‘Tell Mary you cannot marry her. I’ll gladly swear you and Rowenna have been betrothed since childhood if you wish.’
‘I don’t wish!’ Robbie exclaimed. ‘That is, I could never deceive Mary in such a manner. It’s a coward’s way. No one honourable could reject a woman once he had publicly accepted her.’
Roger’s mouth twitched. ‘No one honourable, but many sensible men have.’
‘Is that what you would have done?’ He eyed Roger coldly, remembering Sir John’s words. ‘I’ve heard about the women you seduced, then abandoned. How many women did you leave because it didn’t suit you?’
‘Too many, and I lost a good woman because of it.’ Roger narrowed his eyes, then his face softened. ‘Fortunately I found your mother and not a day goes past when I don’t treasure that. Will you be as happy with your Mary?’ He waited, arms folded and a smug grin on his face that made Robbie bristle. ‘The choice is yours, naturally, and if you choose to continue your engagement I’m sure you will find happiness.’
Roger filled his cup and offered the bottle to Robbie, who shook his head. Any more to drink would be unwise, given his current state of mind.
‘I’m not like you. While Mary wishes to be my wife, I am honour-bound to be her husband.’
Roger ran his hand through his hair. ‘Then perhaps you should consider what might change her mind so that she releases you.’
Robbie ground his teeth.
‘You don’t have to take my advice,’ Roger said. ‘When do you ever? If you choose to make yourself unhappy, that is your choice, but it isn’t just your happiness at stake.’
Robbie bowed and picked up his cloak. Roger called his name as he reached the door and he turned.
‘What?’
‘Joanna said Rowenna cried all night.’
Robbie’s stomach twisted with guilt that he had caused her pain. Roger’s comment had been unnecessary. He left before his carefully controlled anger erupted. He emerged into bright sunshine, blinking to clear his vision, and while he stood in the doorway of Hal’s house, he heard Rowenna’s familiar laugh floating from across the street. At least she appeared to be having a good day.
She was not alone. Cecil walked beside her. He carried a basket on one arm and a wrapped parcel beneath the other. This was the young man Lucy had referred to. Robbie had assumed it would be Geoffrey, but this was an entirely more unwelcome escort.
Rowenna held Simon the puppy on a leash and had her light cloak thrown back to cool her. They had not noticed him and he watched Rowenna and Cecil talking with an ease that implied they had known each other for years, not days. Robbie’s breath caught. Was it any wonder he had dismissed Rowenna’s affection for him when she seemed happy to be in anyone’s company?
He walked towards them. Simon spotted him first and began to pull on the leash towards him. Rowenna tore her attention from Cecil to see why and met Robbie’s eyes. The easy smile fell from her face and her mouth jerked down, but not before Robbie noticed the softening in her eyes as she had looked at him. She bent to pull Simon back under control. Robbie knelt to stroke the puppy so they were both low while Cecil stood upright, holding Rowenna’s shopping.
‘Good d-d-day, Ro,’ he murmured. He fondled Simon’s ears, wishing he could be running his fingers over Rowenna’s hair instead, tugging the ribbons loose until her curls fell free.
Her cheeks coloured. She stood, tugging the leash so Simon came to heel, and relieved Cecil of the basket. Cecil showed no signs of leaving. Remembering how Rowenna had claimed him the night of the ball and whisked him away from the company, Robbie imposed himself between them.
‘Cousin, I need to speak to you on a private family matter. Cecil, will you excuse us?’
It was only as he finished speaking that he realised he had not stammered at all. Rowenna raised her eyebrows and looked about to refuse, but when Robbie gave her an earnest look she extracted her other parcel from Cecil’s hand.
‘Of course. Excuse me, please, Master Hugone. Thank you for your assistance. I may see you again soon and I will consider your offer.’
Robbie’s stomach lurched, wondering what dark intrigue Cecil had suggested. Rowenna wanted a husband and Cecil must seem a more appealing prospect than Geoffrey. Cecil had suggested he might actually care for Rowenna, but Robbie had seen too many women fall under his spell to believe him.
They stood in silence until he had left and Robbie watched Rowenna from the corner of his eye. She looked solemn. When she glanced his direction, he held her gaze, hoping to see any sign that Roger had spoken the truth.
‘Let’s walk to the garden,’ he said. He offered her his arm, but Rowenna shook her head slightly and walked stiffly at his side.
‘You won’t take my arm?’
She tilted her head and looked at him with bright, dark eyes.
‘I doubt your future wife would appreciate that, don’t you?’ Her mouth twitched downward and she stopped walking. They stopped beside the fountain. The garden was busier today. Children raced about and a large grey dog threatened to show interest in Simon. Robbie would have preferred somewhere more private for their conversation. He walked towards the shade of the trees, trusting she would follow.
Sunlight and shadow played chase across Rowenna’s face, dancing over her cheeks and neck. Her eyes were ringed with purple.
‘You look tired,’ Robbie said, recalling Roger’s words. ‘Did you sleep badly?’
‘A little. It is of no consequence.’
Robbie stepped close to Rowenna, drawn by the need to touch her, but she took a step back.
‘Tell me what you want quickly,’ she said. ‘I was enjoying myself with Cecil.’
Robbie’s jaw clenched. ‘I could see that. What was his offer?’
‘He pointed out to me that once Mary is married, Lady Isobel would need a new attendant. He suggested I petition to be allowed to join Sir John’s household. I could finally travel and see something of England!’
Rowenna’s eyes grew bright and she looked happier than he had seen her for days, but the idea was monstrous.
‘And more of Cecil?’
Rowenna tipped her head on one side, eyes sharp. ‘And what is wrong with that? Cecil likes me, I can tell. Women can tell when a man is interested. At least, I thought I could tell.’
Her voice tailed off quietly, thoughtfully. Her lip was starting to quiver. She looked about to cry and he would not be able to bear it. She blinked and turned her gaze to him, eyes sharp and clear.
‘On the night of the ball, if I had said Cecil had been the one to kiss me, what would you have done?’
‘Nothing. You can choose who you kiss.’ Liar, a voice whispered in his heart. At the very least he would have crumbled to dust.
She gave him a withering look. ‘Why did you ask me to come here with you, Robbie? Was it to ask how I slept or to upbraid me for my choice of company?’
He took her hand and drew her further into the shadows of the trees, acutely aware of how risky his behaviour was. He gestured to the bench and they both sat side by side. Rowenna arranged her skirts, taking care not to touch Robbie. He trembled with the need to touch her and seeing her so clearly creating a barrier was close to destroying him.
‘I wanted to explain about M-Mary,’ he said. ‘About our engagement.’
‘What is there to explain?’ Rowenna sighed. ‘I have heard nothing from you but your love for her since you arrived in York. I am overjoyed you have won the heart of the woman you want. A triumph greater than any in the tournament and an exploit as daring, no doubt.’
Her tone was as carefree as ever, but there was the glint in her eye again. A trace of pink in her cheeks that hinted at heightened feelings. If only she realised how far from the truth it was.
‘You disapprove,’ Robbie said.
‘I was only surprised at how quickly you must
have asked her. You cannot have had long together at the ball after we—’ She lowered her eyes and bit her lip, which had started to quiver. ‘After I went home.’
She turned away, but Robbie took hold of her shoulders and gently twisted her to face him. Her expression had changed and her eyes were hard.
‘Had you already asked for her hand before we kissed in the garden?’
Robbie’s breath quickened. He felt his blood racing through the heart that grieved for the loss of her love.
‘No! I am not so dishonourable.’ He flushed. ‘M-Mary’s uncle, my m-master, spoke with me yesterday morning and told me it was his wish that we marry.’
Rowenna’s face was serious. ‘Then you are fortunate indeed to have such a good master whose wishes coincide with yours. What has this to do with me?’
‘I feel lessened in your eyes,’ Robbie admitted.
‘Robbie, no!’ She shook her head, but stopped and pulled away from him, folding her arms and raising her eyes to the sky. ‘Yes. Forgive me. I said only last night that I would always be your friend, whatever you did, and I have already broken this vow. I cannot be happy for you.’
‘I asked for your congratulations and you gave them,’ Robbie pointed out.
Rowenna began petting the puppy that lay at their feet, avoiding looking at Robbie.
‘I congratulated you on achieving what you wanted,’ she said crisply. ‘I did not say I approve of your bride. I hope you will find the happiness with her you’re seeking, though I very much doubt it.’
‘Why do you doubt it?’ Robbie asked.
Rowenna opened her mouth, then closed it firmly and shook her head. She began gathering the leash and pulling Simon close.
‘I should go. No good can come of this conversation.’
‘Ro,’ Robbie said firmly. He put a hand on her wrist, feeling the steady rhythm of her pulse. His own began to race at the touch. She bit her lip, looking uncertain. Robbie ran his other hand up her arm, tracing his way over the tight sleeve, intensely aware of her form beneath the fabric.
‘W-we don’t keep secrets from each other. Not us.’
‘You do.’
He dipped his head so she would not see the shame in his eyes as he thought of the secret he carried, in the process bringing it close to hers. Her eyes widened and he hoped she was remembering the time they had kissed and times they almost had.
‘Please.’
‘She doesn’t love you,’ Rowenna whispered.
Was that all? He’d hoped for a reason to end his entanglement. Robbie rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hand. ‘I know that.’
Rowenna’s expression was incredulous. ‘But you’re going to marry her anyway? Does she mean that much to you that you would demean yourself so thoroughly?’
He saw distaste clear in her eyes. Mingled with the disbelief in her voice it stoked fires of shame in the pit of his belly.
‘My lord wishes it. And I have given my word to Mary,’ Robbie said firmly. ‘And now I must marry her. I led her to believe I cared.’
‘You don’t?’ Rowenna raised her head sharply. Robbie studied his hands, unwilling to meet her eyes.
‘I believed I did, for a while. But now I think what was love was simply infatuation.’
He expected scorn, but she gave him the first genuine smile since their meeting, tinged with the air of exasperation he remembered from childhood. ‘I could have told you that the first time you spoke of her.’
‘I wish you had,’ Robbie said fervently. ‘So to do you the kindness you didn’t do for me, let me warn you of something. Don’t enter Sir John’s household. Don’t get too fond of Cecil.’
‘Why not? He’s charming and entertaining.’
‘I don’t want you to get hurt.’
Rowenna rolled her eyes expressively and Robbie’s stomach somersaulted in response.
‘How considerate of you. But you see, my heart is not your responsibility to safeguard. You have another’s heart to own now.’
Robbie ignored the barb that stabbed his guts. ‘Perhaps not. I will do it anyway. Cecil has a habit of making women fall in love with him, then abandoning them when he is bored.’
He bit his tongue, thinking of how that charge could be levelled against him for transferring his love from Mary to Rowenna so quickly. He was the worst hypocrite. He ran them both through his mind, testing whether the emotions he felt were what he believed them to be and found them unchanged. Thoughts of his impending marriage wound around him like chains he was incapable of breaking, constricting the breath in his chest.
‘Fortunately I’m not in love with Cecil,’ Rowenna said. ‘I dare say I could be if I tried hard enough to be. More than I might be with Geoff, in any case.’
Instinctively Robbie reached out to her, but she pulled away and set her jaw. ‘You don’t approve of the company I keep and I dislike your bride, so we are both equally disappointed in each other.’
His heart swelled to the point of bursting with the need to declare his love. He bit back the words he had no right to say. ‘You could never disappoint me, Ro. I care for you too much.’
He took hold of her hands, drawing her towards him before looking up at her shyly. He saw uncertainty in her eyes and a flash of the need that had flared when they had kissed in the garden, but she drew her hands away and her expression hardened.
‘Perhaps Cecil wouldn’t abandon me and we wouldn’t get bored of each other.’
‘He won’t m-make you happy. He won’t make you laugh and he won’t appreciate who you are. He won’t marry you.’ Robbie spoke with complete certainty.
‘You don’t know that.’
‘I do know.’ Robbie almost shouted the words. Rowenna’s head jerked up. Their eyes met with the violence of a lance splitting a shield.
‘How can you be so certain? What is wrong with me?’
She put her hands on her hips and jutted her chin high, as if daring him to list her faults. He stared at her, captivated by the curves of her breasts and waist, the slender line of her neck from ear to collarbone. All called out to be caressed and explored and worshipped. His body answered with a silent yet unmistakable response that caused him to shudder with lust. Her defiant response claimed his soul.
‘Nothing is wrong with you, but Cecil is ambitious,’ he said. ‘He intends to marry well.’
‘I have wealth. My father is rich. He’s richer than your father,’ Rowenna pointed out, gesturing towards Hal’s house.
‘He intends to marry someone of noble birth,’ Robbie muttered.
‘Not the daughter of a bastard.’ Understanding flashed across Rowenna’s face.
‘I’m sorry.’
‘Don’t be.’ She cut him off with an abrupt wave of her hand. She gave a sob, swallowed it, then forced a brave smile on to her lips. ‘My father has worked so hard to overcome his past, but it isn’t enough. My birth means I’m not good enough for Cecil, or anyone like him, and I never will be, with good reason. Who would want to marry anyone with such low connections? You wouldn’t.’
She turned away and hugged herself. Robbie slid his arms around her shoulders. She did not resist his touch, but he felt stiffness in her shoulders. A barrier between them.
‘Someone who truly loves you won’t care for your background,’ he said, drawing her closer than he had anticipated she would permit.
‘You think I am worth so much, yet you take pains to remind me of my background. I overheard Mary saying you are repelled by the mere mention of illegitimacy. I know what you must think of my family and our station.’
‘I have never thought anything less of you or your father. You know that I do not see your father’s illegitimacy as shameful. How can I when...?’
Robbie caught his words and pulled them back. It was true, though not for the reason she believed and he had come so close to revealing
his secret. If Mary knew the pedigree of the man she was marrying, would she be so eager to claim him? He unwound his arms and clutched Rowenna’s hand for emphasis, his voice low.
‘You have a good dowry and a fine family. Even without those, you’d be worth a dozen simpering ladies. You must believe that.’
He placed a hand on either side of her face and tilted her face up, thumbs caressing the arches of her cheekbones and fingertips buried in the soft rolls of hair at her temple. His flesh seemed to sing where his fingers brushed her skin. She closed her eyes and he saw the fluttering of her eyelashes.
‘You are beautiful,’ he murmured. ‘You’re perfect. So beautiful. No man could wish for a woman better. If it comes to it, Cecil is not good enough for you! I meant every word I said in the workshop the other day.’
‘Pretty words, very capable of stirring a heart, but they were meant for Mary.’
A bolt of lightning speared Robbie. A heart that was stirred. Was that an admission of love?
‘They were meant for you.’
She made an explosive sound of disgust. Her eyes hardened. Robbie pulled his hands back as if he had been burned and saw they were shaking. He hoped Rowenna had not noticed. He balled his fists and drove them against his sides.
‘Don’t do this to me. It isn’t fair. Don’t torment me with the promise of something you would not give me.’
Her lips were trembling and her eyes bright with fury. She spun on her heel with an angry cry, tugging Simon with her. Robbie caught her in three paces.
‘Don’t go.’
She faced him and he was appalled to see her eyes were moist.
‘We should not be seen together like this, otherwise people will talk, and neither of us would want scandal, would we?’ she snapped.
Robbie didn’t answer. He was more than half-tempted to kiss Rowenna despite her warnings. A scandal like that would bring disgrace on him and would most likely put a swift end to his engagement. He could bear that for himself, but not for Rowenna, who had so precisely explained the odds that were already stacked against her.
‘I will bid you good day and leave you to return to your bride.’
A Midsummer Knight's Kiss Page 20
