!
24 January, 1st Eastern
Olive returned from her weekend with news of Hillary: apparently she is engaged to be married. Her fiancé is in the Navy.
25 January
Captain Miller sent a note proposing he call for me on Thursday at 4.30. I wish I had Winifred to consult: it is just a little improper — though Olive says she can see no reason not to accept.
26 January
I need not have worried: Captain Miller had visited Matron to ask permission before he wrote, her consent being granted so long as I am returned before six.
Received a card from Mother and Father wishing me a happy birthday — I had quite forgotten!
27 January
Captain M is exhausting! As well as encouraging me to eat far too many cakes, he caused me to laugh quite immoderately: I am sure we were the talk of the Hotel. But I did enjoy myself; he is altogether too accomplished at being entertaining.
A few envious eyes were cast in my direction as he delivered me back (with a flourish, at three minutes before six!) but I have told him he must not make a habit of visiting Cambridge on my account, for I am far too busy to see him. Undeterred, he has undertaken to write. I cannot guess why he would trouble himself as I am sure there are a great many young ladies who would be pleased to enjoy his attention.
28 January
Very busy. Intake as mud-encrusted and ill-cared for as ever. Surely there is someone in France who knows how to properly clean and bandage a wound!
29 January, Deans Park
Slept in for hours, ate breakfast in bed, then spent the day doing nothing at all — which caused Mother to suggest I am growing lazy! Only because she wanted my help with making-over a dress, and I preferred to sleep.
2 February, 1st Eastern
Matron has transferred me to Heads, which includes men who have lost noses, ears, jaws (the latter problematic in feeding), and those who have suffered injury to the brain. With these there are a great many different symptoms, every case seeming unique. I have one man who gets up thirty times a day, marches around the ward in his pyjamas then puts himself back to bed beneath his cot. There is another who cannot stop twisting his head to the right and whose arms jump about quite beyond his control. Most cannot converse in the normal manner and a few are little more advanced than my small brother William.
4 February
Bedpans form a rather tedious part of my day. Sister in Charge does not believe in one’s spending more than the minimum time with each patient. ‘Moving on, Nurse, moving on. Have we nothing better to do than sit about?’
Charming note from Captain M.
5 February, Deans Park
I have donated two dresses to my cousins. Eugenie is such a hoyden she would do as well with Father’s cast-offs.
8 February, 1st Eastern
Sister C does not like me in the least. Nothing I do can please her.
10 February
One of my patients weeps constantly. Sister exhorts him to ‘pull himself together’, which has not the slightest effect. When I proposed reading to him, as a distraction, she replied that ‘If I was a proper nurse I would know there are more important matters to attend to’. The men’s happiness does not to me seem entirely unimportant.
11 February
My back aches. I am looking forward to going down to Deans Park for the weekend.
12 February, Deans Park
Weather too damp for a walk so Eugenie, Millie and I played cribbage. Father enquired whether I was quite well. I had not been aware that I looked out of sorts; I told him only that I had been transferred to a new ward and was finding it a little hard to settle in.
14 February, 1st Eastern
Sister reduced one of the girls to tears for spilling a little tincture of opium she was administering to a patient. As the poor man cannot swallow, it is not surprising some spilled.
Captain M writes that he is wounded by my long silence. I shall reply that I have not the time to write at length, having been transferred to a Tartar’s Lair.
16 February
Postcard from Winifred, whose Tour is proving a great success. How I wish she were here! I am quite fed up. Sister C takes great pleasure in bullying both patients and nurses.
Note from Edmund to say he goes before the Board again next week.
19 February, Deans Park
Bitter wind, though Millie assures me the weather is quite mild for February. I do hope it proves thus in France, and that the men will thereby suffer less mud!
21 February, 1st Eastern
It seems I am not alone in my feelings regarding Sister’s attitude towards the men, and ourselves. Something must be done!
23 February
Telegram from Edmund: he is reassessed B1 rather than C1 and will thus be able to return to the Front, though I suspect he will be alone in seeing this as good news. He says he may visit next week.
24 February
Glorious surprise! Winifred burst into the ward (and was quite dressed down by Sister). Faced with Fiery Wrath she withdrew, but promised to return for me at six — she is speaking tonight in Cambridge. Meanwhile, I am in the doghouse for being the Cause of Disruption. I closed my ears to Sister’s harping and carried on with my work. One of my patients winked in sympathy — showing they are not all so ‘gone’ as Sister thinks!
Later
Winifred was incensed to hear of Sister’s attitude towards the men and insists I must speak to Matron at once.
Her talk was most stirring — she does it so well, and looked extremely striking in a military-styled suit which she had made up in Edinburgh. Her talks were very well attended in Scotland, apparently, perhaps due to a greater awareness of the Scottish Women’s Hospitals. Cambridge offered up a full house (largely female) and her presentation was received with enthusiasm; I am sure she will raise a significant sum. Supper was provided by the Women’s Friendly Society. I ate far more than my share, being famished from missing tea. Winifred has proposed I travel down with her and Lady B.
26 February, Deans Park
Sister kept me back for an extra half hour, for no reason other than that she knew I had an appointment to keep. She is an unmentionable! But on this occasion earned her comeuppance, as Lady B herself sallied forth to fetch me, which quite took the wind o
ut of Sister’s sails. Though I don’t doubt I shall be paying for it next week.
Without further delay I was bundled beneath a mountain of rugs on the back seat and we hurtled along the roads, Lady B talking while Winifred drove. I was quite breathless on arrival. It is a relief to be home — which is down to Sister C. Winifred is right: I must Do Something About It.
Sunday 27 February
Uncle Aubrey has arranged for Edmund to be transferred to the War Office. Mother ecstatic.
The French are in the midst of a Mighty Battle at Verdun. After losing the Fort and nearly being over-run by the Hun, reinforcements were rushed to the Front under a new Commander, General Pétain, whom my uncle believes most competent. Unfortunately, it seems the spring thaw has come early, and I know well what that means: mud!
28 February, 1st Eastern
Gathering my courage, I requested an appointment with Matron; she agreed to see me before breakfast tomorrow.
29 February
In response to my request to be transferred, either to my old ward or to another, Matron rather sternly informed me that I must provide a legitimate reason. I had not intended to stoop to telling tales, but found myself positively babbling about Sister’s lack of kindness towards the men. I pulled myself up, but Matron only pursed her lips and said she would take my comments under consideration. She then asked me how I found the men, and we discussed several cases. I have since been tiptoeing about the ward in trepidation. Private Owen, who must surely be quite unrecognisable even to his own mother, just now gave me the loveliest smile — though it is a little odd, given he has no lower jaw and not much left of his nose.
2 March
A sudden cold snap has taken us by surprise; six inches of snow, and not all the tent wards up to the challenge. Mad scramble to get all the patients re-housed; doubly difficult in such freezing temperatures with the men dressed solely in cotton pyjamas. Sister did not approve of them wearing blankets about their shoulders for fear we should ‘look like a poorhouse rather than a Hospital’. I do wish Matron had been on hand to witness them shivering.
3 March
Re-located within the Trinity cloisters. Beautiful old stonework! Almost enough to take my mind off my poor men’s added trials. It is very cold. Chilblains an added discomfort for the men, who have already suffered so much. Why they must suffer Sister, too, I do not know. I have not enough scarves and mittens and woollen tights to keep out the wintry bite and, of course, Sister would make it worse by insisting any item that is not regulation may not be worn. So much for the lovely gloves Millie knitted me for Christmas!
I have been working at 1st Eastern an entire year.
4 March, in front of the fire!
Relief to get back to Deans Park and a hot bath. Bliss! Soaked till I was wrinkled as a prune.
Uncle Aubrey is home for a few days. Apparently Edmund declined to accept his proposal. I refuse to be drawn.
6 March, 1st Eastern
Matron has removed Sister from Heads! I feel like dancing my relief and I did skip a little about the ward, to the men’s delight. Our new Sister is an elderly Nun with a kind face and gentle manner. The mood is happier already.
7 March
Re-organisation of patients, physical injuries to be separated from mental cases. I am to go with the physicals, who are being moved in with respiratories.
8 March
Altogether happier in the new ward, though I do miss my Officers. Captain Miller writes that he is very grateful for my last letter and that he has now ‘found gainful employment’ in the War Office. Also he wonders whether he might escort me ‘should I be in the vicinity’. Clearly I am a jolly game for the Captain, who must know how unlikely it is that I will visit London, especially with the intention of being escorted by an eligible young Captain. Mother would be scandalised at such a proposition!
11 March, Deans Park
Winifred is back at the Front. She left a letter saying how sorry she was not to have seen me again before she left, but that ‘an opportunity arose that was not to be missed’. Also that I should think about coming out, and that she will let me know her new address once she is settled.
Sunday 12 March
Edmund was expected this weekend but sent a telegram at the last to say he could not get away. I suspect he has no stomach for facing our parents. Uncle Aubrey describes his decision to return to the Front as a credit to him and to his commitment to his men. No comment from our parents!
13 March, 1st Eastern
Influenza going about and nurses falling like skittles. Sister has asked if I am willing to work evenings to make up the shortfall. Of course I agreed.
14 March
Respiratory cases struggle even more at night. Some are obliged to sleep sitting up lest their lungs clog with fluid. Between nightmares and breathing difficulties, there is not a lot of sleep to be had. Fell into bed well after midnight and quite cursed my alarm at five.
15 March
If many more nurses fall ill we shall have to start closing wards.
16 March
Edmund arrived hoping to take me to tea but it was, of course, quite impossible. Night Sister allowed he might sit in the ward for half an hour once dinners had been completed, though we had little chance to talk with me up and down to my patients. I asked whether he had been to Deans Park, but he said not. He has gone off to find a room in town in the hope of seeing me tomorrow.
17 March
Sister took pity and sent me off for two hours. Thoroughly bundled against the cold we walked along the Backs, but were caught by rain. Took shelter in Kings Chapel — its soaring ceiling quite breath-stealing no matter how often one visits — making a dash for a tea shop as soon as it slackened. The fug inside was rather satisfying.
I had felt sure there was something E wanted to discuss, and so it came out: he is hoping to gain permission to transfer to the New Zealand Division, formed at the beginning of this month under Major-General Russell. He says it would mean a great deal to be fighting alongside men from home, and wonders if I might enquire of our uncle whether such an application would be favourably received; he seems convinced the question will come better from me. I have agreed to raise it at the next opportunity. I walked with Edmund to the Station but there was no time to stay and see him off. How our relationship is changed since we first arrived in England! It is his birthday on Sunday.
23 March
What a week: I feel as if I could sleep for days on end. Matron says I am to go home (what a lot of places that single small word encompasses) and put the Hospital completely out of my mind — which instruction I shall willingly obey!
25 March, Deans Park
Our uncle has promised to look into Edmund’s situation. So that is that. We then discussed my work, he expressing concern that we should be so short-staffed. In passing I asked whether he knew of Captain Miller. He does, and said he held out hopes for him (whatever that may mean), then quizzed me as to how I knew him. I admitted only that I had nursed him, and that he had recently let us know that he was thoroughly rehabilitated and able to take up a position. Uncle Aubrey looked thoughtful and I scurried away.
Sunday 26 March
Simply splendid to sleep in two mornings in a row: no rattling alarm, no breakfasts to blearily distribute, no running from job to job for fourteen hours a day, dealing with endless requests of ‘Nurse, could you just —’.
I have my feet up on the fireguard as I write and my toes are for once completely warm. Mother has arranged for buttered toast and tea and Millie and Eugenie have requested cribbage — bliss!
27 March, 1st Eastern
Matron says we have Turned The Corner and will soon be back to full strength, and expressed thanks to those who have stayed on their feet. The news comes as a relief (most especially for our poor feet!).
30 March
Double shifts still the norm, though I am sent off a little earlier, at eleven.
1 April, Deans Park
All Fools
’ Day. I am not sure whether I would have suffered worse pranks on the ward than at Eugenie’s hands; the alarm clock she set for 5 a.m. and placed beneath my bed was altogether too much.
Sunday 2 April
Uncle Aubrey says there is some hope for Edmund’s application, which I trust is not a late prank. I shall pen my brother a note shortly.
3 April, 1st Eastern
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