"I'm very proud of you. That was great work, and we wouldn't have Papagos-Faye's key without you."
"Two more to go--Rafille Mallory and Edsard Roon." Ben paused. "Any idea how we're actually going to get in there once we have the keys?"
"Not really," Kendi admitted. "I need more information about Roon, and I'll probably have to interrogate Todd again, see if there's anything we missed. I just wish we had more time. The Poltergeist is due back at Bellerophon in only fourteen days."
"I don't like having Todd on board. What if he escapes? It'd be over for us in less time than it takes to say so."
"We're being careful, Ben. All of us. You know that."
"I guess." Ben closed his eyes, deciding not to let himself tense up during a good shoulder rub. "The paranoid part of me wonders what we've overlooked, is all. He's probably getting pretty bored and restless in there with nothing to do but read."
"I don't feel the least bit sorry for that bastard," Kendi said harshly. His fingers dug deeper into Ben's shoulders and he winced. "As far as I'm concerned, boredom isn't even the beginning of what he deserves. All those women he seduced just to sell their babies." He dug harder. "All life, it makes me vomit just to--"
"Shoulders! Shoulders!" Ben yelped.
"Sorry," Kendi said, contritely lessening the pressure. "Still a touchy subject with me, I guess." He stopped kneading and came around to sit on the sofa beside Ben. Outside, a ship coasted by the window so close that Ben could almost see passengers in the windows before it passed out of view. Ben turned a little and faced Kendi, his own private universe. What in the world had taken him so long to figure out how deep his feelings ran, how miserable he had been whenever Kendi wasn't in his life? Ben rarely talked with his friends about his love life, and most of them, he knew, had quietly assumed it was Kendi's mercurial temperament that made their earlier relationship so stormy. None of them, except perhaps Ben's mother, had suspected that Ben had repeatedly been the one to call things to an end while Kendi's devotion had never flagged. Ben still didn't know exactly why he had avoided commitment for so long. Perhaps it was because he had grown up without a father at home and he hadn't learned how to form solid relationships with men. Whatever the reason, he had gotten over it, and thank god for that. He never wanted to be apart from Kendi again.
"I have something I need to tell you," Kendi said.
"Oh?"
Kendi took Ben's hand and stroked the back of it in a familiar gesture. "I've been thinking a lot lately. I've lost a lot of people I love. My entire birth family. Ara. Pitr. I've been scared a lot lately, scared of losing more people I love. Eventually I'll run out of people, and I'll be alone." He paused. "It occurred to me that I'm going to lose people, no matter what happens. It's an unavoidable fact. I don't ever want to run out of people to love, Ben. I especially don't want to lose you. Those embryos Ara found, your brothers and sisters, are a part of you, and if I have them, I'll always have you, no matter what." He paused. "Ben, I want to have children with you. Eleven of them."
The universe froze. Ben's mind stopped moving, then made a joyous leap, as if he had just seen a rainbow in a stormy sky. He couldn't speak at first, but finally he made himself say, "You mean it?"
"Absolutely. Hey, I have to pass all this Real People wisdom on to someone before I--what's wrong?"
Ben didn't understand the question. For once, everything was completely right. Only when he felt something warn running down his face did he realize he was crying. "Sorry," he said in a thick voice. "You caught me off guard."
Kendi gathered him close. "You never have to be on guard with me, Ben. And really, there was never any other answer I could give."
"We'll have to find a host mother," Ben said.
"About ten of them, come to that," Kendi said wryly, and Ben had to laugh.
Martina Weaver sat on a hard chair, trying not to stare at her brother. She and the others were arranged in a big circle that alternated yellow-clad Alphas and green-clad Deltas. A male Alpha occupied a chair in the center of circle. Utang sat almost directly across from Martina, and he was looking at her as well, though his face was blank.
"Begin," ordered one of the Deltas.
"Uh, I'm not . . . not sure," said the center Alpha. He was in his forties and ran toward plump. "That is . . . how do I--"
"The source of all impurity is envy, which creates N-waves in your mind," the Delta said. "Envy of someone else's possessions leads to laziness or greed. Envy of someone else's position leads to ambition and pride. Envy of someone else's food leads to gluttony. Envy of someone else's body leads to lust. What is it you envy, Alpha?"
The Alpha's face grew red and Martina felt embarrassed for him. He clearly wanted to be anywhere but here. Meanwhile, it was all Martina could do to keep her seat. Her brother--her brother--was sitting only a few meters away and she couldn't even talk to him. She wanted to jump up and run to him more than she had wanted anything in her life. It crossed her mind that perhaps she should say something, tell one of the Deltas. But before she could do so, something else--a slave's instincts?--had advised caution. She didn't know all the rules in this strange place, and she had the distinct feeling that revealing her relationship to Utang would be a mistake. So she kept silent and held her gloved hands folded neatly in her lap.
"What is it you envy, Alpha?" the Delta repeated, more sharply this time.
"I envy everyone who isn't sitting in this chair," he said with a weak smile. This drew a small ripple of laughter from the Alphas and hard pokes in their sides from the Deltas.
"The Confessional is not a place for levity," the Delta said. "Confess! What do you envy?"
"Nothing. I envy nothing."
"Did you wake up this morning with an erection?"
This question clearly caught the Alpha off-guard. "What? I . . . that's none of--"
"Computer records indicate that you awoke with an erection this morning and you masturbated in the shower," the Delta said. "But you have refused to confess your impurity. The N-waves course through your brain even as we speak. Only by confessing what you have done can you rid yourself of them and become one with Dream. Confess!"
Martina stared at the Delta in disbelief. They spied on the bathrooms? What "impurities" had she committed that had been caught and recorded?
The Alpha looked like he wished the floor would open up and swallow him. "I . . . I . . . "
"Did you wake with an erection?" barked the Delta. "Answer!"
"Yes," the Alpha said in a small voice.
As one, the Deltas pointed at him with green-gloved fingers. "Impure!" they boomed. The word echoed like thunder through the room.
"Did you masturbate in the shower?" snapped the Delta.
"Yes."
"Impure!" roared all the Deltas. Delta Maura elbowed Martina in the side and gestured sharply at the central Alpha. The other Deltas did the same with their own charges. The Alphas, including Martina, all pointed and said, "Impure," though without much force or conviction.
"Did you lust after women while you committed this impurity?"
"Yes."
Another nudge. "Impure!" everyone thundered.
"What other impurities did you commit?" the Delta asked.
Tears were leaking from the Alpha's eyes now. "I . . . I envied other people their freedom."
"Impure!"
"I was hungry and wished for more food," he said.
"Impure!"
"I envied Dreamer Roon's ability to enter the Dream without drugs."
"Impure!" By now, the chorus was strong and solid. Martina said it automatically, as did Utang across from her. The man confessed two more impurities, then broke down and cried, whether from simple humiliation or genuine sorrow at what he had done, Martina couldn't tell. Either way, she didn't blame him for the tears. The Delta got up, knelt next to his chair, and put an arm around him.
"It is finished for now," he said in a kind, fatherly voice. "You've confessed some of your impurities and they will
bring you no more N-waves. You are that much closer to Irfan now. Come."
The Delta took the Alpha back to his chair and gave him a small chocolate snack cake. Martina's stomach growled and she found herself staring at the Alpha as he ate the cake. Her earlier craving for sweets awoke. Perhaps her current envy would be a good impurity to confess.
The Delta in charge chose another Alpha, a young woman, for the Confessional. She sat down, nervously gathering her voluminous yellow trousers around her.
"You reek of impurity," the Delta intoned. "The N-waves radiate from your mind and spread your filth to all those around you. You must rid yourself of these things. Confess!"
The Alpha twisted her hands in her lap, refusing to look up.
"What impurities have you committed?" the Delta demanded.
"I guess I . . . I envied Dreamer Roon his ability to enter the Dream so easily."
"Impure!"
"I wanted more food."
"Impure!"
The relentless confessions continued. Most of the Alphas broke down crying, and each got a small snack cake. Martina found herself shouting and pointing with full enthusiasm. At first the fervor had been pretended, an attempt to blend in, but the ritual gesture and shout began to take on a life of its own. The words rang through Martina's body, echoing around the bare room and banging against her very bones. The confessions came more readily. Alphas confessed to anger, greed, pride, unhappiness, and lust. One woman said she envied Martina her beauty. At every turn, the word "Impure" thundered through the room.
Finally Utang was chosen. He sat down without looking at Martina. Indeed, he didn't look at anyone. Misery was carved into his very posture. The Delta called out to him to confess.
"I woke with an erection," he said. This was a fairly standard confession among the male Alphas by now, though Martina found herself embarrassed again. The sound of his voice also brought her to the edge of tears. It was a sound from her childhood, and one she had thought she'd never hear again.
"Impure!" boomed the circle.
"I disbelieved Dreamer Roon when he said he could enter the Dream without drugs."
"Impure!"
"I became angry at my Delta."
"Impure!"
"I . . . I . . . " Utang seemed to cast about for something to confess. "I had lustful thoughts about that woman," he said, pointing at one.
A shock cracked through Martina's body. She cried out in pain, as did the other Alphas. Utang stiffened, then went limp with a moan.
"That was a lie," said the Delta. "In the Dream there are no untruths, and every lie you tell sends you further away from it than any other impurity. For that reason, all your fellow Alphas have suffered. You do not need to fabricate impurities, Alpha. You have plenty enough to confess."
Utang opened his eyes. They were glazed with sorrow. Several of the Alphas were rubbing their shackled wrists and glaring at him with undisguised anger. Martina found her own temper rising, though her ire wasn't directed toward Utang.
Utang was guided back to his seat. He sat staring down at his hands while the others continued to glare. The Delta didn't give him a snack cake.
"Your turn, dear," Delta Maura said with another elbow nudge. Martina was starting to find the woman annoying.
Martina got up and took the central chair. It felt strange. All eyes were on her, even the ones behind her where she couldn't see. Abruptly, she felt vulnerable and alone.
"Confess, Alpha!" barked the Delta. "What impurities have you committed?"
Martina decided to get it over with. "I envied the other Alphas their cake."
"Impure!"
Martina had to force herself not to shrink back into the chair at the shout. It was even louder and more forceful when she was sitting here, alone in the center of the circle. She felt naked despite her voluminous clothing.
"I disbelieved Dreamer Roon's writings," she said.
"Impure!"
"I questioned the wisdom of Delta Maura."
"Impure."
Martina cast about for more. Except for Utang, the other Alphas hadn't been allowed to leave the Confessional until they had confessed to at least four or five impurities. But Martina couldn't think of anything she had done that was impure. There had to be something. Think!
Inspiration struck. "I wanted to keep track of time."
"Impure!"
"I tried to disobey my Delta during Dreamer Roon's speech today."
"Impure!"
"I was proud of the fact that I was keeping my name." Martina blinked. Where had that come from?
"Impure!"
The word pounded at her body. To her horror, Martina felt a few tears leaking from her eyes. Then she decided to take advantage of it and pretend to be more upset than she already was. She dropped her face into her hands and let her shoulders shake in false despair. The bio-sensors in her slave shackles, the ones that had no doubt caught Utang's lie, wouldn't catch a falsehood she didn't vocalize--she hoped. Besides, the tears wetting her gloves were real.
She felt no shock, and after a moment, a light touch on her shoulder told her she could rise. Delta Maura seated her in the half-circle and gave her a snack cake. Martina tore the wrapping away and wolfed it down. The sugar raced through her, creating a momentary high that mingled with a sense of relief. She felt immeasurably better.
"Confessional has ended," the Delta said. "You may stand and speak to one another."
The Alphas all got up stretched. Martina almost bolted across the circle to Utang, but forced herself to move casually. He met her halfway.
"Martina?" he asked softly.
"All life," she said, a lump rising in her throat. "It's me, Keith. Or is it Utang?"
He shook his head. "The Real People deserted me. I haven't heard either of those names in years."
"What should I call you, then?" She couldn't believe she was saying something so insipid and mundane.
"Keith." He reached out to touch her, and a shock coursed through Martina, painful, but not as harsh as the earlier one. Keith snatched his hand back. Suddenly Delta Maura was there, her round face stern.
"Physical contact between the sexes is forbidden," she said, firmly pushing them apart. "The gloves are to protect you from it, but they can't shield you from the N-waves such things generate. Hence your punishment."
They both murmured apologies. When she had walked away, Martina turned back to him and couldn't think of a single thing to say. She still wanted to hug him. Suddenly she needed to touch another human being, skin-to-skin, no gloves, no cloth. Emotion bubbled inside her and tears gathered in her eyes again.
"Don't cry," he said, his own voice strained. "I don't think we should let them know about . . . about who we are. If this is a place of love and trust, I haven't seen it."
"All life, I feel the same way," Martina said, then gave a tiny laugh. "What are the odds? You and me, both still Silent after the Despair and both brought here."
"The first is more a coincidence than the second," Keith said with a wan smile of his own. "These people are gathering us up. Maybe we'll see Mom and Dad. Or Evan. Have you heard from any of them?"
"No. Do you suppose there's any way to--" She stopped herself automatically. All her life, the word escape had earned her a punishing shock from her shackles, and she had learned not to say it. Keith, however, seemed to understand.
"I don't know," he said tiredly. "We'll have to keep our eyes open. Assuming that there's any place to . . . go to in the first place. We could be anywhere--on a planet, a ship, a station, anything. It's hopeless."
"Time to return to your rooms," announced a Delta.
"We'll talk again," Keith said.
As Delta Maura hooded Martina and led her away, she silently swore she would find a way out of this place. There had to be one.
All she needed was a plan.
CHAPTER SEVEN
--Drew Fleming, Investigative Reporter, Earth
Rafille Mallory was a plump, motherly-looking woman who
kept people in cages. Harenn watched her with hard brown eyes and wondered how the woman could sleep at night.
"That's her?" Bedj-ka said.
"It is," Harenn said. "Stay with me, my son. I do not want to lose her--or you."
Bedj-ka wordlessly fell into step beside Harenn as they threaded their way through the crowd of shoppers. This part of SA Station was given over to consumer goods for the wealthy, and the tall, wide tunnel was lined with expensive shops and exclusive stores. Long balconies created two more floors on both sides of the hallway, and occasional escalators and lifts granted access to them. Potted plants and fountains were artistically scattered about. Brightly-colored clothing displays and the rich smell of baking cookies tugged at Harenn's attention, but she ignored them in favor of the woman she and Bedj-ka were trailing.
By now it felt natural to have Bedj-ka at her side, though Harenn still woke up and looked in on him in the middle of the night, just to make sure he was still there, that his return hadn't been a dream. For his part, Bedj-ka had fallen easily into the rhythm of Harenn's life. When they returned to Bellerophon, she would have to enroll him in school, but for now he assisted her in engineering, in the medical bay, and today, with a bit of spying. She liked having him there.
Despite all this, Harenn still felt strong flashes of negative emotion. She had missed all but the first month of Bedj-ka's life. She had missed his first steps, his first words, his first day of school, and more. Other people, strangers, had been there to see them instead, and how could they celebrate these things properly, when to them Bedj-ka had been nothing more than a slave? Harenn felt cheated and angry, angry at Isaac Todd, angry at the slavers who had brokered Bedj-ka's sale, angry at this Matron and Patron who had bought him.
Bedj-ka, for all his chatter, actually talked very little of his time in the Enclave. Harenn had managed to glean here and there that they were a small group who viewed the Silent as blessed people who needed to be sequestered because their gift made them more vulnerable to the normal foibles of humanity. Enslavement assured easier control, so the Enclave bought Silent children, both to "shelter" them and to train them. Once such Silent grew to adulthood and were able to work in the Dream, they kept the Enclave afloat financially by providing communication services. It was similar to the Children of Irfan, in a twisted sort of way.
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