Now, I had been nervous, but at this moment, I realized I was plum scared to death. This was really happening, and I had started it. What if I disappointed him? What if I didn’t do it right? What if he decided after we did it that he didn’t want to be with me anymore? All of these thoughts were completely freaking me out, but then I looked up. Declan was looking at me with this look. His eyes were sparkling and he was smiling. His look said everything I needed to hear. It told me that he loved me, it told me that this was going to perfect, and most importantly it told me that this was just the beginning of us.
All of my fear went away as I unhooked his belt buckle and started to unzip his jeans. He grabbed my hand to stop me, leaned down to my ear, and whispered, “Slow down, sweetheart. I’m not in any hurry.”
He placed his hands high on my hips and slid my skirt down to the floor. When it hit the floor, I kicked it, and it landed on top of our shirts at the foot of the bed. Without taking his eyes off of mine, he leaned in, reached behind me and unclasped my bra. Then he slid it down my arms and tossed it into our ever growing pile of clothes.
Declan had felt me up before, but we had never been like this. He may have felt my breasts before, but he had never really seen them up close and personal. And my breasts were really large...DD’s. I hated them, but judging by the look on his face, Declan was impressed. He took a step toward me and closed the gap between us. He kissed me and pressed his body against mine. I could feel how excited he was and the fear of disappointing him crept back up.
I had no idea what I was doing, but at least I wasn’t the only virgin here. Declan didn’t know what he was doing either, so we would just have to figure it out together.
We climbed into bed, and Declan laid down next to me. I had to giggle, because he was rather mesmerized by my breasts. I looked over, and he was just staring at them. “Do you like what you see, sweetheart?” I asked sarcastically. He just nodded and then looked at me and his eyes were so full of love, a little bit of lust too.
He held my gaze, “Are you sure about this, Lor?”
“Yes, Declan. I have never been more sure of anything in my life.” After I said that, Declan took off his jeans and boxers.
He leaned over and kissed my neck. He ran his hand over my stomach and then gently squeezed my left breast. I heard a moan escape his lips. He nervously massaged my breasts and then he took my nipple into his mouth. He kept looking up at me, I assume to make sure he was doing okay. Oh my god, he was doing great.
I could feel something building. I wasn’t sure what was happening, but the ache between my legs was getting pretty intense. Then he released my nipple. He reached down and ran his hand across the front of my white lace panties to pull them off. When his hand grazed me there, that intense ache turned into the most amazing thing I had ever felt. My back arched and I swear my eyes rolled back into my head. I had never felt anything like that before. I felt like I was floating.
Declan climbed up and lowered himself down onto me. He put his knee between my legs and pushed them apart so he could position himself where he needed to be. He pressed himself against me. Oh my God, he was so big. I think he could tell by the look on my face that I was scared. I blushed with what I was sure was a very deep shade of red, “Declan, I don’t think that will fit. You know, inside me.”
He laughed, “Sweetheart, I don’t remember Mrs. Edgeller mentioning anything like that in health class.”
I knew he was trying to act cool, but he was scared too. He caught my gaze and started to press himself into me. Once he started pressing into me, all of our fear went away. We were ready for this. This was how it was supposed to be. Declan and I were meant to be together.
Emma had told me how horrible it was when she had sex with Eric for the first time. She told me it hurt so bad that it wasn’t even enjoyable. I was so afraid that it would be painful or scary. There was a little pain when he pushed through my virginity, but after we got past that, it was perfect. I really didn’t think Emma and Eric did it right, because when Declan and I made love it felt truly magical. I know that sounds really cheesy, but we were so in sync with each other.
When we finished, Declan and I laid in each other’s arms, knowing that life could never get better than this.
I heard a really annoying buzzing sound, but I was so comfortable lying in Declan’s arms that I tried to ignore the noise I heard. Finally, I realized it was my phone. I crawled out of bed, grabbed my skirt from the pile of clothes at the foot of the bed, and pulled my cellphone out of the skirt pocket.
“Why are you bothering me, Ems? You know I am busy right now?” I said in my most hateful tone.
“Lor, Eric is so damn drunk. He’s puking in the pond and I can’t get him to leave. Can you guys come take him home? You know he always listens to Dec,” Emma said nervously. She made a good point. Eric and Declan had been best friends their entire lives and if anyone could get him home safely, it was Declan.
“Sure, Ems. I just have to wake Declan up. Then, we’ll get dressed and head back that way.”
“Thanks, Lor...love ya lots,” Emma said.
Declan had been awake and heard the entire conversation. “Let’s go get his sorry ass and take him home so we can crawl back into this warm bed.” He kissed my bare shoulder. “And if you aren’t too sore, maybe we could do that again?” I just giggled and shook my head at him.
As much as we didn’t want to leave the bed, we threw on our clothes and headed back to the bonfire party.
When we pulled up, the lights from the truck shone down on the pond. We could see Eric puking in the pond. Emma was standing behind him, yelling at him about how stupid he was. Declan ran over to help Eric. I walked over to Emma and tried to calm her down.
“Ems, breathe,” I said as I wrapped my arm around her shoulders.
“I can’t believe he did this tonight! Lor, sometimes he’s such a jerk.”
“Yeah, but you love that big jerk,” I said with a little smile.
“Damn it, I do love that jerk.” I could tell she was upset, but she was trying really hard not to be.
“Go on home. I don’t want your parents to freak out. We’ll get him home safe.”
She got in her little purple Ford Escort and drove off toward her house. When Declan was sure that Eric was done puking, he threw him into the truck, and we headed toward his house.
Declan was holding on to Eric to make sure he didn’t get sick inside the truck. About the time we got in the truck it had started raining. It was coming down so hard that I could barely see the road in front of me.
“Dec, it’s really raining hard. I can’t even see the road.”
“Oh, it’s not that bad, sweetheart. You’re doing great. Just speed up a little, so we can get back to what we were doin’ earlier,” he said with a wink.
I knew it wasn’t a good idea, but I listened to Declan and sped up. It was so dark and the rain was coming down hard. I couldn’t see even two feet in front of the truck. All of a sudden the cattle were in front of us. The last thing I remember doing was slamming on the brakes. But I heard so much after that, breaking glass, crunching metal, and screams, so many screams. Then I must’ve lost consciousness, because the next thing I remembered was Eric standing over me crying. I sat up slowly and screamed, “DECLAN!” Then Eric cried even harder.
That was the moment my destiny was changed forever.
Chapter 1
Ten Years Later
To celebrate my twenty-sixth birthday, Emma forced me to go into town last night to a dance club. That was so not my idea of a fun time. Ems was always harping on me about not getting out enough. I finally caved and went with her.
Emma and I were so much more than best friends, we were like sisters. Eric and Emma have been in love since we were kids. They finally got married about five years ago. They very rarely fought, but last night Eric didn’t want us to go out. He was worried about us going to a dance club alone. He hadn’t been there before, and he just didn’t think it w
as safe for us to go.
When he told Emma she couldn’t go, of course, she was pissed, which made her even more bound and determined to go. That anger only fueled her fire to say the least, we closed the place down. They actually had to make us leave. We danced, we drank, and actually I kinda enjoyed myself. Sometimes, I forgot that I was only twenty-six. I was much too young to feel so damn old.
My birthday had always been a difficult time for me, it always took me back to that night…the night when everything changed.
I really didn’t remember much about what happened right after the accident. I knew there was a lot of crying and people saying, “I’m sorry.” I couldn’t understand why everyone was saying that. It wasn’t their fault. Why were they sorry? I was the one to blame - I was the one who killed my destiny. I was the one that put the man of my dreams in his grave. It was all my fault. I had caused the accident, I wrecked the truck, and everyone should hate me. Why did they keep hugging me and telling me it would be okay? Didn’t they know this could never be okay? Didn’t they understand what I had done?
The entire funeral was just a blur. The thing I remembered most was the smell of the funeral home. It permeated throughout my entire being and I would never forget it as long as I lived.
I remembered sitting on the pew, looking up at the steel grey casket with the baby-blue lining, and thinking to myself that this was like watching a really bad movie. I just kept thinking Declan would sit up and look at me and say, with that sexy southern drawl, “I’m sorry, Lor, this was just a really bad joke.”
But of course, that never happened. I had to watch them put Declan in the ground as I listened to his favorite hymn being sung by his cousin Joan. Amazing Grace…God, I used to love that song, and even now when I heard it, I sobbed uncontrollably. Ten years had not lessened the blow of what happened that night.
“I really need to get out of this bed and get down to the barn,” I said to myself. When I got to the barn, I saw our farmhand, Jake Marshall. Jake was a sweetheart. He had worked for my family for many years. He was just a good ole country boy. He was in his late fifties with graying hair and a little bit of a beer gut. But really what old cowboy doesn’t have one of those.
Jake said in his deep, southern drawl, “Good morning ma’am, how are you feelin’ this mornin’?”
“How do I look like I feel, Jake?” I muttered back at him.
He laughed and started filling me in on everything that had been going on overnight. I managed the Harper farm now, just like my parents had always planned. My dad loved to spend his time down at the pond, or playing with the little ones, Sammy and Mags. I was so glad that I could do this for my parents.
The farm had been self-sustaining for years and it really made me proud that I had a hand in that. We had 20,000 acres and more cattle than I could count. We raised only the best and our reputation had spread across the state.
I could feel my phone vibrating in my pocket. I answered and heard Emma say in her normal high pitched squeal, “How are you feeling this morning?”
“Not as good as you, apparently.”
“Aww, don’t be that way Lor, ya know you had a good time.”
“Yeah, I did. Thanks for making me go. We really oughta do that more often.”
“Hallelujah!” Emma said as she hung up the phone. She thought she had finally gotten through to me. My parents and Emma could not understand how I could possibly live without a husband.
My dad was always saying, “You need someone to take care of you, Lor. You do such a good job taking care of everyone else, but you deserve that too.” I know that’s true, but no man could ever live up to my Declan. I had never even looked at another man and felt anything remotely like what I felt for him.
So many things changed that night ten years ago. I couldn’t go back to school. I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face the other kids or all of the memories of Declan that lived in those halls.
My mom and I decided that instead of just quitting school and working on the farm, she would home-school me until I felt like I could go back and graduate. I didn’t want to tell Mom, but I was pretty sure that day would never come.
When it was time for my home-schooling to start that September, I felt like I was ready. My mom had gone to the school and got all my books and information. The first day of school had always been so exciting. Declan and I got to reconnect with all of our friends, and we could find new hidden places in our little school to sneak away for a make-out session. But that year was going to be so different.
On the morning I was supposed to start my homeschooling, I woke up feeling really crappy. It was like I had the flu or something. Mom came into my room and held a cold cloth on my head. She tried to bring me some breakfast, but when she walked in my room with the scrambled eggs she had made, I barely made it to the bathroom before the puking started. It was awful. I was so sick! Mom called Dr. Hudson’s office and made an appointment for me for that afternoon.
I have always hated going to the doctor. I can’t explain it, I just always had. We walked into the clinic and my stomach immediately flip-flopped. Just seeing all of the horrible, old paintings on the walls, the old green shag carpet, and the chairs in the lobby that probably hadn’t been cleaned since before I was born, made me want to run away screaming.
Before we left the house, I had been feeling a little bit better. I had actually been able to keep down some toast, and my stomach hadn’t felt quite as upset.
Dr. Hudson came in and started his normal exam. He took my temperature, checked my blood pressure, listened to my lungs, and pressed on my stomach to check for tenderness. When he pressed on my belly, it hurt. I gasped, and he looked at me funny, and then continued his exam.
He asked me all the normal doctor questions. I just wanted this to be over so I could go home. I just wanted him to give me a prescription and make me feel better. While I was thinking about what I was going to watch on TV as I laid in bed and recuperated from the bug, Dr. Hudson grabbed my knee and asked the question that made me get really nauseous again. “When was your last menstrual cycle, Loralei?”
Oh my god! I hadn’t even realized it. I had been so upset over what happened to Declan I hadn’t even thought about myself.
My mouth was so dry. I could barely get out a response, but I finally said, “I’m not really sure.”
Then Dr. Hudson asked a question that made me even sicker. “Is it possible? I mean, is there any way you could be pregnant, Loralei?”
Oh my god! At that point my mom was looking at me with tears in her eyes. I think she already knew what I was trying so hard not to answer.
After what seemed like forever, I responded, “Yes, I could be.”
When we had sex, Declan and I hadn’t used protection. Everyone told me you couldn’t get pregnant the first time, and I was so naïve, I believed them. So, after a simple blood test Dr. Hudson informed me that I was pregnant. He guessed my due date would be around the end of March. That would be about right.
* * *
“Mom!” Mags screamed at me from across the field.
“What’s wrong, sweetie?”
“Sammy hit me and then he hid my iPod!”
“Sammy!” I screamed. “Give your sister back her iPod right now!”
“But, mom, she bit me.”
“LIAR! I nipped you. I didn’t bite you. You little wuss.”
“Don’t talk to your brother like that, Mags.” Oh my goodness, these kids were going to be the death of me, but I really didn’t know what I would do without them. I had fulfilled my destiny, well almost. It had been done just a little out of order though.
* * *
I had my babies on March first, exactly eight months to the day of the accident. They were preemies, and they were so tiny. Margaret (Mags) Louise Sharp weighed 3 pounds and 9 ounces, and her brother Declan Samuel Sharp Jr. (Sammy) weighed in at a whopping 4 pounds 8 ounces.
Mags was born with blonde hair like me, and Sammy had black hair like Declan
, but both babies got Declan’s amazing blue eyes. My dad told me at the hospital right after they were born, “I know I’m prejudiced, but those are the most beautiful babies I’ve ever seen.”
“Well, Gramps, I would have to agree with you. My babies are the most beautiful babies ever born!” They really were the most beautiful little creatures. I couldn’t believe Declan and I had made these two little perfect pieces of us.
Sammy looked just like Declan. Mags had his eyes, but she looked more like me. Sammy was a little Declan. He was a mischievous little brat, but he was my brat.
I graduated high school in May, a year early but my mom had homeschooled me all through the pregnancy, and I was ready to be done with that part of my life. I was a new mom of twins, and I just needed to be done with school, so I worked my butt off and got it done. My parents decided I should just spend time with the babies for the first year.
I continued to live with my mom and dad, and my babies made everything better. After I lost Declan, I could hardly get out of bed, but once the twins came and I saw those crystal blue mischievous eyes looking back at me, I just melted. They were ours. We made them. And now I would always have a part of Declan with me.
I had been managing the family farm since I was eighteen years old. When my dad told me I was ready, I didn’t believe him, but apparently he was right. The farm had always made a living for our family, but once I took over we bought a couple of the surrounding farms and started to really do well for ourselves.
The twins and I moved into one of the old farmhouses we bought when we added on to the farm. It was a big two story white farmhouse with a porch that wrapped all the way around it. My dad and Uncle Max helped me remodel it, and now it is the home I always dreamed of having. The kids had plenty of space to run and play, and they definitely made good use of the over 20,000 acres we owned. Grandpa Max had built a huge playhouse in our backyard with a castle on one side for Mags and a fort on the other for Sammy.
Destined to Change (Destined Series) Page 2
