She nods, but I can tell it’s weighing heavily on her. “I get it. I do. I just know how hurt he’ll be when he hears it.”
“We both need to be there for him, but not baby him either. We can’t walk on a tight rope when we’re around him because we’re afraid he’ll shatter.”
“I know you’re right, but it hard because I’ve always felt responsible for him.”
“Let’s both hope he realizes this is how he’s going to get his life back.”
Buffy is crying when I leave the house. She’s agreed to keep the news a secret, but I’m not sure for how long. She’s always had a big mouth, but then again, I know how much another baby means to this family, so I can’t blame her for being excited.
Since Faith can’t go to visit Chance, my father has agreed to come to my house and watch her so that Buffy and I are able to ride together.
I don’t get much sleep the night before. I’m so eager to see my husband that my emotions are all over the place. I smile and then break out in sobs. I know this time apart is probably something we both needed, but I miss him like crazy.
That next morning we set out to see Chance. Buffy barely speaks a word to me during the ride. When she does, she’s short. I know she’s angry with me. She thinks this is a mistake. I can see her point. Buffy thinks the news will encourage Chance to improve, not send him on a downward spiral again.
I’m no expert, but for the sake of my own sanity I need to stick with what my gut tells me is right.
Once we arrive we’re led to a common area. I scan the room and light up when I see him meet my gaze. I don’t even acknowledge Buffy as I make my way across the room.
Feeling his arms around me is the greatest feeling ever. In that moment I’m not worried about anything. It’s just us.
Chance cups my face and takes me in before planting a kiss on me. He doesn’t let go of his hold even as we part to speak. “I missed you so damn much, baby.”
“I missed you too.” I step back, but continue holding his hands. Buffy comes up and he finally lets go to hug her.
We find a seat before I start questioning him. “How are you doing? Will you be able to come home soon? What’s it like here? Are there other athletes?”
“Slow down. I can’t remember everything you’re saying. Okay, first, I’m doing well. I’m hoping to come home in another week. I’ve obviously gone without alcohol and I’m doing fine with it, granted I haven’t had a reason to drink except for missing my girls.”
“Faith drew you a picture.” I pull it out of my purse and hand it to him. I helped her write the words, but she did the coloring. “She says it’s the two of you at the park.”
“I’ll hang it up above my bed. God, I miss her like crazy. I bet she’s grown four inches in the last week.”
“I don’t think it’s that much.”
Chance turns his attention to Buffy. “What’s wrong with you? Why aren’t you saying anything? Usually you can’t keep your mouth shut.”
Then it happens. Buffy looks to me with sorrowful eyes. “I can’t do this, Hope. He has to know.”
“Know what?” Chance inquires.
“Ask your wife.”
He looks down at my hand first, noticing that I still haven’t worn my rings. Honestly, I tried to put them back on but my fingers were swollen. Right away he starts insinuating. “Did you see a lawyer? Are you leaving me for good?”
I shake my head. This isn’t how I wanted this visit to go. “No. I haven’t seen a lawyer.”
“What then? Come on, the suspense is killing me. Did you meet someone else? Is that it? You found someone without my mess of problems?”
“She’s pregnant, Chance,” Buffy announces. “Your wife is pregnant, and she didn’t want to tell you until she knew you were better.”
Chance looks to me with glossy eyes. “You’re pregnant?”
“So they tell me.”
“I need to come home.” He stands. “I’m going to check myself out of here.”
“No. Chance. That’s a mistake. You need to stay. Finish the treatment. Go to the therapist. Follow all the rules so that when you come home we can do this right. I need you to come back to us with a straight head.”
He pulls me into his arms and holds me tight, whispering in my ear so only I can hear him. “I know you’re scared, but don’t worry. I know what’s important now. I won’t let you down, not ever again.”
God, I hope he means it.
Chapter 14
I’m going to be a father again. I can’t stop thinking about it as I await to be discharged. After the first week of rehab I was given phone privileges. I call Hope as much as I’m able, probably to the brink of driving her mad. A lot of times she puts me on speaker and encourages me to interact with Faith.
It’s hard knowing how much stress I’ve put on my wife, and how she’s worried about where the future might take us.
Being in this place has given me a lot of time to think about the future. When I arrived I wasn’t in the right state of mind. I’ve been meeting with a counselor every day, and after much consideration I’ve decided to proceed with some major changes to benefit my family.
With the help of my father-in-law, and the constant support of my sister, I think we’ve come up with a plan Hope can appreciate, but I won’t know until we talk about it, face to face.
The process is going to take a few months to get in order, but I’ve weighed the pros and the cons, and searched for the right thing for my family. In doing so I’ve discovered how much I’ve taken for granted, and all that I’ve missed out on because of it.
Hope picks me up on the day I’m released. I know it’s probably not possible, but she appears to already be glowing. I can’t take my eyes off her as we start our journey to pick up Faith and head home.
About a mile down the road I can’t contain myself. “Can you pull over?” I request.
“Why? Is something wrong?”
“Just pull over. It’s important.”
Hope pulls the car over on the shoulder and puts it in the parked position. “What’s going on? Did you forget something? Should I turn back around?”
I shake my head. “No. Just get out of the car and meet me around the back.” I hop out with no explanation, hoping she’ll follow my directions.
I hurry toward the back, getting down on my knee just as she’s rounding the corner. “What are you doing?”
I take her hand and look down to see she’s wearing her wedding set again. I bring it to my lips and kiss it. “Will you marry me again?”
“What? Like renew our vows?”
“I want a fresh start – a do-over. What do you say? Will you?”
She bites down on her lip while considering. “Yes. If that’s what you want.”
“This time will be different. We’re going to go at with a new approach, one that will be for our whole family.”
“I’m not following. What do you plan on changing?”
“Everything,” I admit. “I’m going to go back and fix everything I fucked up, starting with my career.”
Her eyes light up. “I don’t understand.”
“Yes you do. Think about it, Hope. Our problems started when we decided to follow my dreams, but the thing is, sometimes dreams change. I don’t know when it happened, maybe it was back in college and I just didn’t see it. It doesn’t matter now. I’m not going to miss out on anything anymore.”
“What about baseball?”
“I’m not going to be returning to the field, not now at least. I mean, somewhere down the road our kids might need a coach for little league and I’ll be on that shit like a mad man, but for now I’m hanging up the glove.”
It doesn’t take a genius to see the excitement in my wife’s eyes. I’ve always known my career choice caused strain in our marriage. “Is this a joke, because if it is you suck.”
“It’s not a joke, baby. I’ve been talking to your dad all week, and he’s going to allow us to move in with them when the
y return to Virginia. I’m going to put an addition on the pool house and make sure we have two more bedrooms for the kids. It won’t be extravagant like we’re living now, but it’s where it all began for us. I know how much you want to stay close to family.” She’s speechless. “Say something. Anything.”
“Have you lost your mind?”
“No. For the first time in as long as I can remember I’m thinking clearly. We’ll probably be piss poor for a while, but…”
She doesn’t let me finish the sentence. “I don’t care if we don’t have fancy things. We’ll make it work. I’ll get a teaching job once I earn my degree. We’ll make it work.”
“I know.” She doesn’t have to convince me. “You know what else? I won’t ever miss another maternity appointment again. I’ll be home every night.”
“Are you sure this is what you want?” She questions as we both stand face to face on the side of the road. “You’d give up your career for us?”
“You’re damn right I would. What good is a job if it can’t give us what we need? We’re a family. What makes me the happiest is being together. It makes no difference to me if I end up being a janitor making minimum wage. Your dad will hate it, but we’ll get by.”
“Okay. It’s crazy, but okay. We’re going to do this. We’re starting over, pregnant, and possibly unemployed. What can go wrong?”
“Everything,” I announce with a laugh.
“You’re probably right.”
“Hope, my eyes are open. I can see our future, and we’ll be happy. At the end of the day it’s all I care about.”
“Me too,” she agrees.
Three months later
We’ve had to get rid of half of our furniture when we moved back to Virginia. For the first month after our house sold we stayed in her father’s main house. It’s big enough we could all live there together, but we wanted our own space. The agreement I made with Mark was that I’d take off for however long it took to remodel and add on to the existing structure to give my little family room to grow.
Since finding out Hope is having a boy, I’m glad we decided on having three bedrooms. Finally, after countless hours of working my ass off, we’ve officially moved into our new home. We’re not sure how long we’ll be living here, but Mark pulled me aside and said he doesn’t think he ever wants us to leave. It’s nice being within a close proximity of them with Faith. She’s so excited to wake up every morning and see her grandfather and Buffy. She’s in heaven there, just like her mother.
I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen Hope so happy. She’s always smiling, working hard on finishing the classes she needs to obtain her degree, while I’ve been relentlessly making our house a home.
Mark made some calls and got me an interview at a nearby firm. He says if I want the job I can have it. For now it’s something to pay the bills. Lucky for us we managed to pay off the two car payments when we sold the other house, so we’re no really in debt, granted we will probably owe Mark a lot of side projects in the near future for him somewhat supporting us the way he has. In my opinion he likes it. It keeps Buffy occupied.
Last night he came and asked if I thought it was a good idea to go through with the surgery to see if he could father a child. I think he’s ready, but wants to make sure his daughter won’t be offended he’s starting over. I know Hope doesn’t care. She loves children.
It’s funny, I thought fame and fortune would bring us happiness, but now I know the best things in life don’t require either. Everything I could ever want can fit in my arms.
I’m sure we’ll have more ups and downs. There might come a time when I think about taking a drink, but Hope will guide me through my dark days. She’ll be my constant light, reminding me of all the reasons I have to be thankful.
I’m still trying to convince her to name our son Lucky. She still thinks I’m crazy, but that’s exactly how I feel when they’re near. Lucky.
The End
Hope's Last Chance Page 7
