All I know is I want my corner. My dark little corner. I focus hard and see it in my mind. It’s so peaceful there, so quiet. I manage to limp to it and curl up tight. I’m there now, in my place, rocking back and forth. I search for the memories, the special memories, but I can’t seem to find them. Like I’ve buried them somewhere too deep, too remote. Instead, all I find is a haze. A dark haze that lures me further and further away. But that’s alright, I guess. I don’t mind the dark. It’s my home now. And besides, he’ll be back. And he’ll finish what he started. Because he promised. And he always keeps his promises. And then it all will end. Because he thinks I’ll survive this, but I won’t. Not when he gets to loving me with it, like he said. I’ll bleed out. Who knows, I may be bleeding out now. But Shayne doesn’t see that. Because he’s too far gone, too far lost. But maybe this will help him. Maybe this will set him free. Then everything I care about will be free. And I’m prepared to die, I think. At least then I’ll be free too. And now I have some time to myself. Some time to search for those memories, so I can savor them one last time. I know they’re in my mind somewhere, I just—
A click sounds. Wait—he’s back already? I thought I’d have more time. But maybe I’ve been drifting and just don’t know it. Time does that to me sometimes.
I hear quick footsteps and a strange sound, like someone’s choking. I must be hearing things though, because it sounds like a man, but not like Shayne. I think of looking to check, but I’m too weak to lift my head, or open my eyes. Besides, it must be in my head. That’s all it is. But then I hear another sound, like a sob. Wait, maybe that was me. No, because I’m supposed to stay quiet. Then I hear it again. It was someone else. Must be Shayne, but he sounds so strange.
“Ava—Ava, baby, it’s me, Gavin.”
A touch grazes me and I flinch. He really is back. And now the pain. So much pain.
I start to thrash, kicking wildly. I’m not supposed to fight, but I can’t help it. I can’t control my body. It wants to survive. It wants to survive so badly.
Strong hands grab me, force me still, and I hear a voice.
“Ava! Look at me. Please! It’s Gavin. Gavin!”
I don’t understand. The voice. It sounds familiar, I think. But—it can’t be. No. This is tricks. So cruel to play this trick. He’s trying to make me look at him, but I won’t. I squeeze my eyes shut and shake my head.
“Okay, okay. I’m just going to take your gag off, alright?”
The voice is so soft, so gentle. I don’t trust it though. It’s a trick. But the buckles loosen, and my mouth empties. Hard to close my jaw, but I do. Hard to swallow down the drool, but I do.
“Ava. Come on. Open your eyes, baby. Look at me. Please.”
Something has me opening. Some bit of memory. Something buried deep inside my mind. I trust it and slowly lift my lids. They feel so heavy. I have to blink a few times. Focus. And then I see…
Gavin?
It can’t be. I must be dreaming. Or maybe I’m dead already? But it feels real. So real.
I stare at him, watching his green eyes drift down my body. “Oh God, oh God,” he wails.
He looks so sad. Don’t be sad.
He cradles my face, and I know he wants to say something, but by the look in his eyes, he can’t. Instead, he swallows and looks above me, to the side, and back to me. “I’m going to lower the chain, okay? So I can get you free.” His voice sounds funny.
I make my lids stay open, watching him through the hair that hangs in front of my face. He steps away and my bones begin to hum from the vibration of the chain as it slides through the ring. It should hurt, I think, but it doesn’t. My feet touch the ground, but I can’t stand. Too weak to stand. But Gavin’s close to me now, holding me while he undoes the shackles. My wrists come free and my arms come down. That should hurt too. It should hurt my shoulders so bad. But I don’t feel it. Just numb. So numb.
“I got you,” he says. “I got you.”
He sets me down, so carefully, then pulls off his shirt—a shirt I’ve seen before. His Metallica shirt. His hands shake when he puts my arms through it and pulls it over my head. It should hurt, grazing over all my wounds, but it doesn’t. That’s when I notice I’m trembling. I’m trembling so hard. But am I cold? No, I don’t think so. I’m not really anything.
I’m in his arms again, and he’s carrying me, like that time when he came back for me. My head falls against his bare shoulder, and I smell his scent. The scent of his skin that’s been in my dreams, for so, so long. Maybe it is a dream after all. Yeah. Must be a dream. These types of things don’t happen in real life. Only dreams, and movies…and books.
He walks us out the door and through the house that was built for me. He’s holding me. Holding me like I weigh nothing. So safe in his arms. Just like that night.
We go out another door, and then there’s smoke. The smell of it so strong. And it’s windy, and warm, and so dark too. I hear men shouting from far away. And then I see the barn, on fire. Wait…the barn? That means…that means we’re…
Outside.
Outside.
I’m not supposed to be outside.
He doesn’t understand. The beast will hurt everything. He’ll kill them. He’ll kill them all. I try to get away, but I’m weak, so weak, and he holds me so tight. I squeeze my eyes shut, the dream turning into a nightmare, when a voice whispers into my ear.
“It’s okay, Ava. I promise. I’m getting you out of here. And everything will be alright. Just trust me, okay? Trust me like you trusted me last time. I’m going to keep you safe. And everything you love will be safe too. I promise. It’s all going to be okay.”
His words tumble inside my head, all mixed up, when I hear another voice say, “No, it won’t.”
My breathing stops, because I know that voice—that cold, hard voice.
Gavin turns us around, slowly, and I open my eyes. At first, all I see is a blur, but then he’s there, standing dark and quiet against the fire raging behind him. I blink and see his arm is out straight, a gun steady in his hand.
“The camera I put in her room wasn’t just to watch her, but to watch for you too,” Shayne says. “Links up to my cell phone here.” He raises it in the air, then tucks it back in his pocket. “Now set my wife down and step aside.”
Gavin looks at me now. He’s sad. So sad.
I want to tell him it’s okay. I want to tell him he can let me go. But I can’t. I have to stay quiet. I try to worm out of his grip instead, but I’m weak. So weak I can’t even move.
He sets his eyes on Shayne again. “It’s time to let her go, man. She’s suffered enough. Look at her. Look at what you’ve done to her.”
“Oh, come on. Don’t talk so high and mighty, superstar. You’re no different than me. I saw those marks you put on her that day. I’m not the only one who’s bruised her and made her bleed, am I? So, I just took it a little further than you, but you’ve done your share too, haven’t you? Maybe not to Ava, but…yeah, that’s right. I’ve done my research on you. And it turns out, you’re a monster, just like me.”
Gavin sways on his feet, and when I look up at him, he won’t look at me. “So, what now?” he asks. “You just going to keep her locked up, killing her slowly?”
“Awww, you wouldn’t understand. You wouldn’t understand what we have. All my life, it’s been me and her. Just me and her. I’ve been the one looking out for her, taking care of her. And you think you can just come along and steal her from me?” The beast looks at me now, and the pain is there, in his face. “But I get it, you know. She’s the kind of girl that will make a man do bad things. I mean look at us—you’re willing to kill for her, die for her, just like I am.”
His somber voice has those strange feelings flooding me inside. In the distance, I hear the wail of sirens and see the smoke getting thicker. A burst of flames catches my eye, and I turn to see the fire’s spread, feeding on the dry grass and brush of the hills around us. I think of the horses and start to panic, when
a rumble sounds, growing louder and louder, until they all come running around the bend, hooves pounding as they tear down the road.
I blink slowly, watching them go by. So strange, to see the horses galloping through the darkness and the fire, with their manes flowing and their nostrils flaring. I watch the grey—the grey bought for me—huddled among the herd, with her eyes wide and her long legs stretching out, and her tail flying behind her. And all around me beasts and heroes, and the shouts of men in the distance. It’s like a dreamscape. An awesome, terrifying dreamscape, of heaven and hell, merged into one.
“Ava?” Shayne’s voice cuts through it all and I’m back staring at him. Because it’s his soft voice. The one that hurts so much. “Come on, baby. Come back to me. You belong with me, you know that. Things were changing. And I won’t finish what I started earlier, okay? So things are going to be better now. We can start fresh. And you know I can’t let you leave here, one way or another. You know that, right?”
Yes. I know.
I look up at Gavin and meet his eyes. I manage a smile this time. Something I haven’t done in so, so long. I smile to let him know it’s okay. I smile to let him know I won’t let him die for me. I dig down deep and scrape for a sliver of strength and try to undo myself from his grip, but Gavin just shakes his head. He’s got that look in his eyes—that cold, dangerous look. The one he had that day in my house, when he wouldn’t leave.
“I’m not letting you go this time,” he says. “Not this time.”
He sets his jaw and looks up. “Look, I’m just going to set her down, alright? Then you and me can settle this.”
I shake my head, knowing Shayne has a gun—a gun that follows Gavin while he walks a few steps to the right, crouches down, and lays me on some grass. He strokes my cheek, looking at me for a moment, and by the softness in his eyes, I wonder if he’s saying goodbye.
Tears burst and I reach for him, but he pulls away. I roll onto my stomach and try to crawl after him but he starts walking backwards.
“Here’s the thing, Shayne,” he says, looking at me with a tender smile and sneaking his arm back. “If I’m going down…then you’re going with me.”
“I don’t think so.”
And then it all happens so fast.
Gavin throws himself away from me and flings his arm out, a gun in hand. Gunfire explodes, violent pops that ring inside my ears. They’re still ringing when Gavin jerks to the ground and across the way Shayne staggers. Something deep inside me rages and I scramble to my feet, the earth rocking beneath me as I start to run, knowing they both lift their guns to take that final shot.
“Ava, no!”
I stumble between them when something red flashes from the side, moving fast. Really fast. I turn to see a body launch at Shayne, and then a gun goes off. Something tugs at my shoulder and I fall to the ground as they fall to the ground. I lie there, feeling funny and hearing Gavin shout my name, while two bodies wrestle off to the side. I feel weak, so weak. So much weaker than before.
A quick pounding of footsteps and Gavin’s over me. “Shit! Shit! Hang on, baby! Hang on. You’re going to be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
His voice echoes in my head, followed by another voice. “Go on! Get her out of here. I got this! Go on!”
Red?
Gavin picks me up in his arms and staggers. I look through droopy lashes and see his face, set so tight, so grim when he looks at me.
“Stay with me, Ava. Stay with me.”
But I lose him when my head falls back and hangs off his arm. I think he’s running now, but I’m not sure, because I can’t feel anything. I blink slowly, so slowly, watching the world bounce from upside down. All around me flames lick at the darkness while the fire roars in the night. The warm wind blows, the sirens wail. Men still shout in the distance while the moon and stars drift above me, their light fading through the growing haze of smoke. But still, I see them. It’s been so long since I’ve seen them.
I close my eyes and begin to drift, when the crack of thunder sounds, pounding against the heavens. But it’s not thunder, it’s a voice.
Ava!!
Avaaa!!!!
And then I know. It’s the beast. He calls for me.
AVAAAAAA!!!!!!!!!
He keeps calling, because he can’t stop.
His roars tear through the darkness. Tear through me.
But he begins to fade, because…now…I’m…fading.
CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
Gavin
I sit in a chair at Ava’s bedside, watching her while she sleeps. She lies quietly, breathing slow and steady, still under sedation. I take her right hand in mine—careful of her bruised wrist—and press it to my lips and close my eyes, trying hard not to think about the chaos of the last few days.
After I’d gone screeching up to the Emergency Room, staggering in with her limp body in my arms, both of us covered in blood, word had leaked I was there. Then it wasn’t just police everywhere, but reporters and paparazzi, too.
It was a fucking frenzy.
I hadn’t needed much, just some staples where a bullet tore a gash in my side, but Ava…poor Ava was carted off in front of me, looking like she was slipping away right before my eyes. There was so much blood. So much blood.
I’d tried to stop the bleeding in the car, knowing the nearest hospital was an hour away in either direction, but she was bleeding from everywhere—from her shoulder, between her legs, from cuts on her body. I did what I could for her, then stuffed a rag in my side and made the drive to Santa Barbara in half the time, but it was still the longest half hour of my life. Then there were those few hours, until I heard from the doctor that she was going to be okay, that were a living hell like I’ve never known.
They kept her under heavy sedation to help her get through the worst of the pain, but once her vitals were stable and they were planning on letting her come around, I’d wanted to take her out of there. Not just so she could have some peace and quiet to recover and wake up to, but to keep her safe. I’d told the doctor’s as much, but they wouldn’t release her, even though I said I had private care ready for her. I wasn’t family, they said, and she wasn’t awake to give permission. That’s when I’d called Damian, and he made some calls, and at three in the morning, after I’d put on a disguise—a fucking disguise—and she was given a final dose of sedative, she was wheeled out a private entrance and into a van I drove myself, to Damian’s estate, making sure we weren’t followed.
When I passed the armed guards and the gates closed behind me, I knew we’d slipped away safely. Not just because of what I’d snuck away from, but because aside from those guards and some others patrolling the estate, Damian sent the rest of his staff on an open-ended vacation until things settle, ensuring no one leaks our whereabouts. Damian is away on business too, so the only other person here is Lucas, Damian’s right hand man. Beyond that, there are only two other people who know we’re here—Detective Miller, and Janet, the nurse I hired to help take care of my mom. And she’ll be here soon, to start caring for Ava.
It’s early morning now, and quiet, so far removed from the bedlam of just a couple hours ago. Even so, I still feel wired. Still feel wound up so tight that my ears are ringing and my body’s pumping, feeling that need to be on guard.
I open my tired eyes and look around, the surroundings so different from the white sterile room of the last few days. The sun is starting to make its way between red velvet drapes that match the bedspread, casting light and shadows across dark antiques, Persian rugs, and gold patterned wallpaper. Of the eight bedrooms I’d had to choose from, I picked this one for the view it has out the two windows, and because of the big Renaissance style oil painting that hangs above the bed, of horses hanging out under a tree.
The sun shifts, casting its rays across Ava now, who looks like a tragic Sleeping Beauty in the big four-poster bed that’s centuries old. Her blonde hair lays like a halo around her head, her long lashes rest peacefully against her face. Her face. H
er poor beautiful face. Even that wasn’t spared. She has bruising along her cheekbones and her lips are cut, from where I know she’s been struck. And she’s so pale, and those circles under her eyes so dark. I look at the bandage on her shoulder, peeking out from under the white hospital gown, and at the brace on her left hand, and know that’s not even the half of it.
The dam I put in place to keep myself together these past few days starts to crack, and I feel the burn of unshed tears. I stare down at her fingers, so frail and so small inside of mine, when that image appears. That image I can’t shake. The image of her in that room, strung up, limp, beaten and bloody…and branded. Then there was that…thing…that monster, lying off to the side, covered in spikes and her blood. An ungodly rage swells in me every time I see that scene, that demon inside me thrashing in his cage like a madman, but I’ve been keeping it locked up good and tight for now, because I need to be here for Ava. But my hands haven’t stopped shaking since I found her. And my heart hasn’t stopped breaking since I walked into that cell, knowing most, if not all of what she went through, was because of me.
Who do you think’s been paying for what you did to him?
My throat goes tight and a tear slips through the dam and makes its way down my cheek. I try to find some comfort in the fact that she’s not with him anymore. She’s with me now. But then those words echo in my head. Those words that have been haunting me ever since I carried her out of there.
You’re a monster, just like me.
Another tear falls, when the door opens. I look down, knowing it’s Lucas, but not able to face him. He comes in quietly and by the aroma that fills the room, I know he’s brought in a tray of food. He places it on the table next to me, but doesn’t say anything about how I should try to eat, because he knows it won’t do any good. Instead, he places a strong hand on my shoulder.
Tragic Beauty Page 24
