by J. L. Beck
Bile rose in my throat. That was just the thing, how was I supposed to let her go, or even get her out of this place without them finding out. Better yet, once they did find her, because they always did, what would happen to the two of us? Would I have to be the one to put a bullet in her head?
I wasn’t sure Ellie knew just how close to death she was. Or maybe it was me that didn’t want to admit how big of a killer I was going to have to be?
Coldness settled deep into my bones, exposing the flesh wounds of my past. That was the thing about time, it was like a temporary band-aide. It covered up the past, but eventually something would come along and rip the wound back open, exposing all the darkness and sadness to you again.
I could tell from the way Grayson watched me that he understood, at the very least part of how I felt.
“Just sell me out to them, Grayson. Make it easier on yourself. Tell them that you found me first…” I snarled, angry mainly at myself for getting into this situation. I knew I shouldn’t have ever followed him out of that bar, but I also knew that I craved something about him.
Grayson rolled his eyes angrily, gripping me by the shoulders. I was barely keeping the sheet up between the two of us, the sheet that shielded my naked body from his clothed one.
“Are you deaf? I’m not outing you, Ellie. I can’t. As much as I want to keep you here, I know I can’t because it's not safe.” His voice took on a tone I hadn’t heard before, one of complete defeat.
“I hear what you’re saying, I’m just not hearing the logic behind it. I’m wanted by a notorious king. There is a bounty on my head, and you were hired by my father to kill me. What about any of that says safe?” I could feel the sweat forming on my hands as my past drug me under.
“Ellie!!” My father’s thunderous voice echoed in my ears. I knew that tone, it was one that made me cower in fear.
“Yes, father,” I said as sweetly as I could, without getting my tongue caught in knots. I had never been able to handle his rage the right way, sometimes all was okay, and other times I was beaten for giving him the wrong tone.
“You’re almost of age now.” He smiled, and it caused my stomach to churn. I knew what he was going to bring up. It had been something he had been in negotiations with since my birth. I was now sixteen, on the verge of having an arranged marriage. My father insisted that it was for the greater good of the family, but I knew better having known who would be my husband all along.
“Yes, father,” I agreed, knowing that my protest would go unheard, or they would be heard and would result in a beating. One that I would hope would be my death.
“I won’t let them kill you, Ellie. I’m a bad man myself, and I’ve done some really horrible shit, but I can see it in your eyes… I know your past without words even being said, and if I ever needed to do the right thing it would need to be right now.” Grayson’s voice had filtered into my ears, surpassing the sound of my father’s belt against my back.
“This is the end, Grayson, when your gang finds out that I’ve been here, right under their noses it's not going end with a happily ever after.” The truth was, I would rather Grayson kill me now than wait a minute longer for the rest of his men to find out about me and come up here and kill me themselves.
“Listen to me… I’ll…” I could hear the loss for words in his voice. He didn’t even know what he was going to do.
“Have you worked for my father all along?” I blurted out, my eyes finally focusing in on him. His mouth opened to answer me but then closed. That was the only answer I needed. Knowing that Grayson had been a part of that evil man's plans this whole time made my insides burn. It made me feel dirty for even breathing the same air as him. If only Grayson knew of all the bad he had done to me.
“I didn’t know he was your father. I swear to God.” He pleaded with me as if we had a relationship, and I could walk out that door and leave him here to his lonesome.
“Yet, you worked for him. You knew all the horrible things he’s done, I mean he’s had you do them.” I was a basket case. Concerned about things that I could no longer change.
“I need to know everything. I need you to tell me about your past, why your father is after you, and why he doesn’t care if you’re found dead or alive?” I listened to his words, but felt none of them truly hitting me. I was freezing over. Dropping the sheet to the ground, I gathered up my clothes and put them on ignoring him the best that I could.
Silence was all I gave him, all he really deserved from me.
“I know you’re hurting, but your father isn’t the only one who hurt you. He hurt me too, years ago when I wanted to leave, to get out and try and do better for myself.” That statement stopped me. It forced a breath from my chest and caused me to turn around and face him.
“My sister was everything to me, the last living family member I had. Everyone else was taken out or passed away of old age. My sister was all I had left. She was only a little younger than me, she had a life full of dreams. Then one day she was gone. Dead to the world. I’m pretty sure your father had something to do with it, but there is no proof.” The look of anger that showed in his eyes told me just how much hate he had towards him.
“I’m…” I didn’t want to be like everyone else and say I’m sorry, because being sorry meant you felt some type of connection to that emotion. Right now I had no connection to what Grayson was going through. I understood his anger, but I didn’t know death like he did.
“I don’t need you to be sorry. I just want you to understand. To be able to open up to me because I can’t save you…” He paused a moment, looking me straight in the eyes. “I can’t get you out of this without knowing what I’m up against.” My body shook with tears that refused to escape my eyelids.
“I don’t think revisiting the past is going to change the future, Grayson?” I didn’t mean to sound so hateful, but I had lived in the past my entire life. I knew better than to go down that road again.
“I don’t want to revisit the past to change the future, Ellie. I want to revisit the past to make sure we don’t make the same mistakes twice.” Calmness settled over me as I realized what he was saying. I wanted to believe all that he said would come from reliving the past, but I knew mistakes weren’t made twice. They were simply never a mistake to begin with.
“The past should stay in the past,” I whispered and then my heart sank as I dove deep into my memory to tell him the story of how I became the broken shell I call myself.
Two things are always true about life: You’re born, and then you die. What you did, or do in that time between is up to you. I tried to remember a time in my life when I wasn’t afraid, but the truth was I had always been afraid. Always running, always lingering in the shadows, too afraid of my own reflection.
I had lived under my father’s thumb for so long I didn’t know what it was like to breathe without being told that I could do so. My body was beaten and used by others at their own will all because of him. He was my father... he was supposed to save me, protect me from the evil in the world.
Instead, he didn’t. He found a man darker than him, to rule my life far worse than he had. Drake. He was dark and brooding, his smile was one I loved in the beginning, but that was before I knew what the plan was. Before everything changed. My father, who in secret I called Daniel, his first name, had made the arrangement with the Dior family.
“I’m tired of telling you this, Ellie. I’m tired of reminding you of what your birth was even for!” Daniel snarled at me, his eyes black as coal. I was tired of reminding him that I wasn’t some whore that could be passed off from man to man.
His hand lifted, the back of it hitting me along the cheek. I knew nothing of love or compassion. It wasn’t the first time a hit had been given. It was his only way of controlling. Abuse. Breaking. If he could make you feel weak then he had all the control. My head fell to the side, my hair shielding my face from his view.
“I don’t care what Drake has done to you. You will marry him a
nd seal the fate between our two families. Otherwise, I will kill you myself.” His words stuck against my skin as if they had been glued there. Daniel was evil, but he had never threatened me with death. And from the look in his eyes, I knew better than to question him.
I nodded my head in understanding for the last time, pushing the tears away. I couldn’t cry again, not for any of them. Instead, I would do whatever I could to get away from it. It didn’t matter to me if I was caught or not, death would occur no matter what happened. My only option was to run. Hide and never be seen again.
Taking what little money I had, one of my father’s men drove me to a diner on the south side of New York. From there I took the subway and decided that I was no longer going to be me. I dyed my hair, got contacts, and picked up a low profile job working during the day at a restaurant.
That was who he forced me to become, I thought to myself as the retelling of my fated life came to an end. By the time I was done speaking tears had started to fall. In the end you dealt with the cards you were dealt in life. I couldn’t change the hand, but I could draw a new card to better my deck.
“I…” Grayson’s eyes were so soft and tender. He looked at me like I never wanted him too: like a victim. I was not what happened to me, but what I chose to become.
“Stop!” I began. “I don’t want your pity, Grayson.” Tears still welled behind my eyes, but I brushed them away. I didn’t need to spend any more time dwelling on this. Instead, I needed to find a way out. I had managed to hide once, I could do it again, and I would. Even if I had to find a way out of New York.
“I don’t pity you. Not one fucking bit. If anything I’m pissed, pissed that your father refused to protect you. That he let people use you…” A growl escaped him. There was tension in his features as he spoke, his eyes casting down to the wooden floor.
I shrugged my shoulders. “I’ve long acknowledged what had happened and even sought out therapy. Nothing can change what happened all those years ago.” I could feel the warmth of his hand on my shoulder. As much as I wanted to shrug it away and pretend like it didn’t melt me a little, I couldn’t. Having let him know my story made him the closest person to me.
“I can’t change your past, but I will help change the future. I promise to come up with a way to get you out of this. I can’t let you go back to your father. Not now, not ever again.” There was so much strength in his words, it was as if he truly believed them.
“I won’t count on it, but since you’re the only person to ever know about what happened, I will give you the benefit of the doubt.” I smiled softly. A weight had been lifted from my shoulders. No longer did I feel weighed down by past events. At least if I died tomorrow I would have one person that knew my secret. That understood why I ran.
“I have a friend, a man named Tuck. He lives here with me and the others, but he’s always had my back.” Grayson seemed unsure about telling me, but I’m sure he realized we were way past keeping secrets anymore. I had already been here for days. That, and I remember meeting a man named Tuck the night they brought me here.
Silence passed between us, I didn’t know where to go from here. Now it was about life and death, survival and endurance, because I knew if I didn’t make it out of here there was a chance Grayson wouldn’t either. Not after his team found out what he did.
“It’s going to be okay. I know your past tells you to run, but you’ve been running long enough.” His voice was comforting, but his words weren’t. He didn’t understand. Running was your only choice when it came to death. Die or run from the things chasing you. I got by with small pieces of living, even while on the run.
“Grayson…” I sighed into the air, pushing a few pieces of hair behind my ear. I wanted him to understand because he was the closest person to me at the moment, but I knew he was naïve to think I was getting out of this alive.
“Don’t act like we can’t try. I brought you here without knowledge of your past or who you were. It was completely bad luck that you came up on the kill list, but I won’t tell you again. I will do whatever it fucking takes to make this right.” He growled, ignoring me and anything I had said about the matter.
“Do what you must, Grayson, but just know I’ll be preparing for my own funeral.” It wasn’t a lie. My funeral would be the next big thing to take place in my life. I knew my father and all that he was about. There was no negotiating. Grayson knew that as well.
That’s why his faith in getting us out of this situation shocked me.
He believed in something he shouldn’t believe in, or rather someone.
Me.
My hands were sweating as I walked down the hall.
Each level of the building had its own floor for each of us. Tuck was right below me, which made it easier to hide Ellie and her footsteps as she walked around on the top floor. I wiped the sweat away on my pants before making a fist to knock on the door. As far as I knew I looked like a man who was more than hiding a secret. More so like a dead body.
My knock echoed through the hall as I waited for Tuck to answer the door. Seconds passed, and the sweat seemed to pool. My stomach was in knots, when I had I ever been this nervous before?
Your first kill back in the day, I thought to myself.
“Grayson, what the fuck?” Tuck’s deep voice rang in my ears as he opened the door. I shoved in, pushing past him and slamming it behind me.
“You said they knew…” I couldn’t really hide the panic from my own voice. I ran a hand down my face and through my beard.
Tuck blinked, “Well they don’t know it’s her. They know you had someone with you last night. A woman. They saw her on the cameras when you brung her into the building.”
Fuck! That was the last thing I needed, them snooping, and if anyone was snooping it was one of two people. Cole or Dex.
“Even more of a reason to get her the fuck out of here. I made a mistake, Tuck. A huge fucking mistake.” I cracked my knuckles, anger radiating from me. I hadn’t made a bad choice since my sister’s death. Her death wasn’t my fault, but the fact that she died had made me feel as if I had failed her. It was my job as her brother to protect her from everything, and I knew that if I failed Ellie I wouldn’t be able to forgive myself. In the beginning I said it wasn’t personal, but now it was more than personal. It was revenge.
Tuck rolled his eyes, his lips lifting in a half smile as if to say I told you that a long fucking time ago. Which was true, he told me bringing her here would expose us. Women weren’t allowed in the building, so now I needed an excuse and not just , but a good one.
“You’re the only one I can go to about this. You were with me that night at the club.” Fuck, coming out with this was harder than it seemed. Was I weak for developing feelings towards her, or weak because now that I knew what happened I wanted to kill the man behind all of this?
“First you’re going to have to talk to Dex. From there it’s going to be slow moving because if they got a good image of her, they’ll know she’s Ellie Goodwin off the bat, and then you’re both better off dead,” he answered. I clenched my fist harder. Anger was the only emotion I was feeling.
“I know what her father did to her, Tuck. I know everything; her past and her present. I have…” I trailed off, knowing I didn’t want to finish the sentence.
“You’re whipped, baited. You care, and now the whole fucking game is wacked,” Tuck grumbled.
“Yeah, yeah, so now we need to get her out of here because she’s a bleeding zebra underneath a pack of lions noses.” The analogy fit well, because if Ellie was found she would be destroyed, as would I, because I know they wouldn’t make just anyone take her out. They would make me do it. I didn’t know if I could take a gun and place it against her temple, pull the trigger and ever be the same man again.
Tuck stared at me for a long moment before speaking, “What if you disguised her someway? We could tell the guys she’s a paid prostitute or something?” He threw his hands in the air. “I honestly don’t know. W
e could wait until they leave and simply sneak her out? You could deal with the questions later?”
I bit the inside of my cheek at the thought of the first idea, and then realized maybe Tuck was right. Maybe we were making this harder than it needed to be. Maybe the easiest way to get her out of here was the same as how we got her in here to begin with?
A light bulb went off in my head. If the plan didn’t work we were all dead, but if it did then Ellie was free. Gone forever, but free.
“We need to find out when the next hit is taking place, let Dex know we’re staying behind to deal with some shit, maybe investigate where Ellie could possibly be hiding, and then sneak her out into the parking garage?” Tuck looked at me sideways.
“Alright, and if we’re caught?” His eyebrow raised in a challenge. I had never wanted to punch the fucker in the face more than right this second.
“Then…” I pondered the thought a moment. I had a shit ton of blood on my hands, yet I couldn’t devise a plan to save someone’s life?
Only because you’re good at taking people’s lives, you dumbass.
“We lie. We protect her and ourselves, and we lie,” Tuck declared.
I rang my hands together in frustration. It wasn’t foolproof though, and if we got caught then we would die, maybe not us, but Ellie would and that would be the same as killing me. Now that I knew everything, I couldn’t let them shed her blood because the second they did it would be an all-out war.
I would kill every single fucker that hurt her.
Starting with Drake and her father.
I would end them all, and I would smile the entire time I did it.
“I’ll talk to Dex and try not to make myself a target,” Tuck announced. I knew the end was coming, and I knew something bad was going to happen. I just hoped it would be after we got her out.
