And I almost crashed last night. Ava has no idea how hard I had to hold back in that forest. She had the demon raging in its cage, getting me to chase her like that. I was telling her the truth when I said it was unlike anything I’d ever experienced. I felt like a blood thirsty animal, chasing down its prey. Fuck, that was so damn hot, seeing her flee through the trees, naked, like some wild nymph, her long hair behind her, her skin flashing in the moonlight. By the time I was on her, I couldn’t hold back. I needed to be inside her like I’d never needed to be inside anyone. And once I was in her, she felt so tight and so good, that my control began to slip even more. But then I looked into her eyes and saw all the fear she was trying so hard to push through. Thank God it calmed me right down. And no wonder she was so afraid.
A virgin.
Fuck.
I close my eyes and rub at my temples, when I hear, “What’ll it be?”
I look up to see a big, bald man waiting, wearing a red plaid shirt with the name Buck embroidered in the upper left.
“Jack and Coke.”
He nods and a moment later sets a drink in front of me and I lay a credit card down. “Keep a tab open.”
The bartender lingers for a moment. “You that guy, ain’t ya? The one who beat up Shayne.”
I take a swig of my drink, relishing the burn as it slides down my throat. “Was self-defense,” I mutter.
The bartender grunts, then shoves the card back my way. “On the house,” he says. “A lot of folks around here grinning tonight, because of what you did. Plenty of us would’ve loved to be able to take him on, self-defense or not, but, well, it wouldn’t turn out so well for us. Can’t tell you how many fights he’s started in here, busting the place to hell, and never paid a dime for it. And I’m not the only one he’s wronged. Let’s just say you did something most of us around here would’ve paid to see.”
“Thanks,” I say, feeling oddly grateful for the words.
The man sticks out his huge hand and I shake it. “Buck,” he says with a crooked grin, pointing at his shirt, “in case you hadn’t figure it out.”
“Gavin.”
“Pleased to meet you, Gavin.”
A woman’s voice blasts over the music from down the bar. “Buck, get your ass over here. I need some drinks.”
We both glance down where a middle aged blonde with teased up hair waits, tapping her nails on her tray.
“Coming,” Buck sighs. “Jesus, you’d think she owns the place.” Buck turns, then glances back over his shoulder. “Anything you want is on the house.”
I give a thankful nod and watch Buck make his way to the blonde, who’s eyes settle on me, then widen.
Fuck.
I look down at my drink, then risk a glance up to see her starting to make her way over to me, but Buck calls her back. I’m not sure what he says to her, but she pouts, waits for him to fix her drinks, then disappears into the crowd with her tray.
I take another long swig of my drink and get to thinking about the conversation I had with Ben, back at Ava’s place. Given all I know now, it isn’t too hard to figure out what she went looking for last night. All dressed up like she was, and heading so far out.
I’ll never forget that moment last night, flying down the freeway in the dark, with the rain pouring down, knowing I was never going to make it in time and feeling all torn up about my mom. And then in a flash, she was there. Nothing but legs and long wet hair and these big scared eyes. Then she was gone and I almost wondered if my mind was playing tricks on me. When I hit the brakes and put the car in reverse, I still wasn’t sure if I was just imagining things. But there she was. Cowering on the side of the freeway, soaked, and huddled up tight in her jacket and teetering on heels she had no clue how to walk in. I had to sit in my car, just staring at her through the headlights, still not convinced I was seeing right. Didn’t even look like she had anything on under her jacket. And those eyes—I could see they were a crazy kind of blue, even from the car. They were so big and so afraid, and drowning in the rain and mascara that trailed all over her face. She was the most God damn beautiful thing I’d ever seen. A tragic beauty I couldn’t stop staring at. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t tempted to just drive off and pretend I hadn’t seen her. I knew she’d be trouble for me. I was thinking about it when I saw her start to back away, that fear building in those eyes the longer I sat there.
But I couldn’t leave her. Not there anyway.
When I finally got out I was so mad though, because she was pulling me all these crazy ways, and that was the last thing I needed. I figured I’d get her someplace safe, as fast as I could, then hightail it out of there. But then she wouldn’t get in the damn car. I was so close to hauling her over my shoulder and throwing her in when she stormed by me. Took some guts for her to stand up to me the way she did. I’m a big man, and scary when I want to be, and there we were, alone at night, on the side of the freeway. But I could see I’d rattled her, and that calmed me down. By the time I got her in the car, I was feeling pretty lousy, but still knowing I was playing with a stick of dynamite, having her close to me like that.
Then at the gas station, when the light came into the car, I thought for sure she’d recognize me, but she didn’t. Can’t tell you what a feeling that was, not having the actor play front and center. It was just me again. And suddenly I was free from all the crap I’d been dragging around the last few years. And I know, I know, I should be grateful for the fame, and I am. But the success is one thing—the mobs and flashbulbs and paparazzi is something else entirely. And here she was, this little thing, with long wet hair and big blue eyes, staring at me, not the actor. And the way she was looking at me, I knew she was feeling the heat—the same heat I was feeling looking at her.
And fuck, let me tell you, leaving her at that gas station was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. I reasoned with myself when I was pulling away, that it was the best thing for her, and for me. But when I drove off, it took only a mile down the freeway for me to realize I was letting something special go. I already knew I was too late to make it to my award ceremony anyway, and I didn’t have a clue of what I was going to do with her, but I knew if I didn’t go back, she’d be one of those regrets I’d have for the rest of my life. And I’m so fucking glad I did. When I saw her sitting in the rain, curled up against the payphone, my heart shattered into a thousand, fucking shards.
And then the time we spent together—it was the best night of my entire miserable existence. Even before all the sex. Even with all the bullshit Candace pulled. Just being with her made me feel…happy. Something I hadn’t been in so damn long. When I left her there in the pool, I wasn’t just leaving her, I was leaving a good chunk of my heart. But she was too good for me. I didn’t deserve her. And I knew I’d hurt her eventually, in more ways than one.
Then she came walking into my room, naked in the moonlight, my perfect fantasy come to life, and that hunger came up in me so strong. I did all I could to send her away, but she just reeled me in, until I was nothing but putty in her hands, telling her all my deepest, darkest secrets, even when she was keeping hers all to herself. And when she left my bed this morning, I knew I couldn’t let her go.
And now here I am, hunkered over my drink in some small town in the middle of nowhere, drowning my sorrows away because the one girl I finally want, I can’t have.
I grab my drink and down the rest of it, when the door swings open and the wind gets sucked from my lungs.
There she is.
Ava.
My Ava.
The world around me falls away as I watch her walk into the bar. I know she’s got on a long-sleeved, white dress, and her blonde hair is hanging down around her face, but all I see is her eyes. Those big, blue eyes, that look so fucking sad. My heart cracks just looking at her, but that’s overtaken by the rage that builds when I see the guy walking in behind her. The fucker towers over her, smug, his hand clamped tightly around the back of her neck.
Just the way h
e’s holding her has me about to lunge out of my seat, when three guys follows them in, as though they’re all together. They walk through the crowd to one of the tall cocktail tables off to the side, where a single guy gathers his drink up and leaves. Shayne sits on one of the stools and yanks Ava onto his lap, and even from where I sit, I can see her wince and her face pale.
I let go of the glass in my hand otherwise it’s going to shatter.
A moment later, I watch her turn to Shayne, and point a finger my way. I don’t understand, until I realize the restrooms are in the hall behind me. He grips her by the chin and whispers something in her ear, to which she jerks her head with a nod, then slides down off his lap. Now she’s walking my way. I keep my head down, feeling every hair on my body rise as she walks past me, her eyes downcast. When I’m sure she’s gone, I glance to Shayne, who’s ordering drinks from the cocktail waitress.
I slip off the seat and wait in the hall, looking down when a woman walks past me. A few minutes later, Ava walks out. It takes only a second for her eyes to come up and meet mine. She stops.
“Gavin?” Her voice is barely a whisper I can make out.
“Hey,” I say softly.
She blinks and her eyes instantly well up. That glassy gaze has me reaching for her, but she takes a step back and shakes her head. “You—you can’t—you shouldn’t be here.”
I narrow my eyes on her. “What’s wrong with your voice? Are you sick or something?”
Ava licks her lips and shakes her head.
I take a step towards her, but she backs away again. Another woman walks by and looks at us curiously. Ava pales and looks to the floor. The frustration growing, I corral her to the end of the hallway, so I can get a few minutes with her.
I have to control my temper when I see her body begin to shake, forcing me back a couple steps. “Listen, Ava,” I say, hands out to my side, trying to calm her. “I know what’s going on. Why didn’t you tell me? I could’ve helped you. I could’ve—”
“No, you couldn’t,” she says, her voice straining. Why the fuck can she barely talk? I push the thought aside and try to focus.
“I could,” I say. “I could’ve paid him off, Ava. I’d have given him a blank check.”
She shakes her head again. “Not about money. About me.”
I rake a hand through my hair, not understanding why her voice is like that, and not liking her words. She begins fidgeting with her hands, and that’s when I see it. A gold band.
There’s a goddamn ring on her finger?
And then I understand the dress.
“You married him?”
She looks away, and a tear slides down her cheek.
Without thinking, I grab her wrist to see the ring up close, but she yelps like I’ve just hit her. I instantly let her go and see a thin line of red appear through the white fabric of her sleeve. She looks down at her wrist and her little mouth falls open. As gently as I can, I take her trembling hand and pull back the sleeve. I grunt when I see the broken skin and the massive black and blue bruising around her slender wrist.
“Ava?”
She does nothing but stare at her wrist while the color drains from her face and her lower lip begins to quiver. Slowly, carefully, I take her other hand and see the same thing.
What the…?
When I look up, tears are streaming down her cheeks and her beautiful, blue eyes are filled with shame, despair…and so much terror.
A grenade goes off somewhere deep inside me, dousing me with a rage I’ve never felt before.
“MOTHERFUCKER!!!”
I spin around with one single focus.
There’s someone I need to kill.
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
Ava
“Gavin, wait! Please!”
He doesn’t listen, doesn’t stop. He just keeps storming his way to the other end of the bar, where Shayne sits with his guys. Buck watches us with narrowed eyes as we pass by.
“Buck,” I call out, my voice nothing but a rasp. “Help me. It’s—”
With a rush, Gavin is gone. He lunges through the crowd and tackles Shayne out the side door. The music stops and the crowd goes quiet. I bolt out the door after them.
Under the light of a single street lamp, all I can see is Gavin’s dark hoodie clashing with Shayne’s white dress shirt as they hurl through the parking lot, bouncing off cars and stirring up dirt. I hear the sounds of fists hitting flesh, of grunts and growls. I try to yell at them, but my voice fails me. I look around desperately, searching for help among the people from the bar who have filtered out and now surround them.
“Somebody do something,” I wail, but no one listens. There are too many who have been waiting for someone to take Shayne on.
So I stand there, helpless, watching as they go at it, like two bulls locked in a battle out in the wild. Shayne’s a little bigger, but slower. Gavin’s quick and knows how to fight. Shayne manages to get his arm around Gavin’s neck, but he breaks free and spins, then nails Shayne with a hard punch to the face that sends Shayne wobbling, and blood streaming down his nose and onto his white shirt. Shayne’s guys rush in to jump Gavin, but Buck steps inside the circle, aiming a shotgun at the men.
“This stays fair,” he shouts. “One on one.”
The men glare at him, but step back. Shayne manages to get in a couple blows, hitting Gavin in the face and in the ribs, but then Gavin spins and kicks Shayne square in the chest, taking the wind from him. Shayne staggers backwards and Gavin pounces on him. He grabs Shayne by the collar and punches him in the face. And by the way Shayne’s head bobbles, I know he’d be falling over, but Gavin holds him up by the collar of his shirt and keeps hitting him, over and over. And then my stomach lurches when I see what he’s doing. He isn’t stopping. He’s—he’s going to kill him.
I rush up to Buck and grab his arm. “Stop this.”
“If any man’s got this coming, Ava, it’s Shayne. Let him—”
“No—no, you don’t understand!”
I watch Shayne stagger and fall out of Gavin’s grip to the ground. Gavin sways, hands on his knees, and wipes at a cut near his eyebrow, the blood dripping down his face.
By the way Gavin takes a step back, I think maybe he’s getting ready to walk away, but he closes in on Shayne again, grabs him by the collar and yanks him to his knees. Gavin lines him up and closes his fist. And then I know what’s coming. One perfect shot to the nose and bone would splinter into Shayne’s brain. My life would be free again, but Gavin’s would be over.
I rush between them, blocking Gavin’s way.
“Move, Ava!”
“No! I won’t let you do this! It’s your life, Gavin! He’s not worth it.” I grip his sweatshirt, the words tearing my throat up, tearing me up. “Gavin! Look at me! Look at me, please!” His wild eyes finally settle on mine. “He’s not worth it.”
Gavin staggers, his face suddenly weary. “No, Ava. He’s not worth it. But you are.”
“Gavin,” I choke, and the tears start pouring down my face.
His expression softens, to one of longing and despair.
Slowly, I reach back and uncurl Gavin’s bloodied fingers from Shayne’s collar. Instantly, Shayne’s body falls to the ground, and his guys rush over to him. I pull Gavin off to the side while quiet murmurs ripple through the crowd.
I reach up and dab at the bloody cut on his eyebrow with the sleeve of my dress, knowing this is all my fault. If I hadn’t gone out searching that night—if I hadn’t broken the deal…
Gavin takes my hand from his face, gently avoiding my wrists, and presses my fingers against his bruised lips. “Come back with me, Ava.”
I have to look away. I can’t see the pleading in his eyes.
“I can’t. Please—”
“You can! All you have to do is leave with me now. We can get your marriage annulled. We can send him to jail. All we have to do is show a judge your…wrists.” His voice cracks on the last word and he reaches up and strokes my cheek. “Please
. Let me take care of you. I’ll do whatever it takes. Look, I know we just barely met, but I’ve never felt this way for anyone before. Do you hear me? Not even close. I want you in my life, somehow, some way. Please, Ava.”
There’s a path I see before me through the haze. One where I leave with him, let him take me away from the hell that threatens to break me. But the hell won’t stay behind. It’ll come find us. Shayne would come after me, after him. Even if he did go to jail, he’d get out eventually. And he would do whatever it took to destroy Gavin, and everything Gavin holds dear. His family. His career. His life. Not only that, there are three precious horses that would suffer. And then there’s Ben. I have no doubt Shayne would hold true to all his threats he made earlier today in front of the chapel.
But by the look in Gavin’s eyes right now, he won’t hear any of it. He’ll only see the now, see the black and white of the chaos around us. And no matter how much I plead with him, he’ll only push harder. So I have to do something else. Something that will hurt a thousand times worse then what Shayne put me through earlier.
I swallow hard, then pull myself from Gavin’s grip and step back. “No,” I say, coldly.
He blinks. “What do you mean, no?” His face twists with rage. “You’re going to stay with this fuck?”
“I’m his wife,” I reply, the words turning my stomach.
“Don’t give me that crap!” he shouts, pointing a finger at me. “You have a choice, here and now, Ava, and you’re going to pick him over me?”
There’s a lump in my throat as I nod my head.
Gavin shifts on his feet, as though needing to find balance. Off to the side, I see Shayne coming around and staggering to his feet with the help of his guys. He looks over my way, his face covered in blood, looking strangely vulnerable. The crowd still surrounds us, staring as though we’re the main attraction now. I hear the click of cell phones taking pictures and cringe when I think of all the media hell Gavin’s going to suffer through.
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