“Let’s go upstairs,” he urged. We stepped out of the water and Jason secured a towel around me before getting his.
“Where are you kids going?” Chelsea asked. Her voice was high pitched, a sign that she was on the way to getting smashed. Derek gave us a silly, glassy eyed grin.
“To use the bathroom, we’ll be right back,” I answered.
“Sure you are.” she winked and turned her attention back to Derek. We escaped without further explanation.
The only room in the apartment with a door and a lock, aside from Chelsea’s bedroom, was the bathroom. So, we weren’t lying when we said we were going to use it. Considering we were dripping wet, it was a wise choice. Jason lowered his face to mine and kissed me. Pressing his hardness against my stomach, he slid my wet bikini bottoms down my legs. Using his shoulders for balance, I stepped out of them. His fingers found my opening and he began to stroke. I gasped as his momentum increased and when one finger became two, but I didn’t burst apart at his touch like I would with Dominic.
Stop it! I gave myself a mental slap for starting the comparisons again, but I couldn’t control them. Jason continued to touch me, unaware of the internal battle I was facing. I didn’t want to feel anything. He was going to be my escape, but it wasn’t working.
Before Jason pulled my bathing suit top off, I placed my hands against his bare chest, stopping him.
“What?” Jason asked, trying to move in for another kiss.
“I can’t do this. I’m not ready” I stepped backwards and my butt hit against the vanity.
He regarded me with his bright blue eyes and I lowered my head, suddenly embarrassed about my actions.
“We don’t have to have sex, we can do other things,” he said, once again closing the gap between us, but I had nowhere to move. Pinpricks of anxiety raced up my spine.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t. It’s too soon.” I crossed my arms in front of my body, feeling too exposed.
He stopped his approach and let out a deep breath. “Okay.”
“Okay?”
“Yeah, I get it and I’m not going to pressure you.”
“Thanks.” I offered up a hesitant smile, which he returned.
After a few seconds, he bent down to retrieve my bikini bottoms and I slid past the counter to pull them back on. We walked into the living room where I grabbed shorts and a t-shirt then excused myself and went to the bathroom. The mirror wasn’t kind. My eyes looked haunted and my hair was drying in knotty chunks. I raked a comb through it, washed my face and brushed my teeth.
When I came back out, I saw that Jason had put on his polo shirt and boxers. He was reaching for his jeans and looked up at me.
“Derek was my ride here, but I know he’s not in any condition to drive. Do you think…” He trailed off.
“What?”
“I’m not going to ask you to take me home, but can I stay here?” I glanced over at the futon and he quickly offered to sleep on the floor.
“Um, sure, you can spend the night, but you don’t have to sleep on the floor. Can you help me with this? There’s room for two.” I bent down to the futon and Jason grabbed the other end. It flipped open to a full bed. I spread a sheet on the mattress and grabbed a blanket.
Jason was already lying down. He had taken off his shirt. I turned off the light and slipped under the covers next to him. He wrapped his arm around me. While it felt nice having a warm body to snuggle up to, I’d had enough touching for the night.
“Just sleeping,” I said, inching away toward the edge of the mattress.
I lay there in the dark, sharing my bed with a man I hardly knew. I longed to be in Dominic’s embrace. The rebound almost-sex left me feeling empty and vulnerable. Our hook up lacked the spark that I had grown used to. Another feeling lurked underneath the surface, guilt.
The doorknob clicked as it turned and I closed my eyes, pretending to be asleep. Chelsea and Derek laughed in whispers when they saw us on the futon together and I winced at their assumptions as they crept down the hall to Chelsea’s bedroom. Moments later moans drifted out to the living room. I willed myself to sleep.
Chapter 5
Dominic’s blood sprayed across my face and the force of the bullet knocked him back against me. I was pinned between him and the door, unable to move. Hot liquid seeped out of his neck and soaked into my clothes. I could feel it pooling in my lap. Dominic’s life was draining away and I was helpless to prevent it.
“Dominic baby, hold on!” I screamed even though his ear was inches from my mouth. He let out a soft moan and went completely limp. “No!”
Someone grabbed my shoulder and was shaking me. “No,” I whimpered. “I need to stay with him.”
“Natalie, wake up.” The voice was masculine and vaguely familiar. My eyes flew open and Jason’s face came into focus. His long hair hung down, white blonde contrasting against his tan shoulders.
I sunk back against the pillow, the residue of the nightmare still clinging to the periphery of my brain. The dull throb above my temples was back. Jason ran his fingertips across my forehead as if trying to iron out the creases. He pulled me against his chest and spooned me from behind. His warmth and presence helped the trembling to stop.
“Feeling better?”
Nodding, I heard my hair rustling against his bare chest. Yes, I was recovering from the dream, but I still felt guilty lying in bed next to another man, so soon after leaving the one I shared with Dominic. I turned around to face him. He smiled and brushed a few stray hairs off my cheek.
“Jason,” I rolled over to face him, placing my hand on his chest as a barrier. “My life is complicated right now and I don’t want you to get the wrong idea.”
“It’s cool, I get it,” he kissed the tip of my nose. “Do you have room for a friend? Maybe even a FWB?
“What’s an FWB?”
“Friend with benefits,” he smirked and his eyes flashed. I couldn’t help but laugh at his playfulness.
“Friends only.”
“I can deal with that. I don’t know what you’re running from, but based on that dream you had, I’d say you could use another friend.”
“Who says I’m running?”
“I’m a bartender and have become pretty good at reading people. Besides this is L.A., there are a lot of people here hoping to escape reality.” He shifted and moved his leg in between mine, quick to blur the lines.
“I said friends only,” I growled and moved away from him to sit on the edge of the futon.
“Hey, can’t blame me for trying!” He laughed and rolled off the other side.
I watched as he walked to the bathroom. His boxers hung down low, revealing a tan line. It was almost noon, Chelsea and Derek were long gone. The thought of spending another day alone in the apartment with nothing but my thoughts did not seem like a good idea. Maybe having Jason around could work out after all. He was fun at least and that would help keep the sadness at bay.
The pizza boxes were still open on the counter so I busied myself cleaning up. I was in the kitchen getting a diet Coke when Jason reappeared.
“Do you have to work tonight?”
“Yeah, but I don’t have to be in until 8. Why, what’s up?”
“I want to take you up on the offer of showing me around, if that’s okay?”
“Cool. Do you have a car? Derek was my ride.”
After a quick shower we were ready to leave. Jason teased me about my driving since I went the speed limit and obeyed every stop sign. The last thing I needed was a cop running my plates and entering me in the system since Marco had cops on the payroll in Philly. Jason took me all around; Mann’s Chinese Theatre, the Hollywood Walk of Fame, and we drove by Venice Beach. It was just like I had seen in movies. He was a free spirit and happy to go without a schedule.
I found a place to park out front of a gelato parlor, right by Venice Beach Park. Jason bought us gelato and the cool creaminess soothed my perpetually dry throat. We strolled down towards the beach. I s
topped to take off my wedges and let the sand run through my toes. We passed a couple of bikini clad women who ogled Jason and looked me over as if sizing me up. They obviously thought we were a couple. The women’s attention didn’t go unnoticed by Jason and he winked at them.
“You’re awful!” I smacked his arm with the back of my hand.
“What?”
“Do you flirt with every female within a fifty foot radius?”
“Yes I do,” he said very seriously. “Are you jealous?”
“No, you’re just shameless!” I laughed.
“Having fun?”
“Yes.”
“Good.”
I was having fun. Jason didn’t pry into my past. He just let me be in the moment. He kept everything platonic too and didn’t allude to what almost happened the night before. While he didn’t ask many questions about me, I found out he grew up in Northridge, graduated from USC San Diego, and when he wasn’t bartending or chasing women, he entered amateur surfing competitions and was taking a break before starting law school.
It was almost seven when we pulled up to his apartment building.
“Do you know how to get back?” he asked when he got out.
“I have a GPS, so I should be good. Thanks for showing me around.”
“My pleasure,” he smirked and bent down to kiss me on the cheek. “Next time, I’m taking you surfing.”
“That’ll be interesting!”
As I drove back to the apartment, taking the Santa Monica Boulevard, I marveled at how relaxed I felt. Jason had taken my mind off of everything and made me laugh. Today was a good day.
The smell of Chinese take-out hit me the moment I opened the door. Chelsea was sitting on the floor in front of the coffee table eating watching T.V.
“And where have you been?” she asked with a Cheshire cat grin plastered on her face.
“Out with Jason. He showed me around.”
“I’d say he did.” She snickered.
“Nothing happened. Well, it almost did since I thought rebound sex was a good idea. It’s not.”
“Probably a good move. You’re still healing.”
“True, but we agreed to be friends. I had fun.”
“You look like it. It’s nice to see some color on your cheeks. Hungry?”
My stomach growled and I plopped down next to Chelsea. She handed me extra chopsticks and a carton of Lo Mein.
“Have you checked Facebook?”
“No.” I hadn’t been on the computer since I read Grant’s email.
“Julia created a ‘Where’s Natalie’ page.”
“Oh my God!”
“You’re a great mystery right now after dropping off the planet. A lot of people are worried about you.” Intended or not, her remark made me feel a twinge of guilt.
“Can you hand me my laptop?”
She set it in front of me on the coffee table. “What are you going to do?”
“I’ll join the group and let everyone know I’m okay.”
“Will the mafia be able to track you?”
“I don’t think they’re that sophisticated. Based on my experience they prefer physical surveillance over electronic.”
I joined the group and left a quick message:
I am fine, I am safe. Needed a break and will resurface when I’m ready. Love you all and thank you for your concern. – Nat
I didn’t feel better after posting the message. The guilt had been replaced with a sense of unease. What if they were able track me?
Chapter 6
The next two weeks flew by quickly, which was surprising since I spent most of my days sequestered away at the apartment complex. I’d go running on the treadmill at the gym or go swimming. After Jason asked me for about the eightieth time to go surfing, I was stir crazy enough to agree.
On the map the beaches looked close, but factoring in the traffic, it took longer to get there than it did from Philly to Atlantic City. I found a spot in a parking lot near the beach Jason had arranged to meet me at. I was a few minutes late and picked up my pace on the sand.
He was hard to spot. The blonde surfer boy look was popular in So Cal. He waved as I approached a small group of guys holding onto their surf boards. I saw that Jason was supporting two. My stomach flipped in anticipation of my first surf lesson. Jason’s face creased when he grinned.
“Hey Nat,” he kissed my cheek. “Guys, this is Nat.”
“Hi guys!” I caught several pairs of eyes taking in my form. Chelsea had let me borrow her suit again. It didn’t hang as loose as before since I had gained some of the weight back.
“You look good. I remember the last time you wore that bathing suit,” Jason said with a wink.
“Shut up!” I swatted his arm which was dusted with sand.
“Are you ready?”
“Yes!”
Jason set the boards down side by side on the beach. “Okay, so lay down on your stomach on this board here.” He guided me over with his hand on the small of my back.
“Aren’t we supposed to go in the water first?” A ripple of laughter came from the guys who had formed an audience around us. Jason looked at me with his hands on his hips.
“And who’s the teacher here?”
“Right, sorry.” Following his instructions I stretched out on the board with my toes curled on the tail and jerked when I felt something around my ankle. I looked back to see Jason attaching a black cuff around it.
“It’s a leash that will keep you connected to your board so you don’t lose it.”
“How am I going to lose it, I’m stationary?” This earned another snicker from our audience. Jason bent over laughing.
“It’s for when you’re in the ocean, smartass, now come on.” He lowered himself down onto the board next to me. “The first thing you need to master is body positioning then we’ll work on pushing up.” He demonstrated by pushing his torso up, his arms straight and his hands gripped the sides, or rails, of the board. His back was slightly arched so only his knees and toes were touching the board.
I followed his lead and my arms shook, mainly from the weakness in my healing shoulder. Determined, I dropped down and tried again. After about the fifteenth time, Jason’s friends got bored and went out into the surf.
“Am I ever going to get the hang of this?” My shoulder ached and my knees were chaffed from the sand.
“It takes time and once you’re out in the waves, it’s ten times harder.”
“I really thought it was going to be easier. You make it look effortless.”
“You’re doing great, better than Chelsea on her first day.”
“Really?”
“Yeah, she got so pissed off after the first half hour that she kicked her surfboard and stormed off the beach. Derek managed to convince her to keep trying. It was impressive. He could be a hostage negotiator.” I laughed at the vision he created.
A couple of his surfer buddies emerged from the ocean and joined us on the beach. One shook his shaggy hair like a dog, flinging water all over me. I shrieked and held my hands up, but the gesture was futile. Jason laughed and scooped me into his arms, causing me to squeal even louder. He ran into the waves and the salty spray washed over us. He tossed me in and I swam backwards away from him, keeping my eyes on his every move. A shit eating grin was plastered on his face and he splashed water at me. I retaliated with an unrelenting barrage. Just when I was ready to declare victory he disappeared below the surface. Seconds later I felt something bump against my legs and I looked down to see the back of Jason’s head between them. He forced me upwards and I rose out of the water firmly planted on his broad shoulders.
“You win, you win!” I yelled. He lowered himself back under and resurfaced next to me. I splashed him and he smiled.
“God, I feel like I’m in high school again at the Jersey shore.” I ducked my head backwards in the ocean to smooth my hair. When I opened my eyes Jason was staring at me.
“What?”
“I just realiz
ed that I really don’t know anything about you. Except you and Chelsea are best friends, went to school together and you showed up on her doorstep after a bad break up.
“I don’t really want to talk about it.”
“Come on, we’re supposed to be friends right? I should know your history. However, the fact that you’re so mysterious is very sexy.” I splashed water at him again and he grabbed my hand. “Seriously, I want to know more about you. Here’s a simple question. Did you have a job before you moved here?”
“Yes. I was a cocktail waitress at a club in Philly.”
“See, that wasn’t so hard, was it?”
“No,” I lied. The very question triggered a burst of panic in my gut.
“What did you study in school?”
“Sculpture and art history.”
“What do you do with a degree like that?”
“I could teach or set up my own studio. I was going to go to grad school in Chicago, but,” I stopped midsentence.
“But?”
“I don’t want to talk about this anymore.” I turned and started wading to shore.
“Nat, wait!” I could hear him following me, but I kept going.
He caught up to me once we were on land. I was sitting down on the surfboard, hugging my knees to my chest. He squatted in front of me, forcing eye contact.
“Nat, I know you are hurting and you came here to escape. I just want you to let me in. I hate seeing you in pain.” He cupped my cheek and rubbed his thumb along my cheekbone. An errant tear escaped and slid down into his palm. Damn him and damn his questions! He was stirring up a whole smoldering pot of emotions. They were boiling over, making it difficult to keep them in check.
“I can’t talk about it!” I pushed away and stood up. “I need to go.”
“Where? Please, don’t run away from me.” His hand rested on my arm, but he wasn’t preventing my departure. I let out a sigh and looked up at his face.
“Jason, I enjoy hanging out with you, but there are some questions I am not ready to answer. Okay?” My voice was thick with emotion.
Clean Slate (New Mafia Trilogy #2) Page 3
